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ok, dead in the water for a lil tiddy biddy bit, but I've simply been running all over the place (in my head) and doing nothing in particular, you know how it is! I hope I can throw some more sketches on here, I have a grand total of 2 sketches on show! Horrific!
Thinking about how Virgil and Janus know each other. Why are they so charged against each other. Why is that relationship so passionate in their dislike for each other, especially Virgil towards Janus. And it occurred to me that when I was younger when I got anxious I would lie. If I wanted to fit in better or have people like me I would make up stories here and there, and a lot of that lying happened due to my social anxiety. I didn’t want to stick out as someone who was so obviously different than the others, so I would lie to fit in.
What if that’s what happened with Virgil and Janus? And then as Thomas grew older Virgil didn’t want to lie anymore because he knew better and it was making him anxious, but Deceit didn’t want to stop because he was helping take care of Thomas just like Virgil and he wanted and he was finally being able to do that. And then it causes a fight that tears them apart. That would be wild.
It feels really good to be able to be social again after having such a rough period... Hehehe I love my friends. :)
I can't stand not being able to do what I enjoy. It pains me greatly and I don't know how to handle the grief of it all properly without making it someone else's problem. I'm so tired.
I've been questioning my orientation...
I had gotten very attached to a friend in the past to the point of wanting to be extremely close physically and emotionally. My emotions were so intense, I had thought maybe I had a crush.
Upon much needed self reflection, I realized I was not romantically infatuated. Infatuated? Yes, most definitely, but as I thought about it more, I just intensely and platonically loved, admired and deeply cherished my friend. I wasn't comfortable with the idea with being romantic partners nor having a serious romantic relationship, but why else would I feel so strongly that I want to be by his side for the rest of my life or feel comfortable letting him be close to me in ways I wouldnt let anyone else be?
As moronic of me it is to realize so late considering I understand the concept of strong platonic love, I finally understand my feelings. I don't believe I only prefer masculine presentation either after giving it some thought. My friend happens to be masc and another friend of mine was simular, and because I admired them both, haven't felt attached to feminine presenting people and hadnt understood my feelings, I had thought perhaps I was into masculine people. I don't believe I have a particular preference nor do I feel romantic attraction to any particular gender. Being Queer in general is much more accurate.
In conclusion with my current understanding, I have heavily intense feelings of wanting to be close, even to the point of getting intimate if intense enough, but the more I honestly think about being in a romantic relationship I feel wildly uncomfortable. I am more built toward qprs and best friends, and finally understanding that feels so wonderful. I feel so free. :)
All these bots following me don't know they're following a tumblr that does nothing but scream into the wind I'm not trapped here with you, you're trapped here with ME!
I have been found. Fear!
I have a badge from a con in 2014 that says outright "don't mess with my OTP" and I am now realising how much of a religious nut that must make someone sound in the modern fandom climate -- because I couldn't imagine just shipping one thing anymore.
