THE MUCKRAKER : EIGHTH EDITION ( JULY 6TH, 2040 )
THERE’S NEVER A DULL WEEK IN LIMA, OHIO. READ THIS WEEK’S EDITION BELOW TO STAY IN THE KNOW OF LIMA’S HOTTEST GOSSIP
ALEXIS CAN’T BE TAMED, YET HERE WE ARE. (pg 2)
as much of a secret that @alexiscsmythe tries to keep her drinking habits and her hook ups from her dads, considering how fast word travels around lima we all know she carves her way through men faster than she does whole bottles of wine. the question is does @kaplake know? not that a woman being a slut maters in the year of 2040, but it seems that only a few weeks ago alexis was crawling into bed with any guy who had a pulse, now she’s taking extravagant trips with on again off again lover, kap. what changed? is there an ulterior motive? we can’t say anything for sure other than we hope kap is ready to deal with heartbreak.
WHO’S YOUR DADDY? (pg 4)
in a shocking twist of events, a source has reported that lima no longer as to speculate the identity of @naomipuck‘s baby daddy because it’s no other than @tracehummelandersons. being on of a handful of lima’s himbo’s, it isn’t surprising to learn that trace has a kid floating around somewhere. luckily for us, we get to see this situation unfold as tracy steps into fatherhood with naomi as his baby mama. his mysterious return to lima is finally making some sense, huh?
REALITY SETTLES IN FOR NEW FATHER. WAKE UP AND SMELL THE DIAPERS! (pg 6)
as it turns out, fatherhood isn’t as easy as local idiot @mason-lynn seemed to have initially anticipated. while he’s done the bare minimum and seemed to have retreated from lima’s party scene to take care of his son, sources report that he’s done nothing but complain. whether it be from complaints about sex to trying to find time to play video games, it seems that’s all he’s done. complain. if i were patience, i would simply leave him and find a more promising father for my son before he disappoints in a big way.
L IS FOR LET IT GO, REGGIE! (pg 8)
@reggiemartinez and @eli-stjames were the hot item for quite some time. despite the messy break up, a source has reported that reggie still has the hots for eli! apparently at that woodland birthday bash last week, reggie lured eli into the woods before getting “lost” so that he could confess his love for her. personally, i’d love to see them get back together, but realistically? reggie needs to let it go and let the little lesbian live.
COUGAR INFESTATION IN OUR OWN BACKYARD! (pg 10)
despite his current girlfriend being just sixteen, apparently @leo-mccarthy has a thing for older women. first finn schuester, now @ohbcth. according to our source, the pair was waiting for summer to come to officially make their moves on one another and what better cover for an affair than making their debut as a directorial duo? if this doesn’t break up ivy and leo, i don’t know what will, but for the sake of those horrible hets coming to an end, i’m going to hope it’s true and sleep sounder tonight.
BACHELOR AND BACHELORETTE TURNED BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND. (pg 12)
sources say @kadenabrams and @ljhollidays have officially uncommitted from being non committal as they move into this relationship with one another. this is one couple that will definitely be turning heads considering kaden’s been known to make his way through lima girls faster than winnie-love goes through hair extensions and lj had been seen hanging around eli st.james. while this couple is odd, i guess the power of a bone sesh and a few coffee dates are enough to turn lima’s flakiest into lovebirds. best of luck to the happy couple?
CHECK BACK NEXT MONDAY FOR THE MUCKRAKER (ISSUE #9)
