rue and ardmes talkng about mar
WT: why must yoou antagoonize him?
PB: I’M not antagonizing anyone.
You look back to your browser, and consider removing half of your last message. It probably wasn’t entirely necessary to bring that up.
WT: and yet here he is, pissed ooff and clearly antagoonized
What? Ah shit, did he reply already? Damn, he’s fast. You close the the half edited post with an irritated growl, and go to see what the bastard said and … ugh.
PB: I’M not antagonizing hiM, I’M just desensitizing hiM to My abrasive charMs. WT: can yoou noot WT: yoou’re upetting him and i’m starting too feel respoonsible foor yoour shit
PB: …What Would you prefer I say?WT: i suggest an apooloogy
Ha, nope. Not happening. Instead you refresh, hoping for a distraction. You don’t like Marduk. You don’t want to like him. You don’t owe him an apology, and he certainly doesn’t deserve one.
Thankfully, Criinas moirail has provided the perfect opportunity to redirect to your date tonight, and you latch on to it with both hands.
Ellie comes to you a few nights later. You’re sprawled over the couch, watching Molley and Ghamby rant about another hole in the Fence when she plucks your tablet away. It disappears into her dex and you find yourself with a lap full of moirail. She slips her arms around your neck, cradling your head in her arms and kneads at your horn beds.
You curl your arms around her waist and snuggle while she rubs away the ache chewing on the edges of your sanity, before she rests her forehead against yours and sighs. “We need to talk.” Her expression is serious, but her eyes express concern.
“Pile talk, or just a talk?”
“Just a talk.” You nod, but she’s still quiet for a long moment, before asking the only question you don’t want to deal with right now.“What’s your deal with Marduk?”
Your arms fall from her waist as you throw your head back and groan. “How many times do I have to hear that before someone accepts the answer?”
Hands sliding against your cheeks, she pulls your head back down, forcing you to meet her gaze again. “As soon as you provide an answer I find satisfying. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I just don’t like him.”
“‘Because’ isn’t a satisfactory answer. Try again.”
“Aghhh. Because. Just. Because. Because he upsets you, and I don’t like it. I don’t like him.” You don’t mean to whine like wiggler but you’re so Done with this question after the other day.
“But he did upset you. Several times,” you protest, still clearly remembering the hurt in her words over a video feed not so long ago. “I don’t like that.” She stares at you with disapproval, and you grimace. You don’t want Ellie upset. Not by others, or at others, and especially not with you.
“Ardmes, sugar, star of my heart, I love you, but boy, you can be dense.” You harumph, but her tone softens and she sits back on your knees. “Marduk is my matesprit. I love him, and he makes me happy, not upset. And if he does upset me, he apologizes and tries to make it up somehow. Even when he doesn’t have to.” She smiles and plays with your hair as she speaks, gentle and oozing so much fondness you think maybe you should have insisted on the pile. “Do you believe that?”
There’s a strange feeling in your chest. Indignation, it feels like. Indignation at the unfairity of how easily she irons out your argument. As much as you don’t want to, you have to agree.
“Then why don’t you like him?”
“I don’t know, Ellie,” you groan. “I don’t want to like him. I don’t trust him, I don’t know him.” Grumbling, your horn brushes her face as you lean against her shoulder and she wraps you in a hug.
“That’s okay. I don’t expect you to like him like I do, and I can’t make you like him at all. I want you to recognize that he is important to me. But, like. Gods, I don’t even know how to say this.” She pauses to think. “I like Cairro,” she says, leaving you confused. Your matesprit is not the issue here. “She’s one of my closest friends. I like Dora, too. Crii is in good spirits with Roz’s matesprit just like Roz is friendly with Captain Zahhak, you know? Inclades are supposed to be special. A different kind of relationship built on trusting someone else with your clade because they are also clade. But, Mar. He doesn’t like The Helmsman, doesn’t trust his motives, and while I don’t blame him for that because The Helmsman is a frightening troll, I don’t think he trusts Lady Pyrope with Dora either. There’s a special kind of happiness to having inclade that Mar is very much missing out on.
“I get that you don’t trust him, and I suppose that’s my own fault. You never got to meet him except through me and I only ever reported the bad things. Sorry, love,” Ellie sighs. “I probably sound ridiculous, but I want that for him. I want that kind of happiness to at least be available him. I can’t make you like him, and I certainly can’t make him like you, but can I ask you to play nice?”
She makes perfect sense, you will admit. You used to marvel at how well Ellie and Cai got along before you learned that it was completely normal. But something still bugs you about what she’s saying.
"Why do you think me not snarking at him is going to bring him any amount of happiness? Isn’t it you who should be trying to bring him happiness on your own, not through a quadrant corner like me?" Her face colors slightly, and she stares into her lap instead of into your face as she had been. She hesitates to speak, so you pap her face a little. What the hell, this couch is now a pile. What ever.
"… I’m scared, Ardmes. Dora said he just, just left. Easy as you please. What if he decides putting up with you isn’t… worth having me for a matesprit?" She slumps into you, dejection weighing on her words and putting a lump in your throat. You can’t stand the twinge in her voice, a mix of fear and sadness that makes your blood boil and your ears burn.
"Then he’s even worse than I thought, letting someone else’s actions make decisions about his quadrants. If he dumps you over me, I’ll make him regret it Ellie. I will." Growling, you cling possessively to your moirail.
"Don’t you even dare," she growls right back, but kisses your cheek. "Quit pissing him off, Ardmes, that’s all I ask. No hypothetical revenge for my ridiculous insecurities, just sensor your abrasive charms a little. Or accept that he doesn’t aim to find new and exciting ways to upset me, so that you may continue being your fabulous self."
"Fine, I’ll try," earns you another kiss before she grins and gives you back your tablet.
Ghamby and Molley didn’t even realize you were gone.