Ass-asination
Kurodai Day 5 Prompt: Locked in Tags: Excessive swearing, suggestive, crackfic Kuroo was woken up by the loud clangs of the cell door. What now. Jesus, can’t a guy get some shut-eye in here. Well, he should’ve thought about that before embezzling from the JVA. At least that’s the voice in his head said, for the first time that day, and not for the last. It had been 5 months in here already, and he was slowly settling into a routine. It was bad, but not quite that bad. He tried to keep his head low, not say much to anybody, mind his own business. He’d manage to keep out of trouble for months now. The only exception being that time he fought that fucker for getting his chocolate confiscated by blowing the cook or whatever he did to make it happen. Fuck that guy and his greasy hair, fork-tongued motherfucker.
Kuroo sat up in his bunk, wondering who his new inmate was. Broad shoulders, brown hair, and ripped. Shit, he better not get on his bad side huh. He watched him quietly from his side of the cell, waited for the last pat down from the guard- who nodded towards Kuroo, handed him his cigarettes, and headed out, locking the door in place. The man sat down on his bunk. He looked like he’d lost a lot of sleep lately. Tetsurou looked him up and down, sizing him up for his crime. Most likely battery, maybe arson. He looked deadly enough to do it. Or maybe he was just caught at the wrong place at the wrong time- like him. A rich person’s worst nightmare- Kuroo liked to believe he wasn’t a criminal, just a businessman. That was probably why his sentence was still as long as it was. There was absolutely no remorse behind his sweet smiles and promises to live a good, honest life when he was out of here. Fuck that. He wanted that villa in the Caribbean. “What are you in for” Kuroo directed the question at the other man. The mysterious man built like a goddamn grizzly, looked him straight in the face, the look of a killer in his dark eyes. “This ass-“ . .
.
Tetsurou stared at him for a good minute watching him as he laid back in his bed, folded his arms over his chest and closed his eyes. Alright. Alright, that’s how he was going to be? Being in-mates and everything, hey, he’d hoped they could’ve been friends. Fine, fucker didn’t want to share? Fine, he’d be smoking this entire pack of cigs by himself, he thought to himself and laid back on his bed as well.
Weeks went by the same way as they always had- and rookie here didn’t need much help around the place. Funny. It was like.. he’d been to prison before, or at the very least, knew how they worked inside-out. Kuroo kept a close eye on him as he ate at his table with his regular group. It was purely a protective group he hung around, they weren’t exactly friends- definitely not anyone he’d keep in contact with once he was out of here. In fact, he was hoping to ditch his name altogether if he did get out of here. Big goals, big dreams. Before long, he’d learnt his name- since he hadn’t offered it on his own. He was lucky he was such good eye candy, and by default maybe had a soft spot in Kuroo’s generous heart. He even saved him some chocolate one time- offering it to him in the cell. “Don’t like chocolate” Kuroo’s eye had twitched when he said it, the way he said it. But the time he heard his name- was when they were receiving mail. Kuroo never got mail- his friends were ashamed to be associated with him. His dad had disowned him altogether. Well, Kenma did come visit him last month- telling him he’s done waiting and he’s moving on with his life. Which meant, of course, that he was finally going to admit to sleeping with Hinata behind his back. Kuroo couldn’t have cared less by then, he’d let him go a long time ago. Daichi. Sawamura Daichi was his name. And it was called out every week, sure enough- there was a care package of sorts, from somebody, that came through every week. “Daichi..”, he ventured one night when he was in bed. The man grunted in response, signalling that he hadn’t slept yet. “You really got into prison cause of that ass?” Not a moment’s hesitation, or any sign of his gruff, sleep ridden voice wavering as he said, “Definitely” And that was that, the days following that night, Kuroo was off at lunch time telling the story of how Sawamura Daichi got his ass thrown in prison- quite literally, for it being a goddamn menace. