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Used 500 calories (at most) l this morning because they decided to have pizza in the breakroom. Impulsively ate a slice and had one and a half parmesan bread bites. At least I had my fill and won’t be craving it through the day. Hoping this will be enough and no other overwhelming craving will pop up at random, I’ll just drink a shit ton of water and cope.
I need to stop taking laxatives on work days. They don’t even help me poop when I need them to (before weighting myself), I just end up having the shits during my shift.
My weight today is 134.8lbs. I’m pissed, why tf is it going up, I’ve not been overeating and I’m sure as hell not over my calorie deficit. I’m fucking pissed off hhh.
I’ve come to realize thinspo does dick for me. My newfound motivation is to draw my fleshsona more and more emaciated and fucked up looking the thinner I get. A sickly looking creature you dragged out of the attic twisting and screeching.
No scale yet
Still no scale. Long way to go still ugh.
My two best friends will be having a voice call on Monday and my BPD is at an all time high, seething with jealousy and fear of being replaced. Optimal time to focus on starving, hoping it'll tone down the paranoia.
No clue how much I weight rn, my parents don't own a scale and I won't have access to one for two more weeks. I know i've lost weight in the last two months I've been with them, I just wish I had the exact numbers. I want to reach my lowest weight and go a bit further again.
