⋆˚ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆🧁༉‧₊˚. introvert bf!Juhoon x extrovert gf!reader
˚₊ ꒰ა 🍨 ໒꒱ ₊˚ now playing ‘all I need to hear’ - The 1975
synopsis: when a joke from your friends makes you question if you’re “too much” for your quiet boyfriend Juhoon, you begin to pull away. But as the distance grows, he confronts you—reminding you that you were never too loud, just everything he needed.
word count: 1,403
There had never been a moment where your differences felt like a problem.
If anything, they were the reason everything worked so effortlessly between you and Juhoon. Where you filled the room with laughter, he filled the silence with something softer—something steady. You talked, he listened. You dragged him into crowded cafés and loud group hangouts, and he stayed just close enough to you to never feel lost. And when it all became too much, he’d tug your sleeve gently, wordlessly asking if you could step outside for a minute.
You always did.
It was a rhythm the two of you had perfected without ever having to talk about it.
So when the doubt first planted itself in your mind, it didn’t feel loud or obvious. It slipped in quietly, disguised as a joke.
You were out with your friends—music playing too loud, glasses clinking, everyone talking over each other the way they always did when the night got good. You were mid-story, animated as usual, hands moving as you spoke, your laughter spilling over theirs.
“Wait,” one of them interrupted, grinning, “I still don’t get how you and Juhoon even work.”
Another laughed. “Right? He barely talks, and you never stop.”
“It’s kind of cute though,” someone added, nudging you. “Opposites attract and all that.”
“Yeah, but like… doesn’t he ever get tired?” the first one said, half-joking, half-curious. “Of you being so… you?”
The table erupted into laughter again, and you forced yourself to laugh too, brushing it off like it didn’t matter.
But something about it lingered.
It stayed with you even after you got home, even after you texted Juhoon your usual “I’m back <3” and got his soft, immediate reply.
It stayed when you replayed the night in your head, picking apart every word.
Doesn’t he ever get tired?
You told yourself it was stupid.
Juhoon had never once made you feel like you were too much. Not once. If anything, he always looked at you like you were exactly enough—like every word you said mattered, like every little thing you did was worth noticing.
But the thought had already settled in, and it didn’t leave.
At first, the change was small.
You took a little longer to reply to his messages. Where you’d usually send paragraphs, you sent short responses instead. You stopped double-texting him when he didn’t answer right away. You told yourself you were just giving him space.
Then you started cancelling plans.
“Just tired today,” you texted once.
“Got a lot to do,” another time.
He didn’t question it at first. He never pushed you, never demanded explanations. That was just how he was—gentle, patient, trusting.
But he noticed.
Of course he did.
He noticed how your voice got quieter on the rare calls you did pick up. How your laugh didn’t come as easily. How you stopped telling him about the random little things that crossed your mind—the things you used to share without even thinking.
Most of all, he noticed how you stopped reaching for him.
Weeks passed like that, a quiet distance growing between you, one you pretended not to see.
Until he couldn’t ignore it anymore.
You hadn’t expected him to show up.
The knock on your door came late in the afternoon, soft but persistent. When you opened it, there he was—hands tucked into his hoodie sleeves, eyes searching yours in that careful way he always did.
“Hi,” he said quietly.
Your chest tightened. “Hi.”
For a second, neither of you spoke. And then he stepped inside, closing the door behind him like he’d done a hundred times before.
“Can we talk?” he asked.
You nodded, even though your throat already felt tight.
You sat across from each other, the space between you feeling unfamiliar, heavier than it should’ve been.
Juhoon was the one to break the silence.
“You’ve been… different,” he said, voice soft but certain. “For a while now.”
You looked down at your hands. “I’ve just been busy.”
He shook his head slightly. “No, it’s not that.”
The way he said it—so gentle, but so sure—made it impossible to deflect.
“You don’t tell me things anymore,” he continued. “You don’t call. You barely text. And when you do… it doesn’t feel like you.”
Your chest ached at that.
“I did something, didn’t I?” he added quietly. “If I did, you can tell me. I want to know.”
The thought of him blaming himself made something twist painfully inside you.
“No,” you said quickly, shaking your head. “You didn’t do anything.”
“Then what is it?”
You hesitated.
Because saying it out loud felt embarrassing. Small. Like you were making a problem out of nothing.
But he was still looking at you—waiting, patient as always.
So you swallowed and finally said it.
“My friends… said something,” you admitted, voice barely above a whisper. “They were joking, but…”
You trailed off, unsure how to finish.
Juhoon didn’t rush you. “But?”
You forced yourself to meet his eyes.
“They said they don’t understand how we work,” you said. “That we’re too different. That… maybe I’m too much for you.”
The words hung in the air between you, heavier than you expected.
“I just—” you exhaled shakily, your voice starting to crack, “I started thinking about it, and I realised I never asked you. Like… what if they’re right? What if you do get tired of me? Of how loud I am, how much I talk, how I always need to be doing something—”
“Hey.”
His voice was soft, but it stopped you immediately.
You hadn’t even noticed when he moved closer, but suddenly he was right there, his hand gently wrapping around yours.
“Look at me,” he said.
You did.
And the expression on his face made your chest ache in a completely different way.
There was no frustration. No annoyance.
Just quiet disbelief—and something warm, something almost… hurt that you’d even thought that.
“Do you really think that?” he asked softly.
You hesitated, then nodded just slightly. “I didn’t before. But now I don’t know.”
He let out a small breath, shaking his head.
“I don’t think you understand,” he said, his thumb brushing lightly over your knuckles. “I like you because you’re like that.”
You blinked. “What?”
“You think you’re too loud,” he continued, his voice steady but gentle, “but you’re the reason things don’t feel so quiet all the time. You talk about everything—random thoughts, stories, things that don’t even matter—and somehow you make all of it matter.”
Your chest tightened, your eyes stinging slightly.
“I don’t say much,” he added, almost shyly. “You know that. It’s hard for me sometimes. But with you, I don’t have to force it. You fill in the gaps without making me feel like I’m lacking anything.”
His grip on your hand tightened just a little.
“And when it gets too much,” he said, “you’re always the first one to notice. You pull me out, you sit with me, you don’t make a big deal out of it. You just… understand.”
You hadn’t realised you were crying until a tear slipped down your cheek.
“So no,” he finished softly. “I don’t get tired of you. I don’t wish you were quieter. If anything… I think I’d be lost without it.”
The silence that followed wasn’t heavy anymore.
It was warm.
Safe.
“Then why didn’t you say anything?” you asked quietly. “When I started pulling away?”
He gave a small, almost sheepish smile.
“I thought you needed space,” he admitted. “You always tell me what’s on your mind. So when you didn’t… I figured maybe you just weren’t ready yet.”
That made your chest ache all over again.
“I’m sorry,” you whispered. “I should’ve just told you.”
“It’s okay,” he said immediately. “You’re here now.”
You let out a shaky laugh, wiping your tears. “I feel stupid.”
“You’re not,” he said, just as quickly.
There was no hesitation in his voice. No doubt.
“You just needed to hear it,” he added quietly.
Your heart softened at that.
Maybe he was right.
Maybe that was all it had been.
All you needed to hear.
You leaned forward, wrapping your arms around him, and he held you just as tightly—steady, grounding, familiar.
And for the first time in weeks, everything felt like it was back where it belonged.
Not because you’d changed.
