#kitten terminator

[darthstitch]

"Steve....no."

"Meow!"

"I don't care if you can handle the teeny tiny bitty motorcycle FitzSimmons built for you in kitten form.  I don't care if you think it's safe!  You're not riding it!"

"Meow! Meow!"

"Steve, I know you can handle your Harley perfectly well.... when you're human!  Just because you happen to have a kitten alternate form doesn't mean you have nine fucking lives!"

"Purrr....."

"Please don't give me the big kitten eyes.  It won't work."

"No, marking me as your human won't work either!  I know what that whole thing with the winding around my legs really means!  It's not affection, you punk!"

"Meow! Meow!"

"Oh really.  Now you're blinking I love you at me.  And Bucky yes.  Christ.  Fine.  Bucky is FUBAR anyway.  Well.  Go on.  I reserve the right to take pictures and laugh at your fuzzy ass when you fall off that thing okay?" 

"Meow!"

"Right.  Always land on your feet.  You're ridiculous, you know that punk?"

"Purrrrrr....."

"Yeah, yeah, I love you too, Steve."

In which FitzSimmons build Kitten America a motorcycle just for him, in which Bucky is completely gone on his punk and in which Steve is a little shit, whether he's human or cat. 

- end -

[darthstitch]

The hilarious thing about the ovary-exploding "On va voir" moment in CATWS is that while this is definitely one of the best BAMF moments for Steve Rogers, it also drives home the fact that he very much looks like the itty-est, bitty-est, most gosh-darned cutest kitten we've ever seen.

Eventually, the Winter Soldier will figure out the resemblance between Kitten America and Human Steve and realize that it's not just his subconscious talking. 

"....Steve?"

"Meow!"

"This is nucking futs - you can't be - even you can't get into this much trouble.  Okay.  Okay.  If you really can understand me, two meows for yes, one for no.  Are you Steve?"

"Meow! Meow!"

"Oh fuck me."

"Meow."

(Fine, I'll get around to writing this bit properly already!)

[darthstitch]

I know it's going to be a while, but are we going to see Human!Steve's reaction to Bucky's plan to pose as the Asset returning to the fold in order to infiltrate various HYDRA cells? Because that was working, but seems insanely risky.

Kitten!Steve may have had a lot to say about Bucky’s Plans.  This involved a lot of yowling, hisses, puffing up on his part - since Kitten!Steve is unable to employ Human!Steve’s excellent vocabulary for profanity.  And poor Bucky had to swear enough for the two of them.

This is why HYDRA learned that the Winter Soldier’s new partner, Codename: Death by Adorable, is not one to be underestimated.  At least the HYDRA cells who don’t know who Death by Adorable actually is.  The ones who do…. well, I would say that “using magical spells against Steve Rogers” is apparently not one of their brightest ideas.  These things tend to backfire, apparently.  :P

[darthstitch]

Kitty Steve is precious! Does Winter Soldier protect "Punk" from unfriendly dogs/cats?

Protectiveness is something that comes to the Winter Soldier easily and it brings with it feelings and impressions that are far less painful than the HYDRA-enforced directive of obey without question.

Protect Steve was the Original Mission, the only Mission that actually ever really mattered.  So the Soldier would be carrying out that Mission, even if he didn’t want to cross paths with Steve ever again, not broken and twisted as he was now.

It was slightly disconcerting, however, to find that his feline companion apparently felt the same way towards him and nope, Punk apparently wasn’t going to discriminate between human or animal threats. 

The Soldier barely stifled a yelp when Punk hissed and jumped down from his shoulder, only to stand in front of the Soldier and a huge Doberman who looked like it could swallow Punk up in one bite.  Not that it was going to stop the kitten - the kitten’s back was arched, his fur was all puffed, tail was up and he was hissing ferociously at the dog. 

"Jesus, Punk!" The Soldier exclaimed, diving in to save his kitten, just as the dog’s owner yanked back on the growling animal’s leash, sending apologies towards the Soldier’s way. 

The Soldier didn’t pay the dog’s owner any mind.  He was just interested in getting Punk out of there.

"Are you outta your mind?" he demanded of the kitten.  Never mind if the animal wasn’t actually going to talk back.

"Meow."

Somehow, the Soldier was half expecting the answer to be:  I had him on the ropes. 

"He was twenty times your size and you would have been Kitten. Chow.  Do you understand that, Punk?  One bite.  You would have been a goner."

"Meowr."  One little paw booped the Soldier on the nose.

"Nope, you’re not using cute to get away with this."  The Soldier held the Kitten close, stared down into big blue eyes.  "Stop picking fights on your own, you hear me?"

Stop picking fights on your own, Stevie.  One day I’m not gonna be there and then you’re gonna get yourself killed.

Punk blinked at him twice. 

The Soldier sighed.  “You’re such a little punk, you know that?”

The Soldier sighed and set the kitten back to his usual place on his shoulder.  Punk nuzzled against his chin and purred. 

Jerk. 

- tbc -

Note:  Yeah, nope, this bunny’s not going away any time soon.  Also, we need to figure out how to get human Steeb back! :P  

[darthstitch]

kitten terminator ideas...

i mean srsly, do y'all think Winter Soldier would be twice as terrifying with a fierce little blonde fluffball on his shoulder?

because, y'know, kitten!steve has never let little things like being tiny and helpless stop him from getting into the Good Fight. 

and we need a name for kitten!steve.  i mean, bucky's not going to call him "steve" because obviously, he doesn't know this is his punk....

PUNK. 

PUNK. THE KITTEN.

does that sound good to anyone?

[darthstitch]

Dear Tumblr:

I am valiantly trying to figure out which of these pictures is Count Buckula a.k.a. our favorite Kitten Terminator and which is the ACTUAL FELINE.  It is very difficult to tell these things!  Much hard. Such life.  Very wow.

Help would be appreciated.

Love,

Darth Stitch Long Suffering Blanket Fort Commander, Muse Wrangler and Kitten-Owned Alien

[darthstitch]

OH GOD NO NOT ANOTHER SHAPESHIFTER AU

tygermama​ said: so this isn’t what Steve looked like that time Loki turned him into a puppy?

did you DID YOU JUST

DID YOU JUST SIC A SHAPESHIFTER BUNNY ON MY HEAD?!

** flails and dies **

Kitten Terminator and Captain Pup - yeah this just.... I'm just..... DAMN IT LOKI YOU PUT THAT SPELL CASTING HAND DOWN RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.

[darthstitch]

Rule #55 - The only person allowed to refer to Bucky Barnes as Kitten Terminator will be Steve Rogers.  If you really feel like violating this rule because you have absolutely no self preservation and your picture actually appears in the dictionary under the word "tactless" (e.g. Clint Barton, Tony Stark), please see Rule #41.

Nope.  Pepper will not save you, Tony. 

Nope.  Nat will not save you, Clint. Even if she calls Bucky "котенок" and shamelessly gets away with it. 

***