Apr 17, 2020
sa kabila ng poot at pait na nararanasan ko ngayon, ikaw ang aking ilaw, ang daan, at ang dulo.
seen from United States
seen from New Zealand
seen from Malaysia
seen from Germany
seen from New Zealand
seen from Türkiye
seen from China
seen from China
seen from Malaysia
seen from Singapore
seen from United States
seen from New Zealand
seen from New Zealand
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from Argentina
seen from Malaysia
seen from Malaysia
seen from Malaysia
seen from Malaysia
sa kabila ng poot at pait na nararanasan ko ngayon, ikaw ang aking ilaw, ang daan, at ang dulo.
hey, it's okay, don't cry. robot yuri forever, okay?
taking a slight detour from my semi-tradition of drawing matt first thing every year for some of her new friends!
I find it hard to experience different emotions all at once. At some point, the only relevant feeling that I can't seem to control is my anger. I don't know why, or how. It's all that I can feel. It's not even about questioning my worth. I know mine. It doesn't even needs elaborations. I just feel tired, and sad. It's hard when things don't go the way you planned them. It's hard that people you care about have their own lives. I became dependent again. I never wanted this. I felt needy, desparate...all the time. Even the love of my life can't seem to help me. It's within me. Kind of a battle thing with myself. I felt like I lost myself a bit. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with my life. Crying doesn't help me anymore. Weighing things and people took its toll on me. I'm so drained. I want to curl on my own. I want to return to them when I'm all better, but I can't do that anymore. I'm already commited with some people. I don't really know what to do with these feelings anymore. I'm not good with this.
i missed studying though. I miss those late night crammings, late night cravings, emotional breakdowns inside bathrooms, surprise dance party with friends. If i were to rate my life, i can practically say that i had one of the best moments in my life. I'm happy they happened. I wish i could revisit them just to feel things again.
Hahahahaha I actually stopped ranting and expressing my thoughts over twitter. It's not private anymore. I actually felt exploited...even before. But joke's on me because I did that to someone as well and was caught in a very surprising way that won't mend things back again. I don't know. I kind of felt like I don't have the right to express things anymore. Moreover, it's as if my emotions are caged and that every word that I say affects people around me. Sometimes i feel like it's much better if i keep silent, but it's not good for me. Well, even if you do read this, you don't even know who i am...and more importantly, you won't even read this. Which is fine, totally. I just missed typing.