I just don't what it is. Am I busy? Am I lazy? Do I have writer's block?
I really really really want to write but...when I settle down to do it, I just...can't get the words onto the page.
I can imagine the scene but how do I find the right words to describe it? The reactions of the characters? The method of tickling? And the little sprinkle of love between the characters I like to do? It feels like I've been gone too long from tickling for me to easily snap my fingers and the words come to me.
Believe it or not, I haven't interacted deeply with any tickle content besides my own and I'm...its dumb...but kind of scared to? Like my brain, I can appreciate the works of tickling and have fun looking at other's work but there's this very small part of my brain that pops up sometimes when looking at them and compares myself to other tickle creators. I like my work, I know I'm a good writer but that nagging side of my brain makes me second guess myself and when I go to write, I can't focus and staring at the page with the blinking cursor, typing then erasing, and then just stopping saying "I'll get to it later."
Also adding onto the fact of not growing out of my people pleaser phase, I feel like each day that passes of me not posting a fic, I think that as a follower, you are expecting something big and I want to make my fic as good as the time you've been waiting. As a follower of other creators, I don't put that onto them. I don't expect a deadline. I just know that I'll like whatever they post because I like them. But as a creator, I put pressure on myself if that makes sense.
I guess I'm just afraid of loosing any of you and that makes me work hard which is a good thing or it can be bad and makes me procrastinate and avoid tickling because "I'm not ready."
And I know I open my inbox and when I receive them, which I really like but also can't help but worry how do I respond? Headcanons and ideas, I want to create a compelling fic (try for a short one), even if they didn't ask for it. I don't want to sound cold or not having a care. I don't have that energy that some of the other tickle creators have and I feel like...not inferior...but just feel like I can't be what you probably expect? That sounds wrong. But like I can't match the energy because I don't know how to. I've grown up to be serious and lonely so when I need to interact with people, it's short responses. And I don't open up with my interests unless it's necessary. I'm the introvert that hangs out in the library or takes the path barely taken. So when I'm presented with the opportunity to talk about tickling in my Inbox, I panic because how am I supposed to respond. And as each day passes since I received the message, I feel guilty and guiltier because they took their time and effort to message me and the least I could do is acknowledge but it needs to be with equal fervor. I guess I just don't know how to talk about tickling and add on 😓. I'm not ignoring you if you send stuff in my inbox! I just don't know how to respond and most likely want to give you a little fic as a token of my gratitude.
Well, those are my inner thoughts that I finally have been able to sort through and communicate to you all appropriately. Thanks for reading 🙏. I'm not leaving, just to be clear! I still want to write but I need to find inspiration and that means I have to get back into tickling by reading and looking at tickle art and silence/overcome that insecurity of mine. And gonna try reblogging tickle stuff again, not just restricted to Genshin. I want my blog to be a personal resource of mine to refer to when writing. I made it that way but never took advantage of it because I felt like I need to be strictly Genshin here but I can't get any ideas if I limit myself. I'll need to rejuvenate my love for tickling again :)
If I reblog and like a lot from specific blogs, I sincerely apologize for being annoying to those specific blogs 😭🙏
I'm really anxious y'all... I got a C in the class I was expecting a B (MAE 350) and I have the same prof for MAE 334 and I know I did worse in that class than 350 and I'm expecting a C but the chance of a D is way higher and then I'm looking at Canvas and there's an error in exam 3 where my paper said out of 20 and online it says out of 25, so idk which one is right and I really just need that C or else I'm going to be in college for another year and can't afford that and there's just a lot of uncertainties and I'm using excel to calculate the probabilities and I need 30% on the final if the thing on canvas is correct or 16% if my paper is correct so just 5 points makes a difference and there's just so many what ifs that I'm feeling so stressed as I did after I just finished my final. Oh, also, she doesn't curve...... I'm just... scared... worried... anxious :((( I hate this feeling when you have no control and all you can do is wait :((
Here's the [late] TickleTober 2025 masterlist! (Rambles in this paragraph so just navigate to where you need to go instead below!) I honestly didn't want to post it because it's late and I feel like a terrible person about waiting this long even though I had it prepared in August 😭. Plus I did want to post day one at the same time as this but I wasn't finished with day one and waiting longer to post the masterlist felt wrong. And the days are ticking by... I'm the only who stresses about tickling of all things 🥲. I know weekly is a thing but at least one year I want to do 31 dayssss.
Enough rambling. I'm using @vqler's TickleTober list for this year! (#valstickletober) Go check 'em out :)) Characters are not finalized for each day and can be moved or swapped around so fyi.
*Tickletober fics will be posted with no grammar checking, besides using my eyeballs, to save time. So, apologies for any errors. Lmk of any errors you find!
**AO3 Links will be added once I check for errors and correct any if found.
Days are below the cut!