But because you finally understood that you didn’t have to.
word count ★ 1.3k words ( ~260 words / member )
extras ★ fluff, crack, swearing, out of pocket activities
notes ★ experimenting with small font. my eyes hurt. aesthetics or functionality? lmk. shout out eva @sunesthetic for idea soundboard (she came up with the 2 funniest lines in this) and for finding the photos, and to summer au anon. if she reads this anyway. hi
james
screws all the lids on really tight when he's mad at you. if he's reallyyy mad at you, he takes out all the lightbulbs. candlelight is more dramatic anyway
voice message warrior
does not believe in a “five second rule”. if food touches the floor it may as well contain the next big pandemic. “your immune system,” he says. "nastyyyyy. i can, like, see it rotting away."
insists on singing snsd’s biggest hits (in his very biased opinion) at every single karaoke session. he has a 20+ long list of songs that fall into this category
likes weird smells. like tiger balm. and burning things. and sharpies. and paint. and your morning breath for some reason????????
the sink is clogged? he can fix it. your oven is broken? he can fix it. it’s him, his audacity, and yt tutorials against the world
guilty pleasure is benching however much you weigh. would do that thing where he kisses you for every push up im sorry
lovesssss reality tv. love island. the great british bake off. married at first sight. omg don't even get him started on rupaul’s drag race. deeply invested in every plot line
thinks arguing is deeply romantic
takes relationship milestones VERY seriously. def would be a bridezilla
it's everything or nothing. he hates it or he loves it. and he will make his voice known
if you have a pet he’ll run an in character instagram acc for it………..
once pretended to nibble your ear as a joke but like . it’s not a joke anymore
really likes petting your head ???? no matter your height. he just likes it
juhoon
uses your dms as a grocery list as an excuse to message you
also sporadically texts “Hi” throughout the day with no context
deadass has no opinion when you ask him for it but will die on the most random hills
can and will survive on instant noodles so he has nothing in his fridge
runs the bank in monopoly and steals from it for you. everyone thinks you're just good but no he's funnelling extra income in
says “happy birthday” on your bday and presents your gift expressionlessly. it's this one weirdly specific thing you've been wanting for ages and actually you don't think you've ever mentioned it before at all. but he Knows. don't ask how
walks on the outside but randomly he'll swap positions with you bc he says the inside has bad energy. again, don't ask
leaves bed in the middle of the night and stands in front of the fridge and just gnaws on a block of cheese in the dark to feel something
omg this guy will not leave the house unless you've kissed him goodbye. he will stare at you until it happens. 🙂 he's patient
remembers everything youve said….. everything
sleep talks except it’s all nonsense. he occasionally says your name and then goes back to the nonsense……….. denies it when awake even if you have video evidence
gets randomly jealous. unprovoked. you can't force it out of him it just Happens. no one can tell though he just gets extra silent
hypocrite
every time you try pranking him it falls flat. “i saw keonho on tinder” “Ok”
martin
chronically late to every single date by at least 10 minutes
eats all the food in your fridge. eats all the snacks in your pantry
purposely puts things out of reach bc it's “funny” (he wants you to ask him for help) (no he doesn't know where the stepstool went woah crazy how it just disappeared) (NOOOO DONT STAND ON A CHAIR)
snores really really really loudly. and is basically impossible to wake up
sings in the shower and gets really into it so he spends soooooo much time in there. literal bathroom hog
would get matching fih calling t shirts with you.
cannot take care of plants to save his life for some reason except for this cactus named gary
if he finds smth he finds funny he will keep on laughing until you ask what he's laughing at
has a secret tomodachi life island with you on it. youre asleep and hes gaming away next to you. if you wake up in the middle of the night and ask him what he’s doing he gets really defensive. “NOTHING.” “uh huh.”
only when you’re in love in-game does he reveal his elaborate island to you. “it’s fate,” he says
(he almost ragequit when your character had a crush on juhoon. game juhoon is still wearing an ugly outfit as punishment.)
worst influence when it comes to buying things
before you move in together he shows up at your doorstep unannounced
WILL do aegyo shamelessly for attention
handwrites letters for you bc he thinks it's romantic but his handwriting is awful so you can never read anything
seonghyeon
if your food looks better than his he eyes you down until you give him some. he wont even LOOK at his food. just stares at you.
says the most out of pocket nonsense and you have to do damage control
thinks natural disaster zone is an acceptable living condition. he makes no effort to clean up
uses one item of cutlery for one action every time he cooks so he ends up having a pile of washing up to do
secretly terrified of needles but too embarrassed to say anything about it so he scrunches his face up and squeezes your hand to death
buys albums but he doesn't own a cd/record player so it's just performative purchasing
indirect final boss until he gets really emotional and then he just blurts it all out
makes you drive. passenger princess
randomly giggles to himself and won't say why. secret (he's thinking about old conversations with you)
keeps notes about things you like but will die if you ever find out about them
leaves his shit around your place in this elaborate ploy to get you to wear an article of his clothing…. but he never says anything…….. and you just never take the bait………. so you just think hes too lazy to do his laundry
omg also steals YOUR stuff. why does his hat look.... really familiar......... wait why have you seen that bag before............. pretends he’s looking for your stuff if you catch him in the act when he’s over
delays when either of you have to leave. magically comes up with ten different conversation starters
keonho
brings flowers to every date. no, like every single date. you're running out of space for the flowers
unironically thinks flannels are the shit. theyre infecting your closet
can cook one singular meal that's actually pretty good and everything else is mildly inedible. tried cooking breakfast for you once. the effort was cute at least
keeps asking you to go on dates where you ride a bicycle for two people. really insistent about it for some reason. ok?????
has a date success rate of 20% btw. smth always happens
if you sleep next to him he grips you with his cold ass bare toes
believes wholeheartedly that everything that's his is yours. but also everything that's yours is his
laughs during the most serious moments ever
finds great joy in i spy and will force you to play it if you're waiting for more than 2 minutes
texts you randomly throughout the day with equally random questions. “would you rather kiss the hottest guy in the world for 10000 dollars or kiss me for 10”
comes up with really weird food combos and forces you to eat them with him as a bonding exercise
updates you on every single thing he’s doing. “just left the house” “i might get tteokbokki today” “nah i want ramyeon instead” “do you think i look cool in these” “going to the toilet rn”
eats your leftovers with no remorse
always looks at your reaction for anything first. makes really bad jokes but if you even smile he beams like he's won an olympic gold
IN WHICH cortis’ lollapalooza set isn’t the only thing creating waves on the internet
juhoon x fem & idol! reader — no group specified but alluded to be a solo artist! cw: fan speculation, lame humor, grammatical errors, pet names, lowercase intended ; smau requested
luvyn is your main & pusheenfan1234 is your spam!
— FEAT. STELLA H2H & THE REST OF CORTIS !
if you enjoy it don’t forget to reblog / comment!
🗓️ AUG 01, 2026
♪ BETWEEN FRIENDS - suburban wonderland
luvyn hey i saw the bean! Oh and preformed at lolla!
COMMENTS
lollapalooza we love yn!! 😍😍 liked by author!
theycallmejju hitting on my girl smh
user i love u mama
user BRO BEST SET OF LOLLA26 ACTUALLY RAN THE SHOW
user YNPALOOZA YNPALOOZA YNPALOOZA
user heh she saw the bean
user u r a child
user 😂😁☺️😆
user i just dropped to my knees
user I’ve never listened to yn before but after her set im a fan.
stellaisstellar YESYESYESYESYES THATS MY GIRLLL!!
user HER STYLING ARGHH IM IN LOVE
user it’s official her stylist loves her
user ARGHH SHES NO LONGER MY NICHE
user between friends yes maam 👀👀👀👀👀
user the best thing that lolla did this year was headlining yn
user ahahah ur so sexy ily yn liked by author!
theycallmejju wait stop that’s my girl
user YESS HER OUTFITS YUMYUMYUM
user my girl finally made it 🥹🥹
luvyn updated their story!
