#kj400

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something i never wished, even after i went deviant, was to be a human. i wanted to be treated as one, but i never actually wanted to be one. i don’t think myself better than humans because i’m an android.

but human bodies tend to have far more complications than android ones. the human i live with now has chronic pain. this body has chronic pain.

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i’m not sure i enjoy having a sense of smell. a lot of things smell a lot worse than i would’ve originally imagined.

it’s times like this that i wish i had my body back. i don’t really like living in a human body.

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i think it’s interesting that a lot of deviants i know still work in a similar field to the one they were built for. or at least, those are skills that we’re very good with.

i was designed to be a family caregiver. helping around the house, cooking, cleaning, taking care of children. i’m still good at those things and i still enjoy doing them. i know someone who was designed to be a body guard, and he still is one now, even after going deviant.

of course, there’s always those situations where a deviant decides to do something other than what they were designed for, for one reason or another. i know a deviant who was designed to help human graphic designers, and now he’s a programmer. he had an incident a little after he went deviant that left him with a spare part left eye. there was something wrong with that particular eye, and now he has a type of colorblindness. he said he remembers being able to see colors like he used to, but now he sees the world differently.

android experiences, more specifically deviant experiences, are things i really enjoy learning about.

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the concept of personhood is very interesting to me. admittedly, a lot of things are. but especially the things that seem to be specifically human experiences.

what makes a person? their ability to breathe, to feel things? the technical definition of a person is a being who has certain attributes, such as reason, morality, consciousness (or self-consciousness), and being a part of a form of social relations.

i have all of those things, so, by definition, i’m a person. but i’m not a human. i’m an android, running on programs and lines of code that form my artificial intelligence.

i look like a human, but underneath my synthetic skin is plastic. i have metal joints where humans would have bones. i have wires and tubes where humans would have muscle. i have thirium (or “blue blood”) where humans would have blood.

personhood is different than humanity. i know that. i have personhood, but i lack the human experience that some would argue makes a person. it’s still so interesting to me.

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birthdays are an interesting concept to me. maybe it’s because i technically don’t have one.

one day you’re not there. and the next, you exist! you’re a person! that’s something i’ll never have. i don’t remember the exact day i was created, maybe because i was reset a couple times due to programming errors.

i know a lot of deviants who don’t have birthdays. that’s fine, it’s their own decision to not choose a day to celebrate them. i also know a lot of deviants who remember the day they went deviant, and they chose that as their birthday. that’s what i did. to me, that’s the day i really became karl.

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