#kind nice

[magictookplace]

i was feeling a little down today so i started to take pictures of random things in the car and i took this pic and immediately felt better. sometimes we just need a second to our selves.

[dreweric]

July 2016, Backpacking Europe, my Journey-of-Self-Discovery

  Facebook, August 21—Drew posted a photo— 

“It’s ok to not have everything figured out”—unknown 

  A little about my crazy head—a peek into my travel mind.

My mind is all over the place. So many questions arise while I am backpacking Europe—not  the common questions you might think:  Should I visit the Eiffel Tower or the Louvre Museum today. But difficult questions: Will I like my couch surfing host, or can I overcome my fear of missing a plane/bus/train or, how do I make friends on the road?

  Facebook, August 27—Drew posted a picture— 

“You are emerging from the cocoon of your former self. There are no limits to the extent of transformation that’s possible for you”—Marianne Williamson 

  I arrived in May and it’s now early September. I have moved through 13 countries and countless cities so far. I walked “El Camino de Santiago” through Northern Spain, flown a couple of times, went underground through the Chunnel from England to France and have ridden in cars, buses and trains. Still I don’t have all the answers on how to travel.

I love mystery novels. I am always looking for insights and clues that will help me see the truth through the words of the story and lead me to solve the puzzle that’s unfolding. In other words, I am approaching this journey as if I am Sherlock Holmes or Hercule Poirot, looking for clues to uncover the secrets to traveling Europe.

When I learn something new I try to submerge myself, really throw myself into the oceans deep end, of whatever it is I want to learn. I take notes, try new things and swim in the sea of the unknown until I arrive on the shoreline with answers. Here are a few of the questions I have found in a bottle on the shoreline of my mind.

Can I: 

Rely on my Spiritual practice and find peace on my journey?

Face my fears/challenges and overcome?

Make friends while traveling?

Understand the nuances of couch surfing?

Navigate new cities and countries with ease?

Figure out when to go home?

Let’s start at the top and I will give you a clue on what happens in my travel mind.

Can I use my spiritual practice and find peace on my journey?

I follow the teachings of “A Course in Miracles-ACIM” which basically tells you not to believe what your crazy ego and insane mind tell you to believe. My ego mind wants me to be on high alert, DEFCON 2-Red: Next step to nuclear war. (The DEFense readiness CONdition (DEFCON)

ACIM teaches you to avoid making up and believing in illusions. My DEFCON rating is an illusion since I am always safe and prepared. The foundation of ACIM is you’re always in the right place at the right time, doing exactly what is best for you.

Knowing all this and having a spiritual practice still doesn’t lower my DEFCON rating to 5-Blue: Lowest state of readiness. For me, only time and repetition seem to reduce the anxiety of trying something new. What my spiritual practice does do is to remind me I am safe, everything will work out and all will be exactly how it should be. I just might not like the result.

Can I face my fears/challenges and overcome? 

I made a decision in preparation for my journey; I want to put myself in as many uncomfortable situations as I can in order to grow spiritually.

When I was planning my trip I couldn’t comprehend traveling without an itinerary, direction or schedule of any kind. How do I backpack Europe with no plans? My first thought was to visit a girlfriend who recently moved back to her hometown of Keil, Germany. The idea of starting my trip visiting the home of a good friend was perfect and safe. I was considering at the time, possibly staying in Germany for an extended period—all to be safe and close to a friend who speaks German and could assist me in navigating my adventure.

As my plans progressed and I started to envision my adventure with a little more confidence, I was reminded of “El Camino De Santiago” a pilgrimage through northern Spain, walking from France to Santiago over 500 miles. Immediately my excitement grew because there was one thing I knew. “I can walk 500 miles.”

From that moment on, my trip began to take form. The Camino is well supported with hostels so you really have no worries about housing and food with restaurants and supplies all along the way. I no longer had to worry about my first month in Europe. All I would have to do is walk, walk, walk.

Once I finished the Camino and began exploring what else Europe has to offer, the stress and anxiety of doing something for the first time was overwhelming. I mediate, do yoga and consider myself a pretty chill guy. So this level of fear and stress was new for me. I had no idea I was capable of such a high level of anxiety. I was on DEFCON 2 teetering on DEFCON 1-White: Nuclear war is imminent. At least it felt that way to me.

Doing so many things for the first time contributed to my stress. I just began couch surfing, navigated travel arrangements, tried Airbnb, car-ride sharing, started using my new Mac book Air leaving my windows computer.

As with flying, my crazy ego mind attempted to convince me of all the possible things that could go wrong when changing countries, i.e. taxies, purchasing the wrong tickets, transportation to and from the airports, arriving on time, luggage, customs and the list goes on. I have only taken three flights on this trip so far, regardless of worrying; I made all the flights without a hitch.

Every time I change cities it’s as if fear and challenges knew I was coming as they both are waiting for me at the station ready to escort me into town. As a first time solo traveler, all the potential pitfalls could stop me in my tracks if I listen to my crazy ego mind and let my fears and challenges lead the way.

Can I make friends while traveling?  

Friendships have been a lifelong challenge for me and the Camino was no different. I knew going on the Camino I would have to face and overcome my attachment and separation issues. When I meet someone and instantly fall into friendship, I want to stay in the comfort of their company and never leave. When the friendship is complete I have a difficult time walking away. I pine over a relationship once it has ended, way past an appropriate amount of time. I miss people from my past and I miss the connectedness we once shared.

I also attach easily to people and want to be their “best friend”. This I have done since I was in grade-school. Moving around to six elementary schools prior to 4th grade, taught me to move fast and connect quickly because next semester I could be in another school.

In addition, I have a big personality. Sometimes I come on too strong while making new, best friends. While walking the Camino I knew friendships, attachment, separation and toning down my big personality to a manageable level was my work. It was hard in the beginning but it got easier as I made new friends and let them go. Each time I walked away I learned and got stronger.

The Camino really helped heal this part of my past. However when I left the comfort of the Camino and began my journey through Europe on my own, I felt like I was starting over again.

There were built-in people to meet and befriend, walking in the same direction while on my pilgrimage. Crazy people just like me that thought walking 500 miles was a good idea. I knew I needed to figure out how I was going to manage this new leg of my trip and make friends when they weren’t so readily supplied. Where and how do I walk upon someone and make a new friend.

I tried everything I could think of. I asked other travelers how they meet people on the road and where are some good places to meet other travelers? I learned hostels are a great place and www.couchsurfing.com has events on their website for meet ups and activities. So I went to as many meet-up’s as I could and talked to many travelers in hostels about what was happening, where to go and what to see.

In Paris I attended two meet-ups on the River Seine. I put my new found people skills to work and made some real progress. I settled into a comfortable space of acceptance with everyone I met.

I learned you can talk to someone for a minute, an hour or several days. You never know how long a friendship will last or if you will ever see them again. You can think your friendship is going well, you’re looking forward to what you will do together then; the next thing you know they disappeared in the crowd and you never saw them again. How did I lose them?

I have trained myself to enjoy a conversation as a complete package each and every time. Like a moment capsule (a moment in time that is contained and complete). If you’re lucky you get to repeat the experience. If not, then it was complete at that moment and all is well.

When I make new friends I wonder how we can enjoy our capsule of time. Are we:

Drinking mates?

Deep conversationalists?

Sightseeing pals?

Travel buddies?

I seem to want them to be all four, but I settle for one or two of my choices. Sometimes the gods are kind and I get all four and it’s heaven. But when I want them to be deep conversationalists, I might only enjoy a drink with them. Or, if I think they’d be travel buddies, I share only a great conversation in a park. My Spiritual work is to accept and let what is be all that it is.

Can I understand the nuances of couch surfing?

This is an unusual one to figure out since most people aren’t invited into stranger’s homes. Picture it; you’re staying in someone’s home for free, in exchange for conversation and companionship. You aren’t there to be too needy, require too much assistance or be a nuisance to the host. You are just supposed to know exactly what each host’s requirements are and the level of help they are willing to offer.

Every time I enter a host home, I am on high alert in an attempt to figure out what the host needs and wants and how they fit my needs and wants. Sometimes this can be disappointing. However my spiritual work tells me not to have expectations and send everyone I meet love regardless of how I am being treated or mistreated. When I leave a host home, sometimes I have mixed feelings and questions; did they like me, did I contribute to their life in a positive way, or vice versa.

One of my strongest fears prior to my trip was being stuck with a person I don’t find rewarding or doesn’t positively contribute to my life. With couch surfing this is a legitimate fear. The length of time I am staying with them is approximately 3 full days and 2 nights. If we aren’t compatible and the purpose of my stay is to be a friend and companion to them, this can be a real uncomfortable situation.

This is a cross section of couch surfing I have observed:

Sometimes you get a key and can come and go freely, other times you rely on them being home to let you in.

They offer you food, drink, coffee in the morning and even laundry. The opposite is also possible.

You can have freedom to come home when you like or you must be indoors when they go to bed.

They want you to make your own plans or they want to show you the town themselves.

The space can be as large as a full apartment or as small as a single bedroom with no real room to hang out in.

They could want you around to chat and hang out or be too busy to talk while you are in their home.

All this has to be “figured out” each time I enter into someone’s home. Clearly my observations skills have to be on high DEFCON alert and intuition comes into play. I joined couch surfing just before I left America and happily was invited to a host home in Barcelona. It was my first time living in a stranger’s home and I was just plain old scared, of everything really. Overall it went well, although I was somewhat of a burden especially after I lost my phone. He saw the fear in my eyes and wondered how I was going to survive backpacking Europe.

  Facebook, August 28—Drew posted a photo— 

“No one knows your path more then you do. Intuition is very real. Trust yourself more.”–unknown 

  Can I navigate new cities and countries with ease? 

After the Camino I had to figure out what I wanted out of my European journey. In the past I had a husband and didn’t really put to much thought into my needs or what I wanted. Now I had to figure out as a solo traveler in a foreign country what I wanted.

Do I want to:

See the sights?

Meet people, hang out and connect?

Drink too much or not at all?

Create art, take pictures and do pastels?

Keep up my yoga practice?

Experience a city like a local and do what locals do?

What I am figuring out is that I want all of it, delicately balanced. Fear of missing out(FOMO), is rearing its ugly head again. This has plagued me over the years and now it’s a daily challenge. If I stay out too late drinking with friends I feel guilty I didn’t sightsee the next day. If I go to bed early and leave my friends out on the town, I feel I missed something fun. If I see the sights solo, I wish I had friends to share with. If I see the sights with a friend, I might not have time to take all the photographs I want. If I do something like the locals I wonder what landmarks I’m not visiting.

