It would've been my wedding day on Saturday. And though it feels like everyone knows, I've realized not everyone knows. Over the weeks, I've been avoiding people at church; it's painful being asked, "How are the wedding plans going? How is your fiancé?" It is sorrowful... to think about a future I had hoped in. The reality that two people can be good people who love the Lord but it not be right--that is a hard thing to accept. But the Lord has been so kind to me, blessing me with a new home to nest in and with the support and prayers of my beloved church body. But this week... this week is hard. This week I'm lamenting. This week I'm thinking about how I would've entered the season of spring--the season of newness and beginnings--as the wife and helper, as a future mother and homemaker. Those who know me well and have walked with me through life for the last few years know that this longing runs deep. This is not the beginning I envisioned for myself, but it is all within the hand of the Lord; therefore, it is good. I know better today the voice of my Shepherd and that He protects, cares for, guides, and corrects His sheep. And when I lead worship, I can tell you that by the mercy of God, I mean more than ever what I sing from the stage. These words are no longer just words I sing as an offering to the Lord; they are now part of my being and are treasure to my soul. "O God, You are my God, and I will ever praise You." "For I am His, and He is mine." "He will hold me fast." "I will wait for You 'til my soul is satisfied." "My life is hid with Christ on high." "Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, it is well with my soul." I pour out the words of Psalm 16: the Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; You hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance. You make known to me the path of life; in Your presence there is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore. The place I'm in is still pleasant. My inheritance is still beautiful. My lot is still good.
