#kaelron rambles

[aticklishpercivalwriter]

Long rambling ahead.

I miss writing tickling.

I just don't what it is. Am I busy? Am I lazy? Do I have writer's block?

I really really really want to write but...when I settle down to do it, I just...can't get the words onto the page.

I can imagine the scene but how do I find the right words to describe it? The reactions of the characters? The method of tickling? And the little sprinkle of love between the characters I like to do? It feels like I've been gone too long from tickling for me to easily snap my fingers and the words come to me.

Believe it or not, I haven't interacted deeply with any tickle content besides my own and I'm...its dumb...but kind of scared to? Like my brain, I can appreciate the works of tickling and have fun looking at other's work but there's this very small part of my brain that pops up sometimes when looking at them and compares myself to other tickle creators. I like my work, I know I'm a good writer but that nagging side of my brain makes me second guess myself and when I go to write, I can't focus and staring at the page with the blinking cursor, typing then erasing, and then just stopping saying "I'll get to it later."

Also adding onto the fact of not growing out of my people pleaser phase, I feel like each day that passes of me not posting a fic, I think that as a follower, you are expecting something big and I want to make my fic as good as the time you've been waiting. As a follower of other creators, I don't put that onto them. I don't expect a deadline. I just know that I'll like whatever they post because I like them. But as a creator, I put pressure on myself if that makes sense.

I guess I'm just afraid of loosing any of you and that makes me work hard which is a good thing or it can be bad and makes me procrastinate and avoid tickling because "I'm not ready."

And I know I open my inbox and when I receive them, which I really like but also can't help but worry how do I respond? Headcanons and ideas, I want to create a compelling fic (try for a short one), even if they didn't ask for it. I don't want to sound cold or not having a care. I don't have that energy that some of the other tickle creators have and I feel like...not inferior...but just feel like I can't be what you probably expect? That sounds wrong. But like I can't match the energy because I don't know how to. I've grown up to be serious and lonely so when I need to interact with people, it's short responses. And I don't open up with my interests unless it's necessary. I'm the introvert that hangs out in the library or takes the path barely taken. So when I'm presented with the opportunity to talk about tickling in my Inbox, I panic because how am I supposed to respond. And as each day passes since I received the message, I feel guilty and guiltier because they took their time and effort to message me and the least I could do is acknowledge but it needs to be with equal fervor. I guess I just don't know how to talk about tickling and add on 😓. I'm not ignoring you if you send stuff in my inbox! I just don't know how to respond and most likely want to give you a little fic as a token of my gratitude.

Well, those are my inner thoughts that I finally have been able to sort through and communicate to you all appropriately. Thanks for reading 🙏. I'm not leaving, just to be clear! I still want to write but I need to find inspiration and that means I have to get back into tickling by reading and looking at tickle art and silence/overcome that insecurity of mine. And gonna try reblogging tickle stuff again, not just restricted to Genshin. I want my blog to be a personal resource of mine to refer to when writing. I made it that way but never took advantage of it because I felt like I need to be strictly Genshin here but I can't get any ideas if I limit myself. I'll need to rejuvenate my love for tickling again :)

If I reblog and like a lot from specific blogs, I sincerely apologize for being annoying to those specific blogs 😭🙏

[aticklishpercivalwriter]

I'm really anxious y'all... I got a C in the class I was expecting a B (MAE 350) and I have the same prof for MAE 334 and I know I did worse in that class than 350 and I'm expecting a C but the chance of a D is way higher and then I'm looking at Canvas and there's an error in exam 3 where my paper said out of 20 and online it says out of 25, so idk which one is right and I really just need that C or else I'm going to be in college for another year and can't afford that and there's just a lot of uncertainties and I'm using excel to calculate the probabilities and I need 30% on the final if the thing on canvas is correct or 16% if my paper is correct so just 5 points makes a difference and there's just so many what ifs that I'm feeling so stressed as I did after I just finished my final. Oh, also, she doesn't curve...... I'm just... scared... worried... anxious :((( I hate this feeling when you have no control and all you can do is wait :((

Rambling helps the nerves a bit, ha....

[aticklishpercivalwriter]

I know I'm a slow writer compared to other writers because it takes 30 minutes to get this:

--

“Tch.”