My Spiritual teaching tells me to accept what is. This is my constant battle with my ego mind. I am trying to get to know myself and figure out what I want and what would I like to do and see. So I constantly evaluate/judge what I have done and think, could I have done it better and squeezed just a few more sights in, met more people, hung out longer, did more local stuff. This judging, negatively impacts my memories of the experience. I am learning not to judge in an effort to have more joyful memories. You are always in the right place at the right time, with the right people doing what you should be doing.

  Facebook, August 29—Drew posted a photo— 

“Stop over thinking. You can’t control everything, just let it be.”—unknown  

  Can I figure out when to go home? 

I have a return flight on September 29th to America. I have less than a month left. I am on a bus traveling to Venice to spend a few days. After Venice I will spend some time in Croatia then Budapest, Hungary to visit a girlfriend whom I met on the Camino.

When I arrived in Europe I received a 90 day visa over a 180 day period, allowing me to stay in countries that joined the Schengen Treaty.

Wikipedia: The Schengen Agreement is a treaty which led to the creation of Europe’s Schengen Area, in which internal border checks have largely been abolished. 

Having 90 days means I can pop in/out of the European Schengen area as many times as I wish as long as I don’t surpass 90 days over 180 day period. I am running out of Schengen time and I am now facing a tough decision whether I am ready to return to America or postpone and extend my flight. Venice, Italy is in the Treaty along with Hungary however Croatia is out of the Treaty. As you can see I am using the popping in/out of the treaty literally.

The question still remains, do I want to spend an extra couple months out of the Treaty here in Europe and automatically receive another 90 days in the treaty or return to America?

After Hungary I will head back to Croatia (out of the Treaty) and figure out the next step on my journey. I will consider looking for work, work exchange, coaching, teaching yoga, helping at a hostel or anything else I can find. I will consider traveling outside the Treaty waiting for another 90 days, at which time I will go back into the Treaty area.(The Balkans, Old Yugoslavia, is out of the Treaty)  Or I could go home to America, stay a couple months, attend a friend’s wedding then come back to Europe. I am open for all possibilities…

  Facebook, September 1—Drew posted a photo— 

“To love ourselves and support each other in the process of becoming real is perhaps the greatest single act of daring greatly”—Brene Brown 

  I often find myself scratching my crazy ego head while traveling; I have no idea what I am doing. Some days I am thrilled, while some days I am sad and lonely. Some days I have both feelings several times going back and forth from sad to happy to sad to thrilled. There is no predicting.

I feel guilty if I have feelings of sadness or unhappiness. As if I am supposed to feel thrilled and joyful every day, all the time, since I am in Europe on the trip of a lifetime. Why aren’t I happy all the time? Why can’t I just instinctively know what I want do it? I certainly can’t tell my friends at home, “all my days aren’t joy filled days”, some days yes, some days, sometimes. Being happy all day everyday is an unattainable goal. My spiritual work tells me to move past these feelings of guilt and shame because they are unnecessary emotions that don’t help my overall wellbeing, as I remind myself often.

What I know for sure is it’s a mixed bag. I am uncomfortable every day. I am scared at one time every day. I am happy every day. I am sad every day. I am emotional and vulnerable every day. I don’t know if I will every figure out what I want because what I want seems to keep changing. I do know I will get better at this. Traveling wonderfully sucks! Traveling is terribly terrific. Traveling is fantastically horrible, every day.

My spiritual work tells me not to judge. I have learned now my judgments are getting in the way of my happiness. If I spend so much time judging everything, It has a negative impact on my experience during my travels. If I just accept and enjoy life as it comes and treat everything as the adventure it is, I am much happier. That takes a great deal of work and concentration.

  Facebook, September 2—Drew posted a photo— 

“The greatest challenge in life is discovering who you are, the second greatest is being happy with what you find.”–unknown

  So now I am coming clean about how hard my travels have been. It’s a roller coaster in the dark, thrilling and disappointing when its over because you want to do it all over again with your eyes open. I haven’t practiced yoga but a few times on the Camino. I meditate, sometimes. I read “A Course In Miracles.” I have done one pastel and I struggle learning how to use my Rebel Cannon camera. My art supplies and camera add at least 10 lbs. to my backpack; it’s my burden to carry.

  Facebook, September 3—Drew posted a photo— 

“One day you will be at the place you always wanted to be. Keep believing. Keep moving forward.”—unknown 

  I work at being positive. I have been judgmental far too much. I have been angry, disappointed and hurt many times. I have been lonely and sad. I have also loved, been kind and thrilled to be alive. I am alive and I am feeling emotions I haven’t felt in years.

I also know I will continue to do my Spiritual work and overcome all my trepidations and obstacles and maintain a positive attitude. I will continue to meditate, read “A Course in Miracles” and remind myself, all will work out. A quote from “A Course in Miracles” says: “Trust and all problems are solved, now.” I remind myself to trust every day because God and the Universe know better than I do what is best for me. Universe, take the wheel!

I believe the answers I need will come as I continue searching for them throughout Europe. I can do this, I can learn from the road well traveled.

  Facebook, September 3—Shannon—

Drew, I am so intrigued and inspired by your experiences and how you press on, even though your comfort zones are few. I just got back from a week in France with dear friends, and the traveling days were the hardest part! I was so relieved to be back in the US where I didn’t have to worry about language barriers and worrying about getting to airports/gates/ etc. you are of very strong character to keep this journey up for so long! Keep experiencing everywhere and anything you can! And thank you for sharing all of  it with us! ️

—Drew— Thank you my love. Yea its pretty hard sometimes. Then days like yesterday are amazing. It’s a roller coaster of terrible fun. LOL. Trying to make money over here scares me but I am willing to consider it as an option. 

—Shannon— Go for it! When will you get the chance again? If it doesn’t work out, you know you tried! Best of luck!  

learn about my crazy head... July 2016, Backpacking Europe, my Journey-of-Self-Discovery Facebook, August 21—Drew posted a photo—  “It’s ok to not have everything figured out”—unknown 

[dreweric]

July 2016, Backpacking Europe, my Journey-of-Self-Discovery

Can I do this; can I learn how to navigate long-term traveling? 

London and Paris in 18 days, this is what I learned…

I arrived in London on July 25th and spent two weeks there. I drove down from Scotland in a rented car with the Gnarly BIGAM Crew. We traveled together for 13 days total, which is an amazingly long time hanging out with travel buddies you just met. Sadly, after three days in London together we all went our separate ways.

After my friends left by train, I moved in, for another week, with a friend I met on the Camino who lives in South London, Peckham Rye.. After London my friend and I headed down to the beach town of Brighton for Gay Pride, the U.K.’s biggest Pride Festival. 

So much learning transpired. Once the travel buddies split apart I was left to find my way as a solo traveler again, although I wasn’t exactly alone. I was technically living with a friend who was working and had existing plans in the works. So my time was still my own, touring days and some evenings and weekends.

I knew it was going to be difficult to make decisions and figure out, without my travel buddies to help me, what to do every day. After the Camino, I only spent about a week alone and that was traveling between four countries. I was on my own in Amsterdam and visited the Van Gogh Museum and Anne Frank house, but when I arrived in Dublin Ireland I had no plan other than a scheduled flight back to the Netherlands two weeks away.

I floundered for a couple of days thinking about how I wanted my adventure to unfold. Am I a sightseer with a list of sights to check off? Do I want to walk around the city and get a feel for it? Do I want to sit in coffee shops, write and people watch? Do I want to meet people and make friends?

I heard about travel buddies from blogs but never imagined what that would be like or how I would  manage that new experience. It was beyond my comprehension since I was so inexperienced in traveling and making quick friends while traveling. Making friends is something I have shied away from with the fear of their NOT being a good fit and then I am stuck with them.

I tried the dating sights and that didn’t seem to attract any sustaining friendships. I looked on Facebook for some groups in Dublin but didn’t have much luck. Then looked at couch surfing and found events section and noticed there was a couch surfing meet-up Thursday. I decided to give that a try.

Prior to attending my first couch surfing event I was pretty confused about what I wanted for my adventure and a little down. On my way to the event, I made a decision to be open to any possibilities that might arise. My theme on this trip is to remain open versus closed to possibilities. It is very easy to shut down and stay safe by doing what I have always done. But bars and dating sites don’t seem to bring me satisfaction.

So when one of the guys at the event asked if anyone was interested in renting a car for the weekend and driving around Ireland for sightseeing, I jumped up and said YES and traveled with 3 other guys. It turned out to be an exceptional trip, so completely thrilling. I learned so much about myself and acquiring travel buddies.

Having travel buddies spoiled me a bit. I thought every event would be like the one in Ireland. I would continue to meet amazing people and make friends and pick up new travel buddies and adventures. This hasn’t always panned out but I will continue to remain open for the possibility.

I visited London and Paris once before and had several of the required sightseeing experiences. So this time, solo, I came with a new perspective. I really wasn’t sure what I wanted out of my adventure.

I did know I wanted to experience London like a local resident. I didn’t want to just run, run, run and see the sights. I wanted to drink coffee and relax a bit. After spending almost every night out in Ireland and Scotland, I was ready for some rest.

When I arrived at my friend’s home I chose to have a more regular schedule. Go to bed before midnight, wake up early and start a regular routine of checking email, going on couch surfing looking for events and figuring out how to travel, meet people and see some sights. Most importantly, I started using public transportation, i.e., subways, busses and trains. England has a multi-use card for all three called the Oyster which made it easy.

I am dyslexic and learning anything new takes twice, if not three times longer than average. One of the symptoms of dyslexia is short term memory retention problems. I have to work really hard at keeping something in my short term memory. For example, verbal directions, phone numbers and people’s names just don’t stick. I have to work hard at name association. I don’t even bother with numbers. Directions I can do really well with a map/visual assistance.

  Facebook, August 15—Christy— 

Sounds like an amazing adventure! And from reading this I now realize I think I have dyslexia memory problems and anxiety too.  You are doing great!!!      

Facebook, August 15—Kitty— 

OMG you sound just like me, say someone’s name and I smile and shake their hand and by the end of the shake I’ve forgotten it. I check and recheck things like stops/directions over and over and over!

  Happily, there is an app for getting around Europe called “Citymapper.” What a great tool. You put in an address, whether it’s a home, business or park and it tells you how many options you have between walking, busses, subways, trains and always the combinations of those you will need to take. Meaning, walk 12 minutes to bus stop bla- bla, ride the bus to subway stop bla-bla, take the subway to this station then exit the station and walk another 12 minutes to your destination. Huge help for someone like me. Love it!

