Hey everyone, another chapter of Pascal x Carl fanfic is here, I can’t believe that we have reached chapter 10, thank you very much to everyone who is following and supporting the story.
I’d like to thanks @depressedoverdrawings for for reviewing the history and help fixing grammatical errors.
Warning: Just a little warning, some characters have distorted views about sexuality, and those views do not represent what I think in real life. This was written on purpose to suit the environment and the time that the story takes place, since at that time people were more closed minded.
The Portuguese Version of this story is avaliable on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/971396659-as-l%C3%A1grimas-da-rosa-azul-cap%C3%ADtulo-10
Under the cut!
Chapter 10
P.O.V Narrator
The sun was at the top of the sky, indicating that half the day had already passed. Only part of the way had been walked by the boys so far, and they seemed to be the only ones in that place.
It didn't look like the same Lacombrade they always saw, it was too quiet. Usually there were several students hanging out outside the school after classes ended, but now the lonely landscape brought a feeling of freedom to Carl quite unlike anything he had ever felt, a strange blend of adrenaline, fear, and excitement.
They took a shortcut through the forest in order to avoid being seen, as was likely if they walked through an open area. The journey to the greenhouse was done silently, as the religious boy apologized internally several times for his truancy.
The older boy, who led the way, decided to start a conversation, so that he perhaps could calm down his friend's nerves.
"You surprise me sometimes." - The redhead spoke as he walked, catching the attention of the dark haired boy.
"What? How so?" - The youngest one asked, relieved that a conversation had started and that the deafening silence was broken.
"I thought spending time with Serge was what you wanted, but not only did you decline his offer, you also agreed to go to the greenhouse with me." - Pascal replied, smiling a little bit.
"I've never seen you take so many risks in such a short period of time." - He spoke again in the middle of a laugh, leaving his friend a little embarrassed.
Carl did not know how to respond. It was true that being with Serge had been his greatest wish for a while, but that didn't feel like such a great priority right now. It was strange, because the only thing he felt right now was the desire to spend more time with Pascal, which made him feel a little shy.
"I just thought it would be better to get away from him a little bit, until those unwanted feelings disappear." - The religious boy replied, dodging a branch that was in his way.
After a few minutes of walking, the two boys were in a clearing with a small dirt path to the greenhouse, which reflected the sunlight on its glass walls.
The place was a contrast to most of Lacombrade, which used to be so cold, always with its gloomy atmosphere. It seemed that the greenhouse was a little piece of paradise on Earth, a place that felt almost otherworldly, so warm and welcoming it was.
Entering the glass-walled room, the old surroundings, seen before so many times, still managed to impress the two friends. A great many plants fought for space, varying in colour and size, some falling over others, making the entire room messy yet comforting.
What stood out most was a radiant pepper plant, which carried its long branches as high as it could. The sun shone behind the plant, making it look even more charming.
Delighted at how long it took him to realize the beauty of that place he'd already frequented several times, the dark-haired boy touched the small peppers that reflected the sun, disappointed in himself for not having noticed the greenhouse's beauty before.
They did not feel like they were in an ordinary place, they didn't even feel as if they were still in Lacombrade Academy, nor did they feel they were doing something wrong. It was just the two of them before the dazzling beauty the greenhouse provided them. Spending the afternoon analyzing and picking different species of flowers was one of the Pascal's favorite pastimes, and even though Carl didn't quite agree with the activity, he understood why his friend enjoyed spending his time doing so.
It was like a sanctuary, away from all the worries and uncertainties that the school's aura conveyed. It was a place to rest, think, or share a moment with someone special.
Glad to finally be able to show Carl one of the reasons that always motivated him to escape classes, Pascal gives his friend a list of some species of flowers to be harvested, which ranged from roses to weeds.
With his paper in hand, the religious boy starts walking slowly through the greenhouse, looking for exactly what was written, and taking the opportunity to admire the environment even more, noticing the small details that always went unnoticed.
Meanwhile, inside one of Lacombrade Academy's classrooms, the same one where the two boys had been hours before, their names were the subject of a conversation.
It was only a few minutes before class started, and everyone was surprised that the Class Representative was not there. Some asked what happened, worried if something might have happened to him, others, more malicious, already imagined that he'd been led astray and followed the steps that some cute boys followed in the school.
"Did you saw Carl and Pascal after lunch?" - Serge asked the friends who sat next to him, they seemed curious and worried.
"We didn't see either of them, Pascal is probably busy working on his Blue Rose, but we have no idea where Carl might be." - Kurt replied, as Neka agreed with a gesture.
