Though Kaede is becoming more and more used to Sy’s unpredictability and spontaneity, there are many things she doesn’t yet know about him, many words of his book left to read (some perhaps better left in the dark). This is something that doesn’t seem evident when they’re casually chatting, sharing their stories and tricks with one another---however, it immediately resurfaces the very moment Kaede feels a pair of arms gently pull her into a hug. Caught completely unprepared, the first thing Kaede does is catch her breath. Her expression turns into genuine shock, mouth slightly agape as if to say anything: nothing comes out, and the stiffness of her shoulder gives her surprise away. It’s unexpected, yet not all that much. This isn’t the first time that Sy has been openly, physically affectionate with her, after all---however, there’s always something in the back of her mind that starts screaming when anything remotely soft brushes against her skin. For many years, she has lived with the conviction that tenderness would always be out of her reach. When you’re indoctrinated with a false belief as a child, it’s hard to detach yourself from it as an adult. It’s a struggle she faces on the daily, relentlessly: every time she visits her psychologist, it’s a rundown of hypocrisy towards herself. I don’t mind when others do it---i just feel like I should apologize for doing that myself. (After all, it wouldn’t be self-loathing otherwise, would it?) That train of thought skims across Kaede’s mind, leaving the rails fuming and scorching. Her brain is running and running; whilst her body, the more she lets herself melt into the hug, becomes mellower. Tense muscles soften, and with a tremble in her arms, she slowly extends them---she’s almost hesitant to exchange the hug, despite the fact that she wants to. She really wants to. But there’s something... something... Something is wrong. Something is missing.
“... Everything alright?” Kaede says, voice hiccuping right at the last syllable. Fingertips slightly sink into Sy’s back, unconsciously. “... I don’t know if my coin-flipping trick was cool enough for me to deserve this,” soft laughter follows, however it dies as soon as it escapes. Without fully realizing, her visage eventually twists into melancholy; an emotion completely juxtaposed to the eagerness with which she clings to the hug. It’s nice. It’s warm. It’s kind, and still... something’s amiss. This tiny detail disturbs her, even though she feels completely at peace with herself. Ah. That’s right. Kaede’s head leans on Sy’s shoulder, turning it in a way so that he won’t be able to see her face. Slowly, the corners of her lips turn upwards into a knowing, yet all still gloomy smile. “---Thank you...” It’s that peace. That peace is what’s disrupting everything.
