#kurokenweek2020

[soapyakships]

KRKN Week Day 1 & 2: Comfort, One bed @kurokenweek2020

[lithalwrites]

Five Times, One Time

The first time Kuroo kissed Kenma, it was an accident. He knew nobody would believe him if he ever told them the story, but it was true. It was an accident, and he was twelve years old. They were in Kenma’s room, with Kenma playing the newest game he had gotten into, his homework forgotten, and Kuroo actually working on his math homework.

“Kenma, you have to finish your homework,” Kuroo said, looking over at his friend, whose focus was completely on the game. His eyebrows were drawn together in concentration, and he was chewing his lip, something he did when he was faced with a particularly difficult boss in a game. “Ken-ma,” Kuroo tried again, having received no response the first time. Kenma ignored him again, so Kuroo did the next best thing. He stuck his face close to Kenma’s ear and whispered, “Ken-ma-sa-a-n.” This prompted Kenma to abruptly turn towards him, and somehow ended with Kuroo’s lips grazing Kenma’s cheek before he pulled away hastily.

It wasn’t really a kiss, not at all, but the fact remained that they were twelve, and if Kenma had been a girl, this would have totally been considered a kiss by all the kids at school, and made Kuroo the coolest person in the class. But Kenma was Kenma, and this wasn’t a kiss, not really, Kuroo told himself.

Despite it not having been a kiss, Kuroo thought about it for the rest of the evening. Kenma had completely ignored it, or perhaps he hadn’t even noticed in his annoyance at Kuroo interrupting him. Which was just another reason that this hadn’t been a kiss. Not at all.

And when some kid on the volleyball team had nerve to ask him about his first kiss, he didn’t think about that day when he was twelve and his lips had grazed Kenma’s cheek. Not at all.

 The second time Kuroo kissed Kenma, it was a dare, and he was fifteen. It was senior night at their middle school, and he had convinced Kenma to tag along. Some of his classmates had the brilliant idea to play truth or dare in the gym, and of course, the bottle landed on Kuroo.

He knew he was in trouble when he saw the smirk on Yamada’s face.

“I dare you…to give someone in the gym a kiss,” he said.

Without thinking, he leaned to his left and kissed Kenma on his head. Some of the people in the circle laughed, while others protested.

“That’s cheating, man,” Yamada said. “That doesn’t count. Kiss a girl.”

“You didn’t specify that it had to be a girl,” Kuroo said. “So I’ve completed the dare.” Yamada started to protest again, but someone else told him to shut up and get on with the game, so Kuroo was saved. He glanced at Kenma through the corner of his eye, and saw him frowning slightly.

Neither of them mentioned the kiss.

 The third time Kuroo kissed Kenma, he was sixteen, and Kenma was sick of how the seniors on the volleyball team treated the underclassmen. Practice had ended for the day, but the captain had tasked Kenma to clean up, and Kuroo had stayed behind to help.

“I’m quitting,” Kenma said. “I hate the upperclassmen. They order us around just because they were born a year or two earlier than us.”

“Don’t quit, Kenma,” Kuroo said. “I’ll become the captain next year, and then nobody will be able to boss you or any of the underclassmen around so unfairly.”

Kenma frowned at him, as if he didn’t believe him. “How do you know you’ll be the captain though?”

“I’ll work really hard, and I know the other second years will back me up,” Kuroo said with a confidence he didn’t quite feel. And since Kenma still looked skeptical, he took Kenma’s hand and placed a kiss on the back.

“Why did you do that?” Kenma asked. Kuroo couldn’t gauge Kenma’s reaction.

“It was a promise, that I’ll become the captain and you won’t have to worry about anything,” Kuroo said.

Kenma looked at him, and then went back to collect the volleyballs scattered around the gym.

 The fourth time Kuroo kissed Kenma, he was seventeen, and they were sitting in his room, doing homework.

“I heard you got a confession letter from a girl today,” Kuroo said, remembering what he’d heard through the grapevine during lunch.

Kenma looked at him strangely. “I did,” he confirmed.

“Did you answer her already?” Kuroo asked, curious for more than one reason.

“Yes. I rejected her,” Kenma said.

“How come?” Kuroo asked, ignoring the relief he felt.

Kenma gave him another strange look. Lately, he couldn’t quite read Kenma as well as he could before, and it bothered him, not knowing what his best friend was thinking.