"He didn't look well, he was late in the morning, and now he doesn't come to class, what could have happened?" - The pianist asked worriedly, flipping through the pages of a book that would be used in that class.
Carl's perfect reputation could be a flaw at times, as everyone always expected the best from him and admitted no less than exemplary attitude. He might not show it, but he was tired of being seen as a reference or a model, it was exhausting to keep all aspects of life perfectly balanced.
His grades were always high, he wore the cleanest and tidiest clothes, had an exemplary education and was seen as a true gentleman. His kindness, qualities and purity hid someone who, even though he was surrounded by people and received lots of praise, felt lonely.
It was not very noticeable, but most times he smiled, it was possible to see that deep sadness, that melancholy look that never failed to worry. Rare were the occasions when Carl's smile was entirely devoid of any negative feeling.
"Maybe he wasn't feeling well today, we can talk to him after class." - Neka said, reassuring his friends while trying to think positive, he couldn't imagine any other reason for Carl to miss classes.
Amid the flowers that bloomed in the glass room, the list of the two boys was slowly decreasing in size, with only a few species left to be harvested.
They carried in their hands the most polychromatic bouquets they had ever seen. They looked like those sold in Arles or Paris, any girl would sigh when she received one of these.
They carried in their hands the most polychromatic bouquets they had ever seen, they looked like those sold in Arles or Paris, any girl would sigh when she received one of these.
The last item on the dark-haired boy's list was roses, and Pascal had not specified exactly what kind of rose he should pick. He decided to choose the color himself, as he imagined that it would not make a difference in his friend's experiment. And so, some red roses were picked and placed next to the other flowers that were in his hand.
Pleased to be able to complete the list, Carl took the bouquet to the scientist along with the list, saying:
"In the list you gave me, you didn't specify what kind of rose you wanted, so I picked the red ones, is there a problem?"
After turning to talk to his friend, Pascal analyzes the flowers that were picked before answering the question asked. The truth is that the dark-haired boy was standing exactly where the sun's rays perfectly framed him, giving him an angelic aspect.
"It was exactly red roses I needed, you picked the right ones." - The redhead responds trying to act naturally, although he was a little enchanted by how radiant he looked in the sun and the plants.
"I thought the color of the roses didn't matter, as you always try to make them blue." - The religious boy said, slowly running his fingers over the soft red petals of the flowers.
It was impossible not to mention the scientist's obsession with changing the color of flowers. Ihat had been his life goal since he was very young, even though his own family disbelived that it would ever be possible.
Carl was one of the few people who understood his dream, it was one of the reasons that brought them closer, because he always supported him, even though he had little chance of success.
"The colors are extremely important, because in addition to the different pigments, each of the roses has a different meaning." - Pascal replied, happy to have the opportunity to teach his friend something.
"White roses symbolize purity and innocence, they are the ones I use the most because they have a color that is easy to change. Yellow roses symbolize joy and friendship, they have a pigment that is not really useful to create the blue color." - He explained in detail, articulating well and naturally, as he spoke about one of his favorite subjects, one of which he was the most knowledgeable about.
Carl had become accustomed to his friend's peculiar interests, but he was surprised to learn the symbolism of each type of rose, after all, he had never presented anyone with flowers and didn't have much knowledge on the subject.
What he admired most was the way Pascal explained things. It was possible to have a genuine interest in what he said, it was exhilarating to see just how much the older boy wished to learn, to know more about the flowers.
Soon after a relatively lengthy explanation of what each color of rose meant, the youngest boy realized that the meaning of one flower had yet to be explained: the red rose.
Even though he already had a brief knowledge about the flower, with a bit of shyness, Carl decided to ask his friend, just to hear his explanation.
"What about red roses? What do they mean?" - He asked taking a single red rose from the bouquet, making it very visible.
Surprised by the sudden question, a part of Pascal wondered if the youngest boy really didn't know what the meaning of the flower was, since it was one of the best known and most used types for gift-giving.
Perhaps he had noticed a little audacity on the part of his friend, as it was as if he just wanted to hear what he had to say about the rose. These thoughts were soon put aside, it was evident that Carl would never provoke him that way. He was just imagining things again.
Assuming Carl didn't really know, he explained normally, just as he had done with the other colors.
"Red roses, the flowers of Aphrodite, Venus and Maria. They are the most symbolic species in the West, and even though they are so similar to the others, they have a much deeper interpretation." - The older boy answered the question, taking the reddish flower that was in the hand of his friend - "They are the flowers that are most used to present the loved one, as they mean beauty, consummation and love."
