Essential Avengers: Avengers #305: "AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!"
July, 1989
ATTACK OF THE LAVA MEN!
Attaaaaaaaack of the killer lava mennnnnnnnn!
Attaaaaaaaaaaaack of the killer lava mennnnnnnnn!
Alright, now is Byrne time!
He now writes both Avengers and West Coast Avengers. And draws West Coast Avengers himself.
He had big plans for the West Coast Avengers. Which we've seen unfolding.
So what's his plan for the East Coast Avengers?
Well, it looks like he's going big.
That's a hell of a roster.
Tigra, Namor, Starfox, Thor, La Espirita, Hellcat, Falcon, Beast, Wonder Man, Moondragon, Hawkeye, the Wasp, She-Hulk, Monica Rambeau, Black Panther, Scarlet Witch, Gilgamesh with no shirt or pants, Black Widow, Dr Pym, Mockingbird, Quasar, Invisible Woman, Mr Fantastic, Ben Grimm, the Vision, and Captain America.
It even seems to include most of the Fantastic Four and the whole of the West Coast Avengers. Except US Agent but eh.
Can one superhero team just eat another to get bigger? Do superhero teams have mergers?
What, in fact, is going on here?
Captain America: In a nutshell, then, at one time or another, each and every one of you has been an Avenger. Some for a long time, some for only a very short while... As chairman of the East Coast branch of the team, what I want to propose to you is this: a permanent consolidation of all members. The Avengers are the Avengers. Not two teams. Not three. One team. Everyone who has ever been an Avenger, will always be an Avenger. A member of a pool of super-powered individuals whose abilities add up to an unstoppable force for good."
Huh!
Every Avenger Ever but as the central premise for a creative run!
Hence the pretty packed roster box on the cover.
I have no idea how a roster like this is going to work.
But the assembled once and future Avengers all chime in their thoughts.
Reed and Sue Fantastic say the idea sounds fantastic. Literally. It sounds like the reasoning that led to the Fantastic Four's founding.
But even though Mr Fantastic and Invisible Woman are back with the Fantastic Four, if Cap needs them, they'll come.
Ben "Not Currently the Thing" Grimm also offers his aid.
Bee tee dubs, his five second stint with the West Coast Avengers is why he's here, at this meeting.
Beast echoes the various Fantastics. He's busy with X-Factor but if the Avengers need him, he'll be there.
Every Avenger Ever Available As Needed is a fun idea but I can't help but see it running into creator squabbles.
Is Steve Englehart just going to happily lend out his characters to Byrne whenever he wants to use them?
I mean, at the end of the day, editorial can force the issue. But I see it being an issue. Comic creators are territorial.
Further people chime in.
Hellcat says she'll be available if the Avengers need her but Tigra scoffs.
Tigra: "Why would any team need a two-bit imitation when they've got the genuine article?"
I thought you two hashed out your differences. And I also thought you were some weird cat monster at the moment.
What's the deal, Tigra?
The two cat-themed heroes almost have a catfight but various dudes break it up.
Captain America scolds that as Avengers, they need to settle their differences with "due order and dignity" which is surely ironic in the future, after several slap fights with Tony.
Tigra reluctantly reigns it in, although she promises that things between her and Patsy aren't over yet.
Back to people chiming in.
Monica Rambeau offers any assistance she can. But she's still emaciated and recovering from the draining of her power so she doesn't know what she can offer.
Captain America: "Your spirit alone makes you an invaluable asset, Captain Marvel. I'm very glad to hear you say you still want to be one of the team."
Aww.
Hawkeye chimes in that he's got his own team to concern himself with.
No, not the West Coast Avengers.
Remember, he stormed off in a huff.
We'll see what he's talking about in the next West Coast Avengers issue.
But he wants to make it very clear that unlike some people he's not going to come when he's called until everyone shows him the respect he's earned.
... Hawkeye, what the shit.
You don't even have beef with Captain America or with most of the people in this room.
Mockingbird tells him to get over himself. He's an Avenger, she's an Avenger. And if Cap needs them, they're Avengers.
Also, everyone else apparently answers off-panel or something.
I love Hawkeye's pouty little raised fist.
He's doing it to fit in but he's gonna be sullen about it.
God, there's something really funny about US Agent not getting the invite.
He's on the team by government fiat but Cap is like 'do I consider him a real Avenger no, I do not.'
That or he just ignored the invite. There's other people missing.
Dr Druid, lost in time. Black Knight, Thor forgot him in that dimensional rift. Mantis, has a lot going on right now. Hulk, never responds to messages. The year 3000 Guardians of the Galaxy, in the future. Iron Man... hey, where the fuck is Iron Man?
Every Avenger ever (that bothered to answer the phone) and a big mainstay like Iron Man isn't here?
Is being a big international criminal too much for his supposed friends to overlook?
Meanwhile? Lava men.
