#kaelryn silverleaf

[kaelryn-silverleaf]

Journal Entry 25

The Verdance was a good home for a while. I learned a lot with them, and reconnected with many that I once held dear. I suppose what they say about "all good things must come to an end" is true, though. Surely I did not expect my time with them to end by my own choosing, but there are much larger things at stake now with the awakening of Mordremoth in the Maguuma Jungle. 

I care for my people, but there are more than just us in this world. Even more importantly, I am too comfortable here among them. They do not mind that I am not always able to fight alongside them, and that was certainly okay with me to begin with. Now, however, I feel as if I have no purpose, and that is something that I now seek.

Given that I was promoted to the position of Magister during my time with the Priory, I suppose I could have chosen to return to the Shiverpeaks and spend my time researching Mordremoth and his corruption in safety. But then, what of Aileen? She'd be here with the coalition or fighting in the Wastes with the Vigil... I feel as though we'd never have time to spend together anymore. It could end just like it had with Tayliaa...

So, both Aileen and myself sent applications to a Pact battalion stationed in the Silverwastes. The Fifty-Third Battalion. It may seem like an odd choice given the fact that my combat skills have gone downhill since are nonexistant, but I think this will be a good change. I will be forced to adapt, but there were still be some comfort knowing that other scholars are working alongside me.

Whatever happens, I will be glad if only because I get to stay at Aileen's side.

Loegaire would be proud, I think, to see how far I've come.

"We cannot wish to cross the sea by simply staring at the ocean, nor to reach the highest peaks by looking to the hills we crossed to get this far."

[kaelryn-silverleaf]

Journal Entry 24

The Silverwastes are even more dangerous than Dry Top, filled with more death and destruction, it seems, than even the towns and wreckage that litter that region of sand and rust-colored stone. And yet, despite the corpses of both Pact and Mordrem that litter the ground, the blasts that signal the passing of many lives from this world to the next... The Silverwastes seem so much more alive.

Perhaps it is in the way that every inch of what could have been a valley as barren as Dry Top is crawling with life; the Mordrem that patrol the darkened caves and come knocking at the door of Pact encampments, the Skritt whose tunnels crisscross the landscape, the bandits who hoard treasure in the rocky outcrops of cliffs.

No. I think that, in truth, what gives so much life to the Silverwastes are the ruins and castles that are nestled among sand dunes and cliff faces.

Perhaps it is simply my inner scholar thirsting to learn more of this land's history, but the echoes of the past that still sound from within the vacant structures are almost capable of resurrecting the souls of those who once dwelled within.

That's not to say, of course, that Dry Top is without its history. I am certain that plenty has happened there as well. Yet, the ruins in which we have rested while exploring the Silverwastes just make these things tangible.

I do not know why Loegaire refuses to stay in the Camp Resolve, the base the Pact as established on the border of the Wastes and Brisban. Something has seemed off about him since the morning we left Dry Top.

The night before, I awoke to him stirring and rising from his sleeping mat, exiting our shelter into the dark of night. I remained awake for some time, though he did not return before I had drifted back to my dreams. When I awoke, he had returned.

I do not know if I should inquire as to what occured that evening. I am curious, and yet I know there are some things that others do not wish to share. Loegaire has shown me kindness, and I would hate to lose the teacher and friend that I have grown so close to by overstepping.

But, what if he is like Scarlet? Is it right to fear that he may be fighting a losing battle with corruption?

Quiet. You must not think of such things.

Loegaire is wise, and no dnager to me. Quite the opposite, I believe. I think he has noticed the trembling of my hands in presence of danger, the way my fingers reach towards my staff or my daggers, only to be pushed away again by some invisible force. He fights for me, to protect me, it seems. And for that I am grateful.

Before I forget, I did run into an old friend unexpectedly while paying a visit to the Priory tents in Camp Resolve: Mahorian Sunstone. I have not spoken to him since he and his dearheart (Or, so I believe it was his dearheart) came to visit the Order in the Grove.

We spent some time talking, and he took me to see the ruins. I had to act as if I had no idea they were there, for I did not wish to reveal that Loegaire and I had been spending our evenings sleeping within their crumbling walls, for fear that I might reveal some secret my mentor wishes to keep.