“I don’t have the time, the energy, or the desire to go out with her,” Kenma said. “Also the biggest reason she mentioned for liking me was my ‘cute nose.’”

Kuroo laughed at this, and leaned forward to plant a kiss on Kenma’s nose. “She’s right, though. It is a cute nose.”

Kenma gave him another indecipherable look, and went back to his work. Kuroo ignored how fast his heart was beating.

 The fifth time Kuroo kissed Kenma, he was eighteen, and heading off to university. Not being able to see Kenma as often as he had for the past several years was going to be very difficult, he had finally acknowledged to himself. Perhaps the time away would help him get over his feelings, he thought. And that was what he wanted, wasn’t it? To get over them?

Kuroo thought about what he wanted, in those days leading up to his move away from home. And he came to the conclusion that he did not, in fact, want to get over his feelings, if there was any chance that they could be mutual. That chance was probably very, very low, but his hopes were raised by the fact that Kenma had never dated anyone or seemed interested in anyone. Other than little shrimpy from Karasuno, but when Kuroo had asked Kenma about him one day, Kenma had said they were friends, and shrimpy had a giant crush on his setter. Which made sense, Kuroo supposed. Those two operated on the same plane of existence.

And so, Kuroo decided, that he would shoot his shot before he left. If it worked out, then that would be great, and if it didn’t, at least they’d have the distance between them to help with the awkwardness. The thought of not having Kenma in his life made his heart clench painfully. He was too far gone.

“All packed up, then?” Kenma asked, looking at the boxes in Kuroo’s room.

“Yup. Just have to load them up in the car, and then I’ll be off,” Kuroo replied. “It feels strange to think we won’t be at the same school anymore. I’m going to miss you.”

“Don’t be a sap, Kuro,” Kenma said. “You’re not moving to a different country. You can still visit. Or I will.”

Kenma mentioning the possibility that he would visit Kuroo at his dorm made something stir in Kuroo’s chest. He stepped forward and hugged Kenma, who brought his hands up and lightly hugged him back. Kuroo felt his heart start to race as he contemplated telling Kenma about his feelings. “Just say it,” he told himself.

He opened his mouth, but the words wouldn’t come, so he aimed a haphazard kiss at Kenma’s mouth, only to miss and land between his mouth and cheek.

“Come on, I’ll help you with the boxes,” Kenma said.

 The first time Kenma kissed Kuroo, he was seventeen, and visiting Kuroo at his dorm for the first time. School wasn’t the same without Kuroo’s stupid cackle and his bedhead and his bad jokes. Kenma missed Kuroo, but then, he had always known he would.

“You’ve grown your hair,” Kuroo commented, staring at his hair, which Kenma had gathered in a small ponytail. “And it’s not in your face anymore.”

“Being a senior means I have to talk to the underclassmen more. And this helps,” Kenma answered.

“I’m proud of you,” Kuroo said fondly.

“Kuro,” Kenma said, cutting off whatever Kuroo was about to say next. He had waited for years, and it had been long enough.

“Yes?” Kuroo asked, frowning slightly.

“Remember the day you left for university? You seemed like you wanted to tell me something, but then didn’t,” Kenma said. He watched as Kuroo ran a nervous hand through his hair, which was messy as always. He ran his hand through his hair again, and then again a third time. He opened his mouth, but then closed it before saying anything. So Kenma spoke again. “Why did you kiss me that day?”

“I—” Kuroo began, and then stopped.

“That wasn’t the first time. There was that time when you kissed my nose the day I got a confession from a classmate. And the time you promised me that you’d be the captain. That time when you were dared to kiss someone,” Kenma recounted. He hadn’t forgotten a single one of the kisses. They had all been unexpected, and had left him unsure about what Kuroo felt. “And the first time, when you interrupted my game.”

“You remember all those,” Kuroo finally said. “Even the first one. You never said anything.”

“You never did either,” Kenma reminded him. “Why did you do it?”

Kuroo ran his hand through his hair again.

Kenma leaned forward and pressed his lips to Kuroo’s. “Now you know my answer. Do you want to ask the question?”

Kuroo let out a shaky laugh and took a deep breath. “Kenma, I have feelings for you, and I was wondering if there was any chance at all that you might feel the same?”

