#kain.txt

[transgorthalax]

yeah okay so it’s very late and i have stuff early tomorrow but i am consumed by thoughts about fabian disappearing in the nightmare forest. it tears me to pieces.

i think it’s because it’s such a complex manifestation of his internal fears. like it was barely touched on in canon because it was quickly replaced with the shit with the sexy rat but like. there is a difference between fearing that you will be left behind and replaced like riz, which is a lot in its own right, and fearing irrelevance at such a magnitude that it manifests in your complete erasure from reality.

i think it has a lot to do with fabian’s childhood, and being raised to believe that above all else he should strive to carve his legacy into the face of the earth. i think it has a lot to do with hallariel’s distance, how fabian was praised for his exploits but never truly given the emotional connection he needed. he was taught that his worth is based in accomplishment, in being known, and he was never really told otherwise. he has to succeed because he is bill’s son, and as bill’s son he is bill’s legacy, and as bill’s legacy he is bill’s impact upon the world. fabian’s successes are reflective of his father’s, and his failures are bill’s failures. if he has done nothing, he is nothing.

i think there’s something to be said for how his fear is that he was truly unneeded for his friends’ success, that without him there was no difference in how they arrived to the present. the fear that he has made absolutely no impact in the lives of those he loves. there’s something profoundly painful in that, in the deep-seated idea that he has done nothing. because he tells bill that he doesnt need to write his name upon the world, when theyre in hell, so long as he has the bad kids, and the nightmare forest shows us just how scared he is of losing that too.

idk, im rambling, i just think that the concept of fabian being forgotten as a manifestation of his fear of irrelevancy is so fucking good and i wish it had been more prominent in canon. there’s so fucking much to analyze there. it’s so fucked up. therapy for fabian and all of the bad kids please

[askkain]

Yo @ask-dr-gerald do you want to destroy something for me? Might help to just, go apeshit for a bit? I got you a whole chamber ready and everything.

[crescendo-system]

Favorite running gag in the system: No one tells Kain anything.

[askkain]

Asks are open, I guess.

[askkain]

:0 A child

Hello arson lady! [kid waved, hoping the invisible voices could see it]

Agatha, none of us know how to take care of a child-

I kinda know

Agatha most of us don´t know how to take care of a child, help

[crescendo-system]

Alter from middle or high school, that the rest of the system had reasonably deduced existed but hadn't yet seen since: Hi!

Rest of the system from college onwards that had done the deducing:

[cowboy-dazai]

I am surprisingly angry at you.

[cowboy-dazai]

You want me here but you aren't talking to me, you aren't asking or seeking comfort, you're playing a video game and ignoring the other two people in the room.