REPLIES (1st story)
user ohhh yessss that pic is everything
user this is the performance of the YEAR
user she ATE chi down
user im putting this picture on my college apps as the most significant event of my life
REPLIES (2nd)
theycallmejju oops sry bby
thelongone IM CRINEEE HOON JUST LOST ALL HIS AURA
pusheenfan1234 how hard u working my cutie that he passes out martin
thelongone i am the most lax leader ever chill on me bru
stellaisstellar i would never fall asleep if i was alone with u 🥺🥺🥺
pusheenfan1234 ur right. im breaking up with him and dating u instead
theycallmejju stop don’t joke abt this it’s jjuyn not stellyn for a reason
eomfreak jealousy does not look good on u 😂
COMMENTS
user wait pause is that cortis???
user that kid in the gray shirt knows how to do lolla right
user wait that one in denim is kinda hot … they’re a group right who’s that
user just the manager dw abt him
user bro these freaking simpleton dudes took my spot at barrier for ynpalooza and I’m devastated bc they actually look like they are having fun
user bruh who cares abt these bozos like everyone focus on yns set 😂😂
user ykw im a coer but fairs
pusheenfan1234 no this is correct who cares about some guys 😂
user spencer reid and yn??? im gonna have to wife op up
user if only i was rich and saw yn’s set live that would be me too
stellaisstellar pusheenfan1234 you should be glad this dude didn’t catch juboo’s eyes bc i can already tell from where I am that he was doing those heart eyes
pusheenfan1234 aw wait u really think so 🥹🥹 he’s so cute
stellaisstellar ew not my intention to make u say that DISGUSTING 🤮
user idrc who they are but im glad they’re enjoying the set
user yn fanboys unite 💗
user call me crazy but I think yn would be so cute with james like 🥺🥺👀👀
user idk about james buttttt cortis DEFFFF like 100% went there so one of them cld support their girl
user hmm what if and just WHAT IF the members in cortis and yn are wait for it…. JUST FRIENDS bc girls and boys and be friends…
user ok well there were nicer ways to say that mr so-serious-and-doesn’t-know-how-to-have-fun
user idols supporting idols!! we love to see it
🗓️ AUG 02, 2026
COMMENTS
user omg. kim juhoon are u serious.
user JUHOON SOFT LAUNCH I REPEAT JUHOON SOFT LAUNCH
user OH SHIIIII MANS GOT GAME
user wait does this mean his gf was at lolla..?
user YOUNG SEXY BEAUTIFUL WIFED UP AND SUCCESSFUL SHOOT LEAVE SOME FOR THE REST OD US 😭😭😭😭😭
user cortis’ lolla performance changed my genetic makeup
user can you say i love you 💜💜
user ok im guessing that this girl is a complete nugu and just went to lolla to see cortis or well juhoon
user no but what if it’s like pop star gf and kpop idol bf that’s a power couple right there
user plot twist juhoon is dating beabadoobee
user boy doesn’t know it but im naming my first born child after cortis’ lollapalooza performance bc it was just that good
user he’s so good looking.
user pov juhoon finally posts on weverse after an eternity and it’s to soft launch his gf
pusheenfan1234 HELLO WHO TOOK THE LAST PIC ON THE BOTTOM RIGHT theycallmejju
theycallmejju i think james hyung? he said it was candid
pusheenfan1234 well yes…
user im sorry not to make fun of him but why was he preforming at lolla in an adidas hoodie
user i love you juhoon!!!!
REPLIES
user OMG MY JAW DROPPEDDD
user idk why everyone’s so surprised i mean obviously two hot people are gonna be attracted to each other
user is this real??? not photoshopped???
user yn isn’t even that pretty like juhoon deserves someone prettier
user aren’t you just a delight to be around
user i have no clue who either of these people are but im glad they got to experience tate mcraes set live bc that was heavenly
user yn dragging juhoon wait this is so cute im for it
user WAIT DOES THAT MEAN JUHOON DRAGGED CORTIS TO GO SUPPORT HIS GFS SET
user i mean his gf is THEE yn so i mean yeah
user im shocked but im also not shocked
user oh to be famous and actually run an entire festival with my famous bf
user this makes me wonder how many more sets they went to together but people just didn’t realize
user you’re so right…
user this was just word of mouth but my friend swore she saw them at adelas set
pusheenfan1234 updated their story!
REPLIES
stellaisstellar BYE DID U BUY THEM A MEAL???
pusheenfan1234 unfortunately
stellaisstellar oh dear i’ll pray for u
imsjameschaozhao 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓴 𝔂𝓸𝓾
thelongone oh wow
joydivisionshirt oh wow
eomfreak oh wow
theycallmejju oh wow
joydivisionshirt wait do u and juhoon just not care abt the rumors?
pusheenfan1234 if i cared do u think I would’ve bought a meal for all do you in public
joydivisionshirt 🤷🏻♂️🤷🏻♂️
theycallmejju im so close to getting the diamond egg
pusheenfan1234 IF U GET THE DIAMOND UNICORN CAN WE PLSPLSPLSPLSPLSPSLPLSPOS TRADE
theycallmejju depends on what u have 👀👀
pusheenfan1234 im not giving up my alicorn
eomfreak thanks for the meal 🤤
pusheenfan1234 yeayea…. i think a fly just flew out of my wallet after that meal
🗓️ AUG 03, 2026
♪ KiiKii - 404 (New Era)
luvyn backstage &bts flicks @ lolla! i’ll be back!!!! xx
COMMENTS
user she is so popstar there’s no other way to describe it
stellaisstellar yk that’s right she’ll be back 🙂↕️🙂↕️🙂↕️
pusheenfan1234 ANDD H2H WILL BE THERE TOO SOON 🤤🤤
user is that juhoon. IM SICK TO MY STOMACH
user body tea. face gorg. talent out of this world. there’s nothing that yn can’t do
cortis_official 🥳🥳🥳 liked by author!
user OH I AN CRYING THEY DONT HAVE A PERSONAL ACC SO THEY BRINGING OUT THE BIG GUNS I AM CRUINGGF 😭😭 IS THIS JUHOON
user I love you juhoon!!!!
user BYE HE DOESNT CARE ANYMKRE
user man even her spam posts are cute i cant
theycallmejju i love u baba
pusheenfan1234 OH U ARE THE CUTEST MUNCHKIN EVER IM GOING TO KISS U INTO TOMORROW
theycallmejju oh wow
pusheenfan1234 or you can just say you hate me 😒😒😒😒
user her and juhoon really took over lolla 😭😭
user juynpalooza 😭😭 holy mouthful
user aw the picture of her backup dancers sleeping on the couch is so cute
She wants a love story like the ones in the movies, so she and her best friend build one, trope by trope, guy by guy, one date at a time. Four dates in, she's starting to wonder if the problem is her. Juhoon knows exactly what the problem is. He's just not telling her yet.
From this request
Might be my favourite work ever. I actuaally love this so much.
You were curled up on Juhoon's floor, back against his bed frame, focused on the movie playing on the tv. It was one you’d seen multiple times, when it had first come out, in theatres when you were bored, at home when you were sad, and now when you sat comfortably in the small pillow fort of your best friend's bedroom floor.
To all the boys I’ve loved before.
