#juliettask01

[banannascented]

Task I: A nonfiction short story

Bella walked home from work yet again, the lack of a car being because of her lowly part time wages. Her parents hadn’t wanted her to grow up as a spoiled rich girl on behalf of the old family money. Her arms instinctively brought her lunch bag on her shoulder as she walked up the front steps to her home of 14 years now. “I’m home from work.” Bella’s voice resonated through the empty house as she walked passed the threshold. With a curious perk of her eyebrow, Bella shrugged off her jean jacket and tossed it over the back of a nearby sofa. “Hello?” The acoustics of the empty home sounded melodious as Bella checked every room for any other signs of life. She had decided no one must be home yet when she travelled into her own bedroom. Bella took a seat on the end of her bed, bringing each of her legs up to use her hands to assist in pulling off her shoe. Moments passed before Bella, left with no shoes, slid back on the bed to her headboard. She sat in silence for several moments, not expecting any calls or visitors. Only waiting for one of her parents to arrive home. It had always been like this. Bella waiting. Waiting to meet someone who would befriend her. Waiting for that raise at her dead end job as a waitress. Waiting to live. Alone and waiting.

[aspenxyoung]

Have you ever felt like your life was full of inconsistencies ? That everyone in your life has left you without a second thought or a warning ? And then they think it’s okay to come back in to just leave again in the same way . No words , no second glances , no warning , nothing at all .  The only things left are unsaid words and broken promises . 

Sometimes I wish that maybe , just maybe , the people that left my life would feel some type of remorse or regret for leaving me . I always thought of why they left and if they would ever show up in my life again . But, mostly why they left . Did they have a reason ? Did they hate me ? Did they want nothing to do with me ? Did they not want to deal with me anymore ? Did they not love me ? Or was it my fault ? Did I do something ? 

Sorry Juliet , let me backtrack since you’re most likely confused on. Y rambling. If you couldn’t already tell , I have been left in the dust multiple of times , more than I can count on both of my hands . This isn’t a recent thing , no . This is something that has kept happening since I was young , around the age of nine . The first inconsistency was my parents . They both kept leaving my life and then coming back in again like it was okay until one day they didn’t . You’re most likely thinking , how did they leave you and you didn’t end up in foster care or a temporary home ? Well this is how . My parents never really agreed on anything , complete polar opposites . I always wondered why they stayed together for as long as they did because they were always arguing . After every argument the sound of the door being slammed shut was a usual sound . It was like a routine . It usually meant that it would be weeks or maybe months that I wouldn’t be seeing a parent . I wouldn’t know who it was until the next morning . Sometimes it would be my dad, sometimes it would be my mother . Part of me wished that they would just stay and try to work things out for the benefit of me but they didn’t seem to care that they had a nine year old upstairs listening to every word that they were saying .  One day , after an argument and a slam of the door , it stopped . I never saw my mom again after that . I was stuck with my dad for the next few months but eventually he got tired of me; or so it seemed that way. He dropped me off at my aunts and was never seen again . I always told myself that I wouldn’t leave people’s lives unannounced , or that if I were ever to be in a relationship that I would fight for it . But , as I know now , I did the complete opposite . 

The real reason I’m writing you ? I honestly don’t fucking know. I don’t know what I want out of this  . I heard that people have done this type of thing and I don’t know if I actually believe in it but I have nothing to loose.  To begin with , let’s just say that I’m that girl that your parents warned you about . The one that will break your heart and leave you without thinking twice . So , yes , I admit everything is my fault . I am the one that leaves the relationship without a single thought no matter if I had major feelings for that person or not . Therefore, brings me to my lovely story . I was in a relationship with the guy . Everything was going good , not perfect but then again nothing is perfect . One night we had gotten into a huge ass argument over something that I realized too late that wasn’t significant. The argument reminded me so much of my parents that it scared me . After everything calmed down and he went to sleep , I left . I shouldn’t have , I should have fought for it but I didn’t; I ran like I usually did . I left him and I now I feel something that I haven’t felt in forever; guilt . 

I miss him . I miss him more than I ever would admit . In my imagination , I like to think he’s looking for me but I know in reality that’s most likely not the case . I left him over a petty argument and he actually cared for me . Juliet , I think he was gonna be the one constant in my life but as always I fuck shit up . I hurt him and I wanna take it back but I know that I can’t . I guess I want forgiveness , or maybe I want change . I don’t know what I want exactly . I know I’m not sorry for the things I have done , I feel no type of regret . That’s the person I am.

I guess the true reason that I’m writing to you other than really realizing how much of a fucked up person I am , is to just —- I don’t even know what I’m trying to say anymore . I’m sorry if I wasted your time . I guess now you know twisted us humans can be . But , I guess I don’t count as human since humans have emotions and I apparently seem not to have any . Thanks for listening , I guess .