Turns around and eyes fall on Sethos.

“HAHHH?! WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU HERE?!?!”

“Hot Guy! I— uh mean Hat Guy, haha.”

Sethos scratches the back of his head.

--

Into this:

--

“Tch,” Scara let out a displeased noise, turning around to grab another arrow before his eyes fell on Sethos.

Their eyes met and a beat passed before, “HAHHH?! WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU HERE?!?!”

“Hot Guy! I— uh mean Hat Guy, haha,” Sethos winced, scratching the back of his head at the slip up. He's not beating the allegations now.

“How long were you watching?"

“Long enough to see how sexy you looked see your form could use some adjusting.”

“Fuck you.”

“We'll do that in bed later~”

“You're sleeping on the couch.”

“What?! No! You'll miss me cuddling you~”

Sethos snickered, walking up to Scara who had a tint of a blush on his cheeks.

“Keep dreaming you dumb bee. Now leave me alone or I'll shoot you.”

Scara readied his stance once again but was more tense than previously and the tips of his ears were getting red.

“S-Stop looking at— !!!” Scara sucked in a breath when his boyfriend’s hands eclipsed his own.

“Like this,” Sethos softly spoke, guiding his hands into a better aiming position.

“I-I know that!” Scara huffed as his face got even more hotter.

--

So, I'm sorry I'm slow at writing 😓 (and i can't help but add things to a fic; i know the feeling of wanting more after reading a fic so i try to include as much as i can for you all) and I'm writing this at the ungodly hour of 1:40am (actually 12:40am bc of daylight saving time ending) bc I can't go back to sleep 🫠

[aticklishpercivalwriter]

Looking at my piling wips list every time takes a year off my life 😭. I promise a big fic and then promise a new big fic without completing the previous one 😣. I can't even finish my own self insert with Casper for my own birthday. It's been 6 months since 😑. *sigh* Sorry everyone, I'm really bad at promises 😮‍💨.

[aticklishpercivalwriter]

I've been in a lee mood since last night, help meeeee 😭

All because of the phrases, "Ihihit tihihickles!" and "Thahat tihihickles!"

And at night, writing a playful ler Scara with a giggly Durin (“Now, where were we?” Scara pondered, tapping his fingers on Durin’s neck in thought making the latter stiffen as tiny giggles flowed from his mouth.)

Then, wake up in the morning just making a mess of the bed and staring up at the ceiling while imagining a certain Grim Reaper towering over me and teasing me about how I can't say the tword!?! (Aww, do you just get flustered from me saying the word, tickle? How adorable~)

This specific lee mood is so badddd. I just want to be tickled like djbsksbska 😭

Anyways, gotta do some errands and little schoolwork and writing again, so toodlesss and thanks for reading my little big predicament 🫠

[aticklishpercivalwriter]

Oh yeah! Almost forgot. Got my exam results for two of my classes, 17.5/20 and 13/20 (better than the class average of 10/20, finallyyy). And it's all thanks to a couple Grim Reapers :) I did study too but I swear there's some magic with Casper and Atlas because I was playing the games before I took my exams and for the 13/20 which is Thermodynamics (🖕 that class) I literally didn't even create an equation sheet unlike the past exams for every chapter and still managed to pull a 13/20 and do better than my previous exams. I also had...fun with Grimmy last semester and managed to get a good grade on one of my exams too so like I love Grim Reapers, specifically Casper and Atlas :)) Grim Reapers change your life ;)

[aticklishpercivalwriter]

That was by far the worst quiz for my Flight Mechanics class. It's not even hard. There just wasn't enough time for 4 questions, even allocated 40 minutes so 10 minutes per question. You have to be quick about knowing which equation to use, knowing which variables to use and what the numbers mean and what variable it represents.

Example of equations i have written down (we can use an equations sheet at least, 3 pages, thank goodness but so many equations 💀, and realized my equation sheet is missing some important equations after that quiz...)

if you're going wtf is this, me too...me too...

[aticklishpercivalwriter]

Hot men on my dash. Hot men in Genshin. Hot men in art. Hot men in the anime I'm watching. Hot Casper on my homescreen and lockscreen. No hot men in my area 🫠

I'm so thirstyyyy.

Like what am I supposed to doooo?? 😭