You knew the plot and most of the dialogue by heart, and so did Juhoon at this point but he outright refused to admit it. However, for some strange reason the movie seemed to affect you more than it usually did.
Maybe it was because you were in your final year of high school and anything that had a similar atmosphere left you feeling nostalgic, or maybe it was because you’d been so focused on your grades that you never even got the chance to be in a relationship…
"I've never had a boyfriend." You spoke slowly, as though the realization was hitting you for the first time ever.
Juhoon, who had sat next to you, nodded but didn't pause the movie. "Okay."
"That's it? Okay?"
“Well it’s not like you're telling me new information,” he shrugged, eyes still on the screen. For someone who claimed to hate the movie he always seemed more focused than you did.
"You're supposed to be comforting me." You scoffed, no real anger in your tone.
"You're not hurt." He said it without looking away from the screen. "You're annoyed you don't have a cute love story like Lara Jean."
Unfortunately, he was right again.
You sat with his words floating through your mind, watching the dark haired girl on screen thoroughly plan out her whole fake-dating scheme with Peter. You’d never found yourself in such a silly romance trope. No enemies to lovers. No fake dating. Nothing. Just you, existing, un-confessed-to.
But that needed to change.
"I'm gonna get one," you said, mostly to yourself.
"A boyfriend?"
"A boyfriend."
Juhoon finally paused the movie, and by the sigh he just let out you could tell he was trying very hard to choose his words so he didn’t sound like an asshole.
He looked at you with the particular patience he reserved only for you, like your ideas were something he was willing to sit through even when he already knew where they'd land.
"How."
"I don't know yet." You sat up, already reaching for your phone before changing your mind and going for the whiteboard you knew he kept under his bed for when you got too excited to verbally explain your thoughts.
You were already feeling the plan take shape the way they always did, fast and unhinged. "But I want it to feel like that," You gestured at the paused screen, Lara Jean and Peter who were tied to each other in every universe but just didn’t know it yet. "Like a silly romance trope."
"You want to manufacture a rom-com…"
You tried not to giggle as his eyes shut tightly and he pursed his lips, you knew he knew this entire idea was foolish but it was your final year as highschoolers. So what if you wanted it to end on a silly note?
"I want to manufacture several." In big bold letters atop the board, you’d written THE PLAN, because if you didn't have this thought out well you’d chicken out of it by the next day. "Okay, more like five, actually. Five dates, five different tropes with a different guy each time."
"Statistically destined to fail."
"It's not about statistics."
"Still destined to fail."
You ignored him and kept writing, thinking out loud the way you always did with him, because he never made you feel stupid for it, just occasionally pushed you in the wrong right direction.
Within no time, you’d come up with four different tropes that you wouldn’t mind ending up in.
"Okay, close proximity is easy. Louis's been tutoring me since March—"
"Since when were you into younger guys?" Juhoon interrupted, sounding confused and a bit of something else you couldn’t figure out.
"He's close proximity, Juhoon, our sessions are in the private classrooms that other people don’t come into, keep up." You kept going.
"Then best friend's brother…" you paused, looking over at him, causing him to look up from the whiteboard to you.
"I'm an only child."
You said nothing, still looking at him, waiting for the solution you knew he’d give you even though he still wasn’t 100% on board with this plan.
He took a second.
"Anton," his cousin, he said finally. "That’s close enough."
"He scares me." You grumbled
"You'll manage." He grinned, seemingly pleased with your annoyance
You added the names to the list, already thinking faster than he was.
"Then we need love triangle bait. Either me and two dudes or one dude and another girl…" you rambled on, thinking of the possible combinations before waving the thought away, you’d figure that one out later.
You were leaning on his side as you wrote these thoughts down, he was looking down at the board, pointing out errors and better options.
“Instead of athlete or something, do academic rivals” He mumbled quietly, pointing to where you had written athlete romance?? on the board.
“But who on earth would I do that with?”
“...Seonghyeon”
“Class Pres? He’d never do something like that,” You denied immediately.
"He'll do it if I ask." Juhoon chuckled. "He likes me better."
"That's not true."
"Whatever helps you sleep at night."
You let him have it, mostly because you were already on to the next thing. "That's four tropes."
"What's the fifth?" He hummed, you could tell by his tone that he was ready to sleep, also because he was practically putting all his weight on you.
To be fair, you’d been having a sleepover, hence the movie, hence the plan. And it was already one in the morning…
You remained quiet for a bit, a sign you were struggling to come up with a thought.
"I'll handle the fifth," he said.
"Handle how?"
"You'll like him." He picked the remote back up, unpausing the movie, already done with the conversation as far as he was concerned. "It’s statistically guaranteed."
You wanted to remind him that statistics had nothing to do with the plan but you were starting to feel the exhaustion as well. But in the middle of your excitement you let the one blank trope go, because it was Juhoon, and you trusted him with your love life the way you'd trusted him with everything.
—
It was a surprise you went through with your plan even after waking up the next morning.
But as planned, your first target was Louis Elliot Jiho Jourdain Lim.
Or just Louis.
You'd been getting tutored by Louis since he was a freshman and you were a sophomore, which meant by now, two years later, the whole thing had stopped feeling like tutoring and started feeling like something closer to being babysat by a very smart, very sassy younger brother who happened to be fluent in French.
Which was, in hindsight, probably not the best foundation to build a date on top of. But you’d said close proximity, and the closest proximity was Louis, so here you were, sitting across from him in the same empty classroom you always used.
Except today you’d actually tried to seem more put together than the usual deranged look the school air seemed to leave you with by the end of the day.
"You're getting the pronunciation wrong again." Louis didn't even look up from the workbook, red pen already circling something you'd written. "It’s une fille, not une fil. You went from talking about a girl to sewing."
"I said it right."
"You didn't." He finally glanced up, unimpressed, the exact same look he'd been giving you since he was fourteen and you were failing your first French test. "Again."
You said it again. He shook his head, less at your pronunciation and more like he was disappointed in you as a person, which was fair, considering you'd been doing this for two years and were still absolutely massacring the language.
You tried to look at him properly, the way you were supposed to be looking at your date tonight.
He'd gotten taller since freshman year, you'd give him that, and he’d been styling his hair a little different, less curly, lately, and if you squinted, tilted your head and ignored the fact that you'd watched him go through an entire awkward growth spurt during the tutoring sessions in tenth grade—
"Why are you staring at me?" He set the pen down.
"I'm not staring."
"You're staring. It’s creepy and I feel unsafe," He leaned back in his chair, arms crossed, looking at you with the specific suspicion of someone who'd known you long enough to clock when something was off.
You watched as he took you in properly for the first time since the start of the session thirty minutes ago, he’d noticed you’d fixed your hair, put on jewellery, changed out of your uniform?
"Do you have a date after this or something?"
You didn't answer fast enough.
"Oh my god." He gasped, mouth dropping as his mind speedily reached a conclusion that definitely wasn’t true. "Is this a date?"
"Why do you sound so offended–"
"Ewwwwww. You're literally like my sister." He said it so grossed it almost hurt your feelings, if you'd had any romantic feelings for him to hurt in the first place, which you did not. "I’ve seen you beg Mme. Callahan to change your French grade, which was very embarrassing for you by the way, and eat cold leftover pasta out of a Ziploc bag with your hands. There is no universe where we are anything that isn’t mortal enemies or friends."
"Okay, you didn't have to bring up the whole begging thing," you huffed, crossing your arms childishly as you turned away from him.
