#lacey.txt

[lovelysweetdreameater]

just found out about the new pjackk lore. what the fuck is going on

[lovelysweetdreameater]

@missadelinecatgirl look what she did to me. what the fuck

[lovelysweetdreameater]

is it selfcest if i say im gay for her (shes me (i mean my sona))

[gemhue]

my tummy hurts. likely due to something i have done to myself

[gemhue]

what if i started using tumblr again... what if...

[lovelysweetdreameater]

i finally played UNBEATABLE.

one sentence spoiler free review: it's the most genuinely life-changing 7/10 i've ever experienced.

i was super hyped for UNBEATABLE a good while before it came out, i loved the demo when it launched and it made me even more excited for the release.

so you may ask "why would you wait so long if you were so excited to play it?" and i dont really have a good answer to that question.

i think i avoid and delay experiencing media that i feel like will impact me in some way. i can tell before going in that it's going to hit a nerve somewhere and im never going to feel quite ready for it.

as for the game itself: the presentation is phenomenal, the soundtrack is amazing, the writing is cute and funny (even when it's a bit corny for corny's sake), the voicework especially is great, everyone is cast perfectly and they give the characters so much life.

but the story is flawed. it's messy. you can tell it went through a bunch of rewrites- plot threads come up that never pay off, characters get sidelined, ideas seemingly get forgotten.

despite that, the final act of the game is genuinely one of the most special and important moments i've ever witnessed from a game.

if i had to give a sort of 'utilitarian' critic brained rating for the game, it's like a 7 at best. but it's filled with so much heart and so much charm and you can tell the team really had something they wanted to say that it feels like an insult to give it a score like that.

it's like mixing and mastering, you record a song, have it mixed really clean and it sounds good as fuck. but then it feels like there's something missing. it's lost its edge, it feels like the heart has been cut out of it, even if it sounds contemporarily "better."

it's a deeply inspiring work and it's easy to see that everyone involved wanted to make something that was just that.

you can tell it's a piece of art about making art made for other artists to experience. you can tell it was made by a lot of passionate people who had something to say. who had a lot to say. even if it wasn't done perfectly. it wears its inspirations on its sleeve, while being inspiring in of itself. that's all it needs to be.

art about making art hurts me the most, i think. it always hurts. but the only thing that hurts worse is never making it.

i've always wanted to make something of my own, ever since i was a kid, inspired by cartoons i would watch on cable TV. i would look up interviews with the creators, learn about the production behind my favorite shows, and find out what inspired them to make their art.

if it's something i've always wanted to do, then why haven't i done it?

i don't have an answer to that question. all i know is that i want to make something that i hope inspires someone else out there to make something too.

a friend once said to me "i'm not sure you should play the game."

spoilers for the ending.

in the middle of the climax, Beat and Quaver have a heart-to-heart about their mutual experiences with loss. Beat tells Quaver about how she had a falling out with her mother, who was sick and dying in the hospital the last time they had spoken. she mentions how she kept getting upset, bitter voicemails from her mother. she says that she should have replaced her phone years ago, and that she hates hearing those voicemails. but she doesn't want to live in a world where she doesn't have them.

i lost my mother 3 years ago. there was no falling out, there was no cancer, there was no tragic backstory. she moved back in with my dad, my brother, and i a few months prior. she had heart problems for years, she had heart surgery almost 15 years earlier that's supposed to be checked on every 10. she would end up basically homeless, sleeping in a borrowed car in a family member's driveway. she died less than 2 weeks after she moved out.

she wrote me a letter for me to read when i got older when i was just 2 days old. i've kept it for years but never read it in full until recently. i remembered it a month ago and tried to read it but i couldn't even manage 2 sentences before i was crying on my bed. i don't really have anything else from her anymore except for a cheap bear plushie.

she wasn't a good parent. she wasn't a good mom. i never felt like i had a mother who was there for me. i would sit at the other end of the house scared with my brother while she'd argue with my dad over god knows what. they got divorced and she moved out when i was around 8 and my brother was 15. i would visit every once in a while, but as the years went on, i saw her less and less.

"You're so little and fragile, and I'm scared for you. You have to be okay, I love you. Please be okay, Mommy loves you."

i hope that i get to make something that im proud to share one day. i hope that she would be proud of me. even if she was absent in my life. even if she hit my brother. even if she did nothing and only cared for me in words. i hope that she would see me as her daughter, who she would love no matter what.

UNBEATABLE means a lot to me because it reminds me that i have to be okay.

i will be okay.

[actaeonshounds]

might redo my pinned post

[lovelysweetdreameater]

i wonder if putting miis of my alters on my tomodachi life island was a bad move for us