#kirra thoughts

[gotchabuddy]

Sigh...

Trying to get legal advice is a pain,I don’t know how anyone does anything. I wish I had more in-depth knowledge of our legal system,but looking up so many things is giving me a huge headache. I want to fight this restraining order because it could seriously fuck us over…But,figuring out where to start is just mind-numbing…

[gotchabuddy]

Updates...

So dear tumblr. Things just became monumentally worse. I’m honestly regretting so much,but I don’t know what else to do. My friend Evan is in an absolute dire situation and we don’t have many options. 

His mom filed a restraining order against me and him and called the cops on us. She is an absolutely vile person. I begged her multiple times over text and phone to not throw her son on the streets, but she won’t listen and now we’re running out of options. She filed for car theft(but we TOLD her we were leaving and she was fine?she randomly changed her mind mid-trip) AND a missing person report AND a restraining order at the same time. Bullshit. I can’t even describe how angry and frustrated I am at everything that transpired.

We’re probably going to have to go to court over this, and we feel so screwed. This is horrible, I feel so helpless, I don’t even know if posting this will yield any help, or if I’m just posting to the void. I want to talk to someone,anyone. I’m so lost and I have no idea what to do now. 

We don’t have a car, we don’t have money, we don’t have anything. I’m trying to search for other options and maybe buying a used car, but I’m afraid it’s not enough. I have a donation button on my page in the side bar, and Evan can draw FANTASTICALLY. I have a few samples in the post after this one.Anything over $10 for the art would be great,we’re going to price things soon,but quick sketches are at least over $5.Even 50 cents would be something...sigh.

If anyone has any suggestions, feel free. I’m trying to prevent someone very dear to me from being on the streets and I don’t know what to do anymore because of this. He’s currently staying at a friend’s, but it’s not for long. Even a hi would be nice, everything seems really grim. :c

[gotchabuddy]

Ughhhhh,so bored at work.Just cleaning and cashiering and more cleaning.It is so unbelievably slow today urghhhhhh.

[gotchabuddy]

I am...so oddly happy?Like,I got two new reviews on a fanfiction that I haven't updated since junior year OF HIGH SCHOOL.Whaaaaaaat!!!!! Those people musta gone digging through YEARS worth of Tyzula fanfiction only to find mine and leave nice,encouraging comments.Like,that is so touching???Awww,that's...so sweet!! Made my day,man. ;~;

[gotchabuddy]

Phewwww,I am so busy every day!?I hope I get a day off,sob.I want one day to relax every week,idk if I can handle all these hours tbh,but heyyyy,dat cash money tho. B) Seriously,I can't believe I went from working 16-20 hours a week to over 50+ omfg??? O.O;; Sighhh,I do need the money PLUS I can afford to pay for my car now.I need this car so badly,I'll do whatever it takes. :'< Anyways,that's the update on life.I want to go back to mi escuela soon,but I can't just leave this debt hanging around forreals.

[gotchabuddy]

Grahhhhh,my damn ignorance is seriously affecting my job performance.I better improve so HELP ME GOD. >:( Sighhhhh,makes me appreciate how easy I've had it for the last 5 months.I have to work super hard,I can do this!!! :O On the other hand,single mothers man,I have no idea how some can go to school,take care of a child,and do a job like this??That's.Amazing.Major props and I am so humbled by that,really.If I'm not let go by next week(let's pray lol),I wanna say that I've learned a lot either way not to take so many things for granted.

[gotchabuddy]

I love Steven Universe so flippin' much. ;~;

[gotchabuddy]

Ah yes,I'm back on tumblr.It's weird to be back on here,as if nothing has been happening the last few weeks.Damn though,I can hardly fathom the intensity,it's like a part of me wants to block everything out???Regardless,it's almost 5am and I can't sleep well anymore.I'm here at my aunt's house in my own room,wondering about a certain someone,hoping he's getting a lot of good feedback from his job,wondering if he drew something new or is playing a game or watching a new documentary,perhaps strumming on his guitar.Idk.

I may have been told off to hell and back,but I can't help but feel sad.Sad and disappointed and a whole myriad of feelings that I can't even describe at this moment in time.Maybe he'll be angry at me forever.Maybe I'll never be forgiven.I can't help hoping somewhere along the line,one day,we'll go on top of that one hill and watch the sunset like we wanted to.I don't know why I keep hoping and wishing for a better day.

So in the end,I don't think I have it in me to ever hate him.I'll go on,feeling guilty,feeling like I couldn't do anything worthwhile,but I know in my heart,in my very soul that I care,I still care,I'll always care.

This is some tragedy,according to them Greeks.All I ever wanted was for us to stay friends,and we can't even be that anymore?For all the cruelty that has occurred,this is just heartbreaking.I can't help hoping,can't help betting on every 11:11,can't help catching that shooting star or praying to god knows who for a miracle.

I can't help it.

I want too much,even after all I've done.

Sigh.

I just want to see him.Just want to chat and have a nice cup of coffee.I am not going to give up on hope,give up on faith,give up on believing(don't stop unbelieving amirite).

For all the responsibility on my shoulders,for all the mistakes I've made,I never once stopped loving him.I know what I feel and no one can take that from me,not even a person that completely despises me.Once upon a time,we had something and I'm not going to erase that.it happened.It happened.It happened.

For all the lies,I know my truth.The truth being that I will not give up thinking of him as an amazing person,a dazzling and wonderful young man.

If you ever stumble upon this,just remember that for all the regret that I'll have to shoulder from here on out,you have ALWAYS deserved to be happy,even if I can't be a part of your life anymore.

I guess I've run out of chances with you,with us,but hey,please don't hate the song Riptide.It's a good song dude.Also,maybe listen to that Capital Cities album it's p great.Remember to drink water and eat good food and...and..yeah.

"Have you no idea that you're in deep? I dreamt about you nearly every night this week How many secrets can you keep? 'Cause there's this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow and I play it on repeat Until I fall asleep"