#k;post

[krystalyze]

【―💫 ❞】i’m off for the day- everything i haven’t replied to yet is drafted for me to do tomorrow, catch me on aim from here on out today @stardust.exe !!

[krystalyze]

【―💫 ❞】going to hide on aim for the rest of today- everything will get done tomorrow !! if you’d like to talk drop your aim here or come keep me company ( @stardust.exe !! ) even if we’ve never spoken, it’s totally okay. promise i’m just a big meme.

[krystalyze]

【―💫 ❞】i have things to go do today, so all my other replies will be done tomorrow- i’ll be on aim for the day, leave me your aims or hit me up ( @stardust.exe ) !!

[krystalyze]

⎡63ᴩʀᴏᴍᴩᴛ.⎦

【―💫 ❞】the sound of a crying infant was the first thing that krystal heard on liberation day, early on in the humid morning. blinking herself awake, she stumbled down the hall to aurora’s nursery, always quick to respond to her three month old’s wails, no matter what the time. and there she lay, kicking her tiny feet under her blanket furiously, yelling for attention from her young mother.

❝ shhh, mama’s here, ❞ krystal murmured softly, carefully pulling her daughter into her arms, close to her chest, hoping a bit of bouncing and comfort would soothe her- and it seemed to be working, aurora’s cries quickly became quieter, and, still holding her, krys made her way to turn on a lamp, carefully gathering a fresh onesie with one hand, setting the baby down to change her as her samoyed puppy marched into the room, tail wagging as he had heard all the commotion. whilst caring for the little one, krys managed to glance up at the calendar on the wall, catching sight of the date. ❝ hmm, happy independence day, aurora, ❞ she cooed, buttoning up the little onesie. ❝ you’re not so independent yet, baby, but don’t worry ... ❞ her eyes moved to the photo of a smiling jaeseop also hanging on the wall. ❝ ... mama’s still learning too. ❞ damn it jae, i wish you were here.

it had only been a few months since the death of her husband, and krystal still felt much like she was drowning. never one to be totally independent in her own mind, she always relied on others, growing up- from her sister, to her members, to her friends, to her husband- and now that the most vital pillar of support was no longer alive, every day was a struggle in itself. and though she wanted to lean on someone, krys knew that she had to learn to manage her life on her own, though the task was daunting. ❝  you and aurora will be just fine. ❞  her husband’s confidence in her, even with his dying words, drove her every morning, and they were on her mind as she settled aurora in her little reclining high chair, moving around the kitchen to find breakfast for them both, the dog sitting at her feet, hoping for his own food as she spoke, despite knowing the baby didn’t understand.

❝ your daddy was so confident in us, star child. confident in me, even though he knew that i’m the least independent person. even before you were born, he always told mama that she wasn’t as dependent as she saw herself. maybe he was right, but ... i don’t know. i guess i depend on your godfather sometimes, but, look at me ... getting up and taking care of your tiny lil baby self, all on my own, and the cats, the bunny, and this big doof. ❞ she reaches down to pet the puppy’s head. ❝ i couldn’t have done all that before ... but i miss your appa. ❞

and so they sat, aurora mostly playing with her baby cereal as krystal slowly sipped on a coffee, tossing some treats to the puppy. ❝ i think we are gonna be fine, aurora. you and i, we’re going to learn to get better at independence together ... but today, let’s see what aunt jess and your cousin are up to instead. ❞

[krystalyze]

hey guys, i'm on aim for the night- drop your aims or add me @stardust.exe !!

[krystalyze]

― stuck .

She was drowning. That’s how it felt. Every breath she took, rather than air, brought more water instead, burning her lungs, her body begging her to stop the pain, screaming for an end, an end that she wouldn’t give.

It was early yet, this day, the birds had not yet woken from their slumber, no sign of the sun on the horizon, but it was a new day. His birthday.

Jaeseop’s birthday.

No cars out at such an early hour, she walked in the middle of the road, slow, calculated. Every step an emotional push.

Go. Go. Keep moving. Step by step. That’s how we move forward.

Having left her daughter with her sister, Krystal found herself on an early mission, one she felt compelled to complete, in honor of the love she had lost much too early.

There was no sign of the near month-old accident by the time she arrived at the intersection. The spot was as any other would be- but for the side of the road, beneath the shade of a nearby tree, flowers and pictures left by friends in tribute to the man who had touched so many. Krys knelt to pick up a flower in her hand, noting that it was not wilted. Fresh. Someone had been replenishing the makeshift shrine.

❝ You wouldn’t have liked these at all, ❞ she murmured to herself, a small smile gracing her lips as she set the flower back in its place. ❝ You didn’t even like flowers, don’t they know, didn’t they know.. you would have wanted one of those, right love? ❞

Krystal tilted her head back, gazing up at the clear night above her, stars twinkling back at her almost as if to answer her query themselves. For a long moment she stood there, her hand moving instinctively to her chest- gripping his wedding ring, hung on a gold chain around her neck. And tears found her eyes, like each and every painful night before as she sat next to the memorial, her heart aching at the pictures- her husband, smiling, laughing, his arms around his friends- and her.

❝ I love you so much, you know. ❞ she picked up a few photos and was almost instantly taken aback.

❝ Jess.. my god, how did you get these? ❞

One of his arms around her, not long after they had become a couple, Jae kissing her cheek as she beamed at the camera- a genuine smile that most never saw.

Another of their wedding- no attention paid to the picture this time, the couple had only had eyes for each other, surrounded by the sunset on that beach in Okinawa and all the love in the world.

And the last, the most recent, one she had never seen- herself, asleep in a hospital bed with Aurora sleeping in her arms. And Jaeseop, right by her side, sleeping with his arms around them both. His girls.

That was all it took to break her down, calm tears turning to sobs, miserable noises of pain that tore through the quiet night as she turned her eyes to the sky again.

❝ I know it’s your birthday, baby. I know you’re up there, waiting for me, and I know that you wouldn’t want me to be sad. I know you want me to celebrate how much I love you. How much you love me. ❞

Maybe it was her imagination, but a particular star seemed to blink back at her at that, and, fixating on it with her eyes, Krystal took a shaky breath and swallowed hard.

❝ But god, Jae. I fucking miss you. ❞

[krystalyze]

hey- so now that the reply button is back, drop your aims so i can hit you up or add me @ stardust.exe !!