Spending eight days in South London and being forced to use public transportation really helped me get comfortable. I have anxiety when learning anything new. Clearly, I have fears around getting lost, making the wrong choices and, in general, screwing up. Being forced to use public transpiration has now eased the anxiety.

Let me give you an example of a subway experience so you can clearly understand what it is that happens in my mind and why I am so anxious. I put in the address, check it three times (occasionally it takes you to the wrong place). I follow the walking directions to the station. I check continuously I am moving in the right direction (I have had to u-turn). I arrived at the station and have to figure out which line to get in to go the direction I need to go. Yes, I have gotten on the wrong train now several times, but with much less stress.

  Once on the train, I count the stops and look at the app to confirm the first stop. I do this no less than four times because I have forgotten all the information due to  short term memory loss. I feel like Guy Pearce in the movie “Memento” from 2000. He has complete memory loss and has tattoos all over his body to help him figure out the mystery unfolding in his life. Really well done movie but it has not inspired me to start tattooing myself to help me remember things.

So I sit on the train, I can’t remember how many stops I have left so I constantly look at the map, read the stop names outside on the train platform and quadruple check all the details over and over and over again. Eventually I arrive at my destination. I’m not kidding, this is for real, it’s crazy obsessive but the only way I function.

  Facebook, August 15—Karen— 

Traveling is such a great adventure. When I was in Germany I would opt for the bus over the subway. That way my travel app would work & I could see landmarks. Underground I would lose count of the stops. I totally agree you need to count the stops, but that can be tough to do especially at the end of the day when you are tired. Travel safe & have fun.

  The good news is I have been doing it for so long now the stress has subsided and it’s become more routine. If I make a mistake I just go get on the opposite train and do it again. Even when I somehow was on my way home for a short half-hour train ride in London, I somehow managed to get on the wrong train and it cost me an extra hour. It happens, c’est la vie.

  I took my first car share leaving London for Paris through the Chunnel. I was terrified I would miss my ride, not find the driver or any other unforeseen possibilities. It was super high stressful. I showed up 20 minutes early looking for the restaurant, “Nandoos,” where I would meet the driver. I looked and looked without finding it. I called him three times to clarify but he speaks little English and we got disconnected. I text him and sent him a picture of what I look like with my backpacks on, I’m telling you high anxiety.

When he arrived a few minutes early he walked up to me and called my name. Whew, I’m safely with my driver, but I still was getting in a car with three strangers. He went to point out the Restaurant “Nandoos” and realized it was gone, that would make sense why I couldn’t find it. By the way, did I mention I had one hours sleep that morning leaving Brighton Pride?

A little about the night before: I was in Brighton Beach Gay Pride. We enjoyed the Festival all day Saturday. As the evening went into the later hours, I had to choose—take a short nap or just stay up. I choose the short nap, of the 1 hour variety, figuring I could sleep in the car to Paris because my train back to London was early that next morning where I would grab the rest of my belongings. Then find my way to the car share. In other words, I left the house in Brighton at 9 a.m. and arrived in Paris at my hostel at midnight. Luckily the car ride was silent and I slept most of the way, or tried to at least.

I arrived just outside of Paris and was dropped off at a rail station to train into Paris and find my hostel. With the app, I knew I would be ok. However my phone only had 10% battery life when I left London.

A little bit about what I have learned with using phones. You have to conserve your battery as much as possible while traveling. So, endless checks on Facebook have to end. No more checking in on the dating sites, couch surfing sights or any other interesting diversion. You can only use your phone for necessity and you must always carry your cord charger and European plug adapter for emergency charging.

Recently I thought my European plug adapter was faulty because my phone continually wasn’t getting charged to 100%. I have now switched cords and it works fine–faulty cord. That was frustrating. I also bought a battery charger in London for 15 Euros that stopped working. Equally frustrating. Now when I see 10% battery life I think, perfect, that will get me home without a problem. All I have to do is stop endlessly looking at the phone, turn it to airplane mode, and close the apps along with lowering the light. Done!

In Paris I saw someone sitting next to a bus stop with his phone plugged into the bus stop bench. Woo hoo, I found a place to charge my phone if I run out of battery. It’s the little things that make you happy.

As you can see, I rely on my phone for a lot. Without my Citymapp app I would never be able to get around town. I can’t even remember the addresses or names of the places I am staying. I learned to take pictures to help my short term memory. I do have a keen sense of direction though. But still, no phone, no bed and I don’t want to sleep outside.

I learned with my travel buddies, seeing the sights with companions increases the joy in the experience. This is something I accept about myself and I am consciously working on making friends to share experiences. I know it will make for a much better experience and memory when I do.

Every city I land in I go on the couch surfing events page looking for meet-ups. I did so well at my first event in Ireland I wanted to continue looking for meet-ups in order to be around other sightseeing travelers looking for connections. Apparently there is a tribe of tourists traveling around Europe all doing the same things. Looking for connections is my new part time job.

My first couch surfing meeting in London proved to be worth it. I was interested in doing something outside London and wanted to find a buddy for the ride. I met a man my age from New Zealand and asked him if he was interested. We settled on Stonehenge. In just a few moments, while at the restaurant, I Goggled “transportation,” found a cheap tour, and booked a ticket for both of us for the next day. He was a bit surprised and uneasy but after a beer he was all in.

The next day we met and all went off without a hitch. He even paid me for the adventure. Stonehenge was amazingly beautiful and I made a friend on the two hour ride over and back. We had some great conversations and the whole day was fantastic. We are still keeping in touch on Facebook and whatsapp, another communication app that travelers use.

Facebook, August 15—Ray—

You have learned this – trust yourself – in doing so you take chances , but isn’t everything about life chances? The mere fact that we as humans being here on this rocky planet, that has an average star as a companion is a chance, a big chance. Appreciate chances. It’s all we have

Not every couch surfing event is as fruitful. Not all people I meet turn out to be fantastic. We have different views, politics, personalities and opinions. I am learning this is ok. I used to be really fearful of getting mixed up with someone I didn’t want to spend time with. Now I just talk to anyone and I am completely open to them letting the situation unfold and present new opportunities or new learning. Sometimes it works great, sometimes I get stuck with a political opponent. It doesn’t last long and I just roll with it. One thing I have learned is NOT to engage in any negative conversation or try to sway someone’s opinion. That is not why I am talking to them. I am here to make friends and travel buddies. Not convince someone that my opinion is the correct one.

Facebook, August 15—Drew— “Would you rather be right or happy”—A Course In Miracles 

I did realized finally how this traveling thing and making friends thing works. I am completely open to meeting these people for one minute, five minutes, one hour or longer. I am also realizing someone can be a fit for an hour, then, the next hour it takes a turn. This is perfectly fine. At least for the first hour it was fun. That is better than being alone wishing I had someone to talk to.

I also realized and accept that I am not a perfect fit for everyone. I work hard at accepting that. I work hard at not making assumptions about why I might not work for someone. Who cares, in a few minutes I will never see them again. I follow the principles of Miguel Ruiz book “The Four Agreements” religiously, or I try hard.

Be impeccable with your word.

Don’t take anything personal.

Don’t make assumptions.

Always do your best.

I learned when you are making new friends and you think you might like them and want to see them again you go ahead and exchange all the necessary contact information. Whatsapp is first, then Facebook. Once you establish future contact points you start working on what you might want to do in the future.

This could work out or you might not ever see them again. There really is no telling and that’s ok. Sometimes they don’t respond and sometimes your don’t feel like meeting up with anyone and that’s ok. At least you made the effort and for a few bright moments you had something potentially wonderful to look forward to.

Once I was talking to a girl and realized I was being negative. I couldn’t stop. I knew I was tired and I wasn’t at my best for conversation. She eventually struck up a conversation with someone else and so did I. I never saw her again but it was a good learning for me. Sometimes I am not at my best and that’s ok. Sometime later she Whatsapp messaged me asking where in Europe I was. I was happy to hear from her. Apparently I wasn’t as harsh as I thought I was.

My biggest learning at all these events is to keep talking, keep being vulnerable and keep opening up to all the people around me. It is so much more enjoyable then isolating myself with fear of meeting the wrong people or fear of being the wrong person for someone else. I am letting all that go and just opening up on a continuous basis all in an effort to connect with others.

Facebook, August 15—Ralph— 

Everything that happens is happening for you to evolve. Bring those wounds of feeling alone and unsure of where and what to do next, bring them up and sit with them, let them release. Begin to go with the flow – the Universe is for you, not against you.

Drew— I practice that every day

Ralph— Good – I am learning to let go and embrace the powerful person I am – there are no limits. For me it is a long slow process. I am a slow cooker for God, but when it is done and all has marinated together – WOW.

Drew— Yay, for me it was fast fast, fast on the Camino. Now even faster

Ralph B.— I’m a crock pot for God. No microwave for me. I’m a slow cooker. Sounds like I have a hit song brewing in me today. “Jesus crank up the crock pot.”

Ralph— Yea – you are kind of a fast food guy. But we can’t always be in the drive thru. Sometimes we have the need to be in the slow lane. I am in New York City next week. Will experience first-hand trying to navigate unknown territory. It all happens outside your comfort zone, right? That is where you really are alive. This is my first baby step in preparation for next summer in Europe.

One of my favorite moments is when a conversation really hits home with someone. I can tell because I start telling my story, about my book, my life, the Camino and or all the above. I see a shift in their attention with me. They slightly adjust their posture towards me and I notice a subtle deeper interest in me and my story. Several more minutes in and I get the question, I want your Facebook information so I can follow you.

WOW! This has happened several times now. I love it when it does. It usually follows with them having to leave or my having to leave and never seeing each other again. In just a few minutes, I managed to deeply connect with someone to the point where they want to follow my life even knowing we might never meet again. I am open to this. I want more of this. It’s way cool.

I met a young man recently at a couch surfing host home. I was a little uncomfortable with the host and wasn’t really sure how to feel or what to do. The young man said loud and clear something I will always remember on this adventure through Europe, “It’s all a part of the adventure.” He is right.

I won’t let the stress of forgetting everything while moving from place to place ruin my adventure. I just left Paris and I feel like a public transportation master now. I am on my way to Brussels for a couple of days to learn a new transportation system. Then off to Germany to learn theirs, and so on and so on.

I still have no solid plans on this journey. I do know one thing; each forward step leads me to a future that will create a foundation supporting me for the rest of my life.

