#kink advice

[trainwreck-of-thoughts]

I think everything I could ever want to write about kink can just kind of be summarized as "Submission Is Not Passivity".

[daffodil-screaming]

best tip for being a good girl? :3c

hmmm this is a difficult question!!! there are sooo many ways to answer it! 💕💕

- my first thought would be some practical advice, the goodest girls work on themselves to figure out what they want and know how to ask for it, are flexible in both levels of communication and expectations

- my next thought is that a good girl listens and pays attention to what their partner needs and desires, your power is your attentiveness and ability to preempt your partners needs, how can you make sure they are always satisfied

- finally, good girls know when to switch their brain off. good girls know when to disappear into the fog, stop thinking and let your partner be your guide. You trust them, show them how deeply. Show them your appreciation by becoming their pliable toy. Show them you are their goodest most obedient girl, stop thinking for yourself. Importantly, you also have to know at what times it is appropriate to think for yourself.

-bonus ; the above two suggestions are based on the good girl in question having a partner. So some tips if youre an aspiring good girl.

-wear clothes that make you feel hot, wear only underwear that makes you feel hot. Importantly this doesn't always mean tight or lowcut, being comfy is an important part of feeling good in your body!

-flirt with people, be kind and open and always try to make people smile

-take opportunities even if they scare you, this will get you a reputation of being someone who is always up for something (which imo is a good thing!) but it will also open up lots of doors to lots of people

-if you are being your authentic self, you will meet the right person who will make you feel like a good girl

[domestic-pest]

Those of you who are sexually active- Y'all need to get comfortable admitting things you probably do in bed are kinks and become risk aware about it. Liking to have sex while high/drunk is an intox kink, wanting to be choked or to choke is a kink, biting is a kink.

Intox kinks carry consent issues you need to discuss with your partner, and technically are a form of cnc (you are wilfully wanting to put yourself in a situation you cannot consent in, but with preconsent to do so), I would personally suggest all parties get their consent rules in writing if they want to engage in this one. People laugh at BDSM sex 'needing paperwork' to be safe, thinking their own sex doesnt need it, but this is one of those things that does need this, that a lot of people do without even thinking and are just like 'ok well i trust my partner' - no, do better. Yes, even if you are married, even if you've been together 15+ years, etc etc. Legally, drunk or high people cannot consent, particularly to sober partners. Get your prior consent in writing, and what exactly you consent to. People go too far without meaning to or do things they wouldnt do while sober and without this, everyones' in a messy situation.

Choking carries the obvious risks of harm, and even if you really think you/your partner are being safe, you need a plan for if the chokee passes out or gets hurt. 'It wont happen' is not a plan, do better.

Human bites carry bacteria and breaking the skin is definitely possible, even by accident. Wounds need properly cleaning from human bites, an alcohol wipe/bit of germolene wont cut it and yall know you probably arent even doing that *reliably*.

Even those fuzzy handcuffs that people joke 'dont really count', or tying someones' hands with tights or a necktie restricts someones' ability to use their hands- if you are doing this, then doing oral or otherwise limiting their ability to move their mouth, this person is limited on communication. Which causes risks of physical harm and consent issues if things go too far. Do you have a check-in system for this PLUS a nonverbal safeword like having something noisy they can kick, or are you just going on blind hope that nothing will happen that could be an issue? (Do not just go on blind hope that nothing will happen)

Even anal sex requires prep and awareness about bacteria and safe toys etc. The amount of folk (mainly cishet women, to be honest) I have come across who think they're safer/better than kinksters then go on to use princess plugs or use the same toy for anal/vaginal sex with cleaning that is frankly subpar. A tissue or standard baby wipe to make something Look clean or just smell ok is not cleaning, btw. You have to research things.

It is ok to do sex things that carry risk. That is not what this post is about. I will block you if you are here to just kinkshame or act holier-than-thou about your own sexual practices, you are who this post is about.