"I'm bringing it up so you remember just how much I refuse to see you as anything except an annoying older sibling." He picked his pen back up, already moving past the situation like it wasn’t worth talking about. “How did you even get Juhoon to agree to this anyways?"
And that should’ve been your first sign that something was up. Cause why would you need your best friend's permission to go out on a kinda-date?
But you being the oblivious person you were didn’t really understand what the younger kid said and shrugged.
You finished the session mostly in silence after that, correcting your subjunctive tense with slightly more urgency than usual, if only to avoid having to make eye contact with him again. By the time you left, you had significantly better French and absolutely zero remaining hope that this had been anything close to romantic, which, if you were being honest with yourself, you'd known the second you sat down and he'd immediately started talking about verb conjugations instead of literally anything else.
You texted Juhoon on the walk home.
It was horrible. Definitely shouldn’t have chosen that immature brat to do this with 😭
I’m a bit surprised you didn’t text earlier.Hadn’t expected you both to last so long.
You stared at that text longer than you meant to, half offended, half laughing on your walk home alone.
So he’s crossed off the list.
Don’t think he really ever counted, Juhoon sent back, and you could practically see him shrugging. Four left, don't stress it.
You didn't ask him why he'd let you try Louis in the first place if he'd known it wouldn't work. You didn't think much of it. Not yet.
—
Getting the class president to be your project partner was in no way easy.
Even though Juhoon had somehow persuaded Seonghyeon to work with you, you still had to somehow get to him first before Keonho got the chance to leech onto him.
You’d been going back and forth with the younger boy on why you should get the chance to be Seonghyeon’s project partner instead of him. And Seonghyeon, ever the peace maker, had suggested all three of you be in a group.
But both you and Keonho had immediately turned that option down, choosing instead to resort to a game of rock paper scissors.
One round only.
The winner takes all.
Which is how you found yourself happily sitting across Seonghyeon as Keonho sulked, having to find a different kid to work with.
That was weeks ago.
The project had ended a few days ago, you and Seonghyeon had gotten an awesome grade and you’d gotten an even greater friend. He’d been a bit closed off at first, but the more you worked together the more he relaxed around you.
So you kept hanging out.
First it was just to return notes he’d left with you during one of your work sessions. Then it was because he'd found an article relevant to a topic you'd argued about in passing. Then it just became a thing.
Thursdays after school, at the same Acai place every week, he seemed to have a minor obsession.
He’d ask you things now. Remembered things you'd mentioned, laughed at something you said about your chem teacher, and you'd sat there afterward thinking, oh.
This might actually be something.
Your plan may have actually worked? You felt a bit anxious at the thought, was it really this easy?
So you asked him.
Straightforward, the way you'd decided was best, no elaborate setup, just you and him at the usual table on a random day in October.
"Do you wanna go out sometime? Like, on a date?"
Seonghyeon didn't answer right away. He looked at you for a second, something careful crossing his face, the kind of look people give you right before they say something they know you don't want to hear.
"I like you," he said. "Just not like that… You're one of my really good friends now and I'm not really looking for a relationship…"
It wasn't a bad rejection, as far as those things went.
You told him it was fine, and you mostly meant it, and you finished the rest of the session like normal, both of you a little more careful with each other than usual but nothing broken between you.
It didn't really hit until you were sitting on the curb outside the cafe, waiting for Juhoon to pick you up. Juhoon's car pulled up a few minutes later. You got in, seatbelt, quiet, and he didn't pull out of the parking spot right away.
"You okay?"
"Yeah." He looked at you for a second too long, the way he always could tell when you were lying without you having to say a single wrong word.
If you said you hated how he could get you to speak without saying a single word, you’d be a liar.
"He said no when I asked him on a date." You said it fast, like ripping off a bandaid, staring straight ahead at the cafe doors. "Not like, badly. He was really nice about it actually. Said he liked me but just not like that, said he wasn’t really looking for a relationship." You laughed, short, a little wet around the edges. "Which is so him. Even the rejection was quiet."
You honestly didn’t know why you were a bit upset.
Juhoon didn't say anything for a second. You glanced over, expecting the usual, some dry comment to make you laugh, but his jaw was held tight, he had an expression on it that you couldn’t properly decipher.
"His loss," he said finally, voice flatter than usual, and pulled out of the parking lot before you could look at him properly.
"You don't have to be weird about it." You mumbled, leaning your head back on the car seat and fiddling with the radio as he drove.
"I'm not being weird."
"You are being weird but It's fine, Juhoon. I'm fine." You settled on a radio station playing a song you were familiar with, turning to look out the window and watching the streetlights blur past. "I think I liked him. Like, actually liked him. First crush since I started highschool."
"I know."
"How do you know?" You turned your head so you were facing him as he drove, you said nothing about how his hands clenched the steering wheel, or how his lips were pressed together a bit too hard.
"You've been smiling at your phone a lot more since you started hanging out with him." He tried his best to sound casual, as though it didn’t affect him as much as it did. "It wasn't subtle."
You didn't have the energy to be embarrassed about that. You just sat with it, the disappointment settling in slow instead of sharp, and Juhoon drove the rest of the way.
You knew you’d get over it quickly, after all it wasn’t like Seonghyeon had screamed or made fun of you and didn’t want to be your friend anymore.
The car was silent except for the quiet hum of the music, you were both deep in your heads. Juhoon, a bit more disturbed than you were about something. But you were too busy being sad to notice.
You probably should have.
—
School got a bit hectic after your second “date” that by technicality didn’t happen, and after having it fail so badly, you were a bit hesitant about going on another one.
But you’d woken up one morning in November to a voice note from Juhoon.
“I’ve texted Martin.”
You knew Martin.
Kinda.
He was, by every metric that mattered, the opposite of Juhoon.
Where Juhoon existed in a constant state of wannabe nonchalance, Martin existed at a high level of chalantness all the time. You'd known him since freshman year through Juhoon, the two of them an unlikely pair, quiet and loud, still somehow inseparable, and when you'd mentioned love triangle bait to Juhoon he'd said Martin's name almost immediately, like it had been sitting there waiting.
"Sohee broke up with him a few weeks ago," Juhoon had said. "If you wanna play second lead so badly that’s your best bet."
You could hear the playful tone in his words at the comment, but simply left a heart reaction so he’d known you’d listened to them.
You found it a bit weird that Martin was getting back into the dating scene so fast after his break up, from what you’d heard Martin had been incredibly down bad for his girl but who were you to complain?
You still felt a slight pang of sadness whenever you and Seonghyeon hung out, at some point Keonho decided to start crashing your hangouts so your duo became a trio, so maybe you were just as bad.
He picked you up from your place in his mom's car, something he’d told you a few minutes after he’d started driving. He did that a lot actually.
Talk.
You were barely able to get a word in. In all honesty. He reminded you of yourself a bit, maybe that was why he’d gotten along so well with Juhoon.
His head seemed to be constantly filled with thoughts, whether it was about a new video game update, or his dog, or a documentary he'd watched about deep sea creatures, and you found yourself nodding along, charmed despite yourself, because Martin's whole personality was just enthusiasm with nowhere to put itself.
"So Juhoon left me a bunch of instructions on what to do," he said, pulling into the parking lot of the little diner you'd agreed on. "Which, I mean, no offense, you're cool, but with the way he worded things this kinda feels more like a meeting than a date."
You tilted your head in confusion as he got out of the car, moving around to open your door like a gentleman. “What do you mean? What instructions?" Juhoon hadn’t mentioned any of that to you.
“Don’t worry about it," He grinned, easy and bright, and you decided to let it go.
The date started fine.
