Growth = Change like Soda = Pop
“Change is a natural, wonderful, mysterious, and necessary agent of growth. Appreciate it as such.” - The Keys of Change
I wrote the above words in my book, and yet I don’t like them very much. They are true, and that, perhaps, is the rub. Culturally, it’s in fashion to only call something “true” if one likes and agrees with the proposed thing. I love that idea, I must admit. Unfortunately, it’s just simply not “true.” There are all sorts of truths that grate against my desires and self-pleasing nature.
I recall a visit to my Grandmother’s house in rural Wayne County, MI when I was just four years old. Everyone in the family was in a rush to leave for some sort of affair of which I can’t remember. As we were all heading out the door, I snuck away from the pack and made my way to the fridge in order that I might sneak a soda for the car ride. Grandma was always good for being stocked up on soda, or “pop” as my Michigan family called it. All I knew was that neither pop nor soda was stocked at my house back in Virginia. As I stood on the tip of my toes (otherwise known as my tippy toes) and reached for my beverage of choice on the top shelf of the fridge, I tipped a jar of milk that came crashing to the floor. Glass and milk found its way to every corner of that kitchen floor, I swear it. The oddest part of the event is that I would then try to deny it. Ridiculous. I know. But, in my defense, I was four. Yes, the family was late and I was chastised by the entire lot, with the exception of my Grandma, God rest her soul.
The thing is, I wasn’t just chastised in that moment, I heard about that moment for years. It seemed like every family visit for the next two decades involved some form of “Don’t spill the milk, Robbie!” each and every time I walked through Grandma’s kitchen. And for years, I would protest, “I was fours years old!! Things have changed. I grew up.” And I was right. Things had changed. When I was four I didn’t even understand the “truth” of why my trip to the fridge was so selfish. I just wanted some soda, or pop... at that time I didn’t even know there wasn’t a difference. I didn’t understand, yet, the “truth” behind why everyone was so frustrated with me because I had caused them all to be late. Eventually, I would and did understand these truths. Because I grew up. I changed. And change is the very essence of growth.
It kind of annoys me (if “kind of” represents nails on a chalk board), when I hear an adult say something like, “You knew what I was like when you married (or got involved with) me. Stop trying to change me.” While, I admit, relationally, you should never get serious about anyone in hopes that you can change them, it is equally ridiculous to tell a spouse/partner that you won’t change. It’s like saying, “I won’t grow.” It is completely reasonable to expect the people you are in relationship with to grow and change. In fact, it’s a must. Why? Because change is the very essence of growth. And you don’t want to act like you did when you were 4 years old... or 10 years old... or 20 years old... right?
