Eurovision 2010s: 55 - 51
55. fusedmarc - “Rain of revolution” Lithuania 2017
[2017 Review here]
Who else? My love for Fusedmarc has become a BorisBubbles.tumblr calling card and come on, there’s no way I wouldn’t drag them this high. Two years later and I still cackle thoughout this song with the exact same vigor as I did two years back. 🤭 Now, I do understand that “Rain of revolution” is one of the worst 10 songs in this decade and... well, yeah, (yeah, yeahyeah NRG yeah yeah yeeeeaaah) that’s the entire point. If we lived in the universe where ESC entries can be compared to motion pictures, in which “Waterloo” is Citizen Kane and “A matter of time” is fucking Titanic, then “Rain of revolution” is The Room, for Viktorija and Denis posses the exact same endearing insanity, inscrutability and genius as Tommy Wiseau. And honestly, this song should be shown in movie theatres because it turned inteptitude into an artform. Reminder that fusedmarc were the only 2017 act to refuse PBC:UA’s offer for stand-in rehearsals because they were afraid Ukraine would fail at getting their ~vision across~ 😂😍
Reminder that this resulted in technical errors DURING THEIR LIVE PERFORMANCE. 😍
Reminder that they song is punctuated by endless YEAH YEAH YEAHs 😍
Reminder that they only won Eurovizijos Atranka because a diehard vegan facebook group found out that fusedmarc were *also* vegan and urged their lithuanian members to vote for them, allowing them to beat Aiste 😍
Reminder that Victorija styles herself after Little My from the Moomins 😍
Reminder that her diction is equivalent or worse to the English spoken in the Nekci Menij show. 😍
Reminder that Viktorija’s nail game is more on fleek than yours.😍
Remember that LIFE LIKE ROLLERCOASTEN, SPEENING MI ORAWND 😍
It’s all about MICKIN a start and let their light shine FRUUU U. So DANCE to the RIVEM of ur SOLE, chant ‘LIETUVA’ like that random woman does at the start of the performance (IS THIS THE SAME LITHUANIAN FRUMP who went all out during Belarus, because if so I may have found a soul sibling), end the reign of RevoLucian and look for the reason why hamster on the road. Life is like a rollercoaster and live it to the fullest.
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54. Tom Dice - “Me and my guitar” Belgium 2010
I’ll be honest: As a Belgian, Tom Dice has a lot of emotional value for me. The year was 2010: Belgium hadn’t qualified for a final for six straight contests, sending failure after failure. Neither VRT had, until that point, shown any idea behind what they were doing, consistently picking the wrong songs during the national selections. RTBF meanwhile, didn’t even try, sending novelty acts they knew would never qualify. So, imagine being Belgian and seeing Tom get announced, fedora perched askew on his head, with a tepid guitar ballad and you’re like “oh MORE of the same, well bye 😬", except SURPRISE Tom is naturally charismatic and has a great voice and turns his by all standards generic song into an experience.
It’s the Todevska principle: Tom OUTSOLD. Is he the best entrant? No. Like many ESC alumni he entered the contest with his least good song. Is he the most exciting entrant? Far from it.
However isn’t it fair to state that we, Eurovision fans from Europe, have always had at least one dark age in our history with the contest? Periods where our supposed “best” wasn’t good enough? Periods where we struggled being proud of whom we were and where we came from. For someone to come out of nowhere and put you country back on the map after years of adversity, be it an ABBA, or a Bobbysocks! or a Tamara Todevksa, that makes for a magical rebirthing experience. Tom Dice is Belgium’s and I am #Proud of it.
oh and also the live owns dwi. 🤭
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53. Aram MP3 - “Not alone” Armenia 2014
WOD EEF EETS ONLE WAN KEES!
Long before ASMR became a popular thing, Armenia send an entry that is only enjoyable if the listeners plugs in their best airphones, clears their heads and lets the music sweep over them.
