I want to do drugs so bad, I had to quit smoking weed for a job that doesn't make me want to end it all during and after every shift. I can sneak it in every once in a while, and I do then just hope that I don't get that random within the week. I'm desperate for that feeling of MDMA, but I know nobody who has it and have not for a long time. I could probably get some mushrooms but it's not the same. It's been forever since I've done mushrooms like a whole 7 years I think. I did molly right before the pandemic, some really good stuff too. I did coke right at the start but coke is washed these days and isn't that great anyways, nothing really transformative happens but the act is fun I guess if I knew it was safe I'd toot some nose beers. I've been thinking about drinking a lot more lately, but I know deep down that's a bad idea to open that specific flood gate and reset the progress I have made. Coming up on 3 years roughly in march or April, idk the exact date I had my last drink. I didn't suffer from crippling alcoholism or anything but I would just have a drink and when I drank I just wanted to keep drinking but it did not have the level of control over me that I see with other people, not drinking wasn't a big deal I didn't NEED it but I enjoyed it. Main reason I no longer drink is because my partner has a much more dependent relationship with alcohol, so if she can also refrain from drinking so can I. That all being said, man I just wanna feel something outside of myself. I really would like to feel a stimulant, shit I'd settle for a line of meth at this point if I could get my hands on it but I would prefer a million things over that. I'm just tired of feeling how I feel all the time, I'd like a little vacation from it, not as a constant but just as a brief little taste of chemicals my brain just isn't really creating for me. I have a pretty healthy relationships with substances, only one that I struggle with is Kratom because I have a physical addiction to it due to the fact that early on it was gloated about as this great thing that had absolutely 0 negatives. So I do kick that can down the road, and I didn't step into using it with the same guard up as I would with any other substance which was dumb on my part but they used to swear it was not addictive so I took that information at face value. Compare that to the couple times I did H dog, I approached that with the knowledge that I should not re-dose or use with any sort of consistency hence why I am not a heroin addict. Same with the times I have used meth, I accepted there was gonna be a comedown and that was the price I paid for the time I spent high and again did not re-dose.
So anyways what I am trying to say is I wanna get high off something with a little kick, just cuz I am so tired of feeling meh. Is that so much to ask? Why can that not be a more normalized thing, what kinda change would we need in the US at least to make this a reality people can do safely and responsibly. Idk but if you know somebody with some molly send em my way plz and thx.
