Lasagna: Paranormal Despacito
I did a livestream on YouTube, and wrote a one-shot with everyone watching. This is the result!
#LasagnaSquad
#AnxietyShipping
Summary: Lasagna Man has kidnapped Lloyd, and Jay has to save him. An adventure about falling in love, meeting new friends, and T-posing while singing Despacito.
Ninjago, 24th June 2018, 14:37
It was a nice noon in Ninjago. Cole was experimenting with food, when he felt something weird in his body. It was as if he was being possessed.
And he was.
Casper the ghost was very bored and took over his body to have fun. He took some tea from Wu's tea shelf and threw it in the lasagna. Then, he passed out.
It was Lloyd's turn to try out Cole's cooking. The ninja took turns eating it, since it was so terrible. With sorrow in his eyes, Lloyd took a bite.
He felt dizzy.
He was about to call Kai for help, but before he could say anything, he disappeared with the bowl of lasagna in hand.
Jay, who was at the room next door, heard a mini explosion. He ran to the kitchen, and was shocked to see Cole passed out. He slapped him.
"Wake up, Cole!" Jay said, slapping him. "What happened?"
Cole opened his eyes and stared at Jay. "Jay, Casper possessed me. Before I passed out completely, I saw Lloyd disappear. He popped out of existence. You have to help him."
And then, Cole passed out once again.
Jay knew what he had to do. He summoned his dragon while doing cyclondo at the same time, because I miss it since the Hagemans got rid of it. He went to his dad's lab and found his updated Borg Watch.
He looked into the screen of the tool and spotted some lasagna paranormal activity in a random dimension. He quickly pressed on the screen and teleported…
But he clicked on the wrong option, sending him somewhere else.
Queens, 24th June 2018, 15:49
Peter was at the verge of crying as he walked out of Stark Industries. He couldn't believe Tony didn't let him take part in their next mission. He was an Avenger! It was just unfair.
Peter looked up at the sky and saw a shooting star… but it was daytime! He soon realised it was nothing else but a screaming teenager falling from the sky.
Peter quickly shot some spider-webs and caught the young man, saving him from sure death.
"It's okay, buddy, I've got you now. You're safe!" Peter said, landing somewhere safe.
"I HAVE FINGERS!" Jay screamed, looking at his hands.
Peter was confused by the brunet's reaction. He looked at him, making eye contact.
He was beautiful.
He had never seen someone so beautiful. His freckles were adding to his adorableness. His bright blue eyes were staring back at him with the same curiosity.
"H-Hi…" Jay said, breaking the silence first. "Thanks for saving me."
"It's my job, don't worry about it." Peter said, placing him on the ground. It had only been a few seconds and he already missed his warmth. "I'm Peter."
"I'm gay." Jay said, and quickly regretted his choice of words. "I MEANT JAY!"
"Oh, you aren't?" Peter mumbled, disappointment filling his eyes. "Anyway, I was just-"
"Oh no! I forgot about Lloyd!" Jay interrupted.
"Who is Lloyd?" Peter asked.
"One of my best friends. He is like family. I have to save him!"
"I'll help!" Peter said. "It's not like I have anything left to do here."
"Okay, then let's go!" Jay said, grabbing Peter's arm and tapping on his watch's screen.
It was the best three seconds of Peter's life.
Detroit, 24th June 2039, 16:32
"Connor, stop licking the evidence for once in your life!" Hank complained, as Connor put the weird substunce on the floor into his mouth.
"It's… Strange." Connor said, after analyzing it. "It's thirium but it has lasagna in it."
"Pfff!" Hank huffed. "What kind of sick person would do that? More food for Sumo, I guess."
Suddenly, they heard two voices coming from the opening of the cave. They saw the shadow of two silhouettes holding hands.
"Stay back, Connor." Hank ordered, and Connor obeyed.
They soon came face to face with two teenage boys, who looked very lost, confused, but also… in love.
"Hi." Connor stepped in front of Hank, seeing how they were harmless. "My name is Connor. I'm the android sent by CyberLife. And you are?"
"I'm Peter Parker, also known as Spider-man in my dimension." Peter said, smiling.
"My name is Jay." Jay said. "Jay Walker."
Suddenly, Hank bursted into laughter. "HIS NAME IS JAY WALKER."
Peter glared at him and held Jay's hand tighter. "Don't you dare insult him, whatever-your-name-is!"
"I'm Hank Anderson." Hank said, holding back a laugh. "We're investigating a homicide."
"A homicide?" Jay gasped. "LLOYD IS DEAD?"
"We have yet to discover a body." Connor explained. "But there are traces of lasagna leading deep in this cave."
"I guess we should just team up, since we are looking for the same thing." Peter suggested, and no one went against it.
The group walked deeper into the cave, and suddenly, they heard a noise.
"TAKE COVER!" Jay screamed and fell on top of Peter to protect him.
A cheeseball flew past them.
Peter wanted to thank him, but he had no time, as another attack occured.
