(1/2) Hello! I've followed this blog for a while and I must thank yall for your hard work here. My question is about a character I have who is the teenage daughter of parents coming out of a strained divorce from before she was born, one remarried and one not. The family she spends the most time with (the remarried couple) is jewish, while the single divorced parent is Christian. Most resources on interfaith marriages come from still together families or the parent's perspective.
Do yall have any advice on what internal thoughts or struggles the teenage daughter might have maintaining connections with both parents?
Divorced interfaith marriage, maintaining connection to both parents (Jewish / Christian)
I am a child of divorce, and identity is a funny thing. The family who raised me is my mom's side, where we're from Kiev and a town that was in Russia when they left but is now in Poland. They identify entirely as American. But when I describe myself, I flippantly call myself a Yekke (slang for German Jewish, probably derived from the word for 'jacket'), even though that is only my father's side and I grew up in my mom's house and only visited his. Why? Partially because my family who left Germany left way more recently -- the Shoah -- and partially because for the last decade of his life my father worked in Germany so Germany felt very relevant.
I list all this out to give you an example of all the complex facets that play into the identity of someone with two experiences in their ancestry.
A lot of what will affect how your character processes her family's differences are how the Christian parent approaches the situation, and that is entirely your decision as a writer.
In that situation a Christian parent who puts pressure on the Jewish child to participate in Christian worship would cause stress; while a Christian parent who was cool with there being boundaries about religion would be easier for the kid.
And there can be all kinds of compromises and gray area in between -- a lot of this will depend on which denomination of Christianity we're talking about because some of them are way more chill with giving other religions room to breathe.
One of the versions of Christianity that imply that Judaism is a false dead end or whatever would cause tension in the family unless the Christian parent is intensely invested in preserving their relationship with their child over this religious teaching.
So it's up to you how much weight this is going to add to the story, i.e. is this what the story is about or is it about making fun of pyramid schemes or the teenager falling in love for the first time or an alien invasion? That is completely up to you. It doesn't have to be a point of tension.
I agree that what the character will experience will depend on a lot more context than we have here (incidentally, she's a teenager, but the divorce happened before she was born? In what way are they just coming out of it then? I might be misunderstanding you, sorry).
It's possible, especially if the Jewish couple raising her are Orthodox,that her religious identity will depend on whether her bio mother is Jewish. If not, maybe she considers herself Christian/non-Jewish; that's for you to decide as the author, along with whether she is upset about that or fine with it. Her parents' acceptance or otherwise of her religious identity and choices will surely impact on her ability to maintain a connection with them.
As another child of divorce, I would say everyone's experiences are so different. As long as you research Jewish customs and culture and humanise all of your characters, I think you can use your imagination and empathy to create her inner struggle and it will be hard to go too far wrong.
