Player Reactions
So. My party are going back through notes from when the adventure started, and we get to the first NPCs we met. This is Kingmaker. So Paizo. So ohMAN the character art. And my player’s reactions when I show them images... Oleg, the tradepost owner:
“This man looks like Wolverine after a bad bender.” “He wants everyone to see that his chin is 3′‘ wide.” “It’s like he glued two 9-volt batteries together.” “Why does he have pointed ears??” “His mouth looks like a Disney Movie turtle’s.” “This man was drawn by someone who learned art from comic books.”
Now Svetlana, Oleg’s wife:
“He’s not even the HERO.” “Those are some SERIOUS dsl” “Her husband’s chin is wider than her whole head.” “She has more lips than he had ever dreamed a person could have.” “That’s a mimic, her face is unnaturally shaped. Seriously, she has no cheekbones.” “Her neck is as wide as her head. She looks like a football on a post.” “She’s got a lot of botox in that bottom lip. Her jaw probably unhinges.” “She looks like Wal-Mart brand doting wife.” “I wanna say more about her, but she just looks so BORING. This is a zero effort drawing.” “Maybe she swallowed a bee.”
Kesten, the captain of the guard:
“Your helmet is TOO TIGHT friend.” “Does his expression look like a man who was forced to take a dump in his armor and doesn’t want anyone to know? I think it does.” “He’s definitely mourning something. Maybe it’s his humanity? It just exited out the back door ‘goodbye my friends, this is it’.“ “He’s like the second half of a reaction image for when you step in a puddle and get your socks wet.” “That wasn’t a puddle.” “He’s watching his best friend spill a drink on somebody. He’s regretting his life and his choices. He hasn’t decided yet if he’s going to deny knowing that person. And he has resigned himself to another hour of this chafing.” “Under the visor, no one can see him cry.”
Finally Bokken, the crazy old hermit and potion maker:
“He looks dead.” “He’s halfway to the paralyzed horse from Bravest Warriors.” “Why is half of his beard styled and his hair parted? This is a man dressed like this so no one bothers him in public.” “Are those flies?” “He has to work really hard to keep those flies with the compost heap right nearby. Maybe he rubs himself down with animal musk?” “Those are the contacts they give people who play monsters on Buffy.” “This whole time I’ve been looking at his nose trying to think of something to say. But there’s nothing. It sure is something.” “This is an elf who just escaped twelve years in the underdark.” “This person draws noses like someone who does furry art.” “Do they know, that if they draw his neck perfectly smooth, one line straight, that they can’t just simulate an adam’s apple by drawing a semi-circle?” “No, that’s where the zombie bit him.” “OH, you’re right.” “His whole mouth looks separate from his beard, like it’s just flying by.” “That’s not a mimic and I don’t want to know what it is.” “This is a man who has seen god and discovered that he is edible.”