Also, if any of this made your hackles go up and you feel called out or uncomfortable and you want to argue that these aren't kinks- dont come in my comments and argue with me about it. Go sit with that feeling somewhere else. That is a you problem.

[properplace]

How do you find someone to trust this much? And how do you let yourself trust them? Like I looove the idea of bdsm and power dynamics turn me on sm but in reality I can't even IMAGINE trusting someone enough to let myself fall into submission like that

Let me start by saying: I hear you. It is not easy to find and, in my opinion, isn't "found" in a usable condition.

Even when I was just dating my Husband, I could not have hopped right into the relationship I have with him now. We had been friends for years before I even asked him out (which is more relevant to my trust issues and method of attraction than a requirement of anyone else), but even so, it took time (read: years) to build a shared dynamic by starting small.

Finding the right person? Goodness, I don't have any advice for that...maybe some of my followers do. I've always picked from my friends list. When I didn't? Disaster! But again, that's just me.

When you do find someone you like...I really believe that true behavioral change and lifestyle change needs to happen gradually and include an honest practice of reflection. If a dominant is asking you to take these steps in a matter of days or weeks (or even a few months), it should give you pause. The dynamic stands on the foundation of a relationship. Not to say that has to be monogamous or marriage or whatever - even a friendship is a relationship! And if that relationship is unwell, the dynamic is by definition unwell. Again, in my opinion. So making sure that the quality of the relationship that binds you to the person is high, you can more safely traverse kinky terrain.

The best way to practice for handing over the "big stuff" is a consistent history of handling the small stuff well. And when things don't go well (because that's life sometimes, we make mistakes), there is a safe and constructive place to repair, revise and heal.

I recommend trying to find someone who is emotionally mature, reflective and shows a willingness to improve themselves in various parts of their lives (work, family, relationships, health, etc.). Talk is talk. It needs to be shown. I personally prefer someone who is sincere, an active listener, and kind (not just to people they like, but in general). Then you've got to build trust.

Building trust is a tricky game because you must give it to receive it. You can't sit there in your high-walled castle and demand trust without showing any vulnerability (that will make the other person feel bad), but you shouldn't put yourself in the opposite position either. It's give and take. Hard to navigate no matter who you are, I think. I'm sure I'm not the only one who finds it scary.

If you have a strong bond, and can repair conflict and improve problem areas, you can do anything! Best wishes to you in your search and hold out for high quality ☺️

[lord-of-geeks-and-subs]

Today’s reminder: Make sure to learn about your own aftercare needs, and the aftercare of your partner(s). Emotional and physical care after scenes matters just as much as the scene itself. And being able to clearly communicate your own aftercare needs is crucial and absolutely part of your responsibilities.

[carmillathecountess]

Some special pretty pictures from my girl @maximumloveland that she wanted me to show to all you pretty girls 🖤🖤🖤

[inferno-of-frost]

Having about 3 kink friend groups is vital for the development of a switch

One to learn how to be submissive from.

Another to discuss what you’ve learned (best done with other switches).

And one group of subs to practice your skills.

[trainwreck-of-thoughts]

Views you don't need to hold to be kink-positive: -Nobody has ever been hurt doing anything kinky and if they did they were doing it wrong -Kink is purely roleplay and emotions from a scene never bleed into real life -Rapists never have rape kinks, misogynists never get off on misogyny, etc. -If someone has a kink they actually just desire something bland and socially acceptable, like wanting to feel powerful or wanting to feel loved -Kink is never used as a cover for abuse

Views you do need to hold to be kink-positive: -One has the right to consent to real long-lasting harms -If something is okay to do for non-sex reasons it should be okay to do for sex reasons -Promoting harm reduction is more efficient than promoting abstinence -Indulging in e.g. a rape kink doesn't make you more likely to go and rape random strangers -Kink's potential as a cover for abuse is not minimized by making it illegal and shameful