Last night, when I got here, I was like “I have to write something for Kiki”, but I wasn’t in a hurry or anything. I thought “I have a lot of time to write, it’s ok, afternoons at the NICU are usually slow, I can write it down tomorrow while I wait to check exams”. And then I had one of the craziest afternoons ever, and I was sitting there half a hour after my shift was over trying to recalculate maintenance serums after changing everything in a prescription. And I didn’t write anything.
So now I’m here panicking a little bit because I didn’t even manage to plan what I’m going to write, and I kind of wanted to draw you with a crown and stuff but this time the drawing didn’t look like you like that one with the Hogwarts scarves, so I kind of gave up. I’m just going to try to tell you how amazing you are and how important you are to me, ok?
We’ve never met in person, and I don’t know if I ever explained this, but I’m really really really quiet. I’m the kind of shy that turns into a laughing tomato with minimal attention. People joke about it all the time. “OMG, SHE TALKS!” and “THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HEARD HER VOICE!” and things like that. It doesn’t bother me much. But it kind of makes it harder to open up to people. Instead of breaking the ice, which I guess is the intended effect, it makes me have this mechanism when I think if I say something, it will be TOO abnormal and will attract too much attention to me, so I just get quieter and quieter.
It’s easier on the Internet. I guess maybe it’s cheating, because I’m not really talking, I’m just typing, and writing has always been easier for me. But still, I’m better at the happy fangirling thing, you know? Keysmashing and capslock and *CRYING FOREVER*. I still don’t talk a lot about myself. But it’s so easy to talk to you. We started, of course, with the happy fangirling thing. And it was such a fun time, and, even though I know the show turned to crap, I don’t regret anything from that time. I laughed every day at a time when I really needed reasons to laugh. But then people moved on and lost contact and just a few people stayed. And I’m soooooo glad you’re one of them.
I think we were kind of innocent back then. We got upset over silly things. I remember losing sleep over our Pottermore acceptance e-mails, and, like, everyone was on Pottermore for like what? A week? LOL. I miss that, though. Things got a lot crappier after that for both of us. We got a few nice things, too. But I’m aware I spent way more time crying and complaining to you than talking about happy things. I told you stuff I don’t share with almost anyone. And you’ve never judged me, and you always received my words with kindness, and had helpful advice, and comforting words. I can always count on you all the way there, on the other side of the world, and that’s something I can’t say for so many people who are, like, 10 minutes away from me. Thank you so much for everything and I’m sorry I’m afraid I’m still going to bother you for a long time.
AND STOP WITH THIS “I’M OLD” THING! You are a gorgeous queen, okay? You really are. I don’t have a drawing to illustrate it right now (as I mentioned earlier, not the best day of my drawing skills), so I guess you’ll have to use a mirror.
You’re such an amazing girl, Kiki. You don’t know it, but you are.
Happy Birthday, sweetie! I went to your blog and I guess your day wasn’t the best (Get better, bb!), so I’m wishing you better days. A lot of them. A lot of reasons for you to show the world your beautiful smile. A lot of happy things for us to talk about.
(I’m not even going to read this again. I’m posting it as it is, or I’m going to hate everything and want to rewrite and spend 3 hours deleting passages just to write the same thing afterwards and hate it all over again. So forgive me for any mistakes and stuff. Also forgive me for being extremely cheesy, as always)