Looks like I can navigate long-term traveling.

London and Paris in 18 days, this is what I learned… July 2016, Backpacking Europe, my Journey-of-Self-Discovery Can I do this; can I learn how to navigate long-term traveling? 

[dreweric]

July 2016, Backpacking Europe on my Journey-of-Self-Discovery

Can I do this, can I surrender to the will of the Universe? 

What is BIGAM? 

  Facebook, July 12—Drew— 

When the need to control takes grip, hold up your hands, open your fingers and surrender all. Peace will quickly find you.—Drew Eric

Facebook, July 12—Drew added new photos in Dublin, Ireland— 

Ok I made it safely. Once I got off the bus an overwhelming calm came over me, very surprising. I still didn’t have a place to sleep, I do now. I am here for two weeks. I really need to relax, everything has been moving so fast. I haven’t felt stable, grounded in a week. The last two days were amazing though—my host family in Amsterdam was incredible. I am so looking forward to not doing anything for a couple days. My hostel is a shared room with ten people—an improvement from 50 people on the Camino.

–Kitty— Whoot! An Irish blessing for you! —

May you always have walls for the winds,

a roof for the rain, tea beside the fire,

laughter to cheer you, those you love near you,

and all your heart might desire. 

Facebook, July 12—Drew— 

Comfort food then a comfort beer. Garlic cheese fries. I’m in heaven. 

–Pedro— You gonna gain some pounds. Who cares! Not regrets man! Lol

Facebook, July 14—Drew added new photos at O’Connell Bridge— 

Taking a walking tour.

–Peter— It’s about time you got some exercise.

–Drew— Right, 500 miles wasn’t enough.

Facebook, July 14—Drew— 

I arrived on Tuesday and found a hostel. Wasn’t crazy about it and left the hostel the next day. I spent some time looking on couchsurfing.com for a place to stay. Finally I was offered a place for the weekend, which is nice since the beds at the hostel go up in cost over the weekend. I have someone offering me a room on Sunday also, if that pans out. Finding cheap lodging is a full time job. I like the hostel where I am now. It’s clean, nice and I can use the kitchen—which cuts costs on eating out. Tomorrow I check out of this hostel with my 50 lbs backpacks and hopefully get a bus or something to the new couch surfing host. Wish me luck.

–Christopher— You’ll be fine for sure…always go with your gut.

–Drew— The Sunday room did not pan out.

–Sherry posted a photo— Stress makes you believe everything has to happen right now. Faith reassures you that everything will happen in god’s timing. 

  I flew into Ireland three days ago and took a well needed vacation from my vacation. I know, it sounds crazy but yes, I needed to ground myself and get centered after two flights and four countries, in four days. Moving so fast does that to me. Now that I have rested, I’m finding myself curious how the rest of my journey will unfold. I am just off the Camino where traveling was easy. Basically there was no thinking involved. Everything was laid out for me—food, lodging, sights to see and a constant flow of people to meet. Everyday I would walk with someone who could be a potential new best friend.

However I am not on the Camino anymore and I am observing that life in the real world isn’t as easy as it was while on the pilgrimage. I walked for 32 days figuring out how the whole thing works, how to live in the flow of the Camino. Now I have to learn how to navigate Europe and let the Universe guide me in whatever direction it sees fit. The act of surrendering has proven to work for me. I learned this from “A Course In Miracles” and whether at home or here on this trip, I do not know what’s best for my personal growth but the Universe/God/Holy Spirit/Destiny does, if I let It.

About midway through my pilgrimage, I observed my own fight against the Camino. It became apparent, I must surrender to what the Camino (Universe) wanted for me versus what I wanted from the Camino. This transpired right out of the medieval gate at Saint Jean Pied de Port when I met the young man who would so significantly impact my life. My heart was closed after my divorce and meeting him opened my heart to me and with everyone I came in contact. I feel in love with me and by doing so this allowed me to love others.

Living in the flow of the Camino, I observed, was a struggle for many others on the pilgrimage as well. People who were fighting the Camino had injuries, illnesses, all kinds of blocks preventing them from achieving their selected goals, i.e. finishing the Camino by a certain date, walking at a certain pace, finding peace.

Eventually, after surrendering, I learned how to live in the flow while walking my path. I recited a mantra from “A Course in Miracles” every day in an effort to open myself to all the Universe has to offer.

Universe,

Where would you have me go?

What would you have me do?

What would you have me say and to whom? —ACIM

The Universe provided for me life lessons beyond my imagination. I came on this journey to open up, to grow and learn. I intuitively knew this trip was exactly what I needed to kick start my life after the divorce in early 2015. So far, just over six weeks, the personal growth and self reflection has been deep and powerful along with unsettling and difficult, as most lessons are.

By reciting my mantra often throughout the days of my path, I consciously chose to be open and accepting of the flow, the unknown—all while feeling confident the Universe will bring to me exactly what I need to be my best Self and have the most amazing life altering pilgrimage. Where will I walk? Oh the sights I saw were breathtaking from the mountains to the valleys. Who will I meet and share with? I made some beautiful friendships, and ended some new acquaintances. What new experiences and growth will I have today? More then I bargained for and it was completely worth it.

Now that the Camino is in the past, I don’t want to lose that new found excitement of living in the flow and surrendering to the unknown. I learned when I want or need something, all I have to do is ask the Universe and it will be provided, Flow. Every time I tested this theory it proved accurate. What I noticed, all I have to do is get still, observe where I am closed down, open myself up and ask for possibility. Sometimes I am more specific and while other times I am more vague, not limiting what the Universe wants for me since the Universe knows best.

I have been enjoying some alone time this past week through my fast moving travels. It was greatly needed after my intense experience in Spain. It’s easy to get some quiet time for self reflection while moving around so quickly from Santiago Spain, Lisbon Portugal, Amsterdam Netherlands, and finally landing in Dublin Ireland in just four days.

However, now that I feel more grounded and centered, I’m noticing I have begun to feel isolated. I am longing for my Band-of-Brothers and the amazing time we shared when our paths crossed. It felt amazing to be “One of the guys” since I never felt that way growing up. Being a sexually confused young man I tended to shy away from other boys in fear of being seen as potentially gay since I was so unsure myself. With my Band-of-Brothers I was just another guy, not the gay guy, just a dude.

That morning I began to wonder what I was doing to limit myself and just how am I living outside the Flow. So I decided to get still, present and ask the Universe for help.

I am a social person by nature and I accept my need to meet and make some friends along the way. I read blogs about meeting travel buddies, although I couldn’t envision the concept, I am open to the experience. My plan is to backpack Europe for several more months, seeing as much as I can, meeting new people, make some lifelong friends and memories. How will I do all this with my social anxieties, can you see my confusion?

  Facebook, July 14—Drew— 

I am getting some helpful advice how to meet people while traveling. Hang out in the common room of hostels. Go to meet-up groups, do walking tours, do bus tours. All good advice I will put into action. 

  Through my research I found couchsurfing.com to be very helpful. The website has a social component with a calendar where you can look up events in whatever city you find yourself. Here in Dublin, low and behold, there is a meet-up at an Irish Pub this evening. On the way to the meet-up I recited my mantra “I am open for all possibilities”. I decided if anyone ask me to do anything, I am going to say “Yes.” I will not be crippled with fear and social anxiety, I will remain “open to all possibilities” and surrender to the flow. The Universe knows best.

Once I entered the pub and located the meet-up, I ordered a beer and found myself next to a friendly English bloke. We spent some time chatting over our Guinness, I could feel my social anxiety loosening it’s grip on me.

Eventually our conversation waned and we joined the rest of the travelers and locals at the meet-up. A short time later, I was in the middle of conversing with a young couple when my new English friend found me and shared what he just heard.

“Hey, another traveler inquired if anyone was interested in renting a car and exploring Ireland over the weekend, what do you think?” he asked with a tentative, uneasy look on his face.

This was my chance, insert mantra here: I am open to all possibilities, don’t say no.

“Yes!” I replied emphatically.

As it turns out, the Brit, I and three other guys showed interest and, like the Guinness in my glass, a plan began to bubble to the top. After a few minutes of conversation we decided to form a Whatsapp group (a texting and calling application that uses Wi-Fi) and make some plans for the following day. I left the meet-up feeling a little excited and anxious at the same time about a possible car share over the weekend with four strangers. If I live in the Flow, what can go wrong?

The next day we gathering at a hip place called Library Bar. It had the feel and appearance of a 200 year old, private smoking club. It’s described online as “Plush embroidered armchairs, open fires and leather sofas dot the inside of this calming hotel bar.”

We jumped right in with the planning and getting to know each other. After a very few minutes we were laughing loud and enjoying each other’s company. I was thinking, “This could work, still nervous, but this could work.”

  Facebook, July 15—Drew with 4 others at Library Bar in Dublin, Ireland— 

Ok, here I go again, my life is so cool. Last night I met four guys at a meet-up for couch surfers, host and travelers. One of the travelers suggested renting a car on Saturday and driving to Cork. All five of us said yes, what the hell.

Joe— I have driven all over Ireland, watch out for livestock!

Laurie— Oh Dear! Good Luck. You are making me nervous.

Drew— lol, don’t take on my anxiety you have enough of your own. Isn’t this crazy. I was actually feeling sad and concerned about not meeting people on my new adventure. Now I’m on a road trip with 4 strangers.

Ron— It all sounds perfect! You guys are displaying how the world wants to be in community together. So sweet to see the progress of your journey!!!

Jenna— That is what traveling and being in Europe is all about. If only more people would leave this country and open their hearts and minds to people from other places and new experiences we’d have a lot more love and tolerance in the world. Or here. Enjoy every second my friend xx

Ronald— I agree with what Jenna said

  I spent the last month on the Camino making friends and learning how to travel with them. I felt this prepared me for a new bunch of men. I saw the Brit, typing something on his phone, then he chuckle, hand his phone around everyone did some laughs, then it reached me. The Brit wrote a post for Facebook wanted my approval. I read it.

  Facebook, July 15—The Brit— 

The gnarly crew, A Brit, a Mexican, a Homosexual, an American and an Italian (he’s in the boot) in a VW all around Ireland. What could go WRONG!

  I laughed out loud and thought how wonderful it was he could make such a joke not knowing how I would react as the “Homosexual”. Clearly his view on me was as just another guy. I told him I loved it and thought to myself, “This weekend is going to be good, I can feel it.” Maybe I can live in the Flow, off the Camino, maybe I just need to surrender and see where this car ride takes me. As the Brit’s famous last words said, “What can go wrong?”