Kenma rolled his eyes. “Yes.”  

[meliohy]

Kuroken week day 2: There was only one bed

[myucaloveschoclate]

Kuroken week day 1

[msbyblackjackals]

Kenma feels— he feels something flutter in his chest at that, looking up at Kuroo. Affection, maybe, at the acknowledgement of their closeness and the way that Kuroo seems to be nearby whenever Kenma is seeking him out like he has some sort of sixth sense for it. Or maybe it’s affection just because it’s Kuroo.

He feels it a lot, actually. He’s sure that it shows on his face— he’s stopped trying to hide it, deeming the task too exhausting and hoping that maybe Kuroo will finally catch on.

(He hasn’t. Kenma waits.)

there’s some indication that you might be falling for me (aka day 7 of kuroken week, wherein kenma bears witness to kuroo having several realizations and also maybe has one of his own)

[boitobio]

A piece i made for #kurokenweek2020!

There was only one bed, but it's not like they weren't used to it.

[thegothkidhasahearse]

KuroKen Week 2020, Day 3

apparently no one likes links so here my fic, lmao ao3 

1.

The first time Kenma witnesses one of Kuro’s panic attacks he’s 15 almost 16.

His first year of high school had been stressful, not as stressful as he thought it would be with Kuro close again, his last year of middle school without Kuro had made things strained to say the least now he doesn’t have to sit alone and worry about other kids when Kuro’s there sitting next to him, with big smiles and warm hands, and chattering about something to do with volleyball even though Kenma would much rather hear about anything else when they’re not at practice.

He’s just finished his homework and had moved to his bed to play video games until his mother tells him to stop and go to sleep. When his door opens with a creak, he’s about to tell his mom that he finished his homework when he looks up and sees Kuro sneaking into his room.

“Kuro?” he’s bundled up in a sweater and sweat pants, hunched in on himself, he’s never seen Kuro like this, he drops his console onto the bed with a thump, “What are you doing here…” it’s not until Kuro falls into bed beside him that he realizes that Kuro’s breathing heavier than normal.

He touches Kuro’s wrist lightly, causing him to jerk out of his grasp, “I--” Kuro mumbles out, sounding strained, his skin his white as a sheet, his eyes never staying in one place long.

“You’re freaking me out, what’s going on.” the longer this drags on the more he can’t help but wish he hadn’t dropped his game so he had something to do with his hands.

Kuro shakes his head, quickly, “It’s-- I’m fine, this happens.”

As soon as the words leave Kuro’s mouth Kenma wants him to take it back because this sure hasn’t happened when he’s around and if it has he wasn’t there, and--

He shouldn’t work himself into a panic when Kuro’s panicking. He tries to think of the things that help him when his anxiety gets the worst of him, yet this seems a million times worst when it’s Kuro and not him. At least with himself, he can just ride it out until it’s less intense.

He thinks back to when they were kids and how clingy Kuro was and how he was always looking for contact in uncomfortable places, or how he still does it sometimes either when Kenma’s tense of when they sit close to one another on long car rides, their arms touching.

He reaches out slowly, without a second thought as much as he wants to sit there and figure it out, he can’t do that right now. So he goes slow, touching his shoulder, running his fingers down his arm until he reaches his hand, then he holds on tight pulling it close to his chest, he feels his face flush but he pushes that to the back of his mind, “Breathe with me?”

Kuro’s eyes are still wide, and he’s shaking, but he’s looking at him, and that’s enough for now. It has to be.

2.

Kenma is 18 and he’s used to Kuro’s anxieties, more so than he’d say his own. This time is unlike the others, beforehand he knew what to expect in the sense of comforting, of being a steady touch when everything else felt like too much, he could be silent and be calm and just hold on until he can sleep.

He never had to say much, not until it was the next morning and Kuro was himself, not until he couldn’t help himself and asked Kuro what set him off, those conversations were never his favourite and rarely held any idea of what to say the next time, Kuro liked to keep to himself until he couldn’t take it anymore.

And he was the only person who knew.

He thought before when he was younger and nieve that Kuro’s dad might have known, but that was proven wrong later.

It was only Kenma.

