#kellychinn

[kellychinn]

SHINee World Concert in LA

it’s been my dream to go to their own concert and NOW IM GOING. AYYYYYY IM CRYING P1 TICKET HERE I COME

[kellychinn]

Sometimes, I feel so alone. As a sit at my table and listen to a skype call go on, I start to realize how lonely I feel. As I sit here listening to the group of friends playing games and laughing, I start feeling like shit. It is funny cause to everyone, it looks like I have plenty of friends. Yes I have friends but why do I feel so alone. No matter how many people are by my side, I feel like I’m the only one in this world. No matter how many of my friends say that they will always be with me, why do I feel like no one really will. I sound like a depressed pathetic person but how come as I sit here in a group call, why is everyone having fun and laughing while I sit here at my table crying my eyes out? People tell me to go to them when I feel sad....but why is it that when I do, no one really bother to care.. I wonder how I’ll be able to deal with the real world when I can’t even deal any of these feelings.

[kellychinn]

maybe it’s time for me to leave lol. I mean it seems like I don’t belong here at all. I feel like everyone is just hiding from me lol tbh. Even my best friend won’t talk to me. Maybe it’s better if im gone. Everyone else will be happy

[kellychinn]

I think I have been crying for the past 3 hours.

[kellychinn]

Rant #29

I wonder what happened to us. We were so close and all of the sudden, you push me away. No matter how many times you criticized and insulted me, I still try to put a smile on my face. No matter how many times I cried because of you, I still end up having to deal with it. If I get mad, you get even more pissed. If you are mad, I can’t do anything. Did you change? Do you hate me? Do you think this is fun? Cause if that’s the case...we need to take a breather. Because how is this a friendship when I get constantly put down by you. How do we call eachother best friends when I’m constantly crying because of you.

I really wonder what happened to us. You used to take care of me, you used to back me up, you used to protect me from other people. What the hell happened? I can’t seem to figure it out.

[kellychinn]

Rant #28

It's been three days. It's been the toughest three days of my life. I break down every time I think about her. Every noise that's made, I would jump because I assume she would magically appear in front of my eyes again. In reality, she is never coming back...it seems a bit crazy to people that I would cry over my dog for this long but if you get a call from one of your neighbors telling you that your dog was taken away by a coyote....it's so heartbreaking. To find out your own pet was not missing but was eaten is just....cruel. I don't think I'll be getting over this any time soon...I don't know what to do anymore.

[kellychinn]

Rant #27

I think from now on, I'll just hide my feelings to myself. If Im going to cry, I'll cry alone. This isn't healthy but what choice do I have. It's time to stop bothering people with my stupid problems and just start dealing with it myself. I annoyed enough people already. It's not like they want to listen to my crap anyways. Oh wells right?

[kellychinn]

Dear Brian, Christine, Calvin and Thomas.

Thank you for the wonderful memories these past years. I never really appreciated our friendships that much until I started to isolate myself from everyone and you guys started to do things together on your own. I know I spent my senior year away from you guys rather than together. I wanted to say I'm sorry I did that. I wish I didn't do that but I had to at that moment. I thought it was probably time that I talk to you guys about it. I know some of you guys wonder why I left the group. The reason for that was because it felt like I didn't belong anymore. After all of you guys became board members, I felt that everything changed. You guys had your own secrets, you guys go to events together, you guys all got closer. It was awkward for me to just be in a group where I won't belong. I felt that it was better when I was alone by myself rather than being alone in a group I felt I didn't belong in anymore. But yeah. That lasted for a while. Then when prom came by...and I asked about the group...I will never forget when Christine said "oh you are still in the group?...I thought you wouldn't want to be in it anymore cause of brian." That was probably one of the most heartbreaking thing I had to go through. To see how far away our friendships has sailed. And I'll remember those snapchats when you guys plus Chris would go and hang out with each other. I remember when you guys had a movie day at Christine's House. Who can't forget about baccalaureate when you guys asked me to take a picture for you guys plus chris. And how much you guys have been hanging outside during the summer. I can't say that I'm not jealous of the friendship you guys created without me. I'm sorry I isolated myself....I felt like I didn't belong. But I didn't think it was going to go through this much...I just hope we can all start a new and start over. Cause I missed you guys a lot. I hope we will become great friends again slowly and we can go through more adventures again. I hope that you guys; Brian, Christine, Calvin, Thomas, and Chris will give me a chance and accept me again.