Funny how I've not had a mentor since my awakening. So many questions, uncertainties, all left up to my own intuition. How did I ever succeed as a mentor in the Order?

Perhaps that was not success at all, but failure. Failure to understand what it really meant to be a role model, the one on which another relies on to learn and to grow.

Skoryy, Caoilhain, Vilathara, Searil... Oriaen? Is this why you left the Order?

[kaelryn-silverleaf]

Journal Entry 23

If it were not for the wreckage of the Zephyrite ships and the constant presence of Mordremoth's thorned vines, I'd truly consider the region of Dry Top one of the most beautiful in Tyria.

Truly, I was awestruck upon our arrival. The way years of wind and, perhaps at one point or another, water have eroded the rocky walls of this desert canyon creates a twisting wall of cracks and crevices that reach up the rust colored cliffs, like a maze of pathways created by ivy on the side of a building.

Perhaps the most striking feature of this arid environment, however, is the stream that runs through a tropical oasis filled with tall trees and green plant life. To emerge from the thick, brown dust storm onto this lush greenery is truly like entering into another world.

And yet, there are the corpses. The death, the destruction, the noise.

Fires still burn in some of the wreckage of the Zephyrites' home, and bodies still lay out, baking in the desert heat as they continue to be strangled by the twisting tendrils.

Loegaire has friends among the Zephyrites, and I suppose that doesn't surprise me. In fact, he says he had once met a Sylvari who was recently travelling among them called: Aerin. It seems, however, that he has gone missing since the crash. The people we have spoken to that know of him say that they know nothing of his whereabouts, and yet I sense that they know more than they are letting on.

We spent our first day wandering through the first portion of the area, and Loegaire showed me the wreckage of the sanctum and the town destroyed by Mordremoth's vines. I could not stay there for long, however; it was far too disturbing to see bodies still hanging limp, impaled on thorned tendrils.

It was then that we stopped at a Pact outpost and met with a few survivors of the crash before heading to the place we are calling home during our visit: a small camp of centaurs. They seem far more friendly than those in northern Kryta, and I at first believed them to somehow be previously unknown descendants of Ventari. However, when I mentioned him to them, they said they had never heard of him or his tenets. I found this to be very strange.

More recently, we have traveled to a tunnel beneath the sands of the desert to what is actually a cave housing a leyline. This was truly the most remarkable place we've visited in our travels thus far, as it seems overflowing with magical energy. It hangs in the air like a dense fog, though glows like the calming light of fireflies in the Grove as it twists its way through the crevices over head.

We did not stay long, as some inquest came along demanding that we leave so that they might continue working on their experiments. A part of me wished that we would have stopped them, though I know doing so might have been dangerous, and it has been far too long since I've been involved in any sort of fighting - the idea of it still terrifies me, for I know I will never be able to, not only impress, but, more importantly, protect those I care for.

I must rest now, for tomorrow we journey into the Silverwastes.

[kaelryn-silverleaf]

Journal Entry 22

Loegaire is leaving for Dry Top and the Silverwastes in the morning, and he has invited me to coming with him. I've accepted the offer and have been in contact with the Priory and will meet up with some researchers there to help study some samples of flora and fauna affected by Mordremoth's corruption.

The past week has been relatively uneventful. Loegaire, Sven, and myself sped the days wandering the forest, and the evening's in Loegaire's home, telling stories and listening as Loegaire lectures us on the wealth of topics he is knowledgeable in.

I've only now realized that I've been back in Caledon for some time and have not yet traveled into the Grove. I suppose I'm afraid I might run into someone I know and have to explain myself. With Loegaire's help I've done relatively well in maintaining my Soundlessness, even in close proximity to the Pale Tree, and for that I am grateful. However, I do not think the barrier would hold if I were in the city.

Loegaire still thinks I should reconsider my Soundlessness, but has agreed to teach me to maintain it nonetheless. I understand his reasoning, but I cannot agree to it yet. For me, this quiet is like a bandage on an open wound, and to let it go would mean to letting in all the dirt and pain it was meant to keep out.

Heading to the desert will be a good way to keep my mind off these things, I think, and I expect there to be plenty of research to be done to keep me busy. Loegaire seems to have his own plans to visit a centaur tribe in Dry Top, and I hope he will bring me along to meet them. I think it would be fascinating to speak with a group who wasn't as violent as the Tamini.