And I mean, “Not alone” may be a mere Build-Up-To-An-Epic-Climax Ballad, but dear gods is it effective. You see, “Not alone” starts off quiet and solemn, a gentle piano tapping, punctuated with small drums... and then the orchestra comes in and builds and builds and builds until
at long last
WOD EEF EETS ONLE WAN KEES
DAT TERNS AL SIEDS INTO TRIZZ
DE STRONGEIST VIND INTO BRIZZ
OHPEN ALL DORS WIDNO KEEZ
and fuck, take my lifetime supply of hairpieces because that shit is awesome? The only real downside Aram has for me is that he requires a lot of set up: you really NEED to be in The Proper Mood to enjoy “Not alone” in its fullest glory. But when you are willing to take that plunge and be swept away by its rawness, you’re in for three minutes of catharsis. PS: Aram performing it drunk at the finale 😍
being awesome AND being incompetent in two different performances, what a kraljic <3
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52. Ott Lepland - “Kuula” Estonia 2012
There are two reasons why “Kuula” ranks this high and neither is Estonia bias :o
The first is, obviously, the context. I’ve spoken widely about how terrible Baku2012 sounded as a whole, and how disappointment everything was. Well, “Kuula” was not only acoustically sound, it is actually the ONLY song that I was pleasantly surprised me. I had no opinion whatsoever going into Baku and he roses to my #3 of the year.
Which brings me to the second reason why “Kuula” ranks this highly. It is just... really fucking good, lol?
With powerballads such as these it’s REALLY important to suck the listener/viewer in and the combination of Ott’s great voice, adorable personality, the magical language that is Estonian (which also, conveniently, allows me forget “Kuula” has Deep Meaning and Touching Lyrics 🤗), and a great organic build up captivate me immensely. Even though songs like “Kuula” are far from what I normally love, it never fails to sustain me, proving tho every great rule they’re always a greater exception. 🤗
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51. Anouk - “Birds” the Netherlands 2013
~She slayed it from the outside~
Oh my god Anouk was such a rollercoaster. From my end, I was OBSESSED with Anouk from the second she was announced (as the first participant of 2013!!!) because hell yeah I LOVED “Nobody’s wife” and “Girl” and this expected ~High Voltage Rock OWNAGE~
What we got instead was... something just as great, if completely different. “Birds” may not have been an in-your-face rock song, but it never-the-less was a beautiful, mesmerising, unpretentious avant garde ballad. “If being myself is what I do wrong, then I would rather not be right” sticks out as an absolutely brilliant line that I often use in my daily writing. 😍 I LOVE how Anouk performs btw, on the satellite stage, in a sea of f(l)ags:
While also delivering distinctly Dutch diction. 😍 Paraphrasing:
“Burds follin daun de roeftops, aut of de skai laik reendraups, no eir, no praad.”
Like ^ pronounced that in dutch and you literally have Anouk’s diction nailed. 😍
“Birds” was basically the “Me and my guitar” of the Netherlands, but there’s also the added bonus of Anouk herself. You see, in contrast to her song’s ethereal demeanor, Anouk is KNOWN to be a huuuuuge abrasive confrontal bitch with zero filter 😍 and fragments of her diva personality definitely oozed into Malmö as well, from nonchalantly recording a gritty webcam vid for official channel’s preview vid (😍) to flippantly pulling a hood over her face each time a journalist wanted to interview her. It ended, how else, with Anouk writing “Walk along” for Trijntje, and then cussing her out for being frumpy / talentless / sucking at life when she NQ’d. When Trijntje tried pinning them blame Anouk for writing her a bad song on purpose (lmfao), Anouk retaliated by stealing Trijnje’s coach seat on The Voice NL. PETTY QUEEN <3 We truly aren’t worthy of this irl Cersei Lannister. 😍
Also um, I just realized I ranked those two on opposide ends of the Dutch chart:
The 2010s marked wonderful renaissance for the Netherlands. I’m never ~OBSESSED~ with their entries, but they are a very solid Eurovision country, reliably delivering good music. I think they’re also the country that has the lowest amount of godawful entries on average (literally 2. Fuck you, “Without you” and “Amsterdam”.). If anyone deserved to win based on track record alone it was definitely them.
