love is gross. {Sebastian x Reader/Farmer}
Description:
A fic in which Sebastian finds that love is... a “gross” change of pace.
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Tags: fluff, reader is referred to as "Farmer"!, not beta'd, not edited, gender neutral reader, stardew valley/sdv x reader/farmer, sebastian x reader/farmer, stardew valley/sdv, sebastian
Word Count: 1,666
A/N: Written on: February 9, 2023
I think he’d be so conflicted learning to love and be loved because itd ruin his apathetic image come on now who does he think he is? Anyway, I love sebby if no one could tell
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He was going to run a hole into the ground.
The way Sebastian paced back and forth all day, there was no way there wasn’t a dip in the floor from where he had been. His feet were tired, but he couldn’t sit anywhere for very long.
It wasn’t that he was bored or didn’t have anything to do. Really, he was thankful for the peace living on the farm had given him, it was a welcome day of rest. Or, should he say restless? He heaved a heavy sigh and got up from the couch to pace around the front room once again.
The light of day had started fading, and the colours from the sky illuminated through the front windows. Even hues of gold couldn’t shine upon an answer for him; it was there, surely, painted in bright colours and shining lights, but he’d much rather turn his sights towards the unassuming darkness and question the shadows. The home had felt empty, and he had been perpetually cold; it didn’t take a genius to tell what was wrong—he had been restless because his spouse had left before he had woken up this morning and he hadn’t seen them all day—but he refused to admit this to himself.
It was still a weird feeling, loving and being loved. Sebastian wasn’t sure what to make of it, really. He didn’t want to admit that he wanted—needed—someone. To hold them close, to share in their warmth, to feel wanted and safe while making sure they felt the same—all odd feelings and gestures on his end, at least. It was always stiff when he first started out, in their early days of dating. He got comfortable as time went on, of course, but what of marriage? It made him start over from the beginning, afraid of his feelings and of the Farmer’s-- after all, he had much more to lose now than he did then.
It was new, welcomed, but new. Teaching old dogs new tricks was difficult, but he’d certainly been trying—the Farmer knew that—or, so Sebastian hoped they did. He wasn’t the best at showing them how he felt, but he surely did love them; never did he think he could be so... lovey dovey, so touchy feely, so... clingy. He didn’t want to admit these things; they made him cringe when he thought about actually doing it in practice rather than just in spirit. The feeling of wanting to run his fingers through their hair at the end of the day, to bury his head in the crook of their neck as they did anything in front of him, wanting to hold their hand during every waking moment of the day or kiss every inch of their skin he could get his lips on—he paused a moment to shake the thoughts out of his head. He didn’t need to be all over them, he could handle being on his own, to handle himself without need to hold their hand or hold them against him... or massage their shoulders after a hard day... or to gently wipe the dirt from their face before leaning in--
Sebastian shook his head once again to dispel the thoughts. He gave another heavy sigh and turned towards the front window, noticing now how the golden light had faded into a soft purple, the hints of orange illuminate enough to cast a long shadow down the farm's pathway. He rushed to the front door, embarrassingly, he thought, and opened it to find his spouse reaching the bottom of the porch's steps. They looked up to him and gave a big, loving smile without so much as a hint of exhaustion in their eyes when they found their way to his.
“Hi Sebby! Did ya have a nice day?”
“Mmm.” He grunted, still standing in the doorway.
“’Mmm’,” They mocked playfully. “Sounds exhilarating. I, however, am tired.”
They stretched out their back a moment before moving onto their arms, paying extra attention to the stretching of their shoulders. Sebastian watched carefully as they put down their equipment next to the steps and sat at the edge of the porch to rest their aching muscles; he quickly closed the door behind him and shuffled to stand awkwardly nearby them without saying a word. Embarrassing. Cringe-worthy, he thought to himself. How pathetic, he couldn’t help but think. Of course they just want to be alone and rest for a moment, they had been working so hard while all he did was pace around waiting for them like some lost puppy.
