Perchance I wonder'd 'pon a kindly star
Of whether thou couldst render me some aid.
I caution thee: mine's a conundrum rare
That maketh men scream out, their will decay'd.
My drummers now return with yen to beat.
A lutenist vaults a theorbo grand
And like a nimble hare is quick of feet -
So says the mistress of the beetle's band.
A moth sticks by a trancing, flick'ring fire
As masons guilded labour at their toil.
I call to them, "O brothers, let's retire!
A warrior back-flips like a launchèd coil."
I will consume thee like a cream-filled puff!
Can't get enough, no, I can't get enough.
And here it is, for hers, or his, or hers
In bick'ring sim'lar to their marriage vows!
Alas, I will be, in this second verse,
Having an abundance of platonic relationships reminiscent of my man, Mike Plato.
I walk'd the street and scream'd "I'm blind!", and yet
No soul remark'd my agonising woe.
I must have lost my mind; I couldn't get
Another, couldn't get another, no.
And like a praetor's guard, an oath I've sworn
To keep secure this humble village green.
The dogs of war have savag'd, ripp'd and torn
This land. I now keep home a normal scene.
These sweet rhymes fashion I straight from my cuff!
Can't get enough, no, I can't get enough.
An obstacle! Oh no, these sonnets run
Until the author findeth how to scale
Their height, their width, their depth; oh no, not one
Direction can he take to end this tale.
Oh rock my soul! These words turn stranger still;
By now the author's standards are less picky.
Who cares now for precision words to fill?
A thing'majig! A what's-its-name! Doohickey!
Doolittle speaks of rain in Aragon
That parachute-like pantaloons can't touch.
And then I, euh, um, euh, no words anon!
My stammer pounds my aching head so much.
This groove I've dress'd in Jacobean ruff.
I think, by now, we've fin'lly got enough!