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-> Day 1: Unpopular Fandom - Fight Me :P, AO3 Link
[A Date With Death] - (lee!Casper x ler!Reader)
-> Day 2: Contest - Lasting Longer (new title by Aether: Trying to Survive Venti), AO3 Link
[Genshin Impact] - (Venti x Aether)
-> Day 3: Villain
[Genshin Impact] - (lee!Xiao x ler!Aether)
-> Day 4: Tame - A Lazy Day, AO3 Link
[Genshin Impact] - (Gaming x Aether)
-> Day 5: Sorcery
[Genshin Impact] - (Lyney x Wriothesley) In the main 2025 Master List!
-> Day 6: Immobile - Try and Make Me Laugh!, AO3 Link
[Genshin Impact] - (ler!Cyno x ler!Tighnari x lee!Reader)
-> Day 7: Teaching - Using a Bow, AO3 Link
[Genshin Impact] - (ler!Sethos x lee!Scaramouche)
-> Day 8: Sea Creature
[Genshin Impact] - (merman/lee!Heizou x ler!kazuha) note to self: eizou is flirty and beautiful, do something w/ that...
-> Day 9: Vampire
[A Date With Death] - (ler!Casper x lee!Reader)
-> Day 10: Serpent
[Genshin Impact] - (serpent!Dahlia x Venti)
-> Day 11: Wings
[Genshin Impact] - (lee!Durin & ler!Sethos x ler!Scaramouche)
-> Day 12: Alcohol
[Genshin Impact] - (Kazuha x Sethos x Scaramouche)
-> Day 13: Myth
[Genshin Impact] - (lee!Kazuha x ler!Tomo)
-> Day 14: Hobby
[Genshin Impact] - (lee!Aether x ler!Gaming)
-> Day 15: Guilty Pleasure
[Genshin Impact] - (lee!Scaramouche x ler!Sethos)
-> Day 16: Blackmail
[Genshin Impact] - (lee!Sethos x ler!Scaramouche)
-> Day 17: Escape
[Genshin Impact] - (ler!Cyno x ler!Tighnari x lee!Reader)
-> Day 18: Negotiation
[Genshin Impact] - (lee!Cyno x ler!Tighnari)
-> Day 19: Hard-to-Reach Spot???????????
[] - ()
-> Day 20: Sleepless
[Genshin Impact] - (lee!Aether x ler!Kinich)
-> Day 21: Golden Retriever
[Genshin Impact] - (lee!Varka x ler!Flins)
-> Day 22: Foreigner????????????
[] - ()
-> Day 23: Be quiet!
[Genshin Impact] - (lee!Reader x ler!Heizou)
-> Day 24: Unseen
[Genshin Impact] - (lee!Kazuha x ler!Heizou x ler!Scaramouche)
-> Day 25: Magic Word
[Genshin Impact] - (lee!Reader x ler!Heizou)
-> Day 26: Side Effect
[Genshin Impact] - (Kaeya x Albedo)
-> Day 27: (Ticklish) Badass
[Genshin Impact] - (lee!Casper x ler!Reader)
-> Day 28: Unknown Sensation
[Genshin Impact] - (Neuvi & Zhongli)
-> Day 29: Interrogation
[Genshin Impact] - (lee!Kinich x ler!Aether & ler!Mualani & ler!Kachina)
-> Day 30: Giving In
[Genshin Impact] - (Anemo Boyz)
-> Day 31: Rest (real rest — just as the Bible says to rest on Sunday, this list says to rest on the 31st day)
Looking at my piling wips list every time takes a year off my life 😭. I promise a big fic and then promise a new big fic without completing the previous one 😣. I can't even finish my own self insert with Casper for my own birthday. It's been 6 months since 😑. *sigh* Sorry everyone, I'm really bad at promises 😮💨.
That wasn't an interview but a getting to know me call. Mannn, I thought it was an interview and I got the internship. Waiting tomorrow for an email from the guy for an interview and 😓 😥 scareddd. Hopefully I get the interview 🤞
I'll need help with cute nicknames for the boys along with Illuga and Flins ;)
And if you have any headcanons of your own, send them to me if you want and I'll include them as I see fit and add on my own thoughts and ideas too :))
I finished the Archon Quest before the 6.6 update just a few days ago and my thoughts on that at a later date (the stakes were high and so freaking emotional and Aether speaking and the story elements were hdlahsksls and most of all 🖕 u Dottore, I'll keep saying it and apparently you didn't fucking die in that battle so grrr). Yes, I jumped straight into beating his ass bypassing the quest through Quick Challenge because this man will pay.
Also, little lee!Durin later after me playing Genshin, teehee :)
I've been in a lee mood since last night, help meeeee 😭
All because of the phrases, "Ihihit tihihickles!" and "Thahat tihihickles!"
And at night, writing a playful ler Scara with a giggly Durin (“Now, where were we?” Scara pondered, tapping his fingers on Durin’s neck in thought making the latter stiffen as tiny giggles flowed from his mouth.)
Then, wake up in the morning just making a mess of the bed and staring up at the ceiling while imagining a certain Grim Reaper towering over me and teasing me about how I can't say the tword!?! (Aww, do you just get flustered from me saying the word, tickle? How adorable~)
This specific lee mood is so badddd. I just want to be tickled like djbsksbska 😭
Anyways, gotta do some errands and little schoolwork and writing again, so toodlesss and thanks for reading my little big predicament 🫠