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday passed- and the rumors were flying- Did you hear? Sawamura smuggled coke into the country in his ass for months before getting caught- No no- Sawamura was the personal security guard for the crown prince of Saudi Arabia, who committed crimes against his country by allegedly tapping that ass, then flat out handing him the royal throne in marriage. Come Thursday and Daichi had finally caught on with what was happening. He walked up to Kuroo’s table where he was animatedly explaining the cause of his demise to his companions- and everyone hushed. Almost instantly looking a little pale when they saw the bearish man walk up behind Kuroo, who might easily lose a fist fight against him. Tetsurou stopped talking then- turning around to see the man, staring down at him. Then without another word, he put his tray down on the table next to him and sat down heavily. He nodded at Kuroo, then began eating his rice quietly. “Go on- tell them how it really happened-“, he said in a deep voice that would bring chills to anyone who heard it. The guys looked spooked, and Kuroo- well, he got less chills, more thrills. And he was happy to oblige. With a little smirk on his face, he turned back to the table and continued, unfazed, “Sawamura was a security guard at the governor’s last speech- the one he died at-“ “Yeah, didn’t he get shot?” “Nah nah man- they cover all that shit up in the papers-“, Kuroo waved his hand at the guy, “Yeah the media guys getting their cocks sucked by the governor’s PR team to cover it up-“, Daichi answered without skipping a beat, nodding seriously as he slurps up his gravy like a hungry beast. Kuroo nodded, his hands coming into action as he hunched over the table conspiratorially, “Yeah so, he was head of security right- and the governor knew his face, he’d been in town for a while right-“ The silence around this table now. Kuroo felt like a star, his story was reaching hundreds- he was making history right now. “Daichi here, bless him, he bends over right- and what, you were going commando that day you said?”, a nod his way as Tetsurou feigned asking for confirmation. “Yep yeah- hot day, May’s just fuckin murder-“ “Yeah so my guy turns from the podium for a second to check if his deputy had the perimeter secure- he bends over to talk to the guy standing down the stairs- and his, will you believe it- his pants rip” At this point Kuroo gives a grin- not too big a grin, just a shrug of his shoulders like, ‘hey it happens’. “His pants rip- and he ends up mooning the governor- who was, looking DIRECTLY at him when he was giving his speech-“ Daichi smirks at this point, agreeing in full. “And the governor.. trips- over the wires on his podium- and falls-“, Kuroo’s strong fist smacks hard into his palm, “Head-first into the concrete 3 feet below-“ At this point, the entire table was staring hard at the two men- waiting for the punchline to this joke, waiting for a crack of laughter, a smile- a flash of tooth. They got nothing. Kuroo shrugged his shoulders, shaking his head at his tray and biting on his bread. “Damn tragedy- wrong place, wrong time, man..”, he finished in a low voice. Sawamura glared at them, daring them, any one of them to laugh. Not a soul dared. And then the man finished his meal, smacking his lips, slurping up the rest of his gravy and scarfing down his fish. And with that, the duo of Kuroo and Sawamura exited the scene, making it back to their cell in one piece. Once inside their cell- they exchanged one look, and were falling all over the floor, Daichi clutching at his stomach, Kuroo pounding the floor with his fist as they laughed their hearts out. “My ASS IS MAKING ROUNDS BABY” “FUCK YEAH IT’S MAKING ROUNDS- YOU SEEN THAT THING? YOU PACKING BACK THERE MY MAN” Hi-fives were exchanged- the two men slapping each other’s backs as loud as thunder- till they heard a loud yell from their floor guard, and tried to choke back their laughter, giggling like a couple of schoolboys as they watched each other. Each one with some wonder in their eyes as they did. “Man.. you’re alright-“, Kuroo said with a big grin thrown his way. “You’re.. brilliant- did your mouth get you into prison?”, Daichi leaned back on his bedframe, stretching his legs out in front of him as he asked. “You could say that-“ “Bet it could get us out of prison too-“ “I’m not blowing any guards again man-“ “..that’s not what I.. again..?” Kuroo took his pack of cigarettes out from under his blanket- waving them at him like it should’ve been obvious. “..you a lawyer?”, Daichi asked now. He chuckled at him, his body vibrating as he lit his cigarette with the lighter he would have to chuck down the toilet when they checked the cell this weekend. “You know, I could’ve made a great lawyer.. made more money like that too probably-“, he shrugged his shoulders, taking a long drag. “So- did you?”, Tetsurou looked back at him with teasing eyes, a smile on his face, “Did I what-“, he answered, his face was considerably softer on him now. He had a handsome face, especially when he smiled. Kuroo reckoned he’d like to see more of that over the next few months. “Get in here for your ass-“, he said as he stretched his arms above and behind his head, a little too suggestive a look on his face. He fully expected Daichi to close up again, turn a cheek- or maybe give him a hard punch to his exposed ribs. But instead, Sawamura looked him in the eye, a growing smirk of his own on his lips, “Why don’t you find out..”