Neither Did I, My Dear (Nanami x Reader)
Synopsis: Five years - the amount of time you've been single, in university over in the States, and out of Japan. The amount of time you had to get over your ex.
Somehow, it wasn't enough.
Pairing: Kento Nanami x reader
WC: 2.3k
Content: exes to lovers, alternate universe - no powers, spiraling thoughts, hurt/comfort, angst, angst to fluff, fluffy ending, reconciliation (possibly OOC Nanami)
A/N: I tried, guys, I really did, but no guarantees that Kento is in character. I'm hoping that the more I write JJK fanfics, the easier it'll become to slip into their skins (metaphorically, lol). AO3 link here.
After five years in America, you’d forgotten how light Japan got in the springtime.
You didn’t really know how to put it, exactly, but it’s like you could see the sunbeams between the buildings and trees. You saw all the pastels and lighter colors of passerbys, the bright colors of the stands, the cherry blossoms - all of it was something you lost when you moved overseas for university. America had its vibrancy, sure, but it often was overwhelmingly grey.
Even the peaches were softer and sweeter back in your home country. You smiled at the man running the stand, dropping the money into his hand and walking away with your find. Maybe you could make a nice peach cobbler, that was always your favorite dessert to eat when in the States.
Or, you thought as you were pushed and watched your peaches go flying into the air, maybe it would be better to force the person who ruined the peaches to pay for a new round.
“My apologies,” a baritone voice said, “I didn’t see you there.”
You looked up in spite of the unpleasant leap in your stomach to find him there.
Kento Nanami.
Valedictorian. Salaryman. Wannabe emo.
…and ex-boyfriend.
“It’s no problem,” you said, keeping your head down and gathering your peaches. “I’m not the best at watching my surroundings.”
He stayed quiet for a few moments, and for a brief second, you thought he’d move on and continue walking to wherever he had to go.
It wouldn’t be the first time.
But, much to your chagrin, your name came forth from his lips, and all hope of walking away from this encounter without further interaction was dashed spectacularly.
“Nanami, hey.” Your smile felt more like a grimace, but you’d practiced in front of a mirror long enough to know that it would look fine. “How- how’ve you been?”
“I’ve been well.” He bent down and picked up the last peach, putting it in the bag from whence it came. “I’ve been working for the past few years. It’s monotonous work at its finest, but there’s not much to complain about.”
“I’m glad work isn’t too much for you,” you said, keeping the strained smile on your face. “I know you worked hard to get to where you’re at.”
You both stood, letting the noise of the people moving around you fill the void that was your history.
He looked good. The lanky frame he had in high school had properly filled out, his hair had been cut and made him look professional, and the sunglasses - well, the sunglasses simply added onto the charm.
Not that there was any charm anymore. No. No, absolutely not. None.
“Would you-”
“I’ve gotta-”
You both stopped, caught off guard by speaking at the same time. “You first,” you insisted.
Nanami nodded in thanks. “Would you like to get coffee sometime? I’d like to catch up with you, if you’re willing.”
Your heart screamed in dread and delight at the proposition. It was everything you’d hoped for since he’d told you that the relationship was over, sure, but-
You’d spent five years trying to find some semblance of normal in the wake of the damage he left behind. Would intentionally meeting up with him undo all of that hard fought progress?
“I-” You cut yourself off and sighed. Who were you kidding? You still couldn’t say no to him, not even after all this time apart. “I’m free next Saturday.”
~~~
After exchanging numbers, texting back and forth sporadically, and figuring out a coffee shop which you both wanted to go to, you finally made it to the following Saturday.
You felt like you were going to puke.
Your nerves felt two seconds away from lighting on fire, which was a stark contrast to your deep and even breaths.
You felt like you were going to puke.
You leaned forward, your forehead touching the top of the steering wheel. Your eyes closed as you breathed yet again. How was this going to go? How could you stand in front of Nanami - purposefully - and not lose all the progress you made in moving on? Have you even moved on?
You felt like you were going to-
“Alright, that’s enough, out of the car,” you told yourself, forcibly yanking your mind out of a downward spiral. You told Nanami you’d be here, and so help you if you skipped out of it because you were afraid of some stupid feelings that should have died a long time ago.
The shop bell chimed brightly as you walked in. It was a quaint little place, one recommended by Nanami himself, and one that you were quite taken by. Maybe you’d swing by here another time by yourself to enjoy it without the dread of talking to your ex hanging over you.
Speaking of, you heard him call your name from off to your right. Situated in the corner away from the other patrons was Nanami, two cups of coffee in front of him.
You waved, and as you drew close to the table, you spoke. “Hey, thank you for getting us a spot. I hope I didn’t keep you too long.”
“No worries. I wanted to make sure we had a spot that wasn’t in the midst of the shop. If I recall correctly, I know we both value peace and quiet.”
You were able to blame the way your eyes darted away from his on hanging your backpack on the back of your seat. It had been over five years since you last had any meaningful conversation with him, how in the world did he still remember that about you?
“I appreciate it, Nanami, thank you.” You smiled politely at him, hoping against hope that you weren’t blushing. “And thank you for the coffee. You didn’t have to do that.”
“Nonsense, I was the one to initiate this outing. It’s only fair that I cover the cost.”
You nodded once and took a sip. Your eyebrows raised in surprise. “Is this a muddy mocha?”
“Yes. It’s still your favorite type of coffee, correct?”
You didn’t have an excuse to break eye contact, but your eyes still glanced down at the table for a moment. Goodness, you hoped your polite poker face extended to blushing as well. “It is, yeah.”
“Good,” he said. You looked up at him through your lashes again, catching the way the side of his mouth ticked up the tiniest bit. You answered his grin with one of your own.