Better than fine, actually, easy in a way you hadn't expected.
Martin filled every moment of silence before it had the chance to settle, asking you actual questions and listening to the answers. You were maybe fifteen minutes in, both passionately rambling about a music artist you both loved but detested their sense in style, milkshakes ordered, when the bell above the diner door rang and Martin's whole face changed.
You followed his gaze, turning to see who’d just entered.
A girl with dark hair, familiar in the vague way people are when you've seen them in passing at school but never actually met, stood frozen in the doorway.
There was no way.
"Oh my god," Martin said, quiet, which was somehow more alarming than anything loud he'd said all night. "That's Sohee."
"Your–"
"My ex." He said it like the word was physically killing him. "We broke up in September. I haven't—she looks—"
Sohee was already walking over, arms crossed, expression unreadable, and Martin stood up so fast he nearly knocked the table.
"Hey," he said, too bright, too fast. "Hi. Hey, babe. Funny. This is funny. Small world. Small diner. Small everything, really—"
You said nothing about how easily he’d called her a pet name even though they weren’t together.
"Are you on a date?" Sohee asked, looking between the two of you, something flickering across her face that you couldn't quite name.
"No—well—" Martin looked at you, panicked, and you watched the exact moment it dawned on himself that lying was not a skill he possessed. At least when it came to his not-girlfriend. "Kind of? It's complicated. Juhoon asked me to help him out to make her happy but with all the rules he gave me about what to say and what not to say it's more of an arranged marriage without the marriage part and—it doesn't matter. How are you?"
You sat back, milkshake in hand, and watched Martin fully abandon the date within the span of about ninety seconds, watched him ask Sohee question after question with the same unfiltered enthusiasm he'd been aiming at you minutes earlier, watched the two of them fall into an argument that was very clearly just unresolved feelings.
"You never even told me why," Martin was saying, voice cracking slightly. "You just left. I didn't get a reason."
"Because you never noticed anything was wrong, Martin, that was the reason—"
"That's not fair—"
You cleared your throat. Neither of them heard you.
While you had wanted to be in a love triangle, you didn’t necessarily want it to be like this. They were supposed to be fighting for your love, not the other way round. Juhoon was right about being the second lead.
"Okay," you said, standing, grabbing your bag. "I'm gonna go. I think you two should talk."
Martin blinked at you like he'd forgotten you existed. "Wait, are you sure? This is your date, I don't want to just—"
You noted how he put a bit of emphasis on the word ‘your’ as though he’d never really seen it as a date since the beginning.
"Martin. You've been in love with this girl since forever ago, everyone who knows you knows it, and you have a chance to convince her to come back to you." You softened it with a smile so he didn't feel bad. "Talk to her. I'll take a cab."
Before turning away, you noted Sohee’s grateful smile.
You had a feeling they’d be getting back together in no time.
You left them there, mid-argument, already leaning closer to each other that way people do right before they stop arguing and start something else entirely... You didn't wait to see how it ended.
Your phone buzzed on the ride home.
How'd it go? Juhoon texted.
Sohee came in halfway through, he saw her and forgot i existed within 90 seconds. I left them at the diner to figure their whole thing out.
That bad huh?
Nooo that's the problem 🙁It was actually kind of sweet? Like objectively the worst date of my life but also I think I just got two people back together 🥰
Martin's gonna send you a gift basket, Juhoon sent, and you could hear the amusement in the text. He's been looking for a reason to speak with her since they broke up, you probably did him a favor.
I wish I had a man that obsessed with me 😞You know, Martin said you’d sent him a list of things to do???You didn’t get a response for a while, getting out of the cab as it stopped in front of your home. A while had gone by, enough time for you to change and get comfy in bed before you heard your phone ping again.
Just warning him not to do anything dumb. You can probably tell by now that he gets into his head easily 🙄
You chuckled, not questioning why it took him so long to give such an easy explanation.
The little bubbles appeared before he sent another message.
So is he crossed off?
Of course Jju 💀I’m a lot of things but a homewrecker isn’t one of em.
Fair fairCan you pretend to be heartbroken though? Mom wants me to come with her to see one of her friends but I don’t wanna socialize.
Using me as an excuse is craaaazyyyy Kim Juhoon.But wtvCome overSpare key is where it always is
Be there in a bit
You stared at your phone as the screen went black. You should be getting up and tidying up your room a little bit but you knew he wouldn’t care for the mess. And for the first time, you thought of how coincidental it was that your best friend had an unsettling talent for picking people who were never going to work out, like he already knew the ending of every date before you'd even started it.
—
The café was always busy, half the tables occupied by kids who weren't actually studying, just being performative to justify the need to be around friends.
You'd claimed a table in the corner, one with a heater vent underneath, and Juhoon was across from you with his laptop open and mostly ignored, a cup of something too sweet for him going cold by his elbow.
A thick layer of snow had already settled on the floor outside, people walking through the white like something out of a cute winter movie.
"Best friends brother, in this case cousin, which in this case is Anton," you said, tapping your pen against your notebook, you’d moved from the whiteboard cause you couldn’t bring it with you everywhere. "Trope four. We never actually talked about when this one would happen."
"Christmas Eve," Juhoon suggested, "We’ll be having our ‘pre-christmas’ dinner again this year and Aunty Lee will definitely make him come."
"You want me to meet him at one of your family things? That feels like a lot."
"It's low stakes. No one’s gonna make it weird. Besides, everyone in my family loves you anyways." He smiled softly at you and you grinned back, it was true. “If Anton does anything stupid or it doesn’t work out, they’ll probably be more pissed at him than you."
“And if it does work out?”
He didn’t speak for a moment, drinking the rest of what was in his cup as though buying himself time.
"Then it works out." He shrugged stiffly. "That's the plan, right?"
That was it. No follow-up or joke, and he went back to his laptop like the conversation was over.
You should've noticed the flatness in his tone but you didn’t. You were too busy sketching out the mental image of a cousin you'd only met a handful of times, soft-spoken according to Juhoon, shy according to the one story he'd told about him, and you spent the rest of the study session only half focused on your actual homework.
—
Time passed and you soon found yourself in the familiar building you were at almost every other day.
The house was warm in the way big family gatherings always were. Too many coats piled on a coat rack, too much noise from the kitchen, a fire going even though it wasn't cold enough inside to need it. Juhoon met you at the door, already looking like he'd rather be anywhere else, and led you through a hallway of relatives who all seemed to know exactly who you were.
It had taken a while as everyone wanted to greet you, even his cousins who hadn’t seen you in a while remembered you.
You'd been stopped and asked about school, parents, friends, whether you were seeing anyone. When you said no, an uncle just grinned. "Good. Plenty of these boys are still single. You already belong in this family anyway, might as well make it official with one of them."
You were obviously very loved by them all.
"There’s Anton," he said finally, nodding toward the kitchen, where a tall guy stood half-listening to an aunt, nodding along politely, quiet in a way that read as careful rather than shy once you actually saw him do it. He was, you registered somewhere in the back of your brain, extremely attractive, dark hair, sharp jaw, the kind of quiet confidence that made you immediately nervous in a way you hadn't expected.
"Oh," you said. "Damn, okay. Wow."
"Don't." He groaned, a bit childish, a bit disgusted.
"I didn't say anything??"
"You were about to." Juhoon's voice had an edge you ignored. "Go say hi. I'll be around."
Anton, once you actually talked to him, wasn’t as scary as you remembered. He was definitely quiet but not cold, soft-spoken with a low, even voice that made you lean in slightly every time he said something, like the words were worth the extra effort.