"What the fuck is happening?" Hank asked, clearly annoyed and shocked.
"YOU COME INTO MY HOUSE, DISRESPECT MY CHEESE."
The group looked ahead, seeing a yellow android standing in front of a cage.
On further notice, Jay realised that Lloyd was there!
"That's him! That's my friend!" Jay pointed at him. "Lloyd, are you okay?"
And then, something unbelievable happened.
"I'm okay, but fRESH AVOCADOO!"
"Is he always like that?" Peter asked.
"No…" Jay mumbled. "Something is wrong."
"I scanned him." Connor said. "He seems to be influenced by the lasagna. He can only meme, sing and rap."
"That's amazing." Hank snorted.
"Press F to pay respects." Lloyd said, tears rolling down his cheeks. He needed this to stop.
"I am sorry." Connor said. "The PS4 controller does not have an F. You can choose between the square, the triangle, the circle, and X."
"Oh, for fuck's sake, Connor, let's just kill this guy." Hank said, pointing his gun at the Lasagna Deviant.
A cheeseball fell on Jay's Borg Watch, and an explosion happened. In a matter of seconds, they all disappeared.
Minecraft, 24th June 2018, 17:38
Jay groaned, opening his eyes. He felt something soft. He looked around him, only to see that he was sitting on top of Peter.
His heart was beating fast and he just couldn't stop thinking about getting closer to the other teen.
"Oh no…" Hank mumbled. "It can't be…"
The lieutenant looked around him, in shock. As a millennial, he knew exactly where he was.
Minecraft.
"My powers are only becoming stronger here!" Lasagna Man said, standing up. "Prepare to die!"
"Not so fast!" Lloyd said. "I have the power of God and anime by my side!"
"That's right, deviant!" Connor stood next to Lloyd. "Even though I am a deviant myself-"
"You're going down!" Peter said, helping Jay up.
"Noteblocks, go!" Jay said, and music started playing.
Lloyd T-posed, determined to stop Lasagna Man.
"My name is Lloyd,
you're a stupid android.
My rhymes are sick
and you'll die quick."
Lasagna Man T-posed too, hatred in his eyes.
"I'm a lasagna,
and I'm a brotha.
Do you know da way?
I am going to slay!"
Connor stepped in, T-posing hardcore.
"My software is stronger
You're like internet explorer!
Give up,
or get-"
Hank interrupted Connor, smirking and T-posing.
"-FUCKED!"
Jay and Peter got up as one, T-posing, feeling stronger than ever.
"We met two hours ago,
our love is real, here we go.
Our gayness sends you to hell
while we're going to taco bell."
Lloyd broke the T-post first, dabbing. Then everyone followed.
"DE
SPA
CITO!"
And everyone joined in, singing the lyrics, which they absolutely knew to heart.
"Now is your chance, Lloyd!" Jay yelled. "The final blow! Only you can stop this!"
Lloyd cleared his throat, and built a guitar. "I DON'T WANNA DO THE DISHES, NO MORE, I DON'T WANNA DO THE DISHES, NO MORE!"
Lasagna Man fell on his knees. "No… You're too strong…"
"You'll never win, Lasagna Man!" Jay said. "It's over!"
"NOOOOOO!" Lasagna Man screamed and exploded.
It was raining cheese.
"Oh nice, food for Sumo!" Hank said, putting it all in the fridge he just built. Because Minecraft.
"Jay, I don't feel so good…" Peter mumbled, sensing the end was near.
"Oh no!" Jay said, looking at his watch. "We hit the nuclear note! We have to get out of here before we die with this universe!"
Peter used his spider-webs to tie everyone together, and Jay teleported them all back to Detroit, where they said goodbye to Hank and Connor.
Then, they went back to Queens.
"I'll give you guys a moment." Lloyd said, turning away.
"Jay…" Peter said, holding both of the teenager's hands in his. "You showed me that I don't need to be depended on someone else. I can save the world on my own. But today, you saved my world."
Jay felt tears forming in his eyes. "You saved my world too, Peter. I will never forget this or you. You're the most perfect person I've ever met."
The two teenagers leaned in, closing their eyes. Before they knew it, their lips were touching, and they were kissing.
Jay was the first one to pull away, making eye contact again. He couldn't believe he wouldn't see these beautiful eyes again. "I love you, Peter."
Peter nodded, tears running down his own cheeks. "I love you too, Jay. We will meet again."
"Yes. For now, this is goodbye, my love."
The two teenagers handshaked, and then Jay disappeared with Lloyd.
Ninjago, 24th June 2018, 18:27
"We're back, my homies! Alexa, play despacito." Lloyd said, sitting on the couch.
"Cool bro." Kai said.
"We met an android." Jay added.
"Other than me?" Zane asked.
"And Jay has a boyfriend now." Lloyd said, teasing the blue ninja. "Dab on the haters, my homies."
"JAY HAS A BOYFRIEND!?" Cole screamed, finally waking up.
It was going to be a long evening.
THE END.