Can I just disappear...?
I know I really only come on here when I'm upset and you guys only ever see the worst of me but I have never been so suicidal since I got sober. Since I got out of prison, my life has been relatively good... my study is going well, I've got a solid job and taking on more responsibility in the clubs that I'm involved in. Money is tight but I have enough to survive on. I had an online game that I absolutely loved. It was my escape from reality. When my grandad died, things were tough. That hit me hard. But I got on my game and escaped from my mind for a while and gradually things got back to normal. I thought I had virtual friends on my game. People that had my back, people that I could rely on. I know it's just a game but I got close to these people. One in particular. She has been going through a tough time recently and I have been there for her 24/7. I spent so much time listening to her and giving advice instead of studying and all the other things I should have done by now. I thought we were tight... boy was I wrong. She stabbed me in the back and followed it up by insulting me and calling me names. I have enemies in the game and I get called all sorts of things... it's fun, that's the game. But to hear it from someone who I put myself out for really hurts. I don't even know why I'm taking this so hard... I've never even met her...? And yet just that one thing has pushed me over the edge. Sure I'm stressed... I have exams coming up and my overdraft is more than maxed and I can't afford to pay my mortgage, let alone food. But I was dealing with that. I have absolutely no idea what to do about this...
