#kas thoughts

[kingkas-moon]

You ever know just know that your being ignored .. cause yaa >.>

[kingkas-moon]

I can’t fight this feeling that I did something wrong — and all the close relationships I did have suddenly pulled away as if I was something contiguous — and now mostly everyone is tolerating me at best ; it hurts to look back at old conversations compared to know and you can just see the pull back .

I won’t dwell on this for to long cause it won’t help me but I will try to learn from this and try to figure out what I did wrong so I can grow from this and not do whatever it was again.

There is a fear though that the thing that’s wrong with me is just me in general I am not someone to get to know or to be around — which is something I think on a base level I have always known and hey maybe as we grow older we are ment NOT to have friends and that’s why we find partners .

But what do you do when your Ace ..‘perhaps I need to get used to just being alone and isolated .

That just might be my new normal .

[kingkas-moon]

you ever regret having certain friends meet eachother cause there they go and here you stay

[kingkas-moon]

Def glad I have this personal blog — can vent out everything here so I don’t break down and blurt it out at “friends” so to speak — better to have it in a digital void diary then have it fester inside like a loaded gun.

[kingkas-moon]

OTL I Need the spiral to stop spiraling and I need the BPD to chill god dayum

[kingkas-moon]

No ya… def getting ignored not treated the same — it’s most likely my fault — they are able to spend more time together of course they are growing closer — but it’s fine I have someone at least I can talk to who’s actively making an effort

Should have seen it coming after that little disaster of a video stream attempt, let it be one of their lores or games they talk about and suddenly everyone is awake and at least showing some interest even if it’s mild— I try to copy them , to find a way to relate and show my interest and it’s dead silence like I never spoke — or the convo just stops .

I won’t make waves but I see how it is .. we’re all drifting apart and this happens all the damn time .. I don’t know why i keep trying to make connections it all ends the same.

I have got to keep these people at arms length and remember it’s all one sided .

I’m so tired of attempting to show interest when I Barely get anything like that in return .

Fuck this .

[kingkas-moon]

Feeling out of sorts and out casted lately I think I’m just feeling unloved or something .

[kingkas-moon]

You ever be excited to show your friends something only for them to not take any interest, but let one of them have something and suddenly the whole group is all happy to see it .