#kwkopinion

[koffeewithkjo]

'I’m not going to apologize for saying I can’t relate to something because it’s not part of my culture.' That isn't the issue, the issue is your judgemental tone saying you were 'taught to clean up after yourself' unlike us. A white American who grew up indirectly benefiting from the exploitation of third-world workers, who now enjoys a social media following by making claims about brown people & their culture, tells these same people her upbringing was more self-reliant. Do u see the arrogance?

We are all benefiting from the exploitation of the poor, just like upper classes are benefiting from us! That’s the way this whole system works! It’s incredible to me that you feel so comfortable coming in here and telling me the ways in which I’m privileged (as if I don’t already know) while defending a way of life that allows you to have employees in your home to make your life easier, based almost entirely on socioeconomic disparity. I don’t claim moral superiority because I don’t have hired help. I’m simply willing to recognize that I simultaneously benefit from and am myself exploited by the capitalist system, which inculcates the idea within the lower and middle classes that those services are not meant for us. And I have not seen one message where anyone has done the same. Saying “having a maid is a luxury” is not a controversial statement. And I do not judge people for having them, but I do judge people who can’t admit that they are fortunate to even have that option to begin with. 

It is so easy for me to admit how lucky I am in SO many ways, and it’s unfathomable to me why it’s so difficult for others to do the same. It doesn’t mean your life is perfect or easy or that you’re not being exploited in other ways. It just is exactly what it is. And that is all I am going to say on this topic, because I cannot possibly make it any clearer and because in all of this, the idea of domestic workers getting paid during a lockdown has been completely drowned out to the point where I’m truly not sure whether anyone even cares. 

[aish-rai]

I was kinda hoping Ranveer could show up to the met gala with deepika because his style would actually fit the theme this year. Can't believe how many male celebs showed up in the blandest outfits on the one event they had a free pass to go crazy with :/

I know I’ve been a pretty consistent critic of Ranveer’s fashion but I honestly feel like he would nail the MET Gala themes, or at least do better than most of the men invited, so I’m also kind of disappointed he didn’t get to be DP’s +1 lol

[koffeewithkjo]

Just saw your post about 'being taught to clean up after yourself'. Having helpers doesn't mean we don't learn skills or aren't raised w/values. Many SA families sponsor their helpers' education & healthcare (as well as that of their helpers' kids) & treat them as part of the family, not servants. Please don't make false assumptions about your upbringing being superior to an entire other culture. These issues are complex.

Yikes McYikes. Look, I’m sorry that I wasn’t clearer but going from an environment where you are solely responsible for running your home to one where you have help you feel guilty about because you’ve always performed those tasks yourself is wildly uncomfortable. I was speaking to my OWN discomfort and how I felt like I was doing something wrong by letting a maid do things I could do to myself, because we just aren’t raised that way. That is the entire point. There’s a huge cultural divide when it comes to our attitudes toward having domestic help. My feelings on the topic do NOT invalidate your way of life, and it’s not fair to say that’s what’s happening here. I said, from the very beginning, that I cannot personally relate to the concept of having domestic help, not that everyone who has help is sitting around and eating bon bons. Having a maid do things for me goes against how I was raised, what an American middle class upbringing is like, and feels shameful because we are taught to take care of ourselves without the inclination toward hiring or the financial ability to hire domestic help.

Long story short, I definitely could have worded it differently to indicate that I was talking about how badly I personally felt in the short time I had a maid, but I’m not going to apologize for saying I can’t relate to something because it’s not part of my culture. Especially when the question is about what’s happening to stars’ staff during social distancing, because that’s not something I would ever have to personally consider. Having hired help as a middle class person is a luxury created by wealth disparity and I don’t blame anyone for giving honest work to people, but it’s not a luxury I’ve had or will probably ever have.

I have to say though...a couple sentences in there sound like they’re straight out of Parasite. It’s easy to be nice when you have the money to do so, but you can’t look at the social hierarchy and not see that the people you pay to do things for you, as fond of them as you may be, are still not part of your family. You’re their employer, you pay them to be there, and if you stopped paying them they’d leave. You’re talking about making false assumptions but I wouldn’t assume that if you asked domestic helpers, they’re agree that they’re treated like part of the family. That’s really patronizing. 

So you’re absolutely correct, these issues are complex, but I am not the only one who needs to do a little self-critique or rethink the way I phrase things. 

[koffeewithkjo]

can't believe you compared that reference to 'family' to the movie Parasite. Indian notions of family are incredibly complex & you should educate yourself on the sociological research on family-helper bonds here before invoking a Hollywood movie. If you make big claims putting down someone & their situation, you can at least educate yourself first.

All of this has already been addressed, but speaking of educating yourself.....

*Parasite is a Korean movie. 

[koffeewithkjo]

If you're struggling to wrap your head around South Asian societies having domestic help, just put yourselves in our shoes and think of the dozen privileges you have as a white American that we can't even comprehend. The strongest passport in the world, growing up in a first-world country, haha I can't even fathom because it's so not something I can relate to. The sheer number and scale of your racial privileges far outweighs the single factor of having domestic help x

It’s funny you think this is exclusive to South Asian cultures because it’s not. There are many, MANY places around the world where domestic help, even for the middle class, is completely normal and I know because a lot of my international friends grew up with maids and drivers and cooks. 

I don’t know why you think pointing out that there’s a cultural difference between middle classes and our relative comfort with domestic help in any way negates the other privileges that comes with being a white American, but I assure you that I can both acknowledge those privileges and tell you I was taught to clean up after myself at the same time. Those are not mutually exclusive concepts.

Perhaps we could both weigh our relative privileges within our different societies at the same time. But you seem more worried about telling me about my own life than examining where you fall in your own socioeconomic hierarchy. 

[koffeewithkjo]

BROOKE!! Sonam kapoor follows you on twitter😱😱😱😱 How did that happen?? And how many other bwood celebs know you??

lol probably none?! I don’t know, someone may have run across this blog at some point but I highly doubt anyone knows who I am.

The Sonam thing happened quite a long time ago, like over a year I think? We have a mutual friend who linked her to a Twitter thread I’d made about fashion+feminism and she followed based off that. It’s not a huge deal, we’re not braiding each other’s hair at sleepovers. But it’s been cool to see her get feistier and stand up for herself on Twitter. As many of you know, I am a fan of Being a Loud Bitch when it comes to things you feel strongly about!

[koffeewithkjo]

I know the question I’m about to ask is old but I have never gotten the answer to it, so I thought I should ask you... the question is How/why do people know know that Ranbir left Katrina? I also must say I love your account.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone with any credibility say Ranbir LEFT Katrina? We know they were serious, we know she’d been introduced to the family and that they weren’t crazy about her for whatever reason, so it kind of came out as a “they were either going to get married or break up and since they didn’t get married, this was the expected conclusion” type of thing. I think Ranbir wouldn’t marry her, so maybe that’s where you’re getting that idea from, but in terms of who actually ended it, I’ve never really read anything concrete about that. Most of the time these things are a discussion anyway. 

I think if you strip it down, it does end in their decision not to marry and all signs point to that being an issue on Ranbir’s side of things. The way he and his family have been with Alia vs the way they were with Katrina and even Deepika before her is like the difference between night and day. 

(And thank you!)

[koffeewithkjo]

Isn't Bollywood Islamophobic?

It seems to be the opinion of many Muslims that it is.

As an outsider, the pro-nationalist, pro-Hindu messaging has become impossible to ignore over the past few years, but I trust them when they say it was always there.