Various mentioned characters here belonging to @corneille-but-not-the-author , @soupedepates , @thal-ent , @hel-phoenyx and @azeler
The following text contains domestic abuse and references to suicide.
It started with a storm. Yet when I lowered the spyglass, the sun was shining high in the sky, irritating my eyes and skin. It still does as I rest my arms over the boat guardrail.
“Are you sulking, Leo?”
I glare at Kalerich. His little remarks are really starting to piss me off.
“I'm taking a break. And I'd appreciate if you didn't pollute it with unwarranted comments.”
“Well someone sure is in a bad mood.”
Maybe I wouldn’t be if this hadn't turned out to be such a disappointing turn of events. The duel started off great, Brynja got the advantage surprisingly quick, despite the storm raging on louder and louder.
Then he unleashed the Carnage. Fascinating magic, really. But that's when I knew Brynja wouldn’t make it. Even I wouldn't be able to fight this off, so how could she?
It would have been handy if she had killed Kaizarz, but it was unlikely from the start. If I could at least see the monster he really hid, what really lurks inside… If I could see with my own eyes that this oh-so benevolent monarch isn’t so benevolent after all…
But then they stepped in. The other four, those little pests, barging into a fight that wasn’t theirs to win. Domhildr and Tyrfing’s first intervention was nearly useless, but of course even Oli and Meili had to get involved.
A hug, a few words I couldn’t hear, and it was over. Just like that.
Why? Why were you so intent on bringing him back?
He threw your friend on the floor and knocked her out. He crushed Brynja’s throat. He damaged your boat. He would have killed you. He broke the hand you weakened just so he could.
You saw it.
Yet you pulled him back into his mask. Into some fake, meek version of himself. Why?
Why does he get to be pulled back into himself, why does he get forgiveness after everything he did, even though he has nothing to give?
Why does he get all of this, and I didn’t? Who stopped me when I needed it?
No one. There was no one to fight off the monster. There's no one to stay if they don’t have anything to gain or if there is no fear to keep them in place, no one.
Because I made it so no one cared.
…
Jealous, Leonova?
No. Not at all.
It's only a brief respite. The monster is bound to come back anyway.
Not everyone is like you.
Shut up. Shut up.
What infuriates me too is how they still healed Brynja after she hurt their king, after she stabbed him in the back, after she almost doomed them all. And how they didn't let me get her. I could have healed her. I could have healed her throat. But she didn’t looked like she wanted it.
… That, I can understand. I've seen what the sirens do. Even I wouldn't stoop that low.
But what’s the point of being free if it's to end up like this? Voiceless? Powerless?
I already know that she won’t come back to me. Not even for protection. She’ll go back to the Kraken Coast and I'll be left with nothing gained from this.
All those years on my ship, and I didn't even get to say goodbye.
That doesn’t matter. She was a tool. An asset. You would have gotten rid of her, eventually.
Right.
You won’t miss her, will you?
No. That’s fine. No one stays, anyway.
It didn't mean anything.
Rescuing Brynja didn't mean anything.
Losing against Tyrfing didn’t mean anything.
Sleeping with Domhildr didn’t mean anything.
Dancing with Oli didn't mean anything.
None of it matters, none of it.
Ungrateful. All of them.
My eyes hurt.
“I’m going back to my cabin.”
I start to walk away, Kalerich grabs my wrist. Gods, what now?
“I can see you're sad, Leo, don’t just walk away. There's no point in trying to hide it from me.”
Stop. Stop it. I’m not sad. I am not. I’m angry, and pissed, and frustrated, I'm certainly not sad.
“Let go of me, Kal.”
“Leo-”
Stop. Stop pretending you care. You wouldn't even stay with me if I didn't force you to. And you never stopped me from doing what I do. You have no right to look at me this way.
I tear myself away from his grip and start walking down to the inside of the ship. I hear his footsteps behind me.
Why won’t you give up
He grabs me by the sleeve.
Why aren’t you
“Leo, please, could you just-”
Gone
“I said let go of me!!”
My hand flies.
I blink and there’s four scratches across his cheek. Blood trickles down his face. His eyes have widened a little.
Who hurt him? Who dared?
I did.
No. No. No. He’s my brother. He’s all I have left. I can’t… I shouldn't… I would never…
I can feel his blood under my nails.
“Kal… Kal, I’m…”
Are you happy now?
There's no way he’ll stay after this.
No, no, this isn’t what I want, it isn’t-
I try to wipe the blood away. He grimaces. He’s in pain. I hurt him.
You hurt him.
Again.
“I’m… I'm sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I'm sorry- ”
You keep messing up.
You’re not careful enough. You weren’t careful with Misha either.
Kalerich wouldn't leave me. Not like that.
You didn't think she'd do it either, did you? How many times have you checked his room for a rope under the bed?
If you keep this up, the noose will tighten around his neck too.
And you'll be truly alone.
There's tears on my face.
“I’m sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry-”
“Leonova.”
He gently takes my hand and pulls me towards him, wraps his arms around me.
“It's fine. I’m all good. It’s nothing. You’re just upset. You didn't do it on purpose.”
… He’s right. I didn’t mean it.
“Don’t cry. I’m not going anywhere.”
I hug him back. Right. He's not leaving. Because we're siblings and siblings stick around for each other.
Which is why you need to bring her back and fix your mistake.
Kalerich holds me wordlessly for several minutes before letting me go.
“When do you want to leave, Leo?”
“... Tomorrow. I’m sick of this place.”
“Okay. You go rest. I’ll go tell the crew.”
“... Kal?”
“Yes?”
“You're not going to leave me. Right?”
“No. Never.”
He smiles at me.
Isn’t that smile a bit cramped?
Must be my imagination.
“Until death do us part, right?”
Yes. Until death do us part. Only then will we be free of each other.
The mere idea terrifies me.
He lets me go.
“Go lay down. I'll be right back.”
He walks back out, and I get to bed. It’s fine. I'm just tired. Maybe I've overexerted myself. It's not worth getting worked up about a bunch of strangers, is it?
History may sing their names, but I won't. They're not worth remembering.
The only names you need to remember are theirs. Your mother. Your sister. Your family.
I think about Domhildr. About the customs so dear to her. I remember the nursery rhyme some of the fairy sailors would sing. To remember the dead. Always remember the dead.
But I don't want to remember.
I want them back.
Screw those nursery rhymes. Screw their stupid passiveness.
I’ll overcome that death you’re so afraid of.
In the meantime, I need to forget you. All of you. And your stupid faces.
...
I hope I can.