Just like the cover predicted.
A lava men is doomsaying over a cauldron.
Lava Man: "The ancient magicks grow weaker by the second. The darkness closes. The final darkness. Upon my actions here must hang the fate of all my race!"
This is the exact same plot as Power of the Dark Crystal.
That lava people in that were cuter though.
The lava man summons the last bit of ancient power to bring forth more lava men.
Lava Man: "Enough to crush the surface-dwellers who destroyed our people, who shattered our tomorrows...!"
Oh dammit.
What innocuous thing did the Avengers do this time that's going to prompt a whole thing?
Anyway, back with the Avengers, most of the biggest roster ever fucks off.
Because the thing about any Avenger being on call as needed means that when they're not needed, they're going to fuck off.
But a few hang around. And I'm guessing they might be something like a core roster with rotating guest Avengers for flavor?
Captain America, of course. This whole thing is his brain baby.
Black Panther sticks around since its been too long since he's done an Avengers stint. And you know T'Challa. He gets bored doing the same thing for too long. The same thing being "ruling the country that he rules."
She-Hulk, Thor, Gilgamesh, and Quasar also stick around.
I hope Gilgamesh gets a new, better costume if he's sticking around. He lost his helmet and his armor. He didn't bother changing out of civvies for that one Ellis Island fill-in issue. And he's just wearing boots and a loin cloth now.
Who do you think you are? Conan?
It's so weird that Quasar just casually gets Avengers membership off-panel. Or maybe it happened in some other book. And weird if so.
Everyone else in this biggest roster ever were past and current Avengers and then there's Quasar. The new guy. But nobody talking about how he's the new guy.
It's weird.
I got nothing bad to say about She-Hulk or Thor. They're cool.
Anyway. In what feels like a meta nod, Captain America and She-Hulk discuss how Thor makes Gilgamesh redundant.
She-Hulk says that Gilgamesh has been feeling like a fifth wheel since Thor came back. But She-Hulk didn't read the past issues. There was never an Avengers team that had Gilgamesh and didn't have Thor at the same time.
Either way, Captain America says you can't have too many heavy-hitters on a team and goes to join Thor and Gilgamesh's training session.
The training session kinda starts with a little gang up on Gilgamesh.
He smack talks Captain America's speed and does not yield to his mighty shield.
Thor gets aggrieved because dangit Captain America's shield is too good for Gilgamesh or even Thor to be handling willy nilly, even in a training session. How dare!
He throws his mighty Mjolnir at Gilgamesh. It clips his ankle and Black Panther is able to grab the shield from him.
After dunking on Captain America's speed, Gilgamesh is surprised by Black Panther and comments that his SPEED is unlike anything he's seen outside other Eternals.
Gilgamesh compliments how well the Avengers work together. He tries to pick up Mjolnir but obviously can't.
Thor recalls Mjolnir to his hand but Quasar missed the gang up on Gilgamesh memo and blasts Mjolnir right when Thor was about to throw it again, causing the mighty mallet to fly right at She-Hulk and Black Panther.
She-Hulk snags the shield and then shoves Black Panther out of the way. She blocks Mjolnir but gets knocked off her feet.
Quasar apologizes for getting caught up in the excitement and Cap scolds that carelessness could get someone killed in a real combat situation.
Captain America: "You may be a trained SHIELD agent, but you're new to the Avengers, Quasar. Join me later, and I'll be happy to run you through a few drills to sharpen your combat sense."
She-Hulk tells Cap to go easy on the new kid because "we were all young once" and "he's got cute dimples."
From Quasar's grim expression, I don't know if he takes that compliment.
Then Jarvis pops in and asks who wants snacks?
Black Panther does. Black Panther is all over that.
I wonder if this training sequence is inspired by Danger Room sequences over in X-Men.
Claremont and Byrne were basically co-plotters, although there was friction there toward the end, and starting a story with a Danger Room sequence as a quick 'here are the characters and here's what they can do' was common in their X-Men run.
This didn't start the story because the new status quo of 'any Avenger ever might show up for a story' had to be set up but it still has that same energy.
Here are the characters, here's what they do.
Anyway. A big RRRRRUUMMMMBBLLLLE hits the island and shakes the place like an earthquake. But it can't be an earthquake because Avengers Island is not an island. Its a floating platform.
(Although it is anchored in place with big pillars so it would probably still feel earthquakes?)
So something must have hit the not-island and hard enough to cause cracks in the walls and ceiling. The reinforced walls and ceiling because the Avengers know that their mansion on an island is a nice target.
Cap runs up to a window and doesn't see Manhattan. Which is weird. They're parked right off Manhattan. Where is Manhattan?
But based on the slight tremors, Black Panther deduces what has happened.
This has happened.
Dang ol' lava men hoisted the entire not-island!