The obsidian haired boy’s thoughts stopped in their tracks when he noticed them lean back on their hands and bend a bit backwards to look up at him. He blinked a few times to put himself back together and cleared his throat before speaking.
“Sorry, what did you say?”
“I asked what you were up to, silly.”
“Oh... uh... nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“Nothing. Just standing here.”
“Oh, well... alright then.”
They continued staring at him; it was almost as if they could see straight through him and into his soul—maybe they saw all the turmoil brewing in his heart and mind all day. He was pretty sure they were a mind reader as soon as they spoke again. Or, maybe, they just knew him really well.
“Overthinking today?”
A split second of surprise on his end caused the Farmer to smile again; that damn smile was so warm, so loving, Sebastian thought he might melt into a puddle right there on the spot. Third time’s the charm as he sighed again, his chest now feeling tight as the knots in his heart grew larger. He stood there but couldn’t get himself to stand still; he shifted his weight from one foot to the other every handful of seconds while he tried to change the subject.
“How was your day? Besides being tired, I mean.”
His love gave him a pout, unconvinced about his subject change. He was glad they entertained him, though.
“It was good; crops are growing well but I’m a little scuffed from the mines today.”
“I told you to be careful and gear up when you went in there,” he bit his tongue and knit his brows together when he realized how venomous his words came out when he only meant to show concern.
“Haha,” they simply closed their eyes and gave a toothy grin, “I know, I know.”
Sebastian was lucky, he thought, that he had them. They could tell what his words mean, or lack thereof. In fact, he was just lucky in general that they had stayed with him regardless of how cold he was—he knew that. He was lucky he had everything—them, this house, the view.
His eyes flicked between the setting sun on the horizon and the person sitting in front of him. The air was starting to chill just slightly, and the silence around them echoed but held no malice. He watched the gentle rise and fall of their shoulders from their levelled breathing, and how fixed their eyes were on the oncoming night. He wanted them, he thought, he wanted to simply bask in the warmth of their proximity and surely that would be enough love for him to live on for the rest of his days.
Awkwardly and with an embarrassingly loud thud, Sebastian plopped down to sit on the step beside them. The silence remained, he thought he’d have to cut the tension with a knife; when he looked at their face, however... the exhaustion in the way the corners of their smile still soldier on and stand tall, the light of day slowly fading from the colour of their eyes, and the amount of love and appreciation for the life they get to live illuminating every curve of their features—everything was so breathtakingly beautiful. There was no tension, he had to realize and remind himself, there was only love poured into him day after day by the person who owned his entire world and held his very heart in their hands. How could he ever fret over feeling this way?
There was no need for stiffness, he thought. No need for worry or for keeping up appearances. No need to burden himself and the Farmer with the shadows in his heart—not when they were there to hold the lantern with a smile so large they couldn’t keep their eyes open. He shifted and scooted over closer to them, almost hip to hip, before leaning his head against their shoulder. His heart raced and played a thrilling melody in his ears until the quiet laughter from under their breath played a new tune; they placed their head against his as well and interlaced their fingers with his, the warmth of their hand warming up his entire body as if the sun from their heart made its way through his veins.
Or maybe it was the heat from blushing that spread across his body. Sebastian wasn’t so sure anymore, but he didn’t think about it too hard—or rather, he couldn’t think about it at all. The Farmer softly, as though he were going to break, ran their thumb over his—slowly, gently, a small action packed full of emotion and care that dispelled any and all shadows that clouded his mind.
The night came out, but neither him nor his love made any movement to go inside. With all eyes closed, they simply existed with one another, warming the other up and creating their own space in the world. He got to place his heart in their hands at the end of each night and replace the hole in his chest with their own heartbeat. Sebastian felt happy—loved; he felt like he truly mattered in the world and that someone cared to have him in it.
Maybe it wasn’t so bad, he thought, to be so grossly lovey dovey.