Not all of us were there at the Library Bar, the Italian from the meet-up was at work and wasn’t able to make it to the planning meeting. Unfortunately this meant he was a bit more vulnerable to our jokes. We couldn’t exactly remember his name and started calling him Fellatio (Google it), his name is Feliciano, you can see the similarity. We couldn’t stop laughing each time we said Fellatio and we weren’t even drunk, yet. This was the closest I felt to being with a new Band-of-Brothers, and I liked it.

The Brit fancied a name to call our group. This made sense to me since I named my last group of guys the Band-of-Brothers. We started throwing around letters seeing if we could create an acronym. We had a British guy, a Mexican, two Americans, 1 gay guy and an Italian. We ended up choosing “British, Italian, Gay, American, Mexican or BIGAM” and the Brit coined “The Gnarly BIGAM Crew” as our official name. They were all under the age of 27 with my being the oldest at 48, so yes, I was thinking this is crazy and I surrender.

It was time to head over to the rental car. “Are we really doing this”? I thought.

When we arrived it was just before closing time. There weren’t many cars and getting the cheaper rate seemed to be out the window. After discussing it with the rental company and amongst “The Gnarly BIGAM Crew” we decide it was just too expensive. The manager overheard our discussion and chose this time to offer us a deal just to get us in a rental so they could close.

My mind exploded with, “Whoop, whoop, we have a rental car, living in the Flow! What can go wrong, we are The Gnarly BIGAM Crew”! I had possible plans this weekend with a couch surfer host, but nothing committed. I am making a conscious decision to see this through, wherever the car takes us. The only solid plan I have for the next week and a half is a return flight to Amsterdam. Let’s see where this goes first before I make any further commitments. Hell, I could be in an Ireland prison before the week is out. 🙂

  Facebook, July 15—Drew with 4 others— 

Today we have rented the car till Monday morning. We will start the road trip tomorrow. We are planning on visiting six cities in two days. So to recap, five strangers, an Italian, Brit, Mexican, and two Americans that don’t know each other will be driving through three cities on Saturday, doing an overnight somewhere and three cities on Sunday then arrive back in Dublin, completing a circle around Southern Ireland. What can go wrong!

  We went out that night for some “getting to know each other” quality time prior to our full-on adventure the following day. I was still a little nervous with my new mates, but I didn’t focus on my nervousness. After an evening of fun and jokes I chose to head back to my hostel early as to get a good night sleep, early meaning midnight. I believe the rest of The Gnarly BIGAM Crew, stayed out late, or early in the morning, whichever way you look at it.

As morning arises, I receive a message and make it down to the car for them to pick me up. I then found out about the adventure they had to send a message to me. They had to tailgate a public bus to access the bus’s Wi-Fi in order to send me the message. They recounted a hilarious story about their working hard to not hit the bus while keeping their Wi-Fi connection.

I feel that we’re off to a good start. It’s only been 24 hours and already jokes and memories abound. Ireland better watch out, The Gnarly BIGAM Crew is touring a town near you.

When we were at the rental car place I spoke with one of the agents inquiring where in Ireland we should do some sightseeing. She gave us some recommendations and a direction to drive, looping around Southern Ireland from Dublin, on the East, heading south, then crossing west, driving up the West coast until we circle back to Dublin in two days.

Let me remind you that Ireland drives on the wrong side of the road. The two Americans are the designated drivers, which is funny since the person used to driving on the “wrong side of the road” was the Brit and he is 24, too young to drive a rental car.

We five strangers worked together in an effort not to get killed while driving around Ireland—hilarious. The four of us are working in tandem as backseat drivers, with different responsibilities in order to keep us on the road and safe i.e. staying in the left lane, where to look when turning right, left and keeping an eye out for red lights and stop signs. There are so many things to see and watch out for while you’re driving on the wrong side of the car and the road.

  Facebook, July 16—Drew added new photos at Abbey HSE with 4 others— 

Checking out the sights. 

Ann— Finally you look at peace… You have made an awesome change. Don’t let anything bother you when you return. Remember where you’ve been, how you got there, and where you are now. You did this! And it worked… Be safe my friend. You look fabulous… You are a long cry from a break up… Whether you see it or not…

  We made our first stop at the ruins of a monastery. Our first group outing included a tour in a beautiful setting. We took pictures, made jokes and generally poked at each other like school kids on a field trip. “Classic”, became our go to phrase when referring to any one of us. As if we knew what “classic Drew” really is or what “classic Mexican” really means, since we only met two days ago.

  Facebook, July 16—Drew checked in to Kilkenny Castle with 4 others— 

We have made it in one piece. The American drove first with the Brit giving directions. Next up Drew the American driving with the Italian giving directions. We are eating lunch, seeing the castle, walking the town a bit till we head to Cork with me at the wheel, God help us all.

Facebook, July 16—Drew, eating fish and chips at Dinos Kinsale with 4 others— 

We got the grilled fish and garlic cheese chips. Along with curry chips and battered sausage. Yummm!

Facebook, July 16—Drew, with 4 others in Kinsale— 

Should I be driving on the wrong side of the road? Oh goodness. The 

Gnarly BIGAM Crew made it to Kinsale. I am still driving poorly and they are nervous and they are making me nervous.

  Continuing on our road trip, we enjoyed a lunch of “Fish & Chips”  at a small fishing village, strolled through a shopping town named Cork, then on to our final destination, Tralee, where we will spend the night. We choose a hostel—only one available—and it has less then desirable ratings online. We are actually excited for the adventure this poor rated hostel would deliver.

  Facebook, July 16—Drew with 4 others— 

Back in the car! Hoping we make it to the hostel before it closes and we get a bed to sleep in.

  Once we arrived, the host recommends we stay as a group with several other guests in a big room, leaving no empty beds. We inquired about a room of our own since there were five of us and she informed us that we don’t want to share a room with the other two men in the only other room available.

She stated, “They’re a bit dodgy, and for your safety, I wouldn’t recommend it”.

  Facebook, July 16—Drew, was drinking beer at Roundy’s Bar with 4 others—  

The Gnarly BIGAM Crew made it to Tralee and checked into our hostel. All is well but one of the bunks looks a little dodgy, not mine though. It’s the Brit’s; hopefully he doesn’t get crushed in the bunk bed while he sleeps.

Shannon— Dodgy, eh? Yep, you’re definitely hanging around a Brit!

  We took her advice. When we ran into them later that night her suspicions were confirmed. One had a black eye and both looked a bit, ruff, quick darting eyes and a walking pace with purpose.

With the Brit’s bunk bed concerns, he chose to pull the mattress on the floor rather than lose his life in a bunk bed mishap in Tralee. He chose wisely.

It was Saturday night and “The Gnarly BIGAM Crew” decided to see what kind of nightlife is to be had in Tralee. I was a mix of nervousness and excitement since I didn’t want to stay out too late and feel hung-over on our second day of the road trip. I also didn’t want to abandon my new crew so off we went into the night in search of a happening place where they have girls (for them) and Guinness for all of us.

Wow, is all I have to say about Tralee. These Irish folks like to DRINK. I saw quite a few passed out drunk, throwing up, dressed up, partiers out on the town. I was concerned for my safety while at the same time found comfort knowing I had a crew that had my back, just in case this evening goes awry.

While out, we had some beers and the boys attempted to flirt with girls, possibly dance with them and attempted wing-men services for each other. This became our pattern, drink, be a wingman, try to meet girls and flirt. I was the only odd man out since very few men in these pubs were interested in other men, but that was ok with me, I am here for the ride and excitement it will bring.

After midnight we called it and headed back to the hostel, laughing, recounting the girls they flirted with and making plans for the next day. We decided to get up early and visit the “Ring of Kerry”. The Ring of Kerry is a scenic drive around the Iveragh Peninsula in Southwest Ireland. It’s a 179km-long, circular route that takes in the rocky coastal landscapes and rural seaside villages.

  Facebook, July 17—Drew added new photos— 

On the way to Kerry and skellig Ring, stopping for a quick photo op.

  The Ring of Kerry included a short ferry ride on one side of the ring, giving us an opportunity to take the rental on an ocean voyage. Eventually we find our way back to town for lunch then on the road again. Next stop is “The Cliffs of Moher” which is a mountainous cliff edge jutting 214 meters (720 feet) above the Atlantic Ocean. We will experience spectacular views of the cliffs and hopefully see the ocean splashing at the shoreline many frightening feet below.

Once back in the car a magical thing happened. The other American “A” of BIGAM asked some in-depth questions that gave us a chance to get to know each other on a more personal level. We have been together a little over 2 days and with these new insights, a shift happened, so subtle we didn’t even notice. However it had a huge impact on the rest of our road trip. Closeness was formed, a deeper bond, a connectedness that felt more spiritual in nature. My anxiety almost completely disappeared and I now saw these guys as true mates. We all felt the same way it seemed.

The American could have easily been the G in BIGAM because his family is from Guatemala.  However I got the G for Gay so he was dubbed the American. He is a kind man, super easy going. He is a little shorter, more of the Latin type, tan with dark hair and a warm smile—good-looking guy. He has an interesting way about speaking that is calming, direct with little expression. He almost speaks in a monotone with little to no fluctuation. It’s interesting to watch him talk since I tend to be more animated with my expressions and personality. He makes you feel relaxed in his presence he is so easy.

His best friend is gay and he and another girlfriend are meeting up with him in France for a couple weeks. He describes himself as being extremely comfortable with his sexuality, so comfortable in fact he has no problem cuddling with his best friend. He even shares his bed at home when they have a sleep over after a night out on the town. Hearing this surprises me since I haven’t met many men in my life so comfortable with themselves. It’s refreshing. Clearly he is a kind, warm, friendly man and I enjoy his company immensely.

The Brit: Is dirty blond, with greenish eyes and a real charming smile. He has fair skin, probably easy to burn in the sun. He kinda has this devilish grin that draws you in. Super sweet guy however in typical British fashion, I would say he isn’t as comfortable with the touch of a man—which, of course, encourages me to attempt to push those British buttons. He is always up for the adventure, willing to go anywhere and do anything. He is super friendly and easy to get along with. I would probably say he is the most reserved of us all, proper even, again, in typical British fashion. Still, a very likable guy.