When he was woken from his phone ringing months after Kuro had left for college, snow lining his windows, he had just managed to fall asleep, when he was jerked awake by the ringtone that Kuro had set himself years ago, he stares at his phone on his bedside table contemplating the merits of ignoring it and dealing with whatever Kuro needed in the morning, knowing it was probably just another short call about being sorry for missing their weekly call yesterday.

It’s decided for him when it rings a second time when he let the first one go to voicemail. He tugs it out of the charger, rolling so he’s facing the wall he puts the phone to his ear balancing it there, he closes his eyes. “Mhm..”

There’s no reply he almost thinks Kuro hadn’t meant to call him when there’s the sound of someone struggling to breathe on the other line. He sits up, leaning against his headboard he grips his phone tighter. “Kuro?”

It’s quiet again, “Tetsurou?” he whispers, trying to keep his voice down as he shares a wall with his parents. He counts to ten in his head when he doesn’t get anything, he knows what to do he’s just never done it over the phone. “On a scale to one to ten, how bad?”

There’s a sharp gasp, and then he finally says something, “umm… six.”

He nods, okay not that bad he can deal with a six, over the phone will be a struggle, he racks his brain for how this will work, how he can be that comforting presence. Never once has he felt like this was too much for only him, at this moment though he wishes he knew more of what to do, he can’t go there now it’s three in the morning, he has school tomorrow, plus his parents will freak out if he's not there in the morning.

He normally doesn’t feel the need to talk more than he needs to, but when his eyes catch on the recent game he was playing, he starts talking about all the things he remembers from it, where the storytelling fell through or when it added more to it, and he talks until his voice is hoarse and his eyes are heavy, until all he can hear on the other end is slow deep breathes, soon to be sleep.

He wants to reach out, he wants to be there. He wants to touch him and hold him, but this will due. His heartaches and his hand hurts from where he’s pressing his phone to his ear.

3.

Kenma is 20 and trying to unlock the door, with his phone to his ear, and his books in his arms. He can’t remember who’s on the other line at this point from the droning on that’s happening on the other end; it has nothing to do with him.

He almost cheers when he kicks open his door, locking it behind him, he kicks off his shoes and drops his books on the first available surface which happens to the couch, he winces when one of them falls to the floor, he stares at it in disdain, waiting for it to go back on the couch all on its own. When it doesn’t he leaves it there and heads to the kitchen pouring himself a glass of water.

When the voice on the other end is quiet, he pulls his phone away from his ear only to realize the call had been cut off, sighing in relief, he plugs it into the charger on the counter. Draining his cup he puts it in the sink.

He turns to leave the kitchen, only to look down and see Kuro hidden under the table with a blanket pulled over his shoulders, sheets of paper spread out in front of him, he stares. He shouldn’t be shocked this happens often enough. “What you up to?”

Kuro doesn’t look up from his phone, “Hey Kenma, did you know that octopuses have three hearts.”

He swats in front of the table, he nods his head, “Told me that one already.”

Kuro shakes his head and starts scrolling through his phone faster. He hums to himself, he waits for Kuro to say more, “Tetsurou you okay?”

“Yes? I mean no, I’m looking through---I’ve been trying to do my homework for three hours--but then I started thinking, and now I’m reading all these facts and I don’t think any of these are real, because who’s---who’s sitting down and figuring this shit out, they could say anything and nobody would even ask a question about it, and here I am--” the longer he goes on the faster he starts talking, Kenma tries to make sense of what he’s saying.

It’s when he starts shaking that he clues in, “Did something happen?” he interrupts, he tries to catch his eye but he can’t seem to get him to focus long enough, he’s now shifting through the papers on the ground his phone laid out in front of him.

Kuro shakes his head, “No, no, no.” he waves his hands around, “I was just--”

Kenma takes things into his own hands, moving the papers and his phone out his way, as he crawls under the table, Kuro doesn’t seem to even notice that the papers have been moved, or that Kenma’s now next to him.

He leans into his side, pulling the blanket around his own shoulders, Kuro’s mumbling to himself none of the words he can make out himself. It had been so long since he had last seen Kuro like this, and some part, some selfish part of himself thought he’d never have to see his best friend like this. After he started seeing a counsellor and things had gotten easier, but no here he is again pulling Kuro’s hands away from his hair so he doesn’t pull it out.

He doesn’t want to see Kuro in pain.

He doesn’t want to be just Kuro’s friend.

