Not Taking my Bipolar Meds
I haven't been taking my bipolar medications for about 3 months now. I'm a little scared that I'll have another depressive or manic episode but I feel so much better when I'm not taking my meds. When I'm on my meds it kinda makes me feel sluggish, I don't smile as much, and I don't feel fully myself. I feel like the meds kind of suppresses my personality along with trying to regulate my emotions. Also, I don't like taking my meds because they make me gain weight. I hate being fat or chubby or whatever you want to call it. No matter how much I workout or eat right when I'm on my meds it doesn't help. One thing I'm scared of by not taking my meds is a thing called the "kindling effect." Apparently, someone's bipolar disorder can get worse if you go unmedicated for long enough. You can go from having just bipolar disorder, like I have now, to rapid cycling bipolar disorder. Rapid cycling is the worst and I would hate if I had that. I still need to lose more weight from what I gained when I was taking my meds so I keep telling myself that once I get to my goal weight that I will start taking my meds again and slowly figure out how I can keep my thin figure while still taking my meds and hopefully still feeling like my personality isn't being suppressed by them...