For now, I must rest. We are leaving at dawn.

[kaelryn-silverleaf]

Journal Entry 21

Loegaire has taught me much in the past few days, and I feel as though I should begin referring to him as a mentor. I never really had a teacher of my own, except for Eveleen, the dawnbloom who taught Tayliaa and I when we first awoke. Adventure called us, however, and we soon left her care for the bustling streets of Divinity's Reach.

Loegaire, however, is full of wisdom unlike any I have heard from any other Sylvari. He speaks on both the merits and downfalls of the tablet, the good and the bad side of Soundlessness, and he understands my feelings towards the Nightmare Courtiers.

He believes that Sylvari have a special place in this world, and that we have a purpose greater than that which we can currently realize. The birth of the Pale Tree, he explained, was no accident and was no random occurrence of nature, and he believes our adoption and adherence to Ventari's Tablet will play a role in this future. However, he says that not even he knows what our destiny might be; Whether its to do with gods or dragons or something else entirely is still a complete mystery.

He did, however, implore that I reconsider my Soundlessness, a request that I found strange coming from another Soundless. He explained that my knowledge was of great value to our people and, by not adding it to the Dream, I might only hinder our progress. I questioned, then, why he had fallen Soundless himself, for surely his own knowledge would be valuable, yet he simply quoted the third tenet and refused to speak more on the subject.

He is a strange character, Loegaire, and yet his presence puts my mind at ease. I've not had a true mentor before, but I am honored to have found one so wise, and one with whom I share many opinions.

<<A few lines down from the final sentence, Kaelryn has written down quotes and wisdom from Loegaire.>>

"'The only lasting peace is the peace within your own soul.' Dragons and corruption and even gods matter not in the grand scheme of this world, and their defeat will not close every wound, nor mend every broken heart."

"We cannot control the seasons, nor tell the summer to follow autumn, but we can alter our own course to thrive in whatever comes our way."

"We cannot wish to cross the sea by simply staring at the ocean, nor to reach the highest peaks by looking to the hills we crossed to get this far."

"Inside each of us there are two seeds: one with the potential to become the strongest, most beautiful tree, the other a dark, thorny bramble. And yet, one cannot not exist without the other, for to allow one victory would consume us."

[kaelryn-silverleaf]

Journal Entry 20

There have been many relaxing moments and unexpected developments in the past weeks, and I will be certain to try and mention all of them.

First, I departed the Priory to return to Caledon. I said goodbye to the rest of the scholars one morning and hit the road. I suppose I could have taken the waypoints now that they've begun functioning more stably again, but I decided spending some time seeing the sights along the way was not a bad idea.

I traveled north into Snowden Drifts, taking some time to admire the ruins of fallen Norn structures from afar. The Sons of Svanir were out in full force, and I did not want to get into trouble before my journey had begun.

I headed west into Gendarran Fields, some of the most beautiful countryside in Tyria. I stopped to rest on the hill wear the Order held its final gathering during my time as leader: Lilacia's picnic. There were fond memories at this place, and I decided to spend the night in the town nearby.

The following day I passed through Lion's Arch to check on the status of the city's repairs. I suppose it was no surprise that the wreckage of Scarlet's machines still litter ground, but I must give the people of Lion's Arch credit for being a resilient group. They've already begun to rebuild and, while they still have much work to do, it seems things may finally begin returning to normal.

Back through Gendarran, I traveled up into Queensdale and followed the path of our old pilgrimages down through Kessex and into Caledon. The memories of those journeys are made even more far off by the presence of the wreckage of the tower constructed by Scarlet's toxic minions. The land is the same that I remember, yet entirely different because of the events that have transpired there.

Finally, I arrived in Caledon and spent my first night in the Lionguard fort at the northern entrance of the forest.

The next day, I ran into an unexpected face: the sapling Sven Winterlight.

We spoke for some time, sitting on the shore of Quetzel Bay. Sven seems to have had quite the interesting journey in the past few months as well. He was able to escape the Nightmare Court without being turned, though he said that the rest of his friends in the Grove did not accept him back for fear that he would put them in danger.