You talked for a while, about nothing, about everything, and somewhere around your third conversation of the night one of his cousins appeared in the doorway with a smile on her face you didn't trust.
"You two are standing under the mistletoe~~~" she announced to the crowd, delighted, and the room seemed to catch on all at once, a chorus of family members chiming in.
"Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!", half-teasing but half-serious.
You felt your face go hot.
Anton looked equal parts amused and unbothered, the family teasing clearly nothing new to him, and he leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to your cheek. It was warm and polite enough to satisfy the room without making either of you actually panic.
The room cheered.
You laughed, flustered, covering your face, and if you were only a bit more focused, maybe you'd have noticed Juhoon by the doorway, arms crossed, expression carefully blank like he was working very hard to keep it that way.
But you were too busy being embarrassed, too busy replaying the warmth of Anton's lips against your cheek, too busy feeling, like maybe this one was actually going to work.
—
The weeks after Christmas moved fast. Anton texted good morning most days, low-effort but consistent, the kind of steady that felt different from the chaos of Martin or the quietness of Seonghyeon.
You went to a movie, you got hot chocolate after and sat in his car for an hour talking about nothing important. He walked you to your door every time and never tried anything.
You told Juhoon about all of it.
Every date, recapped in detail on his floor or over the phone, and every time you finished he'd nod, say something short, sounds nice, good, that's good, and go quiet after, the kind of quiet that used to be comfortable and now felt like something you couldn't quite name.
"You don't seem happy for me," you said one night, halfway through recapping your fourth date, noticing the way he'd been picking at the same spot on his sleeve for the last five minutes.
"I am happy for you."
"You don't look like it." You huffed, a bit annoyed.
"I'm tired." He didn't look up. "Long week."
You let it go, mostly because you wanted to keep being happy and didn't want to examine why Juhoon being quiet about it made something in your chest feel uneasy. You didn't notice, or maybe you noticed and chose not to look at it directly, that he and Anton had barely spoken to each other since Christmas, that any time Anton's name came up Juhoon's responses got shorter, flatter, more like reciting facts than actually talking.
You should have.
—
By January you still hadn't put a label on it, and you'd told yourself that was because you wanted to go slow, because you'd never done this before and didn't want to rush something just to have the story to tell.
Which was true, but not the whole truth.
The whole truth was smaller and harder to admit.
Anton was attractive, incredibly so, and stable, and kind and undemanding, but none of that was the problem.
The problem was something other than that. His voice was sweet, but it didn't have that low even register that made you feel like whatever he said next mattered more than anything else in the room. When Anton teased you it was gentle, easy, forgettable five minutes later. But it didn’t have an edge to it that felt timed exactly right, always landing somewhere it knew you'd feel it. And he was patient with you in the generic way people are patient with someone they like but you wanted someone who didn’t need to be patient, because they’d already known you well enough not to need to wait.
He was almost perfect but he didn’t treat you the way….
You didn’t know how to complete that thought, or even if you could.
You invited Anton over on a weekday, still free because of the winter break. The two of you sitting on your porch steps because it felt easier to say out loud somewhere that wasn't a bedroom, somewhere with an obvious exit built into the conversation.
"Anton." You picked at a loose thread on your sleeve, the same nervous tic you'd caught Juhoon doing weeks before. You didn’t realize how much you copied him. "I don't think this is gonna work. I'm sorry."
He was quiet for a second, the kind of quiet you'd once found comforting and now just felt like waiting.
"Okay," he said finally, no anger in it, just a slow nod like he was working through something in real time. "Can I ask why?"
You tried to find the honest answer without saying the actual name attached to it. "I don't know. It's not you. You've been really good to me, genuinely. I think I just wanted you to be someone you aren’t."
Anton studied you for a moment, his expression shifting a bit behind his eyes before you'd finished explaining.
"It's Juhoon," he said. Not a question.
"What? No, that's not—" You immediately denied, head shaking quickly.
That wasn’t even an option. It wouldn’t work.
“Why would it be him??? He’s my bestfriend–”
"You don't have to admit it." He smiled, small and a little rueful, like he'd known this was coming from further back than you had. "Out of most of my family we’re the most alike. I know what it looks like when someone's comparing me to him."
You didn't have anything to say to that. He stood, hands in his pockets, unbothered in a way that made you feel slightly worse rather than better.
"For what it's worth," he said, "I hope you figure it out. Both of you." He paused at the top of the steps. "He'd probably do something insane for you, you know. If you ever actually asked him to."
He left before you could unpack that properly, and you sat on your porch steps in the cold a while longer, the fourth trope crossed off a list that had never really been about Anton at all, thinking about the boy who gripped the steering wheel to tightly and quiet car rides you'd been too busy being sad to examine.
—
The two weeks after Anton were filled with silence.
You kept turning it over, replaying the porch conversation, replaying the way he said “it's Juhoon,” replaying the specific way your whole body had gone cold and then hot at the accusation, like it had landed somewhere true before your brain caught up to agreeing with it.
You didn't tell anyone. You barely let yourself think about it directly.
It made no sense.
Except maybe it did make sense but not to you. It was more like waking up one morning and realizing the floor of your house had always been slightly tilted and you'd just never noticed because you'd lived there your whole life.
And he’d been there your whole life.
You liked Juhoon.
You'd probably liked Juhoon for years, if you were being honest, long before this whole ridiculous five-date plan, long before Lara Jean and Peter Kavinsky and mistletoe kisses and porch steps in the cold.
You liked his calmness. You liked that he never needed you to explain your own thoughts back to yourself. You liked that he kept a whiteboard under his bed and the way he leaned his weight onto you without noticing he was doing it and the way his teasing always landed exactly where it meant to and the way he always seemed to have time for you.
You needed to tell him.
Immediately, urgently, before you lost courage.
The problem was Juhoon had gone quiet.
Not angrily or upset.
He was just gone, texts left on read for hours, then a day, then two, replies short when they came at all, busy, sorry, exam stuff. You told yourself it was uni prep, second semester of senior year finally catching up to both of you, and mostly you believed it, except for the specific ache that lived under your ribs every time you opened his contact and typed something and deleted it before sending.
Another two weeks had gone by and you were well into February at this point. As much as you hated the stupid romance trope plan, you were forever grateful for the people you got to meet through it.
Louis, who was the best study partner because he’d rather get shocked by an electrical chair multiple times than see you fail your french exam, (or any exam at all. he really was your little brother at heart). Seonghyeon and Keonho who knew how to calm you down but also somehow ended up in the most precarious situations when hanging out together. Martin, who’d become someone you’d bounce ideas off of whenever you were bored.
Even Anton who, after your not-really-a-break-up-break-up, still hung out with you and helped you figure out your feelings.
They’d all become great friends, but none of them could replace the Juhoon shaped hole that was in your heart.
—
You were hanging out with Martin and Sohee, who’d in a way became a couple who loved having you as a third wheel, phone in hand, trying to figure out how to say I need to talk to you, it's important, please just call me without sounding unhinged, when he finally texted first.
Last date. This Friday at 2:45am.The park by my place.
You stared at it for a full minute, face frozen in shock.
What do you mean 2:45 am??? You're insane. Also I don't wanna do this anymore I need to tell u something
Friday. 2:45am. Trust me.
JUHOON????
He didn't respond again.
Not later that night, not the next day, nor the days after, and eventually you found yourself spending Friday the 13th of February in a low simmering fury, half at him for ignoring you, half at yourself for still getting ready anyway, still standing in front of your mirror at 2:30 in the morning wondering who on earth agreed to meet a stranger at a playground in the dead of winter, and why you were bothering to show up for a plan you'd already tried to cancel.
