I'm scared of getting my diploma results back, of going on vacation, of renting a room away from home, of not living with my parents anymore, of getting a burn-out, of being dumb, of terrorist attacks (unlikely), of crashing planes, of being uniquely bad at programming, of something bad happening to my sister, of getting a job, of falling back into the depression because I can't take my medication on the plane because I didn't get the paperwork on time, of not getting my prescription renewed because my new doctor might be an asshole, of not being able to drive a car until next year because of some stupid law, of accidentally hurting someone, of being an outcast at uni, of being an unperson. I'm scared a lot and I don't want to be scared. I can't do anything to make myself less scared. The truth is the truth and I can't go back to redo my exams. In the worst case, i have to redo them in November, i'll get help and I will not fail. It will take a year longer but I'll get there. I will go on vacation, even though the thought of it makes me feel sick. I'm going to do it because I'm supposed to, not because I want to, and I don't have to enjoy it. I'll take books and hope for the best. I won't get depressed from not taking meds for 2 weeks, and even if, i can hold out for two weeks and then i can take them again. I will or wont find a job/room, either way i'm okay, i have options. I will see it when it happens