#keener thoughts

[chaosinthekodex]

if u ever see me spamming ur notifs

pls know its cause ur funny and i am not a coward

[chaosinthekodex]

i feel it prudent, though absolutely no one asked, to clarify that i have not forgotten nor abandoned by post-endgame peter fic.

i simply have had what i would like to say has been the absolute shittiest last few months. and, because of this, have been burying myself in sleep (when i bother) or the self-insert comfort stuff.

i haven’t even been reading fic as much which is new for me — i have been reading fanfiction since… when did “what makes you beautiful” by one direction come out? like a month after that is when i discovered the wonders of fanfiction.net and wattpad — ao3 came later.

i’ve even barely been watching the mcu. i did get around to finally, finally watching thunderbolts* (fuck that movie so hard, why’s it so good? i fucking cried. cried — ten outta ten, no notes. or no, several notes. if i wasn’t already vividly aware i’m bi, that woulda done it holy shit) and first steps. but like???

or, no, okay, around the end of… january, i think, i couldn’t sleep and finally got around to watching into the spider-verse (yes, i know, abominably late, leave me alone) and then figured i’d kick off my “watch all of the mcu and related media” resolution, chronological order obviously, and got through cap 1 and then like 3/4 of captain marvel only to fall asleep to her beating kree ass on mar-vell’s ship (god, i love that scene). which was horrible because i love her but hate steve, but i guess that tracks that i fell asleep to her and not… ya know?

point is: i have not forgotten it. i have not abandoned it. i just… need to figure out where one finds motivation to write??? mine’s kinda… dormant. not dead, obviously, my poor little self-insert (adjacent, honestly, at this point) oc has Gone Through Thing and will continue to Go Through Things.

but peter? and stephen? and friday?

yeah. not done but if anyone has any, like, advice on how to write? or questions about it that might jar something loose?

[chaosinthekodex]

so i know i’ve been, like, mia — but holy shit, i did not expect school to be this… much?

like, i was in uni before (2018–2024), dropped out for health reasons, and decided “fuck it” — enrolled at a new school at the beginning of this year. went from 8-week terms at SNHU to 5-week terms at UOPX, and i swear to fucking god, it feels like i just started yesterday. but no. that was in january. i’m already a year into this and have only switched my major once (1) — surprisingly, i don’t want to again. even if business is… hell, let’s just leave it at that.

that said (and here’s the actual reason i’m making this post):

i’m not dead, just constantly running on caffeine and momentum. i so badly want to work on my post-endgame story — Protocol: Parker (though it might just get renamed to Epitaph.exe) — or at least talk about it again. get some ideas going.

same with the character studies i wanna do - F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s got more attention than i expected, and while 4 kudos, 1 bookmark, and (apparently?!) 2 subs doesn’t sound like much… holy shit, okay? it’s my first work in this fandom, and i’m just so damn happy with it.

also — i gotta say, those anon asks back in september? absolutely made my week. like, someone actually wanted to talk to me about tony, stephen, and even the tony/logan rarepair?? i nearly ascended. i think i made a noise only dogs could hear. seriously, that kind of interaction fuels me more than caffeine ever could, so if anyone wants to chat, brainstorm, or throw unhinged meta at me — my inbox (anon included) is wide open. i miss getting to talk about these characters, the “what ifs,” the soft moments, the absolute chaos — all of it. so yeah, if you’re out there and feel like yelling about tony, stephen, friday, or literally anyone else, you’ve officially got an open invitation.

[chaosinthekodex]

it will never not be funny to me that if i look up "murder walk" on spotify it's basically all bucky barnes

[chaosinthekodex]

so is anyone gonna talk about how Takedown and It's Going Down are basically the same song?

[chaosinthekodex]

my depression is flaring up bad. solution? self-insert au for the mcu where my partner, harley, and peter (loving named the chaos gremlins) take over the world by branding a meme movement with my weird dog. tony is obviously there. he's, like, dad. rhodey probably shows up later, who knows.

[chaosinthekodex]

anything you wanna share :)

finally getting around to this (apologies, again, for the delay)

I have a lot of thoughts, honestly, but no idea where to start. My friend said to say who I thought would offkey karaoke 00s songs and nothing else when drunk (Logan, obviously) or which of the two is the sunny one versus night incarnate (depends, honestly).

other than that, nonnie, can you be a bit more... Specific? Shoot me some questions and I promise you'll get answers to like... Most of them. Maybe. Hopefully.

[chaosinthekodex]

seizure update, since there was concern: not dead. but I did watch KPDH twice today.