He doesn’t want to just hold Kuro well he’s having panic attacks, he wants to be there all the time, he wants to hold him when he’s happy, he wants to be the comfort for always not for now.

He holds on, and he doesn’t ask when it gets too much for tears to start coming down his face.

4.

Kenma’s 22 and he doesn’t know what to do.

The longer he watched the more hopeless he feels. It was useless.

He watched as the person he loved curled in on himself, shielding himself from the people around him, and all he could do was watch the tv in vain.

There were people around Kuro and he couldn’t tell what had set it off, all he knew was that Kuro was in the middle of an after-game interview and the next he was pale and not breathing.

It’s torture.

He watches in slow motion as Kuro’s coach gets him out, watches as he pulled away from the camera, frozen and still, and hardly breathing. When he’s out of sight, he fumbles for his phone, it rings and rings and rings, and rings.

He can’t take his eyes off the screen as another person from Kuro’s team is brought up and starts talking about the game like nothing happened no matter what questions are asked.

He doesn’t realize he’s crying until he goes to move the hair out of his face.

5.

It’s hours later when his phone rings, he’s in the middle of a stream when it starts buzzing against his desk, he knows his heads been out of it, the chat keeps asking if he’s alright and he keeps ignoring, his brain playing on repeat of Kuro being fine then being dragged out of his sight, hopeless to do anything.

He glances over, and he doesn’t have enough forethought to, mute his mic when he pulls off his headphones and grabs it, picking up right away when he sees Kuro’s face pop up with the picture of him from the month he tried to grow facial hair. “Tetsu.” He breathes as soon as he picks up.

“Hi.” there are sniffles, “I’m okay.”

His eyes flicker over to the chat which is exploding, his face flushes as he mutes his mic, and pushes away from his desk for extra safety, “Where are you?” he runs a hand through his hair, ignoring the sound of his hair tie hitting the floor.

“I’m--” He hears a door close softly over the line, “In the bathroom.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yes?”

Kenma slides to the floor tipping his head back against the wall, “Bullshit.” He says bluntly, he doesn’t take it back as much as the following silence threatens to swallow him whole. He picks at a part of his jeans, closing his eyes tightly, “Stop saying you’re okay when you’re not. I’m not going anywhere.” his chest feels tight, the words coming out as a mumbled mess.

“Don’t make me cry, I just did that in front of millions.” his voice sounds watery and rough, and Kenma wishes he was there instead of miles away.

He takes a deep breath, holding it a second, listening to Kuro’s hiccupy breathing as he fights off his tears.

His silence rewards him, “I saw my mom, okay?”

Everything in him freezes, he hasn’t heard Kuro ever talk about his mom besides the fact that she left when he was young before he could really remember, that’s all he ever got out of him, his nails bite into his palms, “Your mom?” he asks, he tries to keep emotion out of his voice.

“Yeah... she contacted me a few years ago, and when--when I said I--I didn’t want to talk to her, she--I had to change my number.” Everything suddenly makes sense and he wishes he fought more all those years ago.

Kenma shakes his head, “She was there?”

Kuro makes a choking sound, “Uhh yeah, she was.” It’s so quiet he almost misses it, for the first time in his life Kenma wants to punch someone.

“Can she get to you?”

“No, no, we’re back at the hotel she doesn’t know where I am.”

It’s not until hours later that he gets up off the floor and is sitting behind his desk unmuting his mic, he tries to act as nothing happened.

When he’s laying in bed that night, he lets himself think about how after all that he had to calm Kuro down again, he hated this.

Because he was desperately in love with his best friend.

+1

Kenma’s 23 when he can’t take it anymore, Kuro’s stood in front of the coffee maker, barely awake, still in his pyjamas leaning on the counter, eyes barely opened as he watches the coffee drip down slowly like it’s the most mesmerizing thing in the world.

He’s been up for hours having gotten up to feed the cat, Kuro only rolling out of bed with the most impressive bedhead he’s had in a while at 12 PM, he’s supposed to be only staying with him until the end of the week Kenma has to keep reminding himself that.

Kenma admits to himself that he wants him here all the time, to watch him walk into the living room and for him to see him and smile one of those smiles so unlike the cocky ones for others.

He wants Kuro to interrupt his streams with texts about stupid facts well he’s in the other room watching planet earth.