Pascal analyzed the flower he was holding as he continued his explanation, not realizing the effect his words had on those who were listening. The religious boy felt a little shy hearing words as sentimental as these, and felt flushed like he did the afternoon they spent in the laboratory.
"They have the same color as blood and heart, they symbolize the respect and devotion that an individual has for the loved one." - The scientist said in the midst of his daydreams, the explanation about the other colors was simple, but with the red rose, he went on talking.
The dark-haired boy was surprised at the times when Pascal was able to think in a more emotional than rational way, as he usually boiled down to numbers and calculations, but this time he seemed more emotional than usual. It was eccentric the way he knew so much about relationships, but never had anyone pique his interest.
This was one of the few things that Carl did not know about his friend. The two rarely talked about matters of the heart, and the neglect towards this type of conversation resulted in neither of them knowing about the other's romantic interests.
It was evident that Pascal had extraordinary knowledge in several subjects, even in interpersonal relationships, as he had helped Carl in his moments of doubt. He was afraid to be indiscreet, to make things between them awkward, but he needed to know:
Has the rational genius, Pascal Biquet, ever fallen in love?
The redhead was not the favorite suitor of the girls or their families, that was a fact. His disregard for strict social rules, his careless appearance, his eccentric interests, and his unique way of thinking were not exactly what was considered attractive, though being one of the oldest children in a family with a good reputation and financial condition did give him some advantage.
In all these years he had known him, Carl had never heard his friend mention a lady's name, or give any sign that he had been interested in anyone. This in a way comforted him, even though it was a selfish and immature desire, he was happy to be the closest person to his friend at the time.
He couldn't imagine the redhead with anyone, even if that was eventually going to happen. Whenever thoughts like that crossed his mind, he felt a kind of discomfort and didn't know why, he just stopped thinking about it and tried to distract himself.
"You understand so much about love and its aspects, but have you ever met someone who made you feel it?" - The question was asked timidly, he felt so embarrassed that he couldn't even properly pronounce the word "love".
It was the first time he heard Carl ask him about love, as it was a subject rarely discussed between the two. Obviously the scientist would not miss an opportunity to joke about the situation.
"First, you agree to truancy, and now you want to talk about a subject that we don't normally talk about? I must admit, the imposter they put in your place really isn't very good at all." - The redhead said in a sarcastic tone, making his friend forget his shame and laugh a little.
"There's no need to answer if you don't want to, I was just curious." - He replied looking away and returning his attention to the flowers again, trying to escape from the subject and avoid further embarrasment.
Pascal thought about possible answers. It was rare to see Carl so boldly mention this topic, so changing the conversation was out of the question. If the answer was negative, he would be lying to himself and to Carl, but if it was positive, he would have to be careful that his true feelings were not discovered.
The dark-haired boy looked at him expecting an answer, but also afraid that he had asked something too intimate. Deep down, he knew that most things people considered embarrassing or inappropriate would not affect Pascal, but he still feared he had gone over the limits of what was acceptable in their friendship.
"Yes, it has already happened to me." - Pascal replied, this time without sarcasm or with a joke involved, he was being sincere and direct.
Carl found himself surprised, even though he knew it was likely to have happened. He felt a little frustrated, and guilty too, because he should have been feeling happy for his friend.
He imagined he would have been be the first person to know, they were best friends and shared everything that happened in their lives. The younger boy tried not to care, after all the scientist owed him nothing.
He wondered who was be the person who managed to arouse such interest in Pascal, in his head he projected the image of someone with the characteristics that would attract his friend. He had several questions, such as who that person was, how he found out what he felt, and most importantly: what he did about it.
He considered asking or not, but preferred to remain silent so as not to be invasive. Pascal was amused to see Carl's confused expression, he probably wanted to continue the matter, but he didn't know how.
"Feel free to ask anything you want to know, you know I don't mind that." - The older boy said, leaving Carl surprised to have guessed what he was thinking. - "If you keep imagining too much and don't ask, you'll get even redder than you are right now."
That was enough to make the boys laugh. The fact that Carl got red in the face in situations where he didn't know how to act was in a way attractive, it was a unique and subtle feature.
Normally he didn't like that detail in himself, he felt even more ashamed when others noticed it. But with Pascal it was different, having the freedom to laugh at each other was an advantage of being very close, it was something they did only when they were alone.
"How did you find out what you felt?" - The religious boy asked, gently sighing after saying so, still feeling guilty over the feelings he had for Serge.
