#kayla onge

[propertyofzack]

Any Minute Now, Things Are Going to Change.

by Kayla St. Onge

If you asked me at any given time in the past week how I was feeling, the answer would be tired. There’s the normal part of it-- working two jobs, trying to keep my apartment clean, finding time to eat and hang out with my cats. And then there’s the other part -- the fact that, in the past three months, I’ve accidentally become a poster child for feminism in punk, been in arguments with people who have far more power than I do, made a lot of friends, worried for my actual physical safety and the list goes on. It’s incredibly strange to suddenly be in the middle of all of it. Humbling, terrifying, strange and flat-out exhausting. That is the reality of being a woman in this scene today.

I get asked frequently if I’m okay. The answer to that question isn’t cut and dry. It’s nebulous, and ever-changing. I get to see my efforts and the efforts of my peers lauded by important people, but I also get to see that same work devalued and torn to shreds. When I tried explaining the situation to my parents, they immediately became worried that I was going to end up on some sort of hit list. But the tipping point has come and gone. We are at a crossroads, and it is now more dangerous to stay silent.

In my last column before the Runout’s summer break, I wrote about taking accountability, and how we should be applying that to the punk ethos. Since it was published, I feel like the exact opposite has happened. Two men have decided to enter into legal battles with their victims, claiming defamation and slander. A man was put into a coma at a hardcore show over “pit beef.” Kevin Lyman’s twitter feed has become some sort of avant-garde performance art about how to be the most stubborn, clueless man alive. I’m sure a hundred other things have happened that we haven’t heard about, and that’s the most sobering thought of all. It feels like throwing pebbles at the walls of Jericho.

Collectively, we have the power to demand better. That’s the most frustrating part-- all anyone wants is for people to hold themselves to a baseline of human decency. Yet for some reason, everyone is losing their fucking minds about it. I’ve seen the term “witch hunt” so many times that it almost gives me a migraine just to type it. Let me make myself abundantly clear: this is not a witch hunt. This is about standing up to a scene mired in toxic masculinity and abusive behavior. This is about saying "enough is enough." It’s about protecting the people punk was intended to protect-- outcasts and misfits, kids who finally know that someone understands them when they listen to a song, marginalized people desperate for representation, et cetera.

That is why your silence is dangerous. Whether you like it or not, whether you want to believe it or not, you’re in this. Every single person who wants to call themselves a part of this scene has a responsibility to keep it safe. How many whispers went around about Jake McElfresh before he was finally publicly exposed? How many people do we forgive for their behavior because it’s just “who they are’”? And more insidiously, when did we decide that artistic output is more valuable than the people destroyed in its wake?

When I said it was my scene too and that it owed me better, I meant it. I meant it for every single person who has been hurt by the action and inaction of key players. The head in the sand attitude has to stop somewhere. It doesn’t go away until we force it out. That was the one thing Kevin Lyman got right in his bizarre correspondence this past week-- the young people are the ones who have to foster change. When these old punks give us no choice but to cut them out, that’s exactly what we have to do. Let them have their old world.

Despite its problems, punk can be a rich and rewarding scene. Even in this tumultuous time, I feel like a real community has grown in the middle of the chaos. The real action must come from that community working online and in real life to make this scene better. There are people right now working very hard to do this. A non-profit organization called Safer Scene is in the grassroots phase to bring awareness and information to people at shows across the country. Numerous websites have begun to cover punk with a critical lens. And while it seems like everything is getting worse, it’s good to remember that the constant exposing of bad people means we’re that much closer to weeding them out. People all over the world who love this music have begun sharing their experiences and pointing out injustice.

What matters most is that the ball doesn’t stop rolling. It might feel like we’re all disconnected, disenfranchised kids, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. The power to make a difference on the individual level can start anywhere-- your Twitter, Tumblr, whatever social media you prefer. Talking to people at shows, calling out the bad behavior you see there. If enough people run with it, lives could be changed at shows in more ways than one. It might make some people uncomfortable. Embrace that discomfort and let your paradigm shift. Sometimes what’s best isn’t easy.  It all boils down to a willingness to educate and a desire to learn.

It may take awhile, but obstacles are in our way to be overcome, and I firmly believe that we can make it happen.