If Kim Seo-wan has a million fans, then I am one of them. If Kim Seo-wan has ten fans, then I am one of them. If Kim Seo-wan has only one fan then that is me. If Kim Seo-wan has no fans, then that means I am no longer breathing. If the world is against Kim Seo-wan, then I am against the world.
THANKS FOR THE RESPONSES I was gonna do it anyway cause well I can
Anyways enjoy‼️
Pt2
Its been a while since you've seen Kim seo-wan. Hell, it's been a while since anyone's seen him. You had carefully held your tongue for a week, keeping a careful eye out for him whenever you left your apartment, the study hall, the food stalls, the gaming rooms. But after a week of careful observation and no sign of him you were growing confused and increasingly worried.
And so you find yourself knocking cautiously at the door of the Kim household. You're not surprised to be welcomed in my his mother, a small, gentle woman with gorgeous eyes, he definitely got it from her. The only thing out of place was the melancholic smile she gave when she realised it was you.
"Good evening Mrs Kim it's been a while hasn't it? I haven't seen Seo-wan around recently did he move out?" she chuckled with a slight bitterness that immediately had you on edge.
"It has been a little while hasn't it?..." her features soften at your tense expression, it just hurt to see the kind lady look so stressed.
"Why don't you come in for a bit?" she's opening the door wider for you to enter and guiding you to the living room and preparing tea.
-
You already knew something was off, it was unlike Mrs Kim to invite you in when Seo-wan wasn't around and that's saying a lot as you weren't particularly close to begin with, but apparently you've taken a mark in his mother's good books.
"Seo-wan's a hard working boy... always studying." you nod enthusiastically you could begin to imagine otherwise. "Of course, almost too much." she chuckles again, the same bitter one she had at the door as she nods her head.
"You're right dear, too much..."
Everything seemed to tilt on its axis when she explained the situation, it was like hearing about a completely different person. Schizophrenia? You just couldn't begin to imagine, not him. But that was the problem you never would have that it'd strike him of all people. And the worst of it was the all consuming guilt for not picking up on any signs, and I'm sure as his mother she was feeling that responsibly a million times worse.
"The hospital he was transferred to...it's a good place right Miss?" a hopefulness relaxes her features as she nods and you let out a sigh you didn't know you were holding.
"I wouldn't be allowed to visit right?"
"Unfortunately, I had asked knowing you'd eventually come to ask but it was a firm no from doctors."
You nodded understandingly, mostly aware of how visiting rights in hospitals, especially mental hospitals work. Turns out all that studying actually did something for you. You can't help the way your face warms slightly when she recognised you'd eventually come around to ask about the guy. Were you that predictable?
"If you don't mind...could you please keep this a secret for us. Just for now, you know how people would react... I don't want them to look down on him when he returns."
Your eyes involuntarily furrow on how she forces herself to believe in a "when" your hoping for it too, praying. There's a moment of solidarity between you two, being in on the truth of Seo-wan's where abouts.
"Of course."
_
For several months the three of you kept the secret of Seo-wans mental illness. At times Mrs Kim would come visit you with tea and mooncakes which you were eternally grateful for. You'd listen to her talk for hours about him and his childhood, though it hurt to hear her talk about him in this past tense like he'd never recover from his delusions. For some reason you had a ridiculously strong belief he'd soon return, he would.
-
You had ran out of eggs and you were desperately craving a French toast. Some may question the random craving at such a late time but you really needed your fix. Throwing on your coat and grabbing your phone you left your apartment and walked up to the elevator.
Broken? Seriously? What a drag.
Begrudgingly you turn to take the stairs, your floor was on one of the highest stories in the complex so the elevator is always the ideal. A few flights the stairs your gaze flickers up upon hearing someone slowly ascend the stairs. You're already moving to one side of the stairway out of politeness when you recognise the familiar head of hair and round glasses. The person in question lifts their head stiffly as your steps slow to a halt in front of them. Their eyes are widening as they lock eyes with you, eyes you hadn't seen in months.
"Seo-wan?"
Part 2 should come out reasonably soon don't quote me 💔
Mr Kim didn’t die a mage, he died violent and young and desperate. Just like we all knew he’d die someday. Mr Kim wanted to be dead, and he always got what he wanted.
Sorry for taking so long I fear my hyperfixation is dwindling💔
Pt 1
"Seo-wan?" your voice carries a hoarseness of disbelief that has his eyes snapping up to meet yours.
"[Name]...?"
"Seo! I can't believe you're...!" As you descend the few extra steps to come face to face with him your smile falters. He looks tired. Exhausted. Like it was too much to carry the weight on his bones. Your dimming excitement was clear and he couldn't bear to see it. It was the same face his parents made when they came to pick him up. Happy, relieved, and yet so afraid. Nervous that anything could send him back that downward spiral. He doesn't want to worry them, but what could he expect?
Looking at you felt like a dream, after so many months at the hospital it was like he was relearning the structure of your face. You look more tired too, but in the way it's shown you've matured, experienced new things. Effectively using the time he'd been away, away for far too long. His former mediator, his goal, you were everything he admired and more, so much it hurt to be near you and watch you bloom. Though it was all he wished. It just would've been better if he could stand beside you on that pedestal.
It was like you had everything figured out. You understood your own balance, able to handle change when exams didn't go your way and still were able to find stable footing. And from the sound of it from neighbours, still found a respectable job all in an entirely new country. You were unreal to him. Everything he wanted and wanted to be, but he just couldn't.
"[Name]." He mutters awkwardly pushing up his glasses in that familiar habit you adored.
He hadn't expected to be caught on the way up, he had told himself after Nurse couldn't go for tea if nothing else intervenes he's just do it. But of course you were there, as respectable and calming as you always were.