He wandered for some time, and made friends with another Soundless that he calls Loegaire whom he would later introduce me to. He then spent some time in Dry Top and met someone I have not seen in ages: brother Tako. Sven talks of Loegaire and Tako as wise mentors. I am glad that he has found two that he can still trust.

This Loegaire, however, is a mysterious fellow. His leaves are pure white and are tinted the lightest green. He says he has not kept track of the years since he awakened, but, from the events she speaks of and the wisdom he possesses, I can tell he may be nearly as old as a Secondborn.

He had a wealth of knowledge to share with me based on my current situation, though I will save those details for another time. I grow tired of writing, and Loegaire has offered to let me stay in his home. He says he plans on leaving it soon, anyway.

It is a lovely place, however. An enormous old tree trunk, a stump left behind on the edges of the swamp, carved with a hollow cave from generations of animals and people using it as shelter. Loegaire has truly made it a home - carved shelves and an alcove for a bed into the old wooden walls, hung leaves over the carved entrance, and even created a fireplace and chimney at one end with stones.

I have much more to share, but for now those tales must wait.

[kaelryn-silverleaf]

Journal Entry 19

I suppose I should mention that I will be returning to Caledon soon. I cannot say I will be returning to the Grove - I still fear what the others will say if I do - and I'm uncertain where I will be staying while I am there as a result, but I must go find Hodor and Bartamaeus, and I miss the sights, sounds, and smells of the forest.

I've quieted the voices of empathy that would continue like an unending storm in my mind. It has been surprisingly easy thus far, though we'll see if I can continue to maintain the barriers when I travel closer to the Grove. If I cannot, I will travel again, perhaps back to the Shiverpeaks. Maybe I should visit the Silverwastes. Though it is dangerous, the things the scholars mention they've uncovered and studied there sounded fascinating.

I would consider checking in to see if the Infloresence is still acting around Cathal. The last I saw them, they were.

Now that I am thinking of it, however, my last interaction with them was not a particularly pleasant one. It was out of line for me to say those things to Oriaen. I fear that it might have turned him and the rest of our old friends against me.

If they are still upset with me, and if my old friends from the Order of Ventari do not welcome me back, what then? I suppose I have friends in the Priory still, but these people were like my family - brothers and sisters from the Pale Tree with whom I share memories, both fond and unpleasant.

I'm sorry.

[kaelryn-silverleaf]

Journal Entry 18

I have not written in this journal for some time. The person who wrote those entries seems as different from me as a Quaggan from an Elder Dragon.

I've been away, travelling.

Aibreen and the others of the Order, however, think I'm dead.

To be fair, I was close to dying. A risen shot me with a poisoned arrow when I returned to Orr to continue searching for signs that Tayliaa might be alive. I was foolish, I know. It is my own fault that I cannot protect myself.

I remember being in a lot of pain and covered in this thick, discolored sap. They brought me back to the camp, but there was little the menders could do with what little supplies they had.

Aibreen was there. I'm not sure if she had heard I had left for Orr, or if I had fallen unconscious for some time and the Pact had contacted her to let her know I had been injured. Whatever the case may be, I saw her for the first time in months, but for all she knew I was dying.

To make a long story short, I fell unconscious while she was there. At some point she must have left or been escorted away, and they sent me on an airship back to the Priory, thinking I was dead or close to it, and the Priory would know what to do with me in either situation.

I don't remember much of the trip. This is just what they told me when I awoke there. They said I was lucky to be alive. The poison on the arrow the risen had shot me with was a strange mixture of devourer venom and the usual filth and corruption of the undead. Had I been a human and more susceptible to Zhaitan's corruption, I may not have survived.

Nonetheless, here I am. My dearheart thinks I'm dead. My order thinks I'm dead. They all think I'm gone not to return.

And yet, for some reason, I feel a strange sense of peace. To not have their expectations on me, no obligations... I am free to sit in the library all day, or to travel without needing to plan my schedule around the plans of others. It feels good to be away from them -

No, no. This is not right. I should not be feeling happy to think they believe I am dead. I must contact them, tell them I am okay and return to the Grove.

And yet, I am afraid. I still feel them in the Dream. I feel the empathy of the other Sylvari in the Priory. It's all so confusing - worry, happiness, hunger, sadness... It's never ending. I see now why Gwyn and others were Soundless. It can easily be overwhelming.

I'm not sure what I will do, and that scares me.