The Italian: Is attractive with thinning hair and a very typical Roman nose, appropriate since he was born just outside of Rome. When he speaks he can’t quite pronounce his R’s so when he says Rome it sounds more like Woooome leaving out the R all together. I believe he doesn’t quite understand everything we are saying, especially if we are talking fast. Back in Wome, he lives with a girlfriend. He is temporarily working in Ireland at the moment and will be back in Wome when the summer is over. I find him attractive honestly. Maybe it’s the Mediterranean thing he has going on and his adorable smile. He exudes a warm friendly feeling that is comforting.

The Mexican: He is the quirkiest of us all. He is thin with long limbs and loves to dance around at a bar being unusual and fun. His English is good; I even forget his first language is Spanish. He has a brother who is gay and has no issue being physical with me or any of us. That is a quality I like most in the men I am meeting on the road. He is full of expression, moving around and using his whole body to talk. He even came up with a calling card when he wanted to find us. Cocoo, Cocoo, he would call like a bird searching for his mate.

When we arrived at the Cliffs, the fog had rolled in. The rangers said the parking lot for the Cliffs is closed due to the fog. We could drive up but there is nothing to see. Earlier at lunch the cashier recommended a private viewing spot just down the road from the parking area. She said it was private land, with a path running down the fence line to the Cliffs and is great viewing, very popular. We decided to give it a try. Amazingly, we actually found the location.

It was mid-day, gloomy with fog, not able to see but a few feet ahead. The path was wet from dew and rain with a mud trail running up the middle. We did our best to follow the path, trying not to step in the mud; however the grass gave way to large puddles. I eventually stepped directly in the mud ruining my H&M tennis shoes. Fortunately they were only seven Euros.

As we moved down the damp path through the horse pasture towards what we hoped—but didn’t want to fall over—were the Cliffs of Moher. We felt like trespassers walking towards our doom. Then, out of nowhere, we could hear the sounds of waves crashing on the shore and knew we were edging close to the cliffs and sea far below. I had visions of one of us dying on this very day. I could picture the breaking news article, “One member of “The Gnarly BIGAM Crew” fell to his death on a road trip to the Cliffs of Moher, due to deep fog, full story at 11:00”. All I could hear in my head was the Brit saying “What could go wrong?” which is a clear indicator that the shit is about to hit the fan.

Luckily we could see the cliffs edge. It was even better than expected. We spent almost an hour playing on the cliff, taking selfies, hanging over the cliffs edge and pretending to be Superman. There we were, standing as if we are on the actual cliff edge when there was a safe distance from it—all for the photo op.

There was no other human around; we were all alone on this private scenic cliff edge. It made for a special surreal feel and was the highlight of our road trip. Because of the personal sharing that morning in the car, I believe the Cliffs of Moher were that much more enjoyable.

  Facebook, July 17—Drew added new photos with 4 others— 

The Gnarly BIGAM Crew had an amazing road trip. Here are the photos. I love these guys, so much fun.

Summer— Dang, does the sun ever shine in Ireland lol?

Drew— Every other day, LOL.

  Once back to the car we made the long drive back to Dublin getting in that evening with plans to drop the car off the following morning. The Italian invited us over to his apartment for a final get together, farewell dinner of sorts. It would be our last time as the full Gnarly BIGAM Crew. Of course he cooked spaghetti and I brought the wine.

  Facebook, July 18—Drew, with the American and 3 others— 

The Gnarly BIGAM crew is having dinner at the Italian’s home. This is the life. You make friends and they invite you for an Italian dinner at home. We took the train to get here, it’s our Last night together. I will miss you all. Starting with the Italian since we are leaving him in Dublin. Good men, fun times.

  Over dinner we discussed our traveling plans and as it turned out, three of us are on longterm adventures. My backpacking experience has no end in sight, I do have a flight back to Amsterdam but no plans after that. The other American has another month while the Mexican also has no plans on returning home in the immediate future. The Brit has a flight back to London in a couple days and the Italian is remaining in Dublin with work.

Hmmm, maybe this doesn’t have to end in Dublin. Three of us hatched a plan to train up to Belfast, Northern Ireland and spend a day or two, ferry over to Scotland where we can catch a bus to Edinburgh. Stay in Scotland a few days then who knows, maybe head down to London from there to visit the Brit.

The Brit was even interested and said he would check flights to Edinburgh from London. Amazing, not only did I meet some great guys to drive around Ireland with, I also met some travel buddies who would go country hopping. My dreams are coming true. I now have a clear vision on how to meet travel buddies and make lifelong friends. Thank god I surrendered and went with he flow regardless of anxiety and fear.

  Facebook, July 19—Drew, with the American— 

BIGAM has mostly disbanded. It’s just GA right now. The two Americans are off to Northern Ireland, (Belfast) for an overnight then a ferry to Scotland. We shall be traveling together for the next week making our way down to London. However BAGM will be back together Friday in Edinburgh Scotland for the weekend. What can go wrong?

Beverley— what an adventure you are having!

Facebook, July 19—Drew checked in at Hostelling International N.I/Y.H.A Northern Ireland— 

  A little bit about Belfast—In the ‘80s there was the Catholic—Ireland, Protestants—Northern Ireland conflict. In Northern Ireland they are the descendants of 500 years of Protestants from England and Scotland with fewer Catholics, while Ireland is predominately Catholic. These two conflicted religious and culturally different areas struggled with the English rule and the country has been split since 1921. Ireland wants their land back from English domination and rule, while Northern Ireland has English roots and feels more tied to England. The English suppressed the Catholics with discrimination and regulations. Many years of bombings and fighting neighbor-against-neighbor ensued and the IRA (The Irish Republican Army) is blamed for more than 1700 deaths between 1969 and 1993. I had wondered what kind of condition I would be seeing when we arrived. To my surprise, Belfast was new and shiny with new buildings and shopping districts all around.

  Facebook, July 20—Drew, Drinking beers with the American at Morrisons Lounge Bar—

Hanging on our last day in Northern Ireland. Tomorrow we ferry over to Scotland, bus and train to get to Edinburgh and meet up with the Brit. Thursday to Sunday the three of us will be together. Sunday, the American and I are renting a car in Edinburgh, dropping the Brit at the airport, then driving a stick shift to London where we will stay together till Tuesday. The American will head to France and I will stay in England for a while to burn up some time out of the EU visa treaty. I made some friends on the Camino I plan on seeing in London and can’t wait. I read a blog once about meeting people and joining with them as travel buddies. I couldn’t imagine this for myself since I have struggled for so long with sustaining friendships. I have grown so much in the last two months that I was able to create this reality for myself. I have made some great friends and will have known them for 13 days and have been with the American continuously. Life is great. Bonds can be made over drinking a Guinness.

The Brit— Sweeeeeet! And thanks in advance for the lift to the airport, nice surprise!

Joe— Guinness !!!  ❤ THE Breakfast of Champions!

Facebook, July 19—Drew with the American at Titanic Museum, Belfast, Northern Ireland— 

Checking out the exhibit. This is how we roll in Belfast.

  After a restful couple days and a visit to the Titanic Museum—Titanic was built in Belfast—we caught the ferry to Scotland where we will rejoin the Brit and the Mexican for a few fun filled days in Edinburgh, Scotland. I can only hope the joy and excitement continues once we gather back together.

  Facebook, July 21—Drew is with the American, at Setlla Line, Belfast Docks— 

I am on my way to Scotland on a ferry. It’s like a small cruise ship. Really upgraded and nice. Life is so cool when you live it. 

  Recently I found out my Father is 67% Scottish making me somewhat—insert unknown % here— Scottish. I haven’t done my genealogy yet but I am very much interested. My excitement level is unusually high. I hadn’t realized how much I truly wanted to visit Scotland. I really had no concrete plans for my trip and wasn’t sure if or when I would visit. Now that I am on the ferry I am so looking forward to arriving. Just for this occasion I wore my kilt that I have been lugging around in my backpack since I left America. It weighs five lbs so I better get good use out of it. What comes to mind is the movie “Highlander” released in 1986. The beautiful countryside and landscapes were breathtaking. I saw it with my mom all those years ago. I have this Moorish ancient city fantasy in my head, with no real clear image of what to expect. This is all new to me, can’t wait.

  Facebook, July 21—Drew added new photos with the American at Stena Line, Belfast Docks— 

Ferry to Scotland-check, bus to the train station-check, first of 2 trains to Edinburgh-check. We are that much closer to Edinburgh. Funny thing happened on the windy deck. I gotta be more careful with my kilt. 

  What beautiful countryside we saw while riding the trains into Edinburgh. The American was staying at a different hostel; the rates were cheaper at mine however they only had one bed available. I dropped him off at his hostel then walked past the Edinburgh Playhouse in the direction of mine, which took me to the North Bridge with a spectacular view of the Edinburgh Castle in the distance. It was breathtaking. I felt like I was home. Ahead of me was a building with a sign on it that said, “The Scotsman”. I used it as a backdrop for a selfie and you can see the excitement of homecoming on my face.

  Facebook, July 21—Drew checked in at Cowgate Tourist Hostel, Edinburgh— 

I am loving Scotland. It is beautiful. Breathtakingly beautiful. 

Tammy— This was the best decision to take this trip. What amazing experiences you are having.

  It was still pretty early in the day which gave us enough time to do some sightseeing. The American and I visited the castle. Unbelievable views of Scotland can be seen from all around, rolling hills with the river in the distance and the city down below.

That day the Brit arrived making us a threesome again joining the American and me. We spent some time out, just us boys, looking for beers and girls for them to talk to. We ended up in a cool bar with a live band. I have to say, it felt pretty good to be with some 20-somethings out on the town drinking beers and being all normal. Something I didn’t get to do in my 20s so much as just another guy. Here I am doing it for the second time on my journey, thanks Universe.

Funny thing happened while we were out. My mates started keeping an eye out for guys for me to meet. They have been wing-manning for each other since we have been hanging out and on this night they started searching for me. I felt so honored to be included equally with the guys. I never thought young straight guys would be so comfortable around gay men. It never crossed my mind but here we were and they were treating me like anyone else, I was just looking for the same gender not the opposite.

As the night progressed they showed me a couple guys as they were chatting up the girls. That’s when it happened; a young man started talking up the Brit. It was innocent at first then he came back around working a closer angle. Just like these guys had been trying to do with the girls.

The young man said to the Brit “Hey, it’s cool, the whole gay thing is cool, no big deal to me”.

My friend, thinking he was speaking about me, agreed with him and kept on dancing.

The young man circled back again, this time asking how long we had been a couple, referring to the Brit and myself. My friend was like “No, wait, we aren’t a couple, I’m not gay”.

