Hi friends 👋🏾,
It’s been a minute. I hope everyone is well.
Hmm, I’m not sure what to say since I don’t normally like to truly share my thoughts or feelings, but essentially one day I just caved to all the stress, pressure, anxiety, and fatigue I was under (mostly from my actual job but also from fic un/subconsciously becoming a job and me being in denial about it). I couldn’t enjoy anything, or find any joy in doing things, and felt extra sensitive, so on a random Wednesday, I closed all my boxes, hid my stories and deactivated any accounts that could be deactivated.
I wanted to disappear and I did and it was relieving in a way. As I said, I wasn’t finding myself having fun, I couldn’t engage the way I used to or wanted to, and I honestly didn’t really have anything to say anyway. The fact that I’m more introverted than extroverted also contributes to all this too. As much as I treasure talking to everyone and being social, it’s not something I can do to recharge or de-stress. Thus I want to do it even less when under continued duress.
Time is a strange thing. I realized what may seem like a long time (4-5 months) to those here has been…not exactly a blur for me, but it doesn’t feel like it’s been such a long time at all. That said, sorry to alarm or worry anyone. I needed time, so I took and in my experience, announcing it or not doesn’t make a difference.
To be honest, I’ll still be taking my time. At least for the foreseeable future, being present on my blogs or writing or drawing aren’t things “Adult Life” often gives time for, especially as I have make time for exams. It’s sad, but true. Actually I wrote a little something last week for the first time in months so I’m counting that as a positive but I’m not holding myself to anything which is also a positive. I still want to finish my stories and write more (in general) in the future, but all in good time.
These days, I’m trying to get myself back together with eating well, working out regularly, taking care of my health, etc. etc. I’ve actually fallen in the manwha/hua rabbit hole. I’m always listening to the recaps on YT or finding new ones to check out myself. It’s something nice that requires little effort on my part and is nice on days where I just want to come home and lay down. Perhaps I’ll come rant about that every now and then.
All that aside, I might put my stories back up on ao3 sometime soon. I feel like the time may (or may not lol) be nearing for it, but if you’re here on Tumblr, then you have access to them anyway so not sure if that really matters or not 🤷🏾♀️. I’m doing a lot better these days too. There are ups and downs, good days and bad days and stressful days, but that’s life *finger guns*.
Besides all of this, I just think this moody girl wants to tell everyone thank you from the very bottom of my heart 😊💗