"It's been a little bit, hasn't it?" he says, forcing a smile you saw through immediately.
He knew his parents had told most people he went across the county to try studying somewhere else for the upcoming exam. Though it didn't matter whatever lie was fabricated as he still failed. Nodding lightly and accepting the condolences of his neighbours for another one of his many losses. He couldn't bear it.
But looking at you now that didn't seem like the story you were told, staring at him like he had come back to life a completely new person. Which was true in its own way, he felt a hollow copy of the person he was before.
"It has... want to come in for tea?"
And he felt himself gravitating towards your prescence, like he always had.
-
Inside your apartment you immediately knew something was off. You'd like to sum it to the classes in physcolgy and mental health you took a few years ago but the signs of it would pain you to even try to ignore. Fatigue was written all over his expression, the Seo-wan that was so stubborn about his goals seemed to be disappearing right in front of you. And you didn't even want to begin to think about why he's so many floors above his if not to visit anyone.
"My mum told you the truth I'm guessing?" your grip on the pot of tea stiffens but you eventually nod to which he sighs shakily, running his hands over his face like it'd get rid of the sour expression on his face.
He hated how he felt ashamed you knew, he hated how badly this has affected him despite his best efforts to go back to a normal life. He wanted to forget it all. Even now, the normal small acts of kindness you always gave him now felt out of sympathy as you handed him a cup of his favourite tea.
"How've you been holding up? You're not studying too hard right?
You really wanted to avoid bombarding him with questions but you couldn't help it. You sat side my side on your couch, you didn't have one of those pretty small tables with cushions his mother had so it was good enough.
He laughed bitterly at your words, he cradled the cup in his hands, despite the sweet aroma and warmth of his favourite tea surrounding his senses he couldn't bring himself to take a sip.
"I guess I have. No surprise I failed these exams too, after all that time I wasted..." Your grip on your own cup visibly tenses at his words, fully shocked he even took the exam in the first place, he had such a small time to prepare how could he expect to get a good result.
"You shouldn't have, look, you just got out the hospital more stress is not what you need." Not when it's what put you there in the first place, is what you'd like to say but you bite your tongue, already feeling yourself over stepping.
"I don't know... it's just embarassing, to think I spent all this time just living in this fantasy world-"
Your brows furrow slightly, not completely aware of the depths of his condition, it was something Mrs Kim didn't feel comfortable to explain to you and you understood that.
"Im sorry-um. I never realised it before but... you were my first mediator, always cheering me on despite it all. I never realised how much it meant till you left your apprenticeship..."
You're setting your cup on the table now, taking his still untouched tea too on placing it there as well. Attentively, you take his hands into yours, your sudden action inclining him to look at you. Your eyes softening when you see the lost yet unwavering gaze he has on you. He always seemed to look at you like that. What you failed to notice is how his hands stopped shaking from the moment you reached out for him, his body felt less jittery, that was just the kind of affect you had on him.
"You should've called, I didn't even know where you were until a week after I came back." His gaze wanders away from yours as you scold him, though he isn't fully upset, not when you're speaking so gently.
"It would be embarassing to, would it not? How else could you see me as someone reliable." For the first time you see the way his face contorts into such a deep hatred for himself, his grip on your hands tightening slightly.
"How could you see me as anything more than this...?" His voice shakes and you feel your heart drop. Your thumbs start to run over the back of his hands, unable to find the right words to stay but still wanting to comfort him. You knew what he was feeling, having felt it directly and from people around you. That weird sense of shame you have to carry, though whatever happened to you was far out of your control.
"Seo... There's nothing to be ashamed or worried about. You're still someone I admire and want to see grow."
His gaze meets you confused. You admire him? How could you when all he's done is fail since he met you. But you recognised features he missed in himself. His absolute focus, determination and thoughtfullness to his family were just a few.
"I truly admire how strong you are, so don't do anything stupid." You can't help the way your throat tightens up at the end.
His eyes immediately rim with tears at your words, he didn't expect you to guess why he was so many floors above his own. But it was clear, he wasn't on his way to see anyone else, more than happy to go to your apartment.
"I'm far from impressive [Name]." He mumbled with a small laugh, followed soon after with a short sob, tears involuntary falling as he holds your hands tighter.
Your hands leave his to wipe away at the tears as they fell, thumbing them away with a carefulness that made him shudder. Taking off his tear stained glasses for him, setting them aside. When your arms return outstretched he doesn't hesitate to fall into them. Letting out all the tears he'd refused to shed in the hollow walls of his house.
"Well I think you are, and I'm usually right so you should too."
He chuckled again against your shoulder and you laugh alongside him. For the first time since returning home he felt like he was alive again, whole. Maybe it was time to accept his friends were right and it was more than just admiration he felt for you. But that could wait another day. Another day where he'd like to see you again.
DID IT‼️‼️ Sorry this turned out more angsty than expected that happens when I'm tired.
Someone make a Kim Seo-wan playlist filled w whimsical d&d fantasy bard/medieval music that he would listen to when hes adventuring/playing online games/being delusional
I remember my first exposure of Roh Jae-won was in once upon a small town and daily dose of sunshine in 2022-2023 n I got attracted to this small underrated korean actor then BOOM Squid Game season 2 n now hes finally getting the love n appreciation he deserves
I was actually so clueless about him being in Squid Game and assumed he was just a big fan when he posted about it 💀 I also didnt recognize him as Nam Gyu n was SHOCKED when I saw his BTS post I assumed he played some minor character but then realized HE WAS NAM-SU-GYU 😭😭 I hated the character completely until I found out THE ROH JAE-WON was the actor
Me when I find out the actor I adore plays the character that pmo the most :