The young man nodded and took his empty glass back to the bar for another. When he returned he chose to get a bit closer this time. He spoke to me, asking if his talking to my friend made me jealous. He spoke to my friend again saying he wanted to make me jealous and my friend was getting a bit nervous at this point. This was all getting weird now.

At one point I had to step between them on the dance floor to save the Brit from this drunk Scottish guy making a move. Since I have no experience in straight bars or mixed bars I was very confused thinking, “Does this happen all the time? Do straight guys go Bi and hit on other guys in bars after a few drinks? I’m intrigued. Is this what I have been missing all these years?”

After I squeezed in, the young man proceeded to get further hammered and wouldn’t leave my friend alone. He got so confused about who he was and where he was, he tried reaching around me to grab my friend like a possession or a toy he wanted to keep for himself. This really crossed the line and was pretty funny at the same time, at least to me.

  Facebook, July 22—Drew with the American and the Brit at The Standing Order, Edinburgh (Wetherspoon)—

Having breakfast/lunch/beer, with me mates. First full day in Scotland, out till 3 a.m. and up at 12:45 p.m. This is the life baby. I’m living it. One of the boys, so much fun.

  In my hostel are a couple of guests, a sweet redhead from America—another American— and an Italian. The Italian was well worked out, muscled and good looking so I was more than happy to invite them both out for the evening. Being a wing-man, my work is never done. Here is a lovely Irish looking American girl, any one of my mates will gladly sweep off her feet. Also, the beds have unusual names like climax and cuddle, what kind of message are they sending I wonder?

The Brit once lived in Edinburg and works at a local shoe store. He mentioned his friends were heading out later and meeting up at a jazz club. But first let’s visit the one bar that’s open now.

  Facebook, July 22—Drew— 

Nightlife in Scotland. Funny thing, only bar open late is a Latin bar with salsa dancing, it feels like being back in Miami. Only in Scotland. We met some new friends in my hostel. An Italian and American and brought them out.

  We left the Latin bar venturing out to meet his friends. My buds pull me aside and told me they want to take me to a gay bar tomorrow. It’s time we are wing-men for you. I was flattered at the kindness and told them I am having a great time just watching you all.

  Facebook, July 22—Drew shared Positive Energy’s quote—

“A couple years from now, everything you’re stressing about won’t even matter. Keep moving forward”  —Last year I had so much stress, I don’t even remember. I wonder what I will be thinking in a year from now 🙂

  Our next local Scottish hotspot on the tour is a Jazz club that was rocking with a full live band, trumpets and all. They were playing Latin Jazz, whatever that means.

  Encyclopedia Britannica: Latin jazz, also called Afro-Cuban jazz, a style of music that blends rhythms and percussion instruments of Cuba and the Spanish Caribbean with jazz and its fusion of European and African musical elements.

Facebook, July 22—Drew checked in at The Jazz Bar in Edinburgh, Scotland— 

Wow, is this really happening? Am I really doing this? Is this really my life? Why yes, yes this is your life, your life is this cool, Latin Jazz cool! 

  It was one of the more surreal moments of my trip. Have you ever been somewhere doing something and thought to yourself is this real?

The energy was electrifying. The place was packed and you could feel the excitement in the air. The passion behind the instruments was strong, loud, and captivating. I just stood around looking and watching the band and the crowd with awe and excitement.

I noticed in the crowd a tall, very young, attractive man. He appears to be about 20 years old. I am not entirely sure what the drinking age is in Scotland. People are dancing and swaying, it is amazing how packed it is in here. I couldn’t see an inch between the people but yet everyone is having a good time, dancing and bumping each other—plain old rubbing each other—such heat, such percussion.

The boy looked up and caught my eye, we locked eyes for a second and I looked away towards my friends. Joining them I shared my excitement on how this place is making me feel. I shared with the Brits friends—some girls he used to work with—how I met everyone and the crazy time we had in Ireland. My mates were off flirting or talking or doing something, I don’t really know.

They asked if I found anyone interesting and I replied. “Oh, I’m gay and I couldn’t imagine anyone here also being gay, I’m great just having fun with all you guys”. With that I walked back over to the dance floor observing the crowd.

I noticed the young man again and he was somewhat near the middle of the dance floor, kind of swaying, kind of not moving much.  I was standing just one step up on a platform near the dancing directly in front of the band. He looked up and caught my eye again. This time I didn’t look away. The dance floor opened up a bit around him and time stood still. What happened next was very unexpected. It was like in a movie when the dance floor opens up, the crowd pulls back, the music softens and the only people that are in the spotlight are the two main characters. He looked up at me, starred deeply into my eye and before I had a chance to do anything he stepped forward, grabbed my arms and pulled me into him and onto the dance floor quickly wrapping me into an embrace of tangled salsa dancing. WHAT THE F*CK JUST HAPPENED?

“Ok,” I think, “This is happening. There is an adorable young man in my arms.”

Surreal didn’t begin to explain what was happening—confusion, dismay, shock and fear.  I immediately start scanning the room to get an idea how the crowded bar is handling two men salsa dancing in such an intimate way. No one seems to be bothered. I glance up to my shocked friends and they smile with thumbs up. So I return my brain to the young man, by now he is talking deeply into my ear.

“You are so good looking. Wow, you are a really good looking guy” he says while he has me so close I can feel his breath on my ear and feel his body up against mine, tightly as we move in a small circle on the dance floor.

He is talking again, what is he saying? “You really are such a good looking man, but I’m not GAY” he says.

Ah, he isn’t “GAY” but he is dirty dancing with me in a Jazz club in Scotland. Ok, Sure, I don’t care, I surrender. This trip is turning out to be far more bizarre then I ever imagined. I am living in the flow and if a 20 year old, “Straight boy” wants to dirty dance with me, in assumedly what is a straight, Latin Jazz club in Scotland. Fine, I’m game.

He keeps whispering, “If I was gay I would totally be into you, you really are hot.”

He goes to dip me and I take his guidance and throw myself back. My head probably gets pretty close to the ground and happily he doesn’t drop me. I teach yoga and backbends are my specialty, so I just blew his mind.

“That was the most amazing thing I have ever seen” he screams over the music into my ear.

“Yeah, want to see it again?” I say

He throws me back again and once more my backbend is spectacular. When he pulls me up he embraces me with glee and amazement repeating again how attractive I am and how he isn’t gay! He sure is protesting a lot.

This lasts for what seems like 20 minutes but probably wasn’t that long. Eventually he says he is going outside for a fag (cigarette). The irony of it all makes me smile.

As he steps outside I stumble back to my friends, dizzy and confused with a “I have no idea what just happened” look on my face. The guys are like cool, alright, go on then. The girls are asking what was that all about.

I told them all what he said and they unanimously agreed he didn’t look straight from their angle, which I agreed with “Right”!

I stayed with the group a while, trying to compute what just happened. It didn’t, but who cares. Twenty, thirty minutes later I saw him again near the bar. I decide, what the hell, I am going in for round two. I will put myself in his sight of vision. Let him know I am still around and… “Single”.  Let’s see if he takes the bait.

I step up next to him at the bar and order a Guinness. I resist the urge to say anything and he just smiles at me. Good, the lure is set, the hook is baited, let’s see if he bites me.

I cross the dance floor back to the platform with the group, all the while keeping an eye out for the young man. I drink my beer and listen to the amazing band and enjoy some small talk with my mates. I finish the beer and peer out to the dance floor. I spot the young man, not too far away.

As we catch eyes again the dance floor opens up, once more he reaches and grabs me, pulling me into him except this time he isn’t talking. He is no longer interested in protesting his “Straightness”. This time his tongue is deep into my mouth searching for mine.

His hands are moving all over my body while he passionately kisses me. I glance around the dance floor to, again, see how the crowd is reacting. I almost get the sense, the patrons rather enjoy the idea of two guys getting it on. Ok, I will surrender and enjoy it too.

Mind you, I am wearing a kilt—since it is Scotland and I brought one—but I rather think he didn’t notice or doesn’t realize because he stuck his hand down my waistband. Any normal person would go up the kilt verses down the waistband. Wow, we are basically now having sex on the dance floor, I am astounded, but not willing to stop. Hell, when in Scotland do what the Scots want, who I am to stop him from finding what he is searching for.

He hasn’t uttered a word and we go from grinding each other to kissing, fondling and back to grinding, on a continuous loop. Again, this lasts for what feels like 20 minutes or more. I am certainly enjoying the hospitality these young “straight men” offer here in Scotland. I do feel like I could certainly live here or at least visit more straight bars.

As we catch our breath he finally pulls a little away and whispers these sad words in my ear. “I gotta stop, this is done. I’m going outside for another fag but this is done, I can’t anymore”.

And with joyful sadness he slips out of my arms the same way he entered them and I rejoin my mates. I felt a mixture of shock and happiness while left with the feeling of wanting more. In an effort to respect someone else’s struggle, I understood his plight. I began the process of accepting what is and leaving it at that. With a time check and the realization it’s 3 a.m. I choose to leave, guide my roommates home and dream about my Scottish boyfriend, back at the bar.

I will probably, forever remember this fondly with the thought “I wonder what could have happened?” One thing I have learned on this trip is “I am always in the right place, doing the right thing with the right people” in other words, going home is the right thing to do. There is always tomorrow and who knows what that will bring.

  Facebook, July 22—Drew checked in at The Jazz Bar in Edinburgh, Scotland— 

I can’t begin to tell you all how much fun this place is… The locals are really friendly 🙂 I wish I could stay out all night dancing. 

  In the morning my friend, the Mexican, told me the young man was still there when he left at 5 a.m., however he didn’t notice him dancing with anyone after I was gone. I guess I could have stayed and maybe done some dirtier dancing, literally. We will never know.

I woke up the following day—late morning— to a message on my gay app Grindr. Not from the young man the night before but from another admirer. He is 24 years old, blond and very tall, from New Zealand, here on vacation. What is it with all these young men! Oh, and he identifies as bisexual.

The new young man inquired if I wanted to go on a date tonight.

Wow, last night I met a 20 year old and had a deep connection and incredible kissing, tonight I have a 24 year old wanting to go on a date. Hell yes I am game for that. I am living in the flow. Let’s see what else Scotland has to offer.

To recap the group I am traveling with: My three guys from BIGAM, the Brit, American and the Mexican, with the added two from my hostel— an American girl along with an Italian guy. The Brit and the other American are rooming with a young dating couple from Croatia. Including my date, nine of us will be hitting the gay bars. Funny thing is I am the only gay person while my date is BI and the rest are straight. It will be a crazy night I am sure. What can go wrong?