~~~
Much to your surprise, you two had fallen right into conversation like no time had passed. Tales about university, dead end jobs, and daily life were exchanged freely. You got to tell him about your friend group over in America, and Nanami got to disclose all the details about what his friend group in Japan was up to (you dutifully ignored the pang in your heart as you remembered that they weren’t your friends anymore).
“And that’s,” he said chuckling, head tilted back ever so slightly, “how Haibara ended up getting the number of a convict.”
“Oh my gosh,” you laughed, hand covering your mouth so as not to disturb the rest of the cafe with how loud you were. “If you would have told me that sweet, innocent Yu would one day get the contact information for a lady who’s been arrested multiple times for public drunkenness, I wouldn’t have believed it.”
“I still don’t.” Nanami’s voice sounded warm and inviting, just like-
Your laughter turned to sniffles and cries in an instant, and for the life of you, you couldn’t understand why you couldn’t just remain happy. Why did you always have to do this to yourself?
You heard Nanami shift in his seat. “Are you okay?”
His question, so full of concern for your wellbeing, only pushed you closer to tears. You stood abruptly, gathering your cup and your backpack in a few seconds.
“This was a bad idea, I- I’m sorry, Nanami, I have to go,” you whispered, hand still over your mouth and half over your face as you tried to conceal your sudden shift in mood. You hurried over to the trash can by the front door and threw away the empty cup.
“Wait-”
His voice cut off as you pushed open the door, fleeing as quickly as you could.
You idiot, you knew that coming out was a bad idea, but noooo, you just had to go ahead and screw yourself over. All that progress, and for what? An outing you deluded yourself into thinking was a date?
“Stop.”
You didn’t have time to wipe your tears from your face as Nanami cornered you against the wall. The alleyway in which you two stood was abandoned, just like it was the day he broke up with you.
“It isn’t like you to burst into tears like that,” Nanami said, eyes creased with worry. “Please tell me what’s going on.”
“Let me go, Nanami,” you whispered, your head turned to the side so you didn’t look at him.
“Not when you’re upset like this.”
You laughed bitterly. “What makes you think you have the right to try to soothe me? Why start now?” Silence answered you, and you couldn’t help the splinter of your heart. “Just let me go, please.”
“Let me make this right,” he murmured, drawing closer. You shook your head.
“You can’t.”
Only a few seconds of silence passed before you felt his fingers gently take hold of your jaw and turn your head toward him. Two more tears dropped down your cheeks when your eyes met his. He wiped them away and settled his thumb along your cheek, letting it glide back and forth.
“I-” He sighed raggedly. “It hurts me more than ever to see you in pain. What did I do, and how can I fix it?”
You laughed around a sob stuck in your throat and tilted your head back, moving out of his grasp. His hand landed on your neck instead. Your eyes closed.
“For a moment,” you mumbled, “for a moment, I felt normal again. We used to do this all the time, back when we were in school, and for a second, it-”
You paused and breathed before you started crying harder. You already hated that there were tears streaming down your face, but the prospect of breaking down further terrified you. This was the same man who walked away after shattering your heart. You didn’t want to be vulnerable in front of him again.
“Kento,” you whimpered, body betraying you as more tears slipped down your face, “for the first time in five years, everything felt bright again. I felt at peace for the first time in so long, only to remember that this is going to end. We’ll both leave the coffee shop and go back to our regular lives, and that’s ok - it is - but-”
“Breathe, darling,” he said as he rubbed his hands up and down your arms. It had always been a tried-and-true method that he used back in high school to calm you down, but after so long of not having him, it only made you fully burst into tears.
“It’s been five years, Kento, why do you still hold my heart captive?”
You couldn’t see the look of devastated longing on his face through your tears, but you could feel him guide you into his arms again. You felt his warmth and strength hold you as you fell apart for the first time in a long while. You felt him rock you back and forth as your tears soaked into his shirt.
You felt whole again in the arms of the man who broke your heart, and you hated it just as much as you loved him.
Only when your cries turned into the occasional sniffle did he speak again.
“I suppose we’ve both been holding each other captive, then.”
You couldn’t understand what he was talking about. “What?”
Kento shifted, drawing you the tiniest bit closer. His breath was warm where it fanned against the crown of your head. “I’ll be honest - I asked you out today to see if there was a chance you’d allow me to date you again. Ending our relationship was the worst decision I’ve made.”
You pulled away from his chest to look at him, hoping that your face didn’t appear pathetically hopeful. “What?”
His hand came once more to rest on your cheek, eyes flitting between yours. “My heart has always been yours, I just didn’t realize it until you disappeared the week after everything ended.”
“Kento…”
“Please, sweetheart,” he whispered, touching his forehead to yours, “let me win your heart over once again. Let me be yours.”
With his plea came two distinct paths.
The first? You could keep the walls you’d painstakingly built, back away from Nanami, and walk away. The path of your future would be blank and wide open, and you could mold it any which way you wanted. You could pursue further education, found a charity, rescue a dog or two - any and all of it, it was open to you.
And it seemed terribly unappealing.
The second?
Well, you could lean forward and feel the warmth of his lips once more. You could spend more nights together, making dinner and watching tv before leaving for your apartment. You could hold his hand, exchange warm glances, and pepper his face with kisses. You could one day have and hold him, until death did you both part.
And so you leaned forward ever so slightly, bridging the chasm that stood between the both of you.
His lips, slightly chapped though they were, felt so much like home that it took an embarrassing amount of strength to keep standing and not fall completely into him. Kento’s hands found their way to your waist, pulling you impossibly closer as he reciprocated.
“I never stopped loving you,” was the first thing out of your mouth when you pulled away.
He chuckled, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.
“Neither did I, my dear.”