The walk to the park was cold enough to hurt. You pulled your hat down and coat tighter, muttering the entire way, cataloguing every reason this was a stupid idea.
Two forty-five in the morning.
A park.
Who even was this guy??? Some insomniac Juhoon had found through a group chat, some final desperate scrape at the bottom of the barrel because Juhoon had run out of actual people to set you up with??
The only benefit was that if things went to shit, you could run to the Kim’s house and have Juhoon go deal with the guy.
The park came into view, streetlights throwing long yellow circles over the empty swings, and for one full second your stomach dropped, certain you'd been stood up, certain this was the universe's final punchline for a plan that had never once worked.
Then you saw him.
Juhoon.
Sitting on the low wall by the swings, hands shoved in his coat pockets, breath fogging in front of him, looking up like he'd been waiting there a while.
"You're here," he said.
"You're here..." You stopped a few feet away, confusion working faster than anger now. "Where's the date? Did he bail? Because if I got stood up at a park at three in the morning I'm actually going to combust—"
"No one bailed." He interrupted.
"Then where—"
"It's me."
You stared at him, the cold air felt suddenly very far away.
"What?"
"I'm the fifth date." He said it plainly, the way he said everything, but his hands were shoved so deep in his pockets his shoulders had gone tight, you’d noticed that he refused to look at you. He was nervous, something you'd genuinely never seen on him before. "Childhood friends to lovers. That was always the fifth one."
You didn't say anything. You couldn't, for a second, the sentence taking its time arriving all the way through you.
"You've been—" You started, stopped, started again. "This whole time?"
"This whole time."
And then it seemed to hit you at once.
Louis's confused “how did you even get Juhoon to agree to this anyway?”. Juhoon's jaw, tight and wrong, the night you cried in his car about Seonghyeon. The list of rules he'd given Martin, so specific it had felt like a rulebook, because it was a rulebook, built by someone terrified of watching you fall for the wrong person twice. His silence after Christmas. The way he and Anton had barely spoken all winter. The way he'd never once looked happy for you, not because he didn't want you happy, but because every single time, his happiness had meant someone else, someone who was too blind to notice him hurting with each date they went on.
"But– you planned all of it," you said slowly. "You helped me pick all of them."
"I picked people I knew wouldn't work."
"Except Anton."
Something flickered across his face at that, quick, gone almost as fast as it came, but you could tell what it was.
Regret.
"Anton wasn't supposed to work either."
"He almost did."
"I know." His voice cracked slightly on the second word. "I was there. I watched it happen for two months and I couldn't say anything because you looked so happy, and I thought—" He stopped, exhaled hard, started over. "The list I gave Martin was of things he couldn't do. Couldn't hold your hand, couldn't compliment you a certain way, nothing that could actually turn into something. Because I couldn't watch you get hurt again the way Seonghyeon hurt you. But then Anton was good to you. He didn't need a list. And I had no idea what to do with that, because I couldn't tell him not to be good to you without telling him why."
"You were jealous."
"Jealous out of my mind." He said it flat, running a hand through his hair in frustration and embarrassment, looking somewhere over your shoulder instead of at you, the same look he had when you confessed that Seonghyeon had been your first crush since the start of high school.
He was so jealous it poured out of him. "The whole year. Every single date. I picked people I already knew wouldn't be right, told myself it was harmless, told myself I was helping, and the entire time I just wanted it to be me and didn't know how to say that without ruining the one thing I couldn't survive losing."
You stood there in the cold, breath fogging in the air, feeling something in your chest cave in and rebuild itself in the same second.
"How long?"
"I don't know." He finally looked at you properly. The first time in weeks. You didn’t realize how much you missed his warm brown eyes till they were focused directly on you again. "That's the truthful answer. I don't have a start date. You were just always there, and then one day I noticed I was comparing everyone to you and nobody ever measured up, and I don't know when that started because I don't think there was a before it. I think it was always this."
You thought about Anton on the porch steps, “he'd probably do something insane for you, you know, if you ever actually asked him to”.
You thought about the empty coffee cup at that café table, “then it works out,” he said like the sentence had physically hurt him.
You thought about a boy leaning his full weight into you on his bedroom floor because there had never once, in either of your lives, been a version of things where you kept your distance from each other.
You thought about Anton's voice, sweet and steady and almost perfect, and understood finally, fully, why almost had never once been enough. It wasn't that Anton had done anything wrong.
It was that he'd never once needed to be patient with you, because Juhoon already knew you well enough not to need to wait, and no one else, no matter how similar, no matter how kind, was ever going to be able to fake that kind of knowing.
"I liked him because he reminded me of you," you said. "That was the whole problem. He was never going to be enough because he wasn't you. None of them were ever going to be enough, because none of them were you."
Juhoon didn't say anything, just watched you say it, something raw and unguarded sitting openly on his face for maybe the first time all year, no chalant left in him at all.
"I wanted to tell you I liked you," you said. "A few weeks ago. Before you went full radio silence on me till a 'park meetup at 2:45am' text."
"I panicked." He sighed, but you could see his face turn red, and it wasn’t from the cold.
"You planned this for months and then panicked at the last second?"
"I'm already ashamed, no need to rub it in even more," he chuckled, eyes on you as the area around you seemed to warm
The wind blew gently around you both, neither of you realized this but it was snowing, little flakes gently landing on your clothes.
"So…” You started, trying to contain a smile, “You like me?"
"Yeah." He nodded, stepping closer to you were within arms reach. "And you like me?"
You didn’t say anything, just looked at him with something warm settling onto your face, your smile giving you away before you had the chance to say it out loud.
"There it is," he said quietly. "That smile."
"Shut up."
You crossed the last few feet of frozen grass between you, and he met you halfway, the way he always had, the way he always would, hands wrapping around your waist as he showered you in much needed affection. And standing there in an empty playground at three in the morning in the middle of February, four failed dates and one very obvious answer later, you finally understood exactly what he'd meant all those months ago on his bedroom floor.
I'm looking for a keonho fic. Reader and keonho are best friends but they're bored so they decided to practice kissing on each other. The theme of it is purple and last time I knew there was two parts
inspired by the clip of juhoon saying he's the jealous type i have some jealous jju head cannons...
wc: no clue (short), def not proofread. #fuckitweball
• juhoon wouldn't be that jealous with you being around the other members because he trusts them. BUT, if you we're to get a little too close to martin or vise versa he would probably squeeze right in-between you two. Not because he doesn't trust martin but just because thats his homie, and you're his.
• in public he would stay close (not that yall go out in public often anyways) hand holding, maybe a hand around the waist when guiding through a crowded area. And you best know that if any guy comes up to you he's steering you away immediately despite if you wanted to buy anything.
• calls, texts, and location checking when you're out. Not in an oppressive or overbearing way, he just wants to know what you're up to. Making sure you're with friends that he knows and trusts. He just cares.
• would get a little (lot) jealous if he found out you were listening or stanning other groups cause he's a rookie idol and he'll be confused if cortis is making good enough music (they are), especially if you fangirl over another male idol, ESPECIALLY in the same company. You talk about Jaehyun's part in Viral? He'll sulk.
• Rarely lets you come to the company building to watch them practice or record, because he's scared another idol or a trainee will steal you away from him.
•Don't read fanfics around him, and definitely don't fawn over actors, jju is still young so he will still feel a little jealous if you put your attention on someone more experienced and popular than him.
