Lying in bed as the first rays of morning sun began filtering in through the curtains, Ghoa wondered if she was losing her mind.
Just over a day had passed since she had first heard the whispers calling to her. Normally, she might have dismissed them entirely as the creation of an overactive imagination and too much wine. They would've been pushed to the far corners of her mind by the deep and dreamless darkness of sleep, to be forgotten when she awoke with head pounding and mouth bone dry. But these whispers were different.
In sleep, they called to her even more clearly than in her waking. Whether They were truly there repeating those words to her once more, or whether her mind was simply recalling them on repeat in her slumber, who knew? Either way, They were inescapable, relentless, in Their calling for her.
Her rest had been restless, and the waking hours that had followed had scarcely been any better. She had awoke with a dull throbbing in her head and dark circles under her sleepless eyes. The alchemist had tried to focus her thoughts upon the work she had to complete that day, only to find them ever wandering back to Them, to Their questions, and to Their promise. Each time when she realized how far down the rabbit hole she had wandered, she had pulled herself away again.. only to return some time later when her tired mind wandered once more.
The Xaela had been beyond relieved when night had fallen, retiring to her bed unusually early. Still, even as her eyelids weighed heavy, her mind refused to still. When Lehko'a had returned home some bells later and joined her, she had thought that finally she would be able to relax enough to drift off. But as the minutes ticked on into bells, her mind only raced more and sleep continued to elude her.
Maybe she really was going crazy, but the only way that she was going to know peace again was to answer. But what was her answer..?
'Do you enjoy the listless wandering?' They had asked. She did, didn't she? Granted, when Ghoa had first set herself to wandering, it had been a decision borne of necessity. Settling for more than a few days or few weeks at a time meant risking capture and return to the cruel life she had fled. Then there was Kugane, where she had almost made a home for herself before having to flee again. And Thavnair, too, she had been compelled to abandon after five long years..
She had told herself that she enjoyed her ceaseless wandering, and the uncertain thrill of picking up and leaving to find somewhere new at a moment's notice. She had told herself that she enjoyed exploring as many far corners of this world as she could. But now with Their question, there was a flicker of doubt. Did she truly enjoy it, or had it become a mantra she repeated in order to make the pain of leaving would-be homes over and over again easier to bear..?
'Do you enjoy the listless wandering?' the question repeated in her head before the eerie amalgamation of whispering voices pressed onwards into the next. 'The uncertainty of your fate and of those you hold dear?'
Her eyes came to rest on the Keeper whose side she had curled herself into, silently watching the rise and fall of his chest and listening to the hushed sound of his breathing as he slept. Lehko'a looked so very peaceful in the stillness of the budding dawn, just barely illuminated at the edges by the pink-orange glow of the early Thanalan sun peeking through the windows. What a comforting sight it would have been, if only They hadn't filled her mind with worry.
In this quiet moment that seemed as if it could easily stretch on a lifetime, Ghoa was suddenly, keenly, and painfully aware of just how fleeting it was. Just how long would she have here with Lehko'a before the next threat forced her to leave again? Years? Moons? Weeks, even..?
The Au Ra's chest tightened as she remembered what she had felt when she had thought, not that long ago, that she had lost him. That aching loneliness that only the distraction of the threat of Elam had been able to stave off for a time, but would have most certainly pulled her under like a violent riptide and drowned her had he not returned when he did. She remembered how she had felt when she had heard him call her name in that rundown Shirogane tea house and how nothing had ever sounded sweeter to her ears. She remembered how light and happy she had felt when he had danced with her on the beach, gentle waves lapping at their bare feet.
Ghoa might not have been able to put her finger on the exact moment that things had changed, and she never would admit as much aloud, but somewhere along the lines Lehko'a had become special to her in a way that no one else had ever been.
'Come closer to Us and allow Us to gift you that which you desire most.'
The first time she had heard the whisper, Ghoa hadn't known what it was that she wanted most. But now, with the doubt planted and beginning to blossom into fear in her mind, she knew what she wanted most. She knew her answer.
"I don't want to have to leave again. I don't want to have to leave him. I just.. All I want is to stay this time," she called out to Them -- gods, spirits, devils, whoever They were -- in her mind. "What do I have to do so that nothing can steal this home away from me..?"