He wants to Kuro to wake him up late at night to show him memes that he’s seen before, he wants Kuro to hug him as tightly as he does when he has to leave but all the time, he wants him to be there when Kenma can’t sleep.

He wants to be there for Kuro when he’s happy when he’s sad when he can’t get out of bed in the mornings or wants to be there when he laughs so hard he falls out of his chairs.

It’s when Kuro’s pouring his cream into his coffee that he can’t take it any longer, he cracks. Kuro’s glasses are falling down his nose. His mouth seems to have a mind of its own because instead of asking him to pass the cream what comes out of his mouth instead is;

“I’m in love with you.”

Fucking, fucking, fuck. What the fuck, that’s not what he meant to say.

Everything seems to freeze, Kuro locks eyes with him and stares, Kenma can’t breathe the whole time he’s looking, he’s digging his nails into his palms, he’s chest feels tight, and he doesn’t think he could talk if he wanted to, and god did he want to say something, anything to get the look off of Kuro’s face.

It’s only when Kuro’s cup overflows with cream that he can move again, quickly moving the cream away from the cup, and grabbing the cloth from the stove, and putting it in the puddle of coffee that’s more cream than coffee.

It’s only when Kuro clears his throat that he notices he’s very much still holding onto Kuro’s wrist, letting it go as it burned him he starts cleaning up the coffee double time, cleaning up all the cream on the counter, he picks up the cup, and pours some of it out, walking back over the coffee maker he pours more coffee into it so it’s a light brown, he pushes it out Kuro hands, and walks out of the kitchen and down the hall to his room, slamming the door behind him.

It’s only when he’s sitting on the bed head in his hands, he takes a deep breath.

He smells of coffee.

He gulps, oh God.

His face heats up, he doesn’t think he’ll ever leave his room again, not well Kuro’s out there probably trying to think of what to do, because the person he’s only ever seen as his friend just told him that he was in love with him.

Some part of his brain tries to reason that maybe, maybe Kuro wouldn’t see it that way, maybe he just heard that he loved him, because he’s said that before right? In like a friend way…

He groans into his hands because there’s no way he didn’t hear him and all of what he said, they were right next to each other. When he hears a knock at his door he almost hopes that if he stays quiet enough Kuro will leave, but that’s never worked in the past.

Kuro opens the door, two coffee cups in hand, he puts them both on the bedside table. He sits awkwardly next to him, his hands start fiddling with one another as soon as they have nothing to hold on to.

Kenma can’t help but look at him, how long his eyelashes are, and how there’s a small mole on the side of his neck, his fingers long and pale, and rough from years of playing volleyball.

He can’t make himself look away if this is the last time he sees Kuro--Kuroo he’s going to take it all in.

When Kuro looks up at him, stopping fiddling with his hands, Kenma hands have fallen to his lap as he watches Kuro collect his words. His eyes look away from his staring at the wall, “Did you mean it?”

Kenma stops in his tracks, his hands pick at some lint on his sweater, that’s no what the was expecting, he nods his head, “Yes.” he’d never say that to someone without meaning it.

When he doesn’t hear anything right away he looks up, Kuro’s already looking at him, it knocks the breath out of him, the smile that spreads on his face makes something in stomach flop.

“Me too.”

He doesn’t bother fighting the smile on his own face back, “Really?” brushing hair behind his ear he looks up at him.

Kuro lets out a breathy laugh, “I’ve been in love with you since my second year of high school.”

Things seem to fall down around him, he watches as a flush spreads across Kuro’s cheeks as his eyes flicker away and lock back on to his.

He doesn’t know who moves first, his arms wrap around Kuro’s shoulders, and they’re falling into bed, Kuro landing softly against the pillows knocking his glasses askew. “This isn’t fake?”

Kenma shakes his head, running a hand through Kuro’s bedhead, “Nope.” he presses a kiss to his nose. “That was pretty real.”

Then he’s leaning closer and their mouths are meeting, softly. And it’s the most real thing Kenma’s ever felt, and he never wants to kiss anyone else.

It was easy to fall for Kuro, even if he couldn’t always be there if there were fights, secrets, tears, heartache. He wants to spend as much time as he can with Kuro in any way possible.

[soapyakships]

KRKN Week Day 5 & 6: ‘Didn’t know they were dating’/Fake dating @kurokenweek2020