(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRfwYJY2mbs)
“I’m frustrated by this need to continually reiterate our ability to be monogamous but I’m also tired of needing to hide any tendencies toward, let’s say, polyamory as a bisexual person for fear of filling this stereotype . . . But now I feel like it’s swung to the other side where Bisexual people are trying so hard to not fit those stereotypes and to prove themselves as good members of the LGBTQ or straight community that we are not able to just be ourselves and I think it is time that we are allowed to just be ourselves. Being attracted to more than one gender does not make you any less able to be monogamous but at the same time it doesn’t make you any less worthy if you are bi and don’t want monogamy”
YAHSYAHYAHS!!! There are people out there, Gaby Dunn, Laci Green, and others, who are out bi/pan/non-monosexual people who are also out as polyamorous but I think there is still a pull to proving that you are a ‘good bisexual’ by only being monogamous or roundabout-ly proving you are a good monogamous person by denying your bisexuality. But there is nothing wrong with consensual polyamory or open relationships with clear communication.
It feels to me like there is so often a push toward the mainstream. A societal ideal exists that good and valid relationships are straight, are married, last forever, have children, are monogamous, et cetera, and you can only deviate from so many of these checkmarks before your relationship is no longer deemed as valid. Gay people in the US have struggled for the right to get married (with is valuable and wonderful and important) but in that we need to remember that you don’t need to be married to validate your relationship, and your relationship is not magically stronger when it gets the “practically straight, very safe for suburban neighborhoods” seal of approval. Similarly, queer relationships are not more valid when they are monogamous or otherwise fit societal norms and expectations.
If you are bi and want to be in a monogamous relationship with one partner and you want to marry and have kids with that partner, that’s great. And it is also great if you are bi and want to have 2 regular partners, guests once in a while, maybe have kids but you’re not sure, and never get married.
-katarie
