Regrettably, I can’t tell you all too much, as I was… quite confused throughout the ride back.
To be fair, this was the first time I woke up on a plane.
Or, well, that’s a lie. Admittedly, I fell asleep the last time I was on a plane to that Kokomins conference on an ambiguous tropical island. I don’t know why it had to be on an ambiguous tropical island, but the Third Chairman insisted it was the best way to discuss Teruhashi’s radiance and purity. I will say that we ended up discussing less about Teruhashi’s radiance and purity than expected, and more about finances, statistics, and my 42nd cancellation on Twitter.
I must note that I didn’t take the details of either plane into account, as I spent the entirety of that plane ride either sleeping or staring at pictures of Teruhashi, and the majority of this one trying to piece together where, who, and why I was.
I remembered that there was some sort of giant turtle telling me the secrets to life- or, well, it may not have been a turtle. I shouldn’t have assumed it was a turtle. It could have been a beetle or something.
No matter what species it was, it would have been nice if I could remember anything about what it told me. Now, I was lying down… somewhere, under… something, and I was… someone, maybe. I was definitely as lost as I’d ever been.
That was, until I heard Mera’s hollering. I’ll transcribe the conversation that followed as best as I can, although there are regrettably some gaps in my memory.
“-KING SWEAR- GIVE ME THE WHEEL FOR TEN SECONDS! I AM NOT DEALING WITH ANOTHER LAWSUIT. DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING ANNOYING THOSE ARE TO-“
“I keep telling you, I’ll dodge the plane with my husband powers!”
“And I’ll dodge the plane with my powers of being able to drive- not one of these stupid fucking foreign ones.”
“What does that have to do with anything? All you need to fly a plane is a steering wheel, a bunch of buttons to press, and husband powers!”
“Do you have any idea what ANY of these buttons do?”
“I’ll figure it out! I just need- I got myself here!”
“Look. I’m not risking our deaths, or another lawsuit for the Mera family. Now just let me have these unnecessarily stupid- so we won’t die!”
“We’re not going to die,” Maeko said with that beautiful, beautiful voice, forcing my eyes to open a little more with each passing word. “Anyways, I’ve only flown into- like- a few birds!
It was then that I realized I’d probably done something stupid. If Maeko and Mera were clamoring over the controls of… something, and I was slowly regaining consciousness, then I’d most likely trapped us in a life or death situation.
“Sorry,” I tried to mutter, but I’m pretty sure it came out as more of a cough than anything. Instead, I opened my eyes to see if there was anything I could do to help.
I couldn’t see much through the pile of Maeko-scented fabric I was nestled under, and the eye hole I found once I rolled to the side was too small for me to get a good look at my surroundings. And- honestly, even if I couldn’t, I doubt I’d be able to remember much, seeing as at that point, I had forgotten where on my body my hands were. I’m pretty sure I believed they were in my mouth, for some reason.
All I remember is that Mera was holding some sort of handbook (at the time, I believed it was 1001 Ways To Dispose Of a Body, although I’ve never known her to read that sort of literature casually, and she already knows at least 36 ways to dispose of corpses), and that Maeko was sitting down, his hands firmly placed on… something, and her cat ears perked up.
I wanted to pet them, so naturally, I opened my mouth wide. That is when I realized my hands were in a completely different location, and that I could not feel them, wherever they were.
I had to help somehow, since I’d clearly gotten us into this mess, but… it seems I couldn’t move. I’ve been doing a lot of that recently- getting into messes, but freezing when it’s time to get out of them; making people upset yet finding myself unable to make them happy, futily attempting to atone for my sin yet unable to take my actions back, unable to forgive myself, unable to move.
All I could do was lie there, trust Maeko and Mera, and watch them desperately fiddle with some… buttons, or levers, or something.
“See? I made it with my husband powers! We’re fine!”
“Maeko, look out the window.”
“Yeah! We’re fine! It’s just water- wait, water?”
“Precisely the thing that makes hypothermia worse. The Mera family- I mean we- cannot afford to crash, Mae.”
“I WILL SAVE MY WIFE,” Maeko screamed, as the space we were in shook.
“Alright. Alright, how do we get out of this- why the fuck is this manual a thousand pages, where is the segment where I can actually learn how to use it, and WHY IS IT ALL IN AFRIKAANS? This is fucking bullshit, I swear-“
“Don’t worry! We’ll get back in the air if I press this big red button!”
“What big red button, Mae?”
“This one! Right here! My instincts are telling me it says… something about keeping the plane out of the water!”
“I can tell you it doesn’t say that. It says- I don’t know, because it’s in fucking Afrikaans. Ugh. Just don’t press it for now, alright?”