The Avengers (She-Hulk, Black Panther, Quasar, Captain America, Thor, and No-Shirt Gilgamesh) run outside to find out what's going on.
She-Hulk asks the silly question of who short of Galactus could lift a not-island!
It's a very silly question because I don't think the Lava Men are close to Galactus on the power scale.
Apparently a lot of people could lift a not-island.
The Lava Men answer her question anyway by swarming up over the side and Captain America deduces that they're responsible based on how they're here.
Since Quasar is new here, Thor exposits that the Lava Men were some of the first foes that the Avengers fought. Issue #5, I believe.
And this is issue #305. Very cute, Byrne.
Captain America, who was also in issue #5, notes that these aren't the Lava Men he remembers. Their movements are too robotic. And they reform as quickly as they're smashed.
She-Hulk notes that they're also too hot to stand near. Even with Hulk toughness.
Gilgamesh tries walloping one with a tree but when it shatters, each piece gets up as a tiny Lava Man.
So She-Hulk drops a rock on them.
Which she wouldn't do if they were alive. But she doesn't think they are.
When She-Hulk smack talks Gilgamesh, he retorts he's only brought a fraction of his immortal might to bear so far.
Black Panther: "Then a fraction more would be appreciated, Gilgamesh. It does little good against these things to talk."
Oof.
T'Challa just ended that entire man's career.
I do wonder how Simonson would have been writing Gilgamesh because nobody else seems interested in doing it.
Forget Thor-lite, he's just Hercules-lite now. Big strong guy who gets grumpy when he's shown up or when a woman.
He's been stripped of his dumb armor and whatever interesting characteristics he may have had. Joking about being mythological people and with a passion for monster fighting.
What happened to you, Gilgamesh? And how soon can you go away and get replaced by Sersi?
Anyway, new boy Quasar comes up with an idea.
He asks Black Panther to lure as many Lava Men as he can to the edge of the not-island so Quasar can blast them off.
I mean. Lava Men. Water. It makes sense. Except that I'm pretty sure these dopes came OUT of the ocean to begin with.
But everyone acts like this was a really good idea so I guess it was a really good idea.
Thor even imitates it by spinning Mjolnir really fast to create a gale to push more Lava Men off.
And Cap tells Thor good job on that too so I guess knocking them off the edge is a good plan.
Not a sufficient plan though.
There's just too many. A dozen more climb onto the island for every one the Avengers knock over the edge.
She-Hulk iterates on her giant rock idea by having Gilgamesh help her use a giant rock to shovel tons of sand on a group of Lava Men.
Quasar: "I don't like the looks of this, Panther! We're losing!" Black Panther: "Never say it, Quasar. Though the Lava Men outnumber us by ten thousand to one..." Quasar: "Well, excuse my doom and gloom, Panther... But that's not much of an exaggeration! They've got the others completely surrounded!" Black Panther: "Then we must fight them from within, Quasar! Set us down inside their fiery ring!"
Black Panther claims that the idea is to mass all of the Avengers' might in one combined front but I dunnoooooo. And Cap backs him up that it's a good strategy but I don't knoooooooow.
Because. Look. The previous strategy was to knock the dudes off the edge. Circling up is basically admitting defeat. They can rush the Avengers with numbers and the Avengers can't use their biggest attacks because their friends are shoulder to shoulder with them.
And considering that it seems like the Lava Men's plan was to force the Avengers into a small circle for reasons, Black Panther choosing to jump into the circle feels less like good strategy and more like Byrne moving the pieces where they need to be and not being able to do it naturally.
The Avengers getting forced into a bad position is very possible, especially with these kinds of numbers.
Having Black Panther go 'let me get in there too' makes it come off clunky.
Anyway.
The Lava Men keep coming and coming and the Avengers' circle shrinks until its maybe 15 feet across.
Then the Lava Men get kinda goopy. They lose their human form and flow into each other into a wave of lava.
Too late, Captain America realizes this is bad. He commands everyone who can fly to grab someone and get clear of this tiny circle that turned out to be a bad idea.
But I already said it was too late.
The lava wave crashes over the Avengers and then forms a ball.
Somehow, Captain America and Black Panther do not die.
I know people can get pretty close to lava flows but its a ball. They're standing on lava. And She-Hulk comments that inside the lava ball is as hot as a blast furnace.
Thor, She-Hulk, Gilgamesh and even Quasar have super-durability or an energy shield.
Why aren't Cap and Black Panther's booties burning?
The Avengers try to bust their way free of the lava ball but any damage seals itself back up, just like how the Lava Men reformed after being attacked.
Then the ball starts to rock and then roll.
Towards the edge of the not-island.
Wow.
That's an elaborate death.
For Captain America and Black Panther.
I'm pretty sure that everyone else can survive a very long plummet into the ocean inside of a lava ball.
Unfair, the Lava Men.
Come back with a death trap that kills everyone equally.
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