The redhead knew exactly what made him attracted to the dark-haired boy, his shy and somewhat withdrawn personality, the way he was always so diligent, and how he always tried gave his best to fulfill his responsabilities.
Besides, he understood him like no one else, and he could count on Carl for whatever he needed. The words were carefully thought out before being said, as he took care to make them clear but not too revealing.
"How can I explain? It happened in a natural way, I knew it right after I realized how comfortable it feels to talk to that person, and even when we don't talk, their presence is sufficient." - He said as he continued walking slowly through the greenhouse, being accompanied by his friend.
Carl knew that the women closest to Pascal were his sisters and other girls in the family. The redhead's social life was not very busy, and he could hardly think of who the person described by his friend could be.
"They support me in my experiments, even though they're not sucessful most of the time. What I like most about them is the fact that we have fun together and how they know almost everything about me, as well as I know almost everything about them." - The scientist continued to speak, arousing his friend's curiosity.
"Please, continue." - The religious boy told his friend, who had paused a little to look in his direction. Carl seemed a little disappointed to hear those words, and he was trying hard to look excited.
He was really innocent, thought Pascal. He could hardly imagine that the scientist was talking about him, in his monologue.
"Let me think ... When I'm with this person, I feel that I don't have to try to adapt to what is expected of me. They understand me, and they've seen all parts of my personality, even the most fragile ones." - The religious boy was impressed with the ease wish with his friend spoke about his feelings, while he could not even express what he felt.
"They've helped me in many difficult moments, moments that even I couldn't believe in myself. Sometimes they scold me, saying that I should try harder at school, but deep down I know that they only do it because they care about me. " - He said, hiding the happiness he felt when he said those words, for fear that Carl might be suspicious of his true meaning.
The younger boy did not know how to answer. He should be happy for his friend, after all Pascal was old enough to marry, so finding a girl with whom he identified was wonderful news.
"You two must be really close." - The dark-haired boy said, trying to look excited and proud of his friend.
"Yes, the best part is that when I'm with them, I don't feel like being with anyone else." - Pascal said, this time looking at his friend, while pushing his glasses slightly upwards.
For some reason, those words kept echoing in Carl's mind, what did he mean by that? Did "not feel like being with anyone else" include him, too? Even though he knew he was being selfish, hearing that made him feel anxious, as he feared that they would grow apart after they graduated, each one following their own path, maybe never seeing each other again.
All the criteria his friend listed as the reasons he fell in love seemed a bit strange, they didn't fit with what he felt for Serge. Maybe his feelings weren't as strong as he thought.
This in a way motivated him, made him realize that those feelings could be, in fact, fleeting, and that everything could maybe return to normal with the passage of time. In fact, if he tried to use Pascal's criteria to choose the ideal person for him, he wouldn't be able to think of anyone.
In fact, there was a person who met those criteria, but young Carl Messier was not able to see it.
"Well, whoever she is, she must be adorable. I'm glad you found someone you like!" - The dark haired boy said, showing himself happy for his friend, who was trying to hide his disappointment when he heard the answer.
Pascal had planned to tell Carl what he felt for him for some time now, but first he needed confirmation that his feelings were mutual. Carl's somewhat neutral response did not help, he still couldn't figure out what to do.
He wanted the relationship of the two to progress somehow, but at the same time he feared that their friendship would end tragically, and by the redhead's calculations, there were great chances of this happening.
The conversation changed there, and they continued to look for flowers to complete the lists. After a while, the bouquets in their hands was even more colorful and every flower on the list seemed to have finally been picked.
They sat side by side on a small wall in the greenhouse to compare the species of flowers harvested. The distance between them was minimal, a fact that did not bother either of them.
"All the flowers on the list were picked, I just couldn't find as many lilies as you wanted." - Carl said showing the small amount of lilies in the middle of the bouquet; they weren't widely cultivated in the greenhouse.
"No problem, I only need one component from them." - The redhead replied, still with his eyes turned towards the list.
Only on rare occasions like this did they allow themselves to be so close. Physical contact was generally not well regarded by people, but they felt comfortable being close to each other. The sun's rays reflected on the glass opposite from where they were sitting, bathing them in a golden glow.
That moment seemed perfect, just two friends together, creating good memories amidst the tranquility of the greenhouse's beauty
Suddenly, their faces were closer than usual, as they talked about the flowers they had picked. It was not strange, but still, both felt themselves a bit mesmerized.
The last time they were so close was in the laboratory, during their experiment, a memory that heated the hearts of both boys.