As the day progresses and I figure out where the gay ghetto is, we make our plans for the evening. My date will be meeting us at one of the bars in the ghetto. I am still wearing the kilt, hell, why take it off until I leave Scotland, no better place to wear a kilt in the world.

My date is shy and concerned whether I will like him or not. I am just coming off the Camino, basically five weeks of little to no romance and last night’s escapades got me going. I am ready to cut loose and be adored by a 20-something. My worthiness is high; I deserve a night like this. My guys are excited for me also since they have been wing-manning for each other these last couple weeks.

I still do not understand all that is happening here. Surrendering to the Universe is new for me. I meet a group of guys in Ireland, we travel together for almost two weeks and now we are all heading out for a night on the town in the gay ghetto. How did this happen? Is this what I will expect for the rest of the time I am in Europe? Or, is this my crescendo, my swan song and the rest of my adventure will never peak quite as high. Nothing to worry about now, I surrender today, let the Universe guide me for what is best.

  Facebook, July 22—Drew checks in at CC Bloom’s Gay Nightclub & Bar with 8 others— 

Let’s see what the gay scene in Scotland has to offer. I am out on the town touring gay bars with seven straight people. Hard to believe this is my life. The people I am meeting are so open. I love it. 

  We gather everyone up then we head out to the bar to meet my date. He is tall, over 6 feet while I am 5’8”, not short but certainly short to him. He has a great smile, a shy demeanor, with a little bit of an embarrassed, unsure look on his face—it’s pretty adorable. We talk, he buys Champagne for us all, my friends are certainly kind and willing to be bought for the price of a glass of Champagne. He easily melds into the gnarly crew. This bar has a dance floor and it is filling up a bit. We dance, chat and begin the night with some heaving kissing after a few more glasses of Champagne.

  Facebook, July 22—Drew checks in at Infinity Gay Nightclub with 8 others— 

Bar #2, let’s see how much fun this one is? Gay bar hopping in Scotland. Wow, just WOW! 

  Then it’s time to head over to the next bar, down the street and around the corner. I don’t know how this happens but next thing I know one of the guys takes off his shirt causing an avalanche of guys whipping off their shirts, pulling off mine as we enter the bar and hit the dance floor. Cameras are clicking, people are rushing to the dance floor and the crowd swells. Girls are rubbing on all my friends, not knowing, they like girls and aren’t gay, I wonder if they will figure out the truth.

We didn’t even get a chance to get drinks before the bouncers ask us to put our shirts back on, not that kind of a bar. We choose to leave and hit another bar instead of staying.

We walked around a bit before heading back to the first bar, just being silly all over the streets. Once back to CC Bloom’s, and after a couple of bottles of wine, the dancing commenced. The Brit and the American girl were now entangled, I am a good wingman. I saw the American and the Mexican talking to some girls and I wondered how that was going, since we are in a gay bar.

I was enjoying the dance floor with my date. We were making out like crazy being a little freer with our hands, feeling a bit more safe this evening. The floor was packed but that didn’t stop him from picking me off the ground and twirling me around. Finally a woman tapped us on the shoulder to let us know, after we spilled her drink and bumped her three times, she felt it was time to let us know. We got her message and danced our way to the other side of the dance floor where we could make spectacles of ourselves, maybe with taking up less space this time.

I turn and notice the boyfriend of the couple from Croatia was sitting on the ground near the dance floor and I thought, “That doesn’t look right”. Sure enough, they kicked him out for being drunk. I thought, it’s 2 a.m., maybe it’s time I take this date home and see where this is going. Reminds me of the quote from the movie “Top Gun” when Carol, played by Meg Ryan tells Goose played by Anthony Edwards:

Carole: “Hey, Goose, you big stud. Take me to bed or lose me forever.”

Goose: “Show me the way home, honey.”

Would my New Zealand boyfriend know the movie, he is from another country and the movie was made before he was born in 1986, the year before I graduated from high school.

We say our goodbyes and I look forward to hearing how the night went, after I left all my straight friends out on the town in the “gayborhood” What could go wrong!

Once home we shed our clothes and pile onto the bed tangled in his long arms and legs, rolling around kissing and touching in a way I have not been touched in so long. It felt amazing to be caressed, adored and to have someone look so deeply into my eyes that I feel like they are seeing into me. I so needed a night like this. I so needed a man like this to worship me, if just for one evening—someone who is interested in me and wants nothing more than to give me pleasure. And that’s what he did.

The following morning, late morning, we made love again. Making love isn’t something I am used to since making love wasn’t part of my marriage. It was a friendship more than a marriage.

Making love wasn’t familiar but it did feel wonderful. I realized how long I have missed making love. I don’t really recall the last time I did. It was gentle, kind, caring and warm.

Eventually I left him in his apartment to walk back into the real world. I rejoined my friends to make our final plans to leave Scotland for London. I guess destiny does include losing someone forever; I will always have memories of the men in Scotland.

Once back with my buds they shared their tall tale of a night. So the Mexican and the other American were near the bar talking with some girls when the Mexican got the idea to pretend to “Be Gay”. He asked the Croatian girlfriend to tell the girls he was talking to, “He is gay, totally gay in fact and the other guy is his boyfriend”.

This sparked a night of kissing girls, allowing them to try and convert the gay couple. Then my friends shared the next bright idea.

“Let’s talk about their boobs, asking if they are real and see if we can touch boobies.

Between the two of them—they kissed about 20 girls and got to touch some boobies too.

They were so brazen, they even kissed a girl in front of her boyfriend.

The boyfriend screamed over to them, “Leave my girlfriend alone!”

She yelled back “They are gay, you idiot,” then she apologized for his being such a jerk.

They waived her off with their limp wrist and told her no big deal. My mates even took it so far as to kiss each other while in an embrace; essentially putting their lips on each other’s necks, dry kissing. I was dying as they retold the escapades. I never imagined meeting these guys two weeks earlier, and that we would be here in Scotland recounting our big gay evening. Living in the flow, you never know what the Universe has in store for you.

We were exhausted from so many nights out. I knew this evening would be an early one, at least for me. We choose to drive down to London on Monday after another day of rest here.

London would be our last time together, not knowing if we will ever see each other again, whether at home or here in Europe. We where meeting the Brit back in London since he flew back Sunday morning. I never did get to find out how his evening went with the redheaded American girl. He was being a true reserved gentlemen and she had previously declared her chastity and “good girl” ways.

  Facebook, July 25—Drew and 2 others at Princes Street Gardens— 

We are moving again. Leaving Scotland today, renting our second car(stick shift) and I will be driving for the next seven hours. We are down to just the three of us, Mexican, American and myself, the Gay. We have been together 12 days and we have three or four more together. Love these guys. According to the “Eat Pray Love” travel idea, we are on the PARTY period instead of the Pray period. LOL. I finished my spiritual portion on the 12th of July. Then again, the learning never really ends. It’s been a great ride hanging with the guys. Let’s see what happens in London.

Facebook, July 25—Drew checked in at Enterprise Rent A Car— 

Here I go again, I got the gay card upgrade to an automatic. Yay. No stick shift driving on the wrong side of the road for me. 

Facebook, July 25—Drew eating dinner with the American at Cagney’s Restaurant— 

We made it to London. 7:30 hour drive from Scotland to London. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would, someday, drive a car into London. I drove all 7:30 hours. I feel great. While the American and the Mexican slept most of the way. I played all three Adele albums and turned Siri into a British man, appropriate for driving through England. Good times. 

Facebook, July 25—Drew added new photos— 

Yup, the Eye and Big Ben. I’m here baby!

Facebook, July 26—Drew added new photos with the Mexican and the American— 

Seeing the city on a self-walking tour. More fun…

Facebook, July 26—Drew checked in with the American and the Mexican at Tower of London— 

Lunch break with me mates. The Mexican is enjoying a free-left behind coffee with his meal. No joke, that’s how he rolls. 

  Our first full day we spent sightseeing around London, really just walking everywhere. We started out from our hostel, toured downtown then over to the Tower, across Tower Bridge, along the river Thames. We then continued to the Tate Modern Museum for a quick tour. Finishing our walk to Buckingham Palace and continuing through Hyde park to see the Diana, Princess of Wales fountain and eventually making it back to our hostel. It was a very full day of walking.

That evening, our last night together, we met up with the Brit as The Gnarly BIGAM Crew. We grabbed some beers and reminisced. It was bitter sweet being back together. All we were missing was the Italian, but he was back in Ireland working. I do hope I see him again in Italy when I get there, eventually.

Our visit didn’t last long since we had trains to catch. On that final second it was the Brit and the American heading into the Underground. I hugged them both goodbye, still trying to plant an uncomfortable kiss on the Brit, because I know how much he squirms every time I tried. I kissed the American on the cheek for his goodbye then they turned and down into the underground they went.

I immediately grabbed the Mexican in an uncontrollable sobbing embrace. He held me tight and let me cry. I have such a hard time saying goodbye and the other American and I had been by each other’s side the entire two weeks. We were very close. I missed them immediately. I knew the Mexican was staying in Europe longer so there was good a chance we would see each other again somewhere in Europe. Who knows, maybe we will visit the Italian together before we leave for North America.

The Universe has treated me well. Looking back on that day in Ireland, I was feeling sad and longing for a new adventure with some cool guys. I wanted to make some new friends. I never imagined two weeks later I would have so many amazing memories with such wonderful people. A chance encounter in a Pub in Ireland, a simple question and a simple answer, “Who wants to drive around Ireland and see the sights”? “Me, sign me up.

What could go wrong”?

Nothing, nothing did.

Can I surrender and live in the flow? Looks like I can, and believe me, it’s worth it.

  Facebook, July 26—Drew— Surrender looks like peace, it does not resemble giving up.—Drew Eric

Can I surrender to the will of the Universe while backpacking Europe? July 2016, Backpacking Europe on my Journey-of-Self-Discovery Can I do this, can I surrender to the will of the Universe? 

[akechinakiras-husband]

A biromantic homosexual experiencing a series of failed relationships, meeting both bi-erasure and non-understanding lovers before meeting The Asexual.

[sheaskedmehowtospell0range]

BE NICE

Being mean to random people for no good reason shouldn't make you feel proud or superior by any means. Being hurtful and malicious towards other people solely represents your own insecurity and weakness. If everybody focused on themselves, instead of what others might be doing "wrong", the world would be a much kinder, simpler, enjoyable place to be. So before you start worrying about and criticizing what others do, how they act, or how they dress, take a good look at yourself and realize that you're not perfect either.