Maeko’s head turned as the room shook once again. At this point, I was starting to realize we were in some sort of transportation vehicle, and that we were in the air. I also knew that Mera and Maeko were struggling to keep it in the air, for some reason, and that Mera was wearing two extremely thick jackets. If I could have moved, I would have hugged them both on the spot- which, seeing as looking back they were probably trying to prevent a plane crash, my paralysis was for the best.
I’d have moved to help them, to hold them, but I couldn’t. I was buried under a pile of fabric, I couldn’t feel my own hands, and any attempts my body made to escape were futile. Anything I did would make it worse, anyways.
Alarms blaring, footsteps rushing, and room shaking, I lay in my pathetic position, tied to the bench, the ground, the grave I had dug myself. For a moment, I forgot I wasn’t alone in a crashing plane, a shaking room, an empty prison. I forgot what it meant when there was nothing I could do.
Despite this, I kept my eyes open. I wasn’t alone anymore.
“FUCKING- SHIT! THAT DID NOTHING- HOW DO I- WHY THE HELL IS THIS STUPID FOREIGN PLANE SO HARD TO MANEUVER?”
“Fucking- okay, the engines are alright, if this stupid radar is to be believed. We just need to steer upwards and out of the way. Mae, take the wheel like this.”
“I know how to use the wheel! I’ve learned from my-“
Mera gripped the thing Maeko was holding, posture becoming more vicious and intense with each passing moment. The room shook, tumbled, spun- until suddenly, it slowed, and Mera let Maeko took control.
“Just- stay focused. There’s no way Kouki’s body can handle a crash right now. I don’t even know how he survived in that T-shirt and shorts.
“Don’t worry. Kouki will live,” Maeko said, as my name returned to me.
This was the second time I’d awoken on a plane. The first time, all I knew is that I’d wasted time I could have spent looking at photos of Teruhashi sleeping. However, this time around, I found myself recalling more.
I was Kouki, I was in some sort of moving room, I could barely move, and I was going to survive. Maeko and Mera were going to get me out of whatever I’d gotten myself into alive, because when I’m paralyzed, when every move aches and burns, it no longer means I’m helpless.
I made a mental note to give Mera and Maeko the biggest hug possible once my arms could move, and to learn how to fly a plane. Looking back, I should probably learn how to read Afrikaans, too, just in case.
“Is that Lan- no, it’s just a normal bird,” Maeko mumbled.
Mera just slumped against the wall, book still in hand as she wiped sweat off her forehead. “I swear, the buttons are all in the most inconvenient places possible- I mean, what were they thinking with that navigation control system?”
“Does it matter? I can fly any plane with my husband powers!”
“You- ugh,” Mera sighed. “Just try not to give us no choice but to hitchhike with some guy from another anime.”
If I could feel my hands, I would have reached for them. However, I could barely move- all I had was my own eyes, a pile of fabric, and the knowledge that Maeko and Mera were three meters away from me, figuring out how to get us through. The sky, the world was already in my hands, even if I couldn’t feel it- I just wanted to hold it tight, laugh and grin as we flew through whatever challenges we faced together.
Next time, I’d be moving freely. But until then, Maeko and Mera would keep me in the air.
But for now, I could only smile. Or frown. I’m not really sure what I did- not until I spoke.
“Thanks,” I finally managed to peel out of my mouth.
“Love you too, Kouki,” Maeko chirped. I’m not quite sure why he assumed I had already said what I was planning on saying next.
“Shut up Kouki, I’m trying to focus,” Mera said. “Wait, Kouki?”
“KOUKI!” Maeko cheered, before running to my side and staring directly into my eyehole with that emerald gaze that pierces me to the core every time I receive it.
“FUCKING- YOU LET GO OF THE WHEEL, MAE. You know what? It’s fine. I’ll get us through this. I just need to- damnit where the hell are the buttons on this thing-“
“Where am I? Why’s it so cold?” I asked, each word painful to peel from my lips.
“Oh, Kouki, baby, I’m so sorry those anons did that to you- we’re in the air! Somewhere. I’m not really sure where.”
“If you want to stay in the air, you’d- could you come and help me out so I can use the instruction manual to figure out this stupid South African plane? I swear, there are- like- fifteen different dials on this thing, and they’re all in the wrong places- why the hell would they put so many on the ceiling?”
Even in my semi-conscious state, I could feel Mera’s nonverbal request for me to shut the fuck up. Honestly, it was a bit of a relief, seeing as every word was agony on my dry throat and chapped lips.
I was happy to let Maeko kiss me on the forehead and run off to the pilot’s seat, let Mera complain about the various switches and dials and- mittens, I think, although that doesn’t really sound accurate- as we tumbled through the sky.
Honestly, I was just happy.
Yeah, I know that we ran into seventy six birds that I know of, almost crashed into four planes, and nearly hit the water nineteen times, but I wasn’t worried in the slightest.