Carl did not move and did not say a word, he was static and did not know what to do, what he would normally do in this situation would be to avoid, but he continued to stare at his friend.
The redhead, on the other hand, slowly leaned forward, getting only inches apart from his friend's face. They looked deeply into each other's eyes, unable to move or look away.
Carl's heartbeat started to quicken, he tried to calm down but it was no use. He didn't feel like pulling away. Being so close to the scientist allowed him to take in every detail of his appearance, his reddish strands were uniquely hit by the sunlight, giving his hair a fiery glow.
The dark-haired boy felt uncomfortable when evaluating the appearance of the people he saw; he didn't feel entitled to do so, especially with other boys. And yet, he did it now: even though Pascal didn't have angelic beauty or a flashy appearance (or just didn't care enough about his looks to have one), Carl still managed to find him attractive.
He'd seen him every day for many years, he was completely used to his friend. He didn't try, but could still somehow look handsome while his hair was messed up, his glasses were over his head and he wore a wrinkled lab coat.
The scientist's gaze went from his friend's eyes to his mouth, which was slightly open as if to say something, but the words wouldn't come out. After a few more seconds in that same position, Carl obeyed his instincts and approached slowly.
The day had been full of adrenaline, broken rules and, mainly, a lot of guilt. Maybe he shouldn't care, just for today. He really needed a day off, a day away from all his daily stress. The guilt could haunt him later, after this was over.
The older boy took the initiative, seeing that he had nothing to lose, and that the consequences of his next action would most likely not be negative. He touches his friend's lips with his own, just as he had done the day before.
This time, it was different. There was no experiment to be an excuse. They were simply doing what they wanted to do, and that was what frustrated Carl. All his life, he'd been taught that it was wrong. He'd repressed himself so much, and felt guilty in a way he couldn't explain.
Now, he was here, out of class during school hours, sitting on one of the greenhouse's short walls along with his best friend, doing something he would probably regret later.
While Pascal was happy to be having moments like this with Carl, he worried about what he was thinking. He didn't want to pressure him, to speed things up too much. The religious boy, however, let himself be carried away by the emotion of the act, allowing himself to forget, even if just for a few seconds, the guilt that always haunted him.
The position of the Sun indicated that it was well past noon, but time seemed frozen in that greenhouse. The glass building kept a newly created memory that would be deeply engraved in the minds of the two boys.
It’s not rare to find beautiful photos of people cosplaying Kazeki’s characters, but I’ve found some ways to find even more photos!
In those sites, you can see a lot of cosplay’s photos, and all of them are really well made.
The first site is: https://www.cosp.jp/photo_search.aspx?n2=615
It’s all in Japanese, but you can use Google Translator and understand what is written, or you can just click on the pictures to see ~
This website is really good to search for photos of Japanese cosplayers, you just need to use a Translator, but it’s really easy to find things there.
The second site is Twitter, you just need to copy and paste this on the search bar :風と木の詩 コスプレ(kaze to ki no uta cosplay)
Twitter also has a lot of nice photos, and you can find more things if you search in Japanese
The third site is: https://worldcosplay.net/
Again, to see the pictures you just need to write in Japanese on the search bar, I really liked this site because there are more exclusive photos I’ve never saw before.
I don’t know if any of this websites have an English version or are popular outside Japan (I’m not a cosplayer and don’t really follow content of this type) ~ but I guess It can be useful for someone, It was useful for me ;)
You can find pictures on Facebook and Instagram too, searching in both Japanese and English.
A fun fact is that people don’t cosplay just Serge and Gilbert, there are also some pictures of fans cosplaying Rosemariné and Jules ~ if you search a lot, you can see Pascal and Carl’s cosplays too.
17 Likes, 3 Comments - glitter it up (@suffersinbread) on Instagram: “Existentialism. #commissionsopen #artcommission #queerartist #Koficommissions #originalart #fanart…”
I found this fanart on Instagram something caught my attention in this drawing. I don't know if it's the fact that Gilbert is hugging a skeleton along with the deep meaning of it, I can't describe it precisely, but this drawing impressed me, because I see it as something that really matches Gilbert's character. He always had an eccentric relationship with death, and I think this fanart managed to express it well.
What do you guys think about it?
This artist has other very good works, it is worth checking her profile.
¿Por qué cada vez que te alejas me dejas desangrar? ¿Por qué cada vez que te largas me arrancas, me descarnas? No, ya no hay más, ya no hay más, ya cortaste mis brazos, mis piernas y ya no doy más, ya no hay más ya mi carne se encuentra contigo en otro lugar.
