Lonely Cafe Man - Korea Storytime
I used a lot of online things in the past to create friendships here in Korea I find its a good opportunity to meet people. But more often than not i end up with problems and this is a story about one of those problems.
Using a language exchange a man who we will just call "CafeMan" as to use real identity is rude and despite everything he said I will not ever reveal this.
Honestly I recognised his face but didnt think much of it until he found my Instagram and messaged me there too. I had seen previous chatlogs to which I remember one specific thing he said "Are you pretty?, korean guys are superficial they only have sex with pretty foreigners" I need to add here we never spoke about this subject and it made me extremely uncomfortable so I promptly stopped talking. I explained that I remember the conversation but due to the insta deletion option he quickly deleted it stating he didnt remember nor do it, and he was previously hacked.
I gave him benefit of the doubt....well I still assumed it was him but decided to move past it. We talked a lot, he mentioned his ex who was a foreigner who moved to Korea, he did everything for her and she apparently left him to do some job and become famous. I can get more specific but due to privacy again i will not. I genuinely felt bad he seemed like a nice guy.
But talking to him we butted heads a lot first being about tattooists, for context we were talking about foreigners who have the kpop/oppa hunter mentality who try to sleep with Korean guys in hope of this romance starting and he dropped a bombshell (I have screenshots of these interactions I may post later I just dont want him ever finding this) he written "Some of my friends they got AIDS for korean guys in hongdae" as you can imagine this caught me off guard maybe sick curiosity but I wanted to know more. So I asked questions and replied guys with tattoos so i asked further what he meant and he said "Half of girls get AIDS from sex with tattooist in hongdae" as I know some tattooists in Hongdae personally I was immediately ready to jump to defence. Because the way he worded it implied all tattooists I cannot confirm or deny that one tattooist actusally did do this but i dont like the generalisation of the professionals I know who are trying to make good reputations.
He went on to correct himself stating semi professionals or cheap tattooists but Im unsure if he only did this because i jumped at their defence but it was initially a bold statement to make. And then stated he knew a Netherlands girl who only wanted tattooists for free tattoos, again I cannot validate. But if true she is in the wrong too.
Time goes by and I'm in Korea. He repeatedly asks to meet but due to circumstances (with family/house hunting) I cannot and I explain this calmly but he gets increasingly annoyed but I assured him we would meet after a certain date as that was the day I would have no more stress and i meant it. But he still seems to get angry with me.
I had some house hunting issues and he offered me some help with a friend, which is nice and all but i politely declined as my friend was helping me, taking time away from her own work ao I didn't want more help because it would feel like I'm turning my back on her when she was trying so hard.
Also if I happened to log into a language/friendship app i had met him on he would find my acc screenshot the log in and like accuse me of meeting friends and not him, like it was weird since we didnt know eachother well and at that time usually I clicked in app like force of habit not with any intentions at that point, such as opening facebook and scrolling when you have nothing to do.
I would complain or vent about my situation in finding a place a lot. This is my bad i shouldnt complain, but i was stressed and sad, its my first time renting a place anywhere let alone a foreign country. And he kept stating and laughing saying i did not do anything to change my situation which wasnt true, I was skipping on on showing my family around korea so I could tend to these issues but he didnt see it that way. But he kept saying I denied his help and again I explained everything and some personal issues that where making the situation worse to which he said "ok lets stop talking about it" and we did for the time being.
And then the big issue happend he kept going on and on at me so I explained my deep personal issues which i dont feel comfortable saying to anyone, but I told him because he didnt seem to understand where my behaviour came from which is understandable in a sense I dont expect people to read my mind or just put the peices together thats no ones job but i went into details on hows and why and what. And he said he went through same thing but stated "I acted like only miserable person in the world" yes i was sad and vented but, i never went out and said i was always sad or i was only one going through stuff and before this moment i never ever mentioned what i was dealing with because i dont want to use it or people to know. He stated that i post on insta like a bitch so he didnt follow me. Yes i post on insta, either selfies or "photography" (i use it quotes as its just some shitty photos im not a photographer by profession) i failed to see how it was bitchy, was i more confident in this online world? Yes. But arent most people, i think this mentality is so common in the modern world it borders on stereotypical. The fact he didnt follow me didnt bother me (i wasnt followimg him) but he seemed to try and use this as ammunition to hurt me I suppose because I knew he didnt follow, it wasnt a point worth mentioning. Despite he posted himself as a model which he genreally wasn't he did like one shoot maybe in another country but hardly professional but also stated to me he wasnt a model previously and thought of it like prostitution but still tagged everything as model. But i never brought this hypocritical comment up.
I told him i deal with my issues in my own way (i didnt state how its not his buisness) as I do because i went and got help and learned whats good for me.
He then stated I was making my problems his and they werent his. I wasn't i just wanted him to know because he would constantly mock me for not doing what he wanted or said. He got offended by me declining and stated "Helping people is Korean culture and if you dont want help you should live alone in Korea"
After explaining how much guilt i felt for my friend helping me and dealing with my mentality (currently she doesnt know my personal problems either) I told him i was wrong for complaining and i wouldnt do it again and he said "you can complain" but that was where the problems began in the first place.
Thats where i cut him off, I didnt think the friendship if you can even call it what was healthy for either of us. We clearly didnt see eye to eye and thats fine, not everyone is the same. Not everyone gets along its life.
He tried to contact me 3 times within the last month i think, once on Kakao which was first saying "Lol bye", I had blocked him on Insta to save the drama and he went onto his works insta and messaged me there (I have screenshot)
Saying "lol you block me hahahaha bye" and he swiftly deleted it but i had already seen. Then once very recently he messaged me again on another social media saying "why'd you block me lol".
I responded to none of these, why? What good can come from it, it would only lead to arguing of some sort as it did when we tried to keep a friendship. I don't believe its worth the attempt. I am not the good guy in this, I did plenty of this wrong as you can see and its taught me sometimes you just cannot fight for some friendships as they're just not meant to be.
Ive been made aware by a mutual he has gone on to post stuff thats says "you are lonley you need internet friends. Well I have real friends get fuck out if my life I don't need that" I wont deny he has real friends but to complain at people who meet online when you spoke to me twice from Insta and Language app which are both online which is a contradiction to his statment. He then made another post saying why he could be a bitch or rude and people are stupid. I cant be bothered going into it and these may not be worded exactly but as I was shown by my friend as i do have him blocked.
- Its been a over a week since i written this, as I do go back on forth of if I should post this even though i don't give away any privacy of the individual in question.
But again all the stuff he said on his posts about people making online friends needed to get out if his life has since been removed and a renaming of his instagram. Due to the previous mutual friend I have the original post screenshots of these before he removed them but I am debating if posting is wise as people may recognise the posts even with the name of the acc removed and anything that would relate to his identity. Maybe I'm overthinking but if anyone has an opinion if i should show screenshots or not I'd be happy to discuss it. And sorry its so long winded, i didnt want to miss much as most are vital points or so I believe.
10th August update - despite the long rant he had cussing people out about making online friends he has tried to ince again add me on on of the friend/language exchange app. I thought i seen him 1 day prior but I wasnt so sure as the name didn't match and photo was difficult to see. But today I saw his old photo but under a nee name.