#kendra rambles

[teeth-ing]

this probably isn't that deep but sometimes I think about how Thrawn's family name is 'Mitth' and Eli, upon meeting Thrawn, recalls the existance of the Chiss being a widely known 'myth' amongst his people.

[untilthebattlespickedme]

I think the problem I‘m having with finding/reinventing myself is that I don’t even know what I want. What I want and what my opinions are feel entirely based off of the wants and opinions of everyone else, which at one point was used to descalate arguments when I didn’t know about a topic and now is driving me insane.

That, and things are changing so fast and when I was supposed to be doing all the teenage figuring yourself out stuff, I was either too deep into my studies to participate or rping and maldaptive daydreaming my way into worlds that don’t exist where I could feel important, special, like I had a purpose and could make an impact.

But also, reality is really, truly, simply terrible in comparison.

[untilthebattlespickedme]

My world is falling to pieces and I'm not sure if I want to pick them all up and try to put them back together or if I would rather just leave it all behind and reinvent myself.

Even if it's scary, I've been dying to do the latter.

[deathcabforacademics]

Random, late night thought, but it just now occured to me why everyone reacts so surprised/skeptical/intensely to my saying that I'm a French major and Spanish minor.

For me, I've been studying Spanish for as long as I can remember. I'm not fluent, but I'm passing, so it's near a second language. And French is not only similar (for both being Latin based romance languages) but it has been my third language goal since I was thirteen.

But that's not as common of an experience as I previously thought and to an outsider who doesn't know what my language learning experience has been, it probably looks somewhat insane— for an American.

Note: I'm also a CS major and Honors student, but those at least make some sense why people react??? I'm in a program for all these things, of course these people are also double majoring in STEM and a foreign language so it's not like this is out of nowhere???

[self-proclaimed-chaotic-good]

I need to stop feeling guilty for not updating my series and just post what I feel like posting. It's not like my series updates are in demand.

[self-proclaimed-chaotic-good]

I have so many wips but I want to write a John Wick x reader fic after watching all three chapters???

[self-proclaimed-chaotic-good]

First off, Happy New Year! 🎉🎊

Had inspiration to write up to 3k+ words for the next A&C chapter but when my laptop froze, it refreshed itself and none of it had instantly autosaved like it usually does 🙃

Also, that new Cassian fic I'm working on ended up being multichapter, so... I blame Diego for looking good in suits in Narcos: Mexico for influencing the extension of the story. I'll most likely start posting it when A&C is done.

[self-proclaimed-chaotic-good]

Happy Holidays, everyone!!⛄🎄

Hope you guys are having an amazing time!

Some of my family still had to work and some of my friends are off island, so I'm just home alone with no WiFi lol. Plus, there's no way my friends are going to get out of family parties or else they're scolded or interrogated.

I had hoped to have that Cassian Coffee Shop AU up by today, but it evolved into something more and I haven't quite finished it.

I've posted A&C and it's a bit different than the other chapters, so lmk what you guys think. I wasn't sure about this one, but I have reasons for it as it eventually leads to the events in Venom.

Partners is queued up for Thursday.

Also, thank you for the 60+ notes on my first Cassian x reader oneshot, guys! It's the most I ever had and I'm glad people are